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psyched2b · 6 years

Text

All My Heroes - Chapter Two (Steve Rogers x OFC)

Warnings: None

Author’s Note will be at the end of this chapter.

Feedback is appreciated and welcomed!

*Moodboard created by the lovely @shreddedparchment

*gif pulled from GIPHY. Tried finding OP, but link was broken! UGH

“Pardon the lack of…everything,” Cece called over her shoulder to the two men following her into the temporary home. “We’ve only been here,” she paused, trying to remember. She looked to Michael, “Six days?” It came out as more of a question.

Her brother rolled his eyes at her memory. “It’s been twenty-two days,” he corrected, moving to the makeshift counter and pulling out four glasses.

Cece flushed. She may be smart, but when it came to keeping track of time…well, that was one reason to keep her lug-head of a brother around. “Right. I take it back. I’m too lazy to unpack.”

Bucky let out a laugh and nudged her playfully. “Sounds about right.”

Steve dutifully followed the eccentric woman and paused inside the doorway, taking in the space.

Small wasn’t an exaggeration when it came to describing the hut. It was ten foot long and eight foot wide. The walls that were made from clay were painted a bright yellow, reflecting the light that streamed in through the windows on the west wall. There were two cots laid next to each other with well-loved quilts covering them, no pillows. The makeshift counter that held various pots, plates, glasses, and silverware was made from an old wooden door. Next to the counter was a large cooler where Steve assumed perishables were stored. He’d even guess that they use it for food storage to keep predators out of their supply. But what stood out to Steve was that this was obviously just a place for them to eat and sleep. There was no living here.

“You must move around a lot,” Steve commented as Cecelia handed him a glass of water.

He doesn’t miss how her eyes flick to Bucky nervously, unsure how much he may have shared.

“You can trust Steve,” Bucky encouraged, moving to lean you against the wall. He casually crossed his arms and leaned all of his weight to one side, ankles crossed. Cece had to suppress a laugh because she always thought that in another life, James Buchanan Barnes was a model.

Instead, she nodded and turned her attention back to Steve. “I’m not sure how much James told you about my gifts,” she ignored Bucky whining about calling him by his given name, “but staying in one place too long has proven to be…a challenge. People want to control what I have or would prefer to have me kept under lock and key so they could study me. Since I am neither property, prisoner, or test subject, I have to move every few weeks or so.” She nodded her head towards Michael who was pulling out things to make dinner with. “That’s another reason why he follows me around. I’m ‘just a feeble young lady who can’t fight off a squirrel’, so now I have a shadow.” Her voice deepened, mocking how presumably Michael would sound when she mentioned how ‘feeble’ she was. Cece took a drink of water before contenting, rolling her eyes. “Of course, it doesn’t matter that I can incapacitate anyone with just a thought, but that’s not something I can use in my argument apparently.”

Michael grunted from his spot, measuring out some powdery substance into a pan. “Unless they catch you unaware.”

Cece just laughed and shrugged her shoulders, giving Steve a ‘what can you do’ look.

Steve idly wondered if something had happened in her past or if she was just cautious. He made a mental note to ask later.

“Anywho,” Cece continued, setting her glass back on the counter and looked between Bucky and Steve. “I can go more into that later. Why don’t you two knuckleheads tell me what brings you in.”

Steve couldn’t keep the shock off of his face at being called knucklehead. He turned to Bucky to see what his reaction was, but his best friend let out a carefree laugh, not at all offended. Steve couldn’t remember the last time he saw Bucky so relaxed. It had to have been before the war. He was starting to wonder if there was more to this Cecelia than Bucky was aware of. He had to be cautious around her until he could make his own judgments.

He cleared his throat, calling attention to him. “Bucky mentioned that you might be able to help a….friend.” He felt awkward saying it aloud, just realizing that he would have to explain what had happened. How a man was now partially paralyzed because of him.

Bucky noticed the shift in Steve’s mood and gives him a sympathetic look. “I can explain if you would prefer,” he offered, wanting to alleviate some of Steve’s stress.

Steve adamantly shook his head. “No, I can do it. I should do it.” He turned his attention back to the small woman in front of him. “There was a fight and a good friend of mine was caught in the crossfire, leaving him with partial paralysis.” He paused, trying to think of how much he wanted to divulge about Tony and the resources that surely would have been made available for Rhodey 

“And you’re wondering if I can fix your friend?” Cece asked intuitively. There was a tangible shift in her mood, more serious now than playful. This was Dr. Thompson. “Do you know what kind of treatment options he may have already been offered?”

Steve was surprised that she didn’t ask about what his injuries were, but answered her. “I don’t know for sure,” he admitted, “I only know that Tony would do his damn best to make sure Rhodey got the best care possible. No amount of funding would be an issue.”

She waved her hand at that. “People who are surgeons and need money to guide them to their next job aren’t my favorite.” Her thoughts flashed to some asshole Doctor in New York who only took patients if they were ‘interesting’ enough, but also had a chance of success. Sure, he was good at what he did, but still….what an ass. “Rhodes is the guy who was injured?” she asked for clarification. “As in, Colonel James Rhodes of the Air Force and best friends with philanthropist Tony Stark?”

She threw her head back and laughed at the look of surprise on the Captain's face, giving him a faux-sympathetic look and patted his shoulder in comfort. “I might live in Africa, but I don’t live under a rock.” She switched back from Doctor Thompson to Cecelia with an ease that caused more surprise. Steve wasn’t able to switch back and forth from Captain America to Steve Rogers like that. He wasn’t even sure he knew who Steve Rogers was anymore. Now wasn’t the time to think about that, though.

“Good to know,” he replied, unsure of what the proper response would be.

“Soup’s up.” Michael shoved a hot bowl into Steve’s chest that he caught with his hands. He chose to ignore the hostility directed at him. He was a stranger after all.

Cece wasn’t having it though and smacked her brother upside the head. “Knock it off,” she scolds. “Quit being a pansy and just admit that you’re secretly fangirling over having your childhood hero under the same roof as you.”

Steve was sure he was just as red as Michael looked.

“Shuddup,” Michael muttered under his breath, turning to get another bowl that he politely handed to Bucky and then gifted his sister with one before gathering up his own.

Cece looked back to Steve with a smug grin and Steve’s heart skipped in his chest. Was he dying? He diverted his gaze from the siblings and poked at the mush in his hands, unsure of what it was.

“It’s ugali,” Cece explained, noticing his aversion to the unfamiliar food. “Usually describe as cornmeal mush. Doesn’t look too good, but tastes great and is quite filling.” She took a bite of the ugali and let out a quiet pleased moan, playing on how good it tasted. Steve raised a skeptical eyebrow at her, but took a bite himself and was surprised that it was actually half decent. Satisfied that he would survive the new experience, she continued.

“As long as you promise that Tony Stark doesn’t blow me away in the literal sense or turn me into some science experiment, I’m willing to help.”

Chapter Three

Author’s Note: Thank you to @mermaidxatxheart for your support with this! It means the world to me to have you on my side.

Anyways, I’m going to take a temporary leave from working on “One Touch” because...well, I just lost my Aunt to a drunk driver yesterday afternoon and the next part of One Touch revolves around explaining what happened in the readers own accident and it’s too hard for me to write that right now. SO please forgive me and be patient. I promise I’m not dropping the story, but it will be a week or so before there’s any continuation on it.

Coming up in the next few days will be some Halloween Stories, so be looking for those.

I also have three drabbles and a hand full of ships that I need to do from my 200 Follower Celebration. I haven’t forgotten, it’s just been a busy week.

Anywho......

Everything Tags: @bettercallsabs @thinkwritexpress-official @mermaidxatxheart @geeksareunique @dont-stop-keep-walking

All My Heroes Tags: @deaniebean

#All My Heroes #Steve Rogers #Steve Rogers Fanfic #Steve Rogers x OFC #Bucky Barnes #OC #Original Character #Captain America x Reader #Captain America Fanfic #Captain America x OFC #Steve Rogers Imagine #Captain America Imagine #marvel drabble #Marvel Imagine #OFC #original fictional character

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hadjii-blogs-undertale · 7 years

Text

[23 days later]

In reference to https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/163800444030/

@lynns-art-blog

...

And honestly, @everyone-needs-a-hoopoe because there's things in here that go for you too. Please read it through to the end. Or just skip to the very end at first and then go back and read through if you need.

I really, really, really didn’t actually want to get off my butt and do this, for multiple reasons. And not just cuz I’m a lazy jackhole with depression who doesn’t want to do anything in general. But recent events have brought things to a head, and I cannot remain silent any longer.

First, I should like to clarify just where I stand as regarding the Undertale fandom.

The Undertale fandom is a beautiful thing. It is extremely imperfect but I love the fandom and will continue to do so for as long as I am able.

Second, I should like to clarify where I stand as regarding Undertale itself.

It will be difficult however, because I love Undertale more than I am capable of putting into any transferable medium that I know of.

Am I a bit emotionally over-invested in Undertale?

Heck. Yes.

I also don't care that I am.

Undertale has brought more joy and happiness and meaning to my life than literally anything else save my family who raised me and loves me, my religion, and a shortlist of friends, some of whom I only have so dear to my heart because of Undertale, so the point is moot.

I can't say that Undertale cured my depression, because it didn't.

What it did do is it showed me at a critical point in my life that there's something outside the grey murky mire.

I'd considered myself an emotionally open person before Undertale. This was only vaguely true. Current me cannot comfortably say that old me was emotionally intelligent without severe disclaimers.

Old me was an emotionally awkward dirtbag who had some idea of how to be a person but on the whole was completely clueless.

I had forgotten how to feel. Like, really feel. And not just from the depression.

I could occasionally get hits from certain songs and I absolutely lived for those moments but the songs would rapidly hit their saturation levels and I'd be cold again.

Then Undertale came along. I loved the game long before I played it, discovering things about it slowly through an endless flood of my tumblr feed.

It looked like a rather good, cute, compelling little game. Eventually I decided to write a bit of fanfiction about it because it looked really good and I wanted to churn out what would happen if GLaD had an interaction with a murdery timeline.

So I went and researched. I dug and I dug and I dug. This wasn't all of my research, but on one particular tumblr alone I went through 700-odd undertale posts.

Between that and pouring out my heart and soul into the writing as I discovered just how much I could care about these things, or care in general really, I found that I'd left the door open, and something came back. A whole lot of something.

Undertale is a Happy™ game about Happy™ things.

I had learned that maybe sad things weren't all bad back from the days of Background Pony. The difference being, Background Pony had a disappointing, absurd ending. They'd won the right even by my sappy heart to have a sad ending, then they completely botched it. I'd associated one of the most significant songs I know of with it, and they failed terribly.

But Undertale had a good ending. As aggravating as it is to not be able to keep Asriel, much less Chara, in the bounds of the game itself, that's part of the point of the ending. So there was no knee-jerk shock. While it is true that in a practical Undertale implementation, unbounded by the Game Maker engine, fuelled by the raw power of Determination, human spirit, and imagination, surely something more could have been achieved. But that does not take away from the coherent ending of Undertale.

There is a lot of pain in Undertale. So much pain.

It is overwhelming and vivid and searing and scorching and so very, very tangible and understandable and real. Not that the events of the game are real, well, as far as I can tell. The emotions are deep and real, I mean.

This was to me as the gas leak was to Vinny Santorini in Atlantis.

Due to the combined pressure of the mental overhaul Undertale was giving me, and the softness and vulnerability it re-introduced, throwing in re-learning certain cold facts about how much the powers-that-be at my previous job didn't care about doing good work, only making money, more severely than I had previously believed from last year, I lost my ability to continue driving there and showing up every day. Now, due to the way the contract works, and my having left the job gracefully, I am free to go back whenever I want. I was not fired. There are many employees who just go there, work as long as they can, then leave and wait for next season to come back. Their efforts are appreciated, especially when all heck breaks loose at the beginning of the on-season because all the bugs in the software that weren't found yet are harsly exposed. What happened with me is not ideal, nor is it rare or even unusual at this place. In about 3 months I could walk in the door and they'd welcome me with a smile and I'd get back to politely telling people that they're wrong and clueless and fixing their crap for them and half the time doing their job for them. (as if that's terribly different than my current job... just in person now instead of over a phone)

Anyways, so, Undertale hurts. Loving Undertale so deeply hurts a lot.

But it's also happy. It has so much happiness. It's so bright and wonderful. It's a warm, soft, fuzzy hug from goatmom and a slice of butterscotch pie. It's making spaghetti with Papyrus, only using an actual recipe this time and making it turn out well. It's watching anime until 4 am with Alphys and Undyne and suppressing giggles at seeing the two precious gay babies asleep and cuddling. It's hugging Sans and telling him it'll be okay. It's having a lovely tea party with Asgore and Muffet.

It's kissing a sad sapient golden flower on the forehead, buying a bar of chocolate and raising it in the air as a toast before eating it.

Bittersweet happiness sometimes but so very, very good and I love it and I really cannot get enough.

I'm addicted. Addicted to feeling again.

As the band Ghost says, "From the pinnacle to the pit, it is a long way down."

I haven't been to the absolute bottom, in that I haven't been institutionalized/hospitalized/just straight up killed by my depression, But I have been in the shower for 4 hours before from 2 am to 6 am at college, for one thing, so uhhh, nobody can say that I'm utterly clueless about such things without looking like a lunatic.

https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164567314340

Posts like the above still rip my heart out every time I see them. I've long since re-associated the song mentioned earlier with this particular point of note of Chara.

It's not entirely pleasant, no, but it makes me feel so alive and real and like I'm an actual human being and not an emotionless, soulless automaton covered in flesh.

And the happy posts are just that much brighter because of the contrast.

https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164689197750 https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164498003145 https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164161681835 https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164061257705

Some people can get by on just fluff alone. There's nothing wrong with that. This is just the way I personally operate. As for me, I've had too much saccharine positivity and "oh dont be sad everything is completely fine and theres nothing to be sad about youre not depressed just get up and go to work son!"

sorry got sidetracked and a little oddly specific there anyways

So the point is from the above wall of text that I have a lot of investment in Undertale and it means a lot to me.

Now, it's time for me to pull receipts.

One receipt, to be exact.

On a semifamous Undertale blog, that I still have not responded to, and quite possibly never will, unless you count this post as a response.

http://charadreemurr.tumblr.com/post/157052680490

I literally couldn't even read their last response for a solid two months because my eyes would skim off the words because they were full of so much utter crap. When I did, I was sorry for it, because it was still so much crap. And no, this isn't like the average tumblr receipt pull, because a lot of the time, a given person has changed for the better, and the receipts you're pulling are for a dramatically different person. This person has not changed and as best as I can tell will never change, or at least not for the next decade or so, unless something dramatic happens. They were the OP of the twitter bustercluck. If you don't know, don't ask, because I don't feel like getting into that right now. I may do so later though in a different post.

All I was trying to do was share a little positivity, and I was met with discourse, hostility, and self-righteousness.

"And second “biological gender” is a statement rife with discontent-"

Pardon my french but wtf m8?

Since then I have learned more thoroughly that in more modern usage, that sex and gender don't have ambiguity and don't need "biological" and "identity" modifiers for clarification, so to a limited extent, they were correct.

However, this does not excuse their behavior. There are many people, myself included back then, that because of their upbringing are uncomfortable saying the word "sex" in any context. I am not now, but I was then, which is why I used "gender" with modifiers for clarification. I gave them multiple chances in earlier reblogs to realize that I was just trying to share a bit of happiness. I clearly conveyed the belief that what's in one's pants doesn't necessarily align with what's in one's head and that it's not a problem. I also clearly stated that when referring to Frisk and Chara, one should use they/them.

And yet, they chose to perceive a threat where there was none. They prefaced their statement with "Yikes" then "Im gonna assume the best here though because i wanna assume people are good"

And completely did not follow through on that.

Statement rife with discontent, indeed.

I was rather hurt by this. Especially, especially because of the uniqueness of their url. They are the one and only charadreemurr. That's a very particular title, and they ought to live up to it.

And here, they did not. Unless Chara Dreemurr really is supposed to be a pretentious self-serving self-righteous paranoid uptight jackhole of a binch. In which case, congratulations, they succeeded.

I showed the post to a different trans friend of mine, and they were shocked by the post as well, looked through their tumblr, and declared the person "basically their least favorite type of person".

To this day, I feel uneasy just seeing the word "yikes" sometimes.

I have mentioned it a few times to some people but this really sent me for a loop. I almost left the fandom on the spot, like far too many good people have done when they were burned by the toxic side of the fandom.

And honestly, if I'd lost Undertale at such a key point in my life, with my job already falling apart, and the other crap I was going through at the time, especially with the election, I cannot safely say that I'd still be here. With the friends that I wouldn't have made solid yet, I probably would have attempted suicide.

And believe me, I'm an engineer. I would not have survived. Knives, pills, guns, rope, water, heights, motor vehicles, police, fire, bleach, all are too unreliable for me. I know exactly how I would do it, if I were to ever do it.

Yeah, I know, it's not anyone's job to make sure I don't commit suicide beyond my own. People who threaten others with their own suicide are horribly manipulative. I am not threatening anyone with my suicide here. I'm not saying "ermagersh dont break up with me or ill literally kill myself" What I am saying is "X happened to me in the past and it's made me want to kill myself" Suicide baiting someone is a terrible thing to do. Accidental baiting someone is not someone's fault, as it's accidental, but generally one should try to avoid it. Very similar to triggering somebody. Don't trigger people. If you do, apologize, and do better in the future, and be more consistent about tags and crap.

Just for the record, due to that and other things that have happened to me, I know that I am not now and not ever going to die by my own hand.

Because, I stood up. I turned around. And like Captain America, I said "No. You move."

Well, in my head. I didn't actually say anything to them.

And I stayed.

And that has made all the difference.

I have a great job now that pays moderately well. I have a wonderful aspec girlfriend now. My life still sucks in so many ways but I actually oftentimes see a light at the end of the tunnel. The world is crap and it's going to get crappier but not everything will be bad forever.

Now, we get to the center of the issue, having explained some needed context.

Nonbinary Frisk and Chara.

I love nb Frisk and Chara.

I have not and will never make a Frisk or Chara that is anything but nb.

At one point, a certain Frisk was going to maybe use She/They (or He/They, hadn't decided yet) instead of just They when they became a parent, but I scrapped that idea long before any of this.

It is completely correct to use they/them pronouns when talking about Frisk and Chara in general. These are all that are used in the game itself.

The pertinent question though is does this mean that Frisk and Chara are canonically nonbinary, and what of people who make variants/instances that aren't nonbinary?

Thus far, most of the argument I've seen in favor of nonbinary being a forcible requirement is only slightly more solid than claiming that the Boss in the Saints Row series must be nonbinary, as an example.

Yes, it is true that in SR2 and later, one chooses the boss's sex.

However, they also choose a voice, and the voice doesn't necessarily have to match the physical sex. Trans and NB Bosses are completely plausible within the game's canon. All dialogue just refers to the Boss as They/Them, regardless of player choice, to the best of my knowledge. Or just refers to them as "The Boss". In SR:GOOH, Satan (yes, the literal Prince of Darkness, ruler of literal actual Hell) refers to The Boss as "They" so yeah. Anyways.

Honestly the strongest argument I've seen in favor of NB Frisk and Chara being canon is "Because NB people could use the representation!" Which boils down to "Because I said so!" Which boils down to "Because f*** you, that's why"

Now, I personally love this reasoning and I'm already on board, but with three quirks.

1. I can see why other people may not be so satisfied with this. 2. I cannot see this as an absolute requirement preventing any other possible interpretation of Frisk and Chara being okay. 3. I do not find this a remotely strong enough reasoning to condone attacking other people over it.

I personally headcanon NB Frisks and Charas being by far the dominant kind across the entire Undertale trunk. And I look across the internet at the many, many wonderful creative people who have instanced Frisk and Chara, and I see that this is so. And this is how it should be.

Frisk and Chara are excellent NB representation.

I quite firmly believe Tobyfox intended this to be so, and created them as such.

On a side note, I just found out the "my last wish for undertale is that when discussion of it fades it dies peacefully instead of morphing into a garbage cesspool" tweet was faked. Probably should've figured that out a long time ago, that's not quite how toby tweets.

...

Anyways,

https://twitter.com/UnderTale/status/644614840925978624

Tobyfox, the one who made Frisk and Chara so readily NB, who put so much NB representation into the game in general, did not ask for this. He did not create them to be sticks to beat others with. They were a gift of kindness. To say "Hey. Hey you. You matter and are important and are valid. Have two complex characters who have no indicated and strongly ambiguous gender, not even barriers blocking a particular interpretation."

Thats the kicker. No barriers blocking a particular interpretation. The road goes both ways.

Frisk and Chara were meant to be characters one identified with. "It's me, Chara." "It's you!"

Frisk and Chara ought to be NB, yes. Unless otherwise specified, they're NB.

Thing is, not everyone who plays Undertale is nb.

real shocker there yeah

Point is, hurting someone who's not nb for identifying with Chara or Frisk is on the same level of behavior as yelling at someone for being kin with the same character as someone else, or yelling at someone for selfshipping with the same character as someone else.

It's immature, unkind, greedy, and completely unnecessary. Even illogical.

Even if Frisk and Chara were real in their own timelines and not just pixels on a screen, there are an infinite number of instances and infinite number of variations of them.

Even if infinities don't appease one, and they demand to examine the situation proportion/representation-wise, NB Frisk and Chara dominate the multiverse.

And if that does not satisfy, then what will?

Even if the entire infinite expanse was filled solely with nb Charas and Frisks, and there was only one Frisk across the trunk who was not nb, because they were created by one author in memory of a cis person who played and loved Undertale and fought through the entire game reset after reset, in a fruitless effort to save Asriel, will you rip that from their hands, in the name of "equal representation"?

Will you be like David in the bible, who had more than anyone could ask for, and lost it all because he wanted one last thing? One more person to be theirs as well?

There is a song by Tool which is very relevant here.

https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tool/rightintwo.html

"Don't these talking monkeys know that Eden has enough to go around? Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys, Where there's one you're bound to divide it. Right in two."

I'm sorry, but I cannot condone vitriol over this. I cannot condone such hateful attitude and behaviors.

Just like the antifa who was punched by another antifa at a protest because they judged them by mere appearance to be a fascist, hatred doesn't accomplish anything.

There are times and places when due to the actions of other people, there is no valid choice remaining but violence.

This is seen in Undertale. Even when attempting to run a True Pacifist route, one has to beat down Asgore, and/or Flowey. This was seen back in WWII. We could not allow the Axis powers to enslave the world and murder whomever they wished.

This is not the case here.

Yes, there are those who purposely seek to misgender Frisks and Charas all around. Such folks correctly are rebuffed and banished to the shadows. And people who argue that Frisk or Chara canonically have to be a boy or girl really need to find a new hobby.

Those, if anyone, are the enemy. The lost, clueless, angry, bitter enemy, who need to be talked to and brought into the fold of those who know better, in true Undertale MERCY fashion. Or, if they will not listen, to be sent away, and blocked if harassment continues.

Random creatives on the internet who create a Frisk or Chara, maybe modelled after themselves, maybe after someone else, doens't matter, anyways, who happen to create one that isn't NB are not the enemy. Some young unlearned cis 12 year old who wants to be like Frisk and thinks Frisk is just like them, or that they are Frisk, and has little involvement with NB matters, or perhaps just hasn't yet heard of or seen how well NB and Chara and Frisk go together, is not the enemy.

NB folk have a lot of very, very real enemies. We have a long way to go as a species. Please, do not make up enemies where there are none.

I ask anyone who attacks others solely for having a different idea of Chara and Frisk's gender to please reconsider.

Please, spread NB Frisks and Charas all around the net. Let them enter the hearts of everyone who can appreciate this beautiful game. Not through anger and aggression, but through love and kindness and patience.

If you cannot abide my having such a stance on this, Mel, then I suppose this is farewell if you must break off all contact. And if you must leave, you may keep that commission money, whether or not you ever finish the art.

Thank you to anyone who reads the entirety of my words.

#language warning #suicide warning #meta #discourse #general trigger warning #things get deep here and i'm sorry but i had to share how i feel

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