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bluecollarbisexual · 1 month

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My dad was a fire captain for calfire. I’m a nurse.

Started watching 911 for the bisexual rep that’s cropped up recently, as I’ve watched much worse shows for a lot less. Was really excited to watch a dumb procedural with a compelling bi storyline since I feel like the experience of figuring your shit out/exploring your sexuality older is a distinctly bisexual experience.

My experience of actually watching the show has been a little surprising though. I went into it mostly just stoked for a queer storyline that I could see myself reflected in. But what’s sticking with me more is the way I’m sort of understanding my father.

It took me until I started working as a nurse to really be able to understand even a fraction of some of the stuff I was only peripherally aware of as a kid. The way he resisted to the point of rage when I was insisting on wanting a motorcycle. The way he would angrily tell me how he spent too many nights scraping people off of the freeway for him to ever condone me buying something like that.

When I finally started working in medicine I began to understand some of his trauma, and the way it made him angry. I’ve learned what it’s like not to be able to save people and to watch them die, sometimes horrifically.

I didn’t go into this show expecting any real insights. I just wanted a fun romp with a queer reward. But weirdly the standout character has been Bobby for me. I see a lot of my father in him. The trauma and the fear and the still putting the turnouts back on and going out there under the influence of some drive that’s 1 part naturally-born hero, 1 martyr, and 1 part adrenaline junkie. And the mark that these kinds of jobs leave on the people who do them.

I grew up hearing stories about horrific motorcycle accidents. About how my father wasn’t there to help my mother when I was a newborn, because he was in San Francisco responding to the devastation of Loma Prieta. About how after one particularly nasty stretch, his brand new turnouts were completely black from blood. About how I didn’t recognize him and hid behind my mother’s leg when he came home after months on the line one fire season.

And this shit did take a toll. I’ve seen a lot of his anger, his inability to cry or mourn even when his father died, his tendency to fly into fire captain mode over even really mild emergencies. He couldn’t even finish the movie Seabiscuit because he couldn’t stomach the kid dying in the beginning of the film. Watching similar struggles of Bobby’s character, the PTSD, and the situations that contribute to it, is making me appreciate the life he lead in a way that not even being a nurse can.

Anyway I don’t expect anyone is particularly interested in this. I’m in season 2, and just a little surprised by the way this show is hitting me and just sorta needed to reflect on it.

If anyone is also in emergency/medical (or has a loved one who is) and has had similar experiences watching this show I’d be interested in hearing from you.

#911 #911 abc #this show is hitting me like a ton of bricks #I obviously always appreciated my father and everything he did #but there’s something about seeing some of his stories pretty accurately depicted on screen that’s hurting and cathartic #Buck and Eddie are cool too #etc. etc. etc.#and on a different note: yall. the medical stuff on this show is AWFUL.#I can overlook it because the show redeems itself in a lot of other ways.#but boy do I cringe when the fire medics are saying shit like ‘prepare the TPA’ in the field.#like no sir…. you certainly would NOT be giving that med. nor would you even have access to it holy moly #the pulse is thready they’re going into vfib!!!! no monitor in sight. also vfib would be a no pulse situation not a thready one #and you cannot tell the difference between fib ba oulseless vtach vs pea vs asystole without a monitor #i think they shocked asystole early on too? boy.#anyway I needed to reflect but also yo air a few nitpicks.#it’s a good show. I really appreciate so much about it. definitely looking forward to getting a late season bi storyline #the medical stuff makes me wince but I get through it #sorry for the long post I just have a lot of feelings

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