one thing that i think that the "gandalf should have stayed dead" type critics don't get is that tolkien was, on several fundamental levels, not writing the best story. he was writing the story he (and many of us!) needed to hear. he wasn't going for realism because he lived through it. so he didn't need more meaningless death and suffering, he needed a story where the hobbits went home, changed but alive. he needed a story where eowyn learned that to live a healer was better than to die a hero. he needed a story where nature could fight back for its right to exist. he needed a story where the good guys had a cause that they accomplished, through all the struggle and pain and sacrifice, and gave them meaning. made them worth it. he needed a story that was hopeful, despite it all. so that's what he wrote