fell asleep last night crying and dying over the datz who Ok like ... like ... cus he's ex military right, and i have to think, wtf was he doing there LOL bc i have to answer questions tht no one asked. And i have no answer...ive never decided. i mean he was a kid..basically 5 yrs old..he was just a baby.

there's just a lot of little details. And a lot that i dont feel comfortable answering since my concept of a military is deeply american...so like blahhh. But it's like. was he going into it positively. or was it a listless undecided sort of thing? a "well i don't have anything else to do so i guess i'll go here"? my silly headcanon is he just thought paratrooping looked cool so he hit up the local air force to hang w them.. maybe that's what he tells the kids when they ask him.

there is also the "from a foreign land" detail that i really can't be fucked to deal with. is datz not khura'inese originally ??? or did his weird ass hop borders just to hang in the air force. he's crazy. or maybe there's Just Nepal next to khura'in...i kind of always thought as khura'in Replacing nepal so to speak but maybe he's just straight up nepalese. since kukris are distinctly The Weapon of nepal..but i don't know about nepal like that either. So i don't think abt it too hard really.

someone i talked to a while ago likes the more listless ambitionless datz who didn't have any guiding thing ... like a datz struggling with "nothing matters" sort of disposable mindset. Which i do like...it's cutie... esp for a kid! like. not even 23... but i can never envision a datz whos like. well ill just lay down and die ig (me) like he ditches the air force (no way he got out of there through legal means. not a chance in hell. i just know he deserted and he didnt even need to desert he Just Did) blah blah but anyway

the REAL POINT OF ALL THIS is i love to think of a datz whos all listless and restless and doesn't know what to do w himself, and that doesn't go away when he's helping dhurke escape the city but it's not on his mind immediately, but still it's lurking there, no purpose, no datz purpose! what's he doing it all for? and then it occurs to him so deeply one day that Oh This Is My Purpose. you know? oh my heart.

like listening to dhurke talk and starting to put together this plan to fight back, they don't know how yet but they HAVE to fight back, and just knowing deeply somewhere in his chest, ohhh. this is what i'm fighting for... this is what i'd put my life on the line for. So crazy. SOOO CRAZY. ARGH!!! PURPOSE!!! Or it extending to the kids obviously cus it's NOT just dhurke or the revolution. my daydream last night specifically was like. a raid on their safe house or something and ahh its terrible scary etc. but datz who drops into action instantly *bc* he's like Oh My God the kids. i gotta protect them. CUS HE DOES!!!!! :(

specifically thinking abt all of this bc of a line in finn attorneytrash's "such terrible twos" where datz snaps at blackquill bc he's like, ive been taking care of these kids their whole lives! and i was like SO TRUE!!!HE HAS BEEN!!! BC HE LOVES THEM!!!!!!!! IM BLEEDING OUT ON THE GROUND NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!