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I can't fall asleep even tho it's 230am bc I realize I screwed up a bunch at work today and it wouldn't be a huge deal except it directly affected/affects our two newbies who are still kids really (18 yr olds. They are babies.)

I should have focused more early on in the shift and gotten a bulk of work done then, and gone over to b and asked him to do certain things instead of doing them myself bc I wasn't sure if he knew how, bc it meant I didn't get a whole lot done between 1 and 4pm. So then we were behind, a bit, so I kind of pushed everyone a bit near the end, which is fine normally but again, kiddos, they were tired and I could've told them to head out, dont worry, me and tl have got it.

I mean both of the newbies had concerns/problems that they both wanted me to help solve, which took time away from me and them being on the floor working, and I wasn't really able to fully solve either? Tl did solve j's issue I think, actually, bc he was doing a training on the computer at one pt. But I didn't get to solve b's problem, or at least I didn't get to communicate to him what tl told me...etc.

So the big issue for me is I didn't make sure to check in with b as much as I should have - I mean, yeah, b has been working since the first week of Feb, whereas j started yesterday, so I was focused more on j learning and stuff. Idk. Bit anyway what ended up happening is b didn't end up taking his 45 min break until after 8pm. Which is not good, it's not fair to him, I should have realized way earlier and sent him on break, it's just he just kept trucking along and didn't mention wanting a break! I don't even know if he took a 10. I feel horrible and it IS my fault bc I was acting as supervisor and as team trainer, in other words it was my job to stay aware and consider the team's needs as individual people, not just the department's needs (aka well this stuff has to get done. Yeah but hello, it can be done LATER. Always, breaks are necessary and required and I needed to go, did you take your break? No? OK pls go soon kk? Finish this after. Yes it's fine.)

So just. I feel dumb and like shit and idek how b slipped my attention basically, bc I checked in with Rahim and m and j, eventually, but b just does not..what's the word? He doesn't seem to sort of speak up for what he needs? Maybe bc he doesn't know he can? And I feel like garbage bc I'm off tomorrow. Yes I'm back on Thursday but idk if he's in either day anyway. Basically I screwed up and I failed b and honestly screwed j over too bc I should've just said, ok, it's after 9, go home, I've got this. Even before THAT I should've said, ok it's 8/8:30, I'll teach you to level and then I'll work on this while you do that, and then once it's done u can help Rahim move stuff to the back that has to go back in the cooler, and then sign out/clock out and go home. Same thing for b, should have told him, even as it was with him working on bananas at 9pm bc he didn't get to them sooner and it's bc of me honestly, ffs mimi - so I should have said, do what you can, but 9:30 comes, you should stop for the night, clean up if you're done, if not don't worry, just go clock out, sign out, and go home.

So yeah I had. Several jobs today and I failed at like. 4 of them. At least 3. And so I'm awake and miserable and I can't FIX it and I can't do anything about it and I really want to apologize to both of them and be like, this is what I SHOULD HAVE done/said, I got caught up in my own head, and I'll try not to let it happen again, ok? BUT I CANT DO THAT!!! At least I can't do it RIGHT NOW bc it's 2:47am now, even if I like, had their numbers which I don't, and I don't have tl's number either so I can't be like so I know I screwed up xyz ways and ive apologized to tms for failing them. Can't do that, both bc no phone numbers and the hour and also like it's better to say shit in person?? But I'm off tomorrow, idk who's in Thursday, or Friday, I may not see b again till like next week? Idk? And I'm just....sort of afraid I scared h him or both of them off by not being considerate of their needs and my responsibilities tbh. Like would I be happy to go back to work if I was basically forgotten, and or worked straight till the end of my shift, possibly past it, and or had to take my break super late bc they didn't notice i hadn't taken it yet earlier, that early on in a part time (?) job? I've had days like that and gone home not wanting to go back to work, I've gone home and cried over a shitty, exhausting day at work. And I'm stubborn enough to not quit. Mostly bc it's harder to get a job without currently being employed, and I just haven't had time to job hunt rlly. Anyway l... I'm worried I screwed up big time and I really want to fix it and I can't. Like maybe I can....call the store tomorrow and ask to speak to tl and tell him, like, I feel like I screwed up yesterday by not being as mindful of the new tms as I could have, I should have noticed and gotten b to take his break sooner/just had him go take the break first before the tomatoes set, and communicated better, and I want to apologize to them and promise to do better next time. But idk if he'll get it or understand WHY I'm saying that? Or that he'll like go on its OK, don't worry. Meanwhile thinking yeah mimis not cut out for this. Idk. And I could text imran tomorrow and tell HIM but he also...may not get it and may be like why tf are you obsessing over this?? Or like u think abt work when ur home???? Like I think about my SCREWUPS when I'm home, yes. Especially ones that affect other people I am responsible for! Ffs! Aaaaaaaaaaaah