#andrew minyard isnt soulless | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dailyandrewandaaron · 4 years

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Could you maybe write something post-canon where Neil’s ableism comes up and he and Andrew have to sort of navigate it’s effects on their relationship/have some type of discussion over it? Or alternately if you’d rather not, something about bi Katelyn?

not quite that but heres something about ableism

Its not the words so much that bothers Andrew but the silence that always followed them .

Renee would only smile placidly when Allison named him monster and nobody challenged her but instead took it up for their own use

Aaron would offer no defence when he was named crazy only shrugging as if it was an indisputable truth

kevin raised no objections when he was called joyless , empty , agreeing that he had no purpose in life beyond himself

nicky would laugh in the same breath as saying he was soulless as if it was an in joke between them

Neil did this too - yes even him

He would later denounce their attitudes one by one pretending to be shocked theyd treat andrew so - but it was hollow coming from him -knowing before their first meeting even he was already psychotic midget and this is what he would remain - even after - even when it means something

now - andrew wouldve been fine with a legacy of fear if that was all it was but it was not - not if he - not if he was - a midget - . yes , thats what cements it , what caused them to hold him apart from and below them - it shows in their eyes - his lack of humanity -

is he a threat or is he a joke ? oh , certainly he is both- they are afraid of him but they show him no respect

he is that sort of monster . The kind that isnt only feared it is also pitied. the sort where people think it is a cruelty that he even lives at all - being what he is

they call him ruthless to his face and whisper midget behind his back

sometimes its the other way around

and that is almost worse

. andrew encased himself with mystery and aggression hoping he could inspire enough fear that his height was never made light of in this way.

his brother shared this particular burden . Aaron shouldered it by being unpleasant enough that he avoided the types who would think to patronise in that sickening way due to their stature and by commiserating his lack of presence with the fact he was spared the condemnation of being the evil twin - being short on its own is not monster worthy status

being short and - crazy - well theres no hope for you there

kevin of all of them knows the best the feeling , Kevin has words of his own . launched at him from the catapult of ignorance and prejudice cripple, retard handicapped he recognises the ripple of pain that surges through him when wymacks mouth form the words

Its the same as goes through his own body when neil says psycho ,

when Aaron says evil ,

when nicky says soulless ,

Allison says monster

- Yet Kevin does not defend him. He likes it that he is one step above him this way.

You have two hands you only have one brain.

Neil in their secret moments tells him he is not worthless that he alone is his love but he never takes back those earlier words never soothing the wounds they made. Neil wont take any of it back

Its his own fault Neil says for not telling them the way it was, for not explaining- because of course ,of course it needed explaining. This couldnt just be accepted

-but you see Neil that he is andrew minyard .His reputation went before him . He was monster before he'd even arrived.

You could fight that or you could embrace that and use it as your shield . andrew chose the latter.

it kept people off his back at least

He'd known that Aaron was afraid of him skirting around his presence keeping Kevin or Nicky between them pausing before he got into the car hiding and suppressing his other relationships to not raise his ire. His brother who loved him enough to kill still found him a danger

Nicky who had left a happy life for him who had stayed without a deal and didn't leave the moment he could. Nicky who spent years trying to keep them safe who had sacrificed for them. He believed it too or he had no scruples in pretending and laughing about how he was soulless. This is a deeper insult from Nicky who actually believed in souls but long ago he'd given up the thought that Andrew would be hurt by such a thing. When things are said to nicky andrew says dont use that word but when things are said to andrew nicky doesnt intervene

Renee is stronger than him. Her fight methods are better. she knows that. She is teaching him he doesn't scare her in the way he scared the others but still she treats him delicate like he'd explode if she pushed too far. She has no problem fighting him but she is afraid not for herself but that one day he would betray her trust and use her careful teaching against those she protected. She would take Allisons side of course she had done before - she stays quiet when allison rants about him

Allison knew him the least but claimed she knew him the best. When you are already monster , as in her eyes he was ,every thing you do becomes monstrous. She expected nothing less of him. Of course he would be violent . of course he would hurt her .he is a monster

Matt had reason enough he supposed to revile him though he had helped in the long run he distrusted him. Thinks he would hurt Neil. As if he would. A if he would do the one thing that would destroy him. But of course of course Andrew doesn't feel things. people were collected if they were useful. Matt was not useful enough and so he was not chosen. this is how he views it. Doesn't know why beautiful Neil would chose such a strange and damaged person as Andrew. He thinks Neil is an innocent and knows not the darkness of his soul which is assumptions in itself

Dan - he did not know truly what Dan thought of him but it was not warmly. She viewed him as something to be handled to be put up with to reach a higher goal. His skills were needed his person was not. She kept him and his at arms length enough to say I'm not with them. Now there was a them and he was their leader. She left him alone which he was grateful for but she doesn't bring him in doesn't let him close she doesn't want to hear his voice she doesn't think the psychotic midget has anything useful to say

Seth was his least favourite and that was no secret. He was prejudice in a very boring way. Just the kind that hated those who were not like him and didn't care enough to change that. He hated Kevin the most but andrew , was a close second. His ideas about life having value didnt extend to the likes of Andrew Nicky and Kevin. Not even Aaron was normal enough for him.

Wymack was a rare thing in Andrews life a older man that he trusted. That he could trust with his family. He knew that wymack would not hurt him -not physically. Nobody thinks Andrew cares what he is called. Wymack didn't hate Andrew he knew that . wymack was actually rather fond of him but he never stoped using the words.

perhaps you know such a word. it burns deep into your body .It's not icy the shock of it, its hot , white hot. The word is such a noise that it fills you to your lungs.

It drowns you in hot water and you can hardly breathe. He doesn't know if wymack believes the words he calls him but he doesn't stop. He can't say they hurt for it would break the illusion. If they knew Andrew could be hurt by words then it's all over for him he might as well put a knife into his own belly .So Andrew knows it wont stop .

Wymack would scoff if he ever mentioned ableism. It sounds made up but it surely is not.

Neil would tell him there's no such thing -but how would he know? The only other disabled person he knows is kevin whom he'd called a cripple.

I don't hate disabled people neil would say and genuinely believe thats enough That that's the most he can give. Andrew supposed that is what most people think is the best they can do.

that's not what ableism is anyway. Well. it is. but that's not all.

Andrew knew ableism well

The word is new to him but the feeling is not

The experience of it is nothing new

Andrew knows ableism is not just hate ignorance and prejudice. It's is not just violence. It is not just fear of the unknown.

Although it is all those things It is also choosing not to acknowledge the difficulties you face .

Choosing not to stop using the words.

Choosing to laugh and not to listen

Choosing not to care because it isnt about you

It is when you are hurt and nobody does anything because nobody thinks that's a thing that could hurt.

When you are hurt physically and everybody shrugs that's just how it is for people like you

You are different so your pain is not important because most can ignore it.

It is the silence that follows the slurs when not one single person says you shouldnt say that

Not your brother.

Not your cousin.

Not your boyfriend.

Nobody

Such is ableism.

when nobody raises it because nobody believes there is such a thing

So it continues unchallenged

because .

Well None of us were offended

say the abled bodied team members

#My writing #andrew minyard #aftg #andrew vs ableism #sorry for taking months #i had a different version of this #but i thought it was too harsh and i never posted it #this is a mess tm #but i have feelings #dont say stupid things

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