#anyway im not in tears tonight lolll thank God i am mostly okay
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layers of school and family and health issues and future planning and final exam stress aside, do you ever feel like there is a long ongoing scream inside of you that seems to have no end ha haaaa
#the ironic thing i think is that i'm sitting closest to the window rn#and i can see the boy i agonized over for seven months sitting with his girlfriend#very clearly in the reflection because they're sitting behind me :)#and no matter how loudly i play my music i can still hear them laughing together every once in a while!#he told me today that the thing he asked me to edit for him just won him a scholarship and i was like congrats!!#this IS what i've become to you! editor friend who cooks and brings snacks!#and it's like. well you don't NEED me anymore. which is a silly thought because he never did need me in the first place#(and the need to be needed is a bit... hmm.... there's a lot there i do need to examine carefully)#it's not even worth talking about boy no.2 who is kind enough to break anyone's heart lollll and who is definitely definitely#and clearly in every way definitely not interested or available or anything close to it#anyway im not in tears tonight lolll thank God i am mostly okay#but i think i need to take an early night :') clearly i am starting to be emotionally overwrought#it is not AGONY........ it is something quieter i think.
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