#and told her i forgot my gay certificate at home
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richie tozier and his zoomer teen: headcanons
A/N: I tried keeping this as gender neutral as possible, but idk it’s a lil implied that the kid’s a girl. i’m trying to learn how to write gender neutral stuff :”)
By teenager, I mean around 16-17! High school age!!
Enjoy!
Sometime in the early 2000s, famous comedian Richard Tozier went to a party and came home with a woman.
oh yeah they deffo got it on that night
But that was a one night stand kind of thing, and Richie didn’t have any contact with her until about a year later.
He got up the couch one early evening to the ringing of his doorbell, and found a basket and a bag filled with baby food, diapers, and clothes perched on his doorstep
And in the basket? A small child, an apology note from the mother, and a birth certificate with his name listed as the father.
Oh boy did his life completely change after that.
It was him and the child, against the world.
but let’s skip the details on him struggling to take care of an infant first and move on a bit to when the kid’s older.
You, of course, are the baby that was left on his doorstep, and Richie tried to be the best father he could be despite his touring career as a comedian.
He’d bring you to the shows, even if you didn’t understand a thing that went on, though eventually when you’d help him write some material when you were older.
Constantly touring with him as a kid meant you were homeschooled. But that didn’t stop you from having a social life. You’d be friends with a lot of his fellow comedians, and John Mulaney was your ultimate favorite friend of his.
you just loved the very tall and gangly twelve year old looking man named uncle john.
Your academic life though was not too bad. You’re pretty intelligent, but when it came to maths, oh boy.
As a kid, you’d ask Richie constantly about math. He’d hate the school curriculum you had because math was different back when he was younger. He’d always help you, but it was mostly the internet just teaching you both.
You’d introduce him to vines (through iconic vine compilation videos), but mostly because he was so confused with this new language you were speaking.
Eventually he’d say some vines back to you and it’d come off so weird cause he’s a 40 year old white dad. You love him, nonetheless, and appreciate the effort
A lot of your instagram stories or snapchat stories are you filming him as you sing “You are my dad! You’re my dad! Boogie woogie woogie!”
He found it cute at first, where he would smile at you hiding behind your phone and hug you after cause dang he loves his kid so much and would die for you
then later, he’s evidently so annoyed because you do it constantly. As in he takes off his glasses, puts his head in his hands and just sighs so loudly.
When tiktok became the new vine, you were on the app every single day, making it a goal of yours to become tiktok famous.
You’d force your dad to do tiktoks with you
“I love my daddy. he is my superhero”
“Famous relative check!”
BUT THE PERFECT AUDIO
“Don’t look at me like that.” “YOU’RE MY DAD. BOOGIEWOOGIEWOOGIE!”
Gaining some clout because he is a pretty famous comedian 👀
Saying “ok boomer” to him when he’d annoy you
But then he’d clap back by being like “What the fuck Y/N. I was born in 1976, i’m not that old.”
“Yeah but sometimes you think like a boomer.”
“Ok, zoomer.”
“Dad. No. Get out.”
He’s really chill with you swearing. You definitely got that habit from him.
“What the actual fuck, Richard.”
“At least have the fucking decency to call me dad, Y/N.”
He got you into video games at a young age. Every time there was a new console or a new interesting game out, you’d both be up early to go out and get the said console/game.
And in each game you’d play, there would be hilarious commentary.
it’s basically that video with bill hader playing god of war with conan but imagine that and a zoomer’s feral energy combined.
He also got you into becoming a cinephile. Though unlike him, you read the books before watching the movie.
Marathoning a bunch of tv series together and you can never watch any new episode without him. Friday nights were reserved especially for it.
Richie can’t fucking cook for the life of him. Growing up, it was always take out, pizza, instant noodles, or mac and cheese.
He tried learning how to cook, he really did. But it was just so bad that eventually you’d learn how to do it. Then you’d try to teach him how too.
But did he get better as a cook?? Not really.
He once accidentaly set almost the whole kitchen on fire when he tried making pasta when you were 15.
“DAD, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUT WATER IN THE POT FOR PASTA.”
“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT? I JUST WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU!”
“I APPRECIATE THE GESTURE BUT PLEASE DON’T EVER TRY TO COOK AGAIN.”
The following morning, he got up and learned how to make pancakes with sausages, bacon, and eggs.
It was damn good, and by far the best thing he ever made.
So his pancakes became a regular thing.
On casual dinner nights at home, he’d let you have a drink with him and be drinking buddies. He taught you how to drink and be safe with drinks (cause we stan a protective father amirite)
Speaking of protective father, he’d be so picky and open about the people you’d date
“Really Y/N? That person? They’re fucking trash and you know it. You deserve better, sweetie.”
“But dad. They’re hot.”
“That’s still a no from me, kiddo.”
Having the most random, yet somehow meaningful conversations with Richie, yet roasting him at the same time.
“Y/N, do you think I would be classified as a papi by people.”
“No. You still wear hawaiian shirts over a t-shirt. You’re too tacky for that. You’re a papa, not a papi.”
But somehow, you also adopt his fashion style?
Cause hawaiian shirts are pretty cool? Very John Deacon ala 80s aesthetic?
And then he roasts you back from the time you called him tacky.
“Respect the drip, Richard.”
Even though you always poke fun at each other, you guys are actually so open with each other and just talk about anything and everything.
Oh no when you first got your period, he was panicking and nearly bought the entire aisle of pads and tampons because he was so clueless
Meeting the Losers Club was exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. You didn’t know what to expect of them or what they’d expect from you.
You clung to your dad the whole time, watching him reunite with his childhood friends. Each one of them had a look of surprise and confusion the moment they laid their eyes on you.
They found you to be like a mini-me of Richie, as both of you were clad in printed/hawaiian shirts and glasses.
“Jeez, Richie. Why’d you decide to bring a fucking clone of yourself?” asked Eddie.
“That’s my kid, you dumbass! Eddie, this is Y/N.”
“No shit, you have a kid! You got married, dipshit?”
“No, uh, it’s just them and me.”
You decided to butt in jokingly, “Joe was in the picture for a while too,”
“Joe? Who the fuck is Joe?” The minute Eddie asked this, Richie knew what was coming next.
“Joe mama.” Thus receving a high five from your father and a groan from Eddie.
at first, everyone else would not believe Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier had his very own kid, but the minute you started to get comfortable and joke around, it really clicked for them.
“There’s no doubt they’re Richie’s kid. Look at them! They’re basically a carbon copy of him!” Eddie would have exclaimed.
You‘re very liberal and open-minded, supporting the LGBT+ community and such, but you didn’t really know Richie’s stance on it.
Perhaps it was because he’d been surpressing his feelings for a specific boy from his childhood for almost his entire life, and he didn’t really talk about that topic so much.
But when you saw the chemistry between your dad and Uncle Eds, you sensed a little something there on both ends.
always saying a specific vine under your breath when you see them “two bros, chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart cause they’re not gay” (thank you to for this hc)
OKAY UNCLE EDS LIVES IN THIS AND HE’S DEFFO A BIG PART OF YOUR LIFE AFTER ONE SPECIAL TRIP TO DERRY, MAINE.
You’d say the vine so much, Richie eventually heard it and pulled you aside.
“Y/N, I- how did you know?”
“Know what dad?”
It took a little while for him to come up with the proper words to say. How was he gonna break this to you?
“Y/N..honey, I’ve had feelings for your Uncle Eds ever since we were kids. I-i don’t know, it really scared me as a kid to feel that way so I never talked about it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, kiddo, I’m gay.”
“Huh? I thought you were American?”
the man was basically on the verge of tears. He was so tense, he almost forgot to breathe. But the moment you hugged him and told him that it’s okay, that you love him so much, and that you’re so proud of him, he wrapped you in the biggest bear hug and cried. You cried too.
A/N: Imma end it here for now :)
So sorry it took forever!! I hope you enjoyed!!
Let me know if you want a part 2! 🤪
#richie tozier#bill hader#richie tozier x zoomer reader#richie tozier headcanons#richie tozier x reader#bill hader imagine#finn wolfhard#it#it movie#it 2017#it chapter two#richie tozier imagine#eddie kaspbrak#eddie kaspbrak imagine#reddie#reddie imagine#reddie headcanons#james ransone
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Gimme your comfort, I suffer of love (deazello week 2020)
A/N: Hi ppl! Another fic for this ship week hosted by @roger-taylors-car !! Now taking the prompt "cuddles" and "secret affair"
The name of this fic it's based in a gay love song from the argentinian rock band Los abuelos de la nada. The original phrase is "Dame tu consuelo, yo sufro de amor".
Summary: the day after the tea time, Joe haves an audition and he will tell how it was to John.
Word count: +2500 (my longest fic for now)
Warning: the things are spicy, so... Don't interact if youre a minor. Don't throw hate if you don't like this kind of writing pls.
Permanent taglist: @warriorteam1924 @toomuchlove-willkillyou (sorry if you're uncomfortable with this kind of writing).
If you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3
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When they finally ended the tea time and the men greeted, the older whispered in the ears of the younger "you can come home when you want… I barely left home lately".
Joe just can nod but both knew the real response.
They already started a new chapter in their life...
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Monday morning. He was preparing for a casting that he will have after that day. He passed in front of the door of his neighbor to see if he was there. He wasn't. "Well I'll try when I come back of the audition" he thought.
Joseph watched to his son walked sad in front of the porch of John's house.
"Joe, come here! John isn't your friend, it's just your neighbor and he don't like to be bothered!"
The young man was approaching to his dad's car.
"Let me be act like I want. I'll turn 22 this year! And John really liked me."
"He just was polite and kind with you." replied his father.
Joe knew that he didn't just was kind and polite with him. But that isn't something that he can say to his dad.
-------
The audition was a failure. Was a big opportunity to make detach his career, but they rejected him for being "too old" for the role. But that was a excuse, because a famous young star also auditioned for that role. And had his same age. "If you reject me, at least be fucking sincere and told that was because that guy was also in the audition" he thought dissapointed. He was so sad and almost crying in his dad's car.
"Joe, relax. You know that you will still have your job in the dance studio if your acting career haven't success." said Joseph, trying to cheer up his son.
"I know. But I want to act. I'll pull myself together, because I know that I should do better…"
Joseph smiled.
"That's Queen." noted the man.
"Yeah, you can see why I love that band, dad?"
And a smile appeared in his face.
"I see." added, watching to the road.
----------------
When they came to his house, he was to the door of his neighbor.
"Dad, come home. I'll try to speak a little with the neighbor."
"Okay Joey. You're an adult anyways." he sighed resigned and entered to the house.
Joe took the doorbell.
"Yeah?" someone asked for the intercom.
"John it's in home now? It's his new neighbor, Joey".
"YEAH! I'll call him".
That voice was Laura. She was happy for listen that American accent again.
He watched to the old man came to the main door.
"Joe!"
"Mister!"
"Call me John please"
"Okay John".
And both hugged.
Both started to walk to the house.
"How are you Joe?" asked the bassist.
Trying to lie, Joe replied "fine".
"No boy, you aren't fine. You don't fool me".
"I could do it, I'm an actor...well, a bad try" said Joe watching to the sky and sighing.
"Oh now I understand your low. An audition was wrong no?"
"Exactly" and Joes eyes started to be full of tears.
Both stopped to walk. He started to cry in the shoulder of the old man. This one puts his left hand over the head of the young, caressing his hair. With his another arm, he hugged him. Joe hugged to the man in response.
"You will have success Joe, don't give up". And give to the young man a little kiss in the head. He couldn't contain his reaction.
Ronnie and Laura appeared when both men were hugging.
"Oh it's Joe again. What's up?"
"Oh hi Joe!" exclaimed Laura excited.
The men left the embrace and watched to the woman and the girl.
"He failed a big audition I think" replied John.
"Oh he needs a cup of tea and some muffins" told Ronnie.
Still sobbing, Joe responded "I'm lactose intolerant, but thank you sweet lady… and hi Laura" trying to smile.
Ronnie and Laura blushed again for the kindness of the young man.
"Come in then" replied Ronnie and both men entered to the house.
"Ugh girls why you're inopportune" thought John.
----------------
The men were in the living. Ronnie asked to Laura to help her with the tea, despite the girl would prefer stare in front of Joe, contemplating his beauty.
"Was a big audition no?"
"Yeah… but that motherfucker quitted me the role. For God's sake, you already have a lot of work and success, why you need something like that?"
"Like I said, you will have success, perhaps this wasn't your time, huh?" the elder smiled kindly and puts a gentle hand over the left lap of the younger for a moment. This one started to feel nervous but great at the same time. His reply was a shy smile and a "thank you John".
When both men were talking about some things, the girls came with the tea. Laura, by her insistence, was the one to give the tea to Joe. "He-here's the tea, Joe" said the girl, without watch to the redhead. Her cheeks were fire.
"Thank you Laura" and give to the girl a little kiss in her right cheek.
The girl was so excited for that little kiss. "Oh will be with you in some years my beautiful american boy" she thought smiling, meanwhile was going to sit.
When Ronnie came, Joe said "Thank you Ronnie for the idea of the tea… sorry for that scene in your porch."
"You will have your opportunity Joe, you should add more artistic skills, to have more opportunities. You told us that you also know how to dance… what about learn an instrument?" And she watched at John, that was drinking his tea and opened widely his greenish eyes.
Gulped his tea and, leaving his cup in the tea table, he said "I could teach to him something" and watched to the redhead smiling. "What you think, Joe?"
"I love that idea", responded the young man.
After a lovely chat with the women, the men were going to the basement, where the music things were.
Laura said to her mother when they were alone "that guy really likes me"
Ronnie replied, smiling "my dear, he's only kind with you. He knows that you're a child to him. Surely he should be interested in someone near of his a-"
"MUUUUUUUUM LUKE WOKE OF HIS NAP AND FELL FROM HIS CRIB" irrumped Joshua in the living room.
The woman was upstairs running… she can hear her little son crying.
Laura, meanwhile, was daydreaming in the couch...
------
The men were in the basement. A place with old things, but also all his basses, amplifiers, another instruments and the album certifications. "This place it's the only one that contains my 20 years playing… well I still do it. We are ending a final album, but very slowly. After that, no more music industry for me. At least, playing a bass." he said to the young man. After a little tour, they sat in a couch that were there. Joe cuddled to John and started to cry again. The old man hugged with his right arm and with his left hand caressed the hair of the young man.
"Finally alone" he said and give another kiss in the head of the another.
"Thank you for comforting. Really. I didn't thought that you were that kind, lovely and… beautiful man. I could be here forever. Hugging you, feeling your heartbeats, smelling your parfum… I found paradise in your arm" confessed Joe, blushing his cheeks a little. He hugged to the elder tighter.
"I'm feeling honoured that I can make feel of that way to someone like you… God, I just knew you last Saturday, but… y'know… you makes me feel things that I didn't thought that I'd feel again" Leaving partially the embrace to smell Joe's parfum, he murmured "your smell it's also nice" and his self control was taken… he started to kiss that soft neck. And the young left go a little moan.
For a while, both forgot their problems. They started to loose in lust waters.
To Joe was the first time with a man. He left his will to the another one.
"Gosh, my dreams are becoming true…" said Joe meanwhile the elder was kissing his neck and caressing slowly with his left hand since the neck until the thighs. Right hand, to press that guy's head over his. "Make me yours, please".
The another, approximating to the boy's ear, whispered "of course, my sweet boy" and pressed the young's bulge. A deep sigh.
The elder then sat in the lap of the young, opening his legs, being face to face. He continued kissing the neck, meanwhile the another pressed the head of the another with his left hand. Right hand was caressing the another's back, reaching until the pants and trying to quit the shirt that was under the pants. When he could do it, he started to caress the warm bare skin under the clothes. He was eager for feel that but with his whole body.
The man also sighed deeply.
Joe closed his eyes and started to supplicate
"Please kiss m-" and was interrupted for his lover, who was now grabbing his face with both hands and kissing deeply. Both tongues where in contact, the young sucked a bit the tongue of the elder.
The clothes started to be an annoyance.
Both quitted the sweater of the another. The old man started to unbutton the shirt of the guy. When he unbuttoned 3 buttons, his left hand started to caress the chest of the redhead. The young could feel the calluses because of being a musician.
The man whispered "it's so soft… like I imagined" and tried to kiss to the another again. But this one said "lemme feel your chest too" watching right to the eyes. "Okay" and made a smirk. Half of the buttons were unbuttoned and when his eyes watched the result, he couldn't resist to bite his lower lip. His breath accelerated a bit more. He sighed. With his right hand could feel that hairy chest, that one that just could imagine touch in his wet dreams. And the left hand was placed in the back side of the elder man's head, passing his hand through the gray hair and kissing deeply, with passion. The another had his left hand over right cheek of the guy and the right hand was ending to unbuttoning that shirt.
Accelerated breathes. When they less can notice, both were shirtless. Both could feel the bare skin of the another, feeling the warm, feeling the breath of the another being faster. Now the redhead can caress without problems the back of his lover, that thing that just lived in his fantasies.
"Sir…"
The another listened with attention. He loved being named of that way in that moment.
"We shouldn't quit our pants… we yet have our shoes".
"Let me do it for you" and he was then sat in the floor, quitting the shoes.
Surprising to Joe, the man started to unzip the pants. Being in his knees, grabbed the genitals through the underwear.
"This is so tight… and hard." John watched to his lover.
"DO IT. DO IT! SUCK IT PLEASE"
"Shhhh Joey, don't shout. We aren't alone." And he quitted his hand of the genitals and he started to quit the shoes and his pants. And didn't leave to the guy cooperate.
"This is your punishment".
The young stood up of the couch and murmured to the right ear of John "gotcha". And he pushed to the another to the next free wall.
"I can play that game too, sir" whispered.
And he started to kiss him and grab the bulge with his right hand. The boxers were white, that didn't left nothing to the imagination.
Watching to john's eyes, Joe said "now I can confirm the myth". Both smiled.
Moments later, he asked "Quit my pants Sir and do what you wanted to do to me before in the couch. I can't handle it anymore"
He was pushed to the wall and now the another was in his knees, quitting not only the pants, but also the boxers.
The young watched the scene, trying to not cum before his dick were sucked.
Being naked now, he saw how his dick was sucked slowly and his balls being squeezed for one of that hands.
"Do it quickly please or fuck me… you're as hard as me. This isn't funny"
The another didn't replied. His mouth was occupied.
Five minutes later he left to suck that dick and, stood up and said "wait there" and he came back with a little bottle of lube.
"How you hav-"
"Was a bottle that I never could use with my wife. So, ended here."
"Turn around please, give me that little young ass"
"But your b-"
"I'll quit myself… now. Okei. Both naked. Now, relax."
He inserted the index finger from his right hand. The young moaned hard. "Don't misfire! Don't misfire!" Joe thought trying to control himself.
"Shhhhhhh we're doing this in secret"
"Okay sir"
"Do you want another finger?"
"Please".
And he inserted the middle finger too. That hole was so tight.
"Well Joey, I quitted your anal virginity" he whispered in the left ear of the redhead and started to move faster his fingers
"Liar?" Joe asked.
"Yeah"
"That's my fave bassline of yours… your face, your body language, your fingers always made me cum…"
"I could make you cum with my fingers… but I want to fuck you now…" John quitted the fingers of the hole and asked to his lover "now go to the couch and put like a dog"
John covered his dick with lube and was to Joe.
He grabbed that hips with his hands and start to fuck to the boy. Both moaned, but not too high. The man started to move faster and faster, grabbing stronger Joe's hips … He didn't wanted to say it to Joe, but he was more eager for cum than Joe.
"I already cum"
"Me too"
And both cummed.
Trying to recover their breath, they cuddled.
"Was great John, better than in my dreams. But next time, in a bed please"
"Ronnie it's always around here...well… Sunday morning, not. She was to the Church with the kids. Next Sunday will be in my bed and you can moan as high as you want."
"Ooooh great. But now we should put our clothes and do whatever we supposed to do here".
"Yeah, but not now. I want to rest a littl-"
Ronnie knocked the door.
"John, Joe, are you okay?" she screamed.
"Yeah sweetie, we were already done for today".
"Okay boys!" And she was going to the kitchen.
Watching to Joe, John said "that's why I said that you couldn't moan high…" and added "tomorrow, same hour. But the next time, I'll start to teach you bass. She had a really good idea…"
"So good that also can let us to have our own time alone" finished Joe, winking an eye.
An affair started that afternoon. Something that both wanted. Something that both needed.
**************
If you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3
Lily.
#painandpleasure86 fics#john deacon#joe mazzello#deazzelloweek2020#deazzello week 2020#deazzello fic#deazzello#queen fics#queen fic#borhap boys#veronica tetzlaff#laura deacon
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Buffy Summers’s Diary (III)
[insert Dawn’s lament here]
My silly little thing has gotten a bit less sillier in this part. Carry on.
1 Lyft carpool with Anya
3 missing pens
1 maybe date
7 outfit options, all terrible
100 years of rain
When I was little and it rained, my mom would bring me to the living room and watch the rain splash against our bay windows. Sometimes she would get out her box of cassettes and we’d listen to “It Never Rains in Southern California.” Of course, I would point out that the singer was wrong, because what was happening outside then?
She would just laugh, and shake her head. ‘Baby, it’s not that it doesn’t rain, it’s the feeling that LA is always sunny even when it rains.’
I didn’t understand back then.
Watching the sun stream into the street and shine on perfect rectangles of manicured lawns while I peeked through blinds – I understood a little better. LA carries on even when darkness surrounds you, is in you.
Anyway, it rained today, a deluge even. Kendra arranged for Lyft carpools for the employees and I shared mine with Anya. She lives only twenty minutes away from my apartment, but she drives while I take the bus. I like Anya, but it’s impossible to make small talk with her. She doesn’t understand the concept and launches into whatever she’s thinking with no segues whatsoever. I need a mental crash helmet whenever I talk to her.
She asked me if I used her gift certificate – ‘It expires soon, Buffy. There’s a special sale going on this weekend, I really think you would find some helpful aids there.’
Before I can even respond, she’s off talking about the new vibrator line that’s come in, and the importance of using essential oils in the bedroom.
The backseat of a car never collapses into a black hole when you want it to.
She managed to ask a question about Xander among all the updates from the Magic Box and I guess my expression tipped her off. Her mouth thinned out and she crossed her arms across her chest.
‘What? I can’t ask about Xander?’
I’m just surprised that she wants to. Their romance was pretty volatile at the end.
‘No, you can. He’s fine – sent me a postcard from Cape Town. He seems happy.’
She slumped a little. ‘Oh. That’s nice.’
I’m going to regret this – like in five minutes, I’m sure of it – but I ask her anyway.
‘How are you doing?’
‘I’m fine. I’m the one who broke it off. I’m very happy, I’m busy, my jobs are going great, I found a decent hairstylist in this town – I’m fantastic,’ she babbled.
She straightened up again and looked out the window.
‘I’m happy that he’s happy,’ she said. ‘We’re almost there.’
The driver pulled up to our building five minutes later. He smirked at us as we got out.
Anya works in a different part of the building than I do and our goodbyes were awkward as I got out of the elevator. ‘Remember the sale, Buffy,’ she said as the doors slid shut.
I’m just not in the mood for that kind of self-care.
There is an office supply thief on this floor and they are stealing my purple pens. I had four and now I have one. This is ridiculous, we are all adults and surely we can use the office supply cabinet instead of just lifting pens from other people’s desks like thieves in the night.
Why would they even take my pens? Everyone in the office knows I use purple to revise my notes – I know everything is digital but there’s something comforting about the way a pen can glide over the paper. I like the weight of the pen against my palm and it seems more permanent than a blinking cursor on a screen.
I moved a PR box and found my pens wedged underneath my monitor stand.
Good thing I didn’t write that email to HR complaining about pen theft and being known as the most uptight person on this floor.
I need a cup of coffee but I’m going to make tea instead.
William is lounging in the break room when I come in. He has a rapt audience, the temps and Harmony are there, hanging onto his every word.
I roll my eyes and head for the tea station. Just because a man has good bone structure, an accent, and a leather jacket doesn’t mean he’s the most interesting person in the room.
Okay, maybe in the top five.
I sit at the lone unoccupied table and hear snatches of the conversation. William is doing research for his next novel. He reached out to several publications and my CEO accepted his request along with the offer of a guest column in the magazine. He’s going to be writing about his travels and whatever else interests him.
It sounds like a dream assignment but I remember my blog is important too. Kendra told me not to read the comments though.
One by one the admirers flutter out of the break room as editors appear in the doorway, meaningfully clearing their throats. I’m still sipping my tea when William walks over to me and sits down.
‘So, Summers. I have a gift for you.’
‘Yeah?’ I say, playing it cool. I am a cool glacial woman of substance.
‘I do,’ he smiles and then reaches into his messenger bag. ‘Freshly autographed.’
He slides Saturday and The Chosen across the table to me. His fingers skim the covers carefully as if he’s touching something precious.
Saturday’s cover shows a picture of a black woman, her gaze defiant and steely. The Chosen has a more generic cover, its title picked out in shades of gold and bronze.
‘Thanks,’ I say as I turn The Chosen over and read the blurb on its dust jacket. ‘Oh. Fantasy’s never really been my thing.’
Except for the period Dawn and I would read Harry Potter to each other under the covers with a flashlight, but he doesn’t need to know that.
He lifts one eyebrow and I notice the thin white scar cutting it into two imperfect halves. ‘Try it, you never know. Or maybe Saturday is more your type.’
‘This the one with your lone female character?’ I lean back and gaze at him over my cup.
He laughs and rubs his chest. ‘Ouch. But fair – I’m going to be writing more female leads in my novels. Nikki won’t be the last.’
‘That’s her name?’ I nod at Saturday’s cover.
‘Yeah. Nikki Danger.’
I choke on my tea. ‘Her name is Nikki Danger? Are you writing the next Bond novel?’
His smile has a hint of teeth. ‘Says the girl named Buffy Summers.’
‘My mom gave me that name, and it’s after a famous singer, you Philistine.’
I heard Will use that once, during debate class in high school. It sounded cool then even though I didn’t know exactly what it meant.
‘I know. And love, I’m in the arts, not exactly a Philistine. Do you want to borrow a dictionary for next time?’
This asshole.
Then I realize what he said. ‘What do you mean next time?’
Full on smile, and is that dimple? ‘How about dinner after work – does tonight sound good?’
He stands up and leaves before I can complete my thought.
I open Saturday. He’s scrawled his phone number on the front page.
So it’s not a date. It’s a friendly dinner. I’ve done that before. It’ll be like riding a bike.
I have an uncomfortable vision of William riding a motorcycle and I decide that I need some advice.
Willow’s answering machine picks up when I call, so I just tell her I’m looking forward to our weekend brunch.
Andrew screeches when I call him. Literally, I had to hold my phone away from my ears.
‘You’re going on a date with the Spike Pratt?’
‘It’s just dinner,’ I say, fumbling for my apartment keys. ‘I’m going to meet him at some bistro after work.’
‘Are you going home to change?’ Andrew demands.
‘Well, of course.’
‘Then it’s a date,’ Andrew says triumphantly. ‘If you didn’t care, you’d just wear your work clothes.’
‘My hair got wet this morning and it’s sort of frizzy,’ I say. ‘It’s not that big of a deal. And his name is William.’
‘Eh, Spike sounds sexier,’ Andrew says. ‘William sounds like an accountant.’
‘It’s a maybe date,’ I say. ‘I don’t know. I made fun of him this morning, maybe he’s just returning the favor.’
Andrew sighs.
‘Girl, how long has it been since you’ve been on a date?’
‘Not that long,’ I scan my desk to make sure I haven’t left anything important behind. ‘There was Owen and Parker…’ I trail off.
‘Ew, ew and ew,’ Andrew says dismissively. ‘A poet and a day trader? Buffy, Parker was gross, and Owen writes gay erotica on the internet. He hasn’t written a poem since leaving college.’
‘You’ve read some of it,’ I say. ‘And you’ve dated some highly questionable people yourself.’
‘Yes, both the poems and the erotica were terrible. And you can’t hold Warren over my head all the time.’
‘I’m sorry. That wasn’t cool of me. But he really was the worst.’
‘He really was,’ Andrew agrees. ‘Just go on the date. You never know until you try, right? You told me that once.’
‘Okay. Maybe it won’t be completely terrible.’
It was completely terrible.
All of my clothes weren’t right. I have exactly three types of clothes – athleisure, work clothes, and clothes that are too big for me. I haven’t had the chance to donate them yet or buy clothes that fit properly.
It took me seven tries until I settled on something that wasn’t too much or too little for a casual dinner with a handsome man.
Okay, I admit it. He’s a good looking man.
I called him on the way to the bistro. He didn’t answer until the third ring. He sounded strange as if he forgot that he asked me out to dinner in the first place.
‘I’m glad you called actually – I was about to call. I’m sorry, Buffy. Something came up and I can’t make it to dinner after all. Can I have a raincheck?’
‘What?’
‘You have every right to be angry at me, but I just can’t get out of this commitment. I’ll call you, love. All right?’
The dial tone rings in my ear.
I ended up getting takeout from the bistro – it seemed stupid to go all the way there and not get dinner. The ride back to my apartment gave me time to sort out what exactly I was feeling.
It was a tornado of emotions. First, sheer relief. Then, a flush of anger prickling against my skin. Who does he think he is, I muttered to myself. Then seething resentment followed by an aching emptiness. He must have googled me.
I don’t do that anymore. The last time I checked for myself was right when I got out of the clinic. All the headlines were some variations of ‘Fallen Olympian completes rehab’ or ‘Buffy Summers – where is she now?’
Even the Sunnydale Post had something about me and I only trained there for three summers. ‘Ex-Olympic Gold Medalist in Recovery for Eating Disorder.’
Simple and to the point – though skipping all the reasons why I got there. The byline was a familiar name – Freddie Iverson. He was one of the first people to interview me when I won my medal.
‘How does it feel being a champion?’
It feels wonderful. It feels like flying and your feet don’t touch the ground. It feels like nothing can hurt you.
How does it feel to be washed up at nineteen?
Ten years later and I’m still trying to answer that question.
It starts raining as I clean up the rest of the takeout. I made myself eat every last bite.
It never rains in California, but girl, don't they warn ya?
It pours, man, it pours
the lyrics are from “It Never Rains in Southern California” by Albert Hammond
and I’m working from the fancanon (in exalted circles) that Buffy is named after Buffy Sainte Marie who would have been very popular during Joyce’s time because you just know Joyce was a hippie.
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#buffy the vampire slayer#buffy summers#buffy summers's diary#btvs#buffy fic#tho there's a bit of William in this part#this doesn't really qualify as buffy/spike fic#because jazz hands it's an all human AU#and it's not meant to be a shippy fic either#so goodbye 95% of the audience#my fic
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Twist of Fate - Chapter 5
Chapter 5 is here! Sorry that it took so long! In case you forgot the previous few parts here’s the link to my A03 format of this and the very first one on here!
A03
Part 1
Jughead still couldn’t quite grasp the idea of conducting the interview normally. He usually scrutinizes his possible employees to see how well they crack under pressure. He didn’t want to do this with Betty, he already knew she was an amazing writer from all of the old Riverdale articles written about her. He did do his research before letting her live in his home, only a fool wouldn’t.
“So, Miss Cooper, what made you interested in applying for this job?” Jughead read the first question, clearing his throat slightly and leaning back into his chair with ease. Betty’s warm smile remained etched across her features. Opening the seemingly full binder she had brought in with her, she started to speak.
“I’ve had a passion for writing and journalism since I could remember. My parents own their own newspaper back in my home town. It was called The Register. Most summers I would intern there, learning the craft some might say. In between that I worked at a local diner and kept my grades up. Speaking of grades, here’s my GPA, grade sheet and certificates to prove that I didn’t just print off a random sheet.” Betty spoke fluidly and confidently, shocking Jughead in the process at how professional she really could be. “I also have some of my previous journalistic work in case that was needed.” I guess that explains why her binder is so full.
“Miss Cooper, I have to say I’m quite impressed. Speaking from a professional viewpoint, it looks like you have incredible potential. A few more questions and then I’ll be out of your hair. May we proceed?” Jughead swiftly grabbed the pile of papers Betty had slid across the desk, flicking through them promptly. “What would you say are the best features you can apply to a workplace?”
The interview continued like that for another 10 minutes before both roommates stood up and shook hands firmly. Betty had thought the interview had gone well, considering it was her roommate who was living a secret double life as a multimillionaire. Jughead too, thought it had gone well. He really wanted to hire Betty as one of his editors. It was a big job role that she hadn’t signed up for; she came to work as a basic journalist.
“Miss Cooper, I don’t want to step out of line here. But we have another job role available and I personally think it would fit your abilities a lot better.” Jughead paused briefly to examine Betty’s face. She looked happy but something in her features grimaced. “It’s not because you’re my roommate either. I would just like you to apply for the editor in chief position instead of just a reporter. You still get to write your own pieces.” Jughead rushed out. Betty instantly lit up.
“Of course sir, I’ll look forward to that call back.” Betty gathered the rest of his things and walked towards the door. Just as she opened the door she span around. “By the way, as Betty, what did you want for dinner tonight? I was thinking spaghetti Bolognese but I didn’t know if you liked it?” She said hopefully. Jughead smiled as he sat back in his seat.
“I like Bolognese a lot, Betty. I get off work at half 4, we can talk more then. I’m sure there’s a lot you’re confused about.” He spoke slowly, making sure to keep eye contact with her the entire time. Betty’s cheeks were flaming, it’s not every day your hot roommate/possible boss/best friend’s brother stares into your eyes for more than 3 seconds. Betty swiftly nodded and made her way out of the door.
“See you later Holden Caulfield.” Betty teased, shutting the door before he could respond. Little to her knowledge, those words made Jughead sit back in his chair and smile like an idiot. This mere interaction threw his mind off of schedule for the rest of the day. He reached over and pressed the microphone button to contact his assistant.
“Hey Lydia, yeah, could you cancel all of the editor interview please? I think we’ve found our girl.” He smiled yet again, dreaming that the next few hours would pass by in a blur. He doesn’t know why, but being with Betty is so easy. Even if he’s known her for less than a week, he feels like he’s known her forever. He practically has, Veronica blabbed nonstop about her ‘internet bestie’ being the walking example of perfection. Jughead couldn’t agree more.
Later on, sat at the table over steaming plates of Bolognese and mugs of hot tea, the pair sat in a comfortable silence. Jughead wanted to explain everything to Betty. The least she deserved was a bit of intel, but his mouth couldn’t form the right words. This is the first time he’s wanted to pour his heart out to someone. The damaged loner strikes back. Betty seemed to sense exactly what he was thinking.
“My parents were overbearing. My mother only cared to make me perfect and my father was a liar. My sister got knocked up and ran off with her ginger devil of a boyfriend when she was 17. After she left she never bothered to get a hold of me whilst my parents worked harder to ‘fix’ me. The only friend I had was Kevin, my gay best friend. My whole high school life I was bullied for being Polly’s sister and for being Elizabeth Cooper in general.” Betty said in one breath, not looking phased at all as she chewed on another bite of her dinner. Jughead’s eyes were wide with disbelief at her outburst. “We all have secrets we want to hide Juggie, but the sooner you say them out loud the sooner they’ll stop weighing you down.” Betty spoke, taking a long sip of her tea afterwards.
“My dad was an alcoholic and my mother was a selfish bitch. My baby sister was the only sweet thing in my world. My entire childhood consists of me holding my sister close whilst my parents fought nonstop. We both got put into the social system and separated. 6 years later I ran away from my 3rd foster home and went back to Greendale. There I saw my parents with my little sister looking happier than ever and my dad was sober. Hiram Lodge saved my life; he took me in when I had nothing. I was a malnourished kid freezing in the streets and he took me in like I was his own son. They cared for me. So, I got a name change and became a Lodge. Ronnie and I hit it off instantly. She might as well be my blood.” Jughead scrambled for a while, trying to find the right words to portray his story correctly. He avoided Betty’s gaze, scared senseless at how she would react.
“Juggie.” Betty cracked out, her voice wracked with emotion. He looked up shamefully to meet her warm and welcoming eyes. They were filled with tears, some escaping down the porcelain skin of her face. Her hands reached out to cup his face, bringing his head higher up. “You are so brave. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” Betty sternly spoke, the emotion still clear in her voice. Jughead wanted to believe her, but he was nothing. Before he could respond Betty got up from her seat and walked to him, wrapping her arms around him. She pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back reassuringly. Only then did Jughead start sobbing. He’s not a usual crier but when he does have the odd occasion, it’s a sob.
They stayed like that for a while, finding comfort in holding each other close. They could’ve stayed in that moment forever if not for the front door bursting wide open. The culprit was, of course, Veronica Lodge. This time, sporting a plaid red mini skirt, a regular black top, her pearls and cute heels that were probably worth more than a month’s rent.
“Hola, tis I, V Lodge.” She strutted into the kitchen, wavering slightly as she noticed Jughead and Betty’s teared up expressions. Archie followed her in suit, sporting a regular red shirt and black skinny jeans. “Wait what happened? Are you okay?” Ronnie rushed over, pulling her brother and her best friend into a bone crushing hug. Betty chuckled slightly, pulling back so she could speak to the raven haired girl in question.
“I told her everything.” Jughead mumbled. Veronica nodded lightly, pulling him in a little harder. She knew nothing more needed to be said tonight. As chairman of the fun committee, she deemed herself responsible for making sure tonight would be the funniest night of their boring lives.
It started off by getting into their comfiest pajamas and playing Just Dance on the Xbox. That, obviously, ended with Jughead falling gracefully onto the floor and Betty beating him by almost 2000 points. Veronica was the champion by the end, Jughead coming last. Betty wasn’t too caught up over being 2nd, she knew she would be Sing Star. Which she did, followed by Jughead coming last, yet again. His excuse was one he couldn’t say aloud, but he was so blown away by her angelic voice. He was entranced. Veronica noticed this and added it to the list of things she needed to ambush him about.
“Aha! Something I’m finally in the lead for. Have fun in the clutter zone you low budget Lewis Hamilton.” Jughead boasted, clearly winning at Mario Cart. The only talent he’s shown to possess so far is button smashing. Even if he had failed miserably at everything, he had an amazing night. Betty being there made it 100x better than any of the other game nights the 3 had before. She made everything better. At around 10pm Archie and Veronica had left for their apartment whilst Betty and Jughead cleared up the remaining dishes and stray pillows.
“Tonight was really fun Juggie. I’m glad I met you guys.” Betty spoke warmly to Jughead, leaning against the sink and watching him put the leftover food in the fridge. He turned around and smiled a genuine smile at her. The raven haired boy closed the fridge door and walked over to Betty, pulling her into a soft hug. Betty accepted with open arms, resting her head in the nape of his neck. Something about this felt right, they both felt it. The spark igniting in their hearts. Neither of them acted on it that night. Instead, they went to their respective beds and laid their heads. Both were dreaming of the endless possibilities in their future together, not knowing how true those thoughts would become.
#bughead#bughead fanfiction#bughead fanfic#jetty#betty and jughead#betty cooper#jughead jones#bughead au#riverdale#riverdale fanfiction#riverdale fanfic
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Superstition
Hey guys, it’s been over a year since I’ve written anything but I was feeling inspired... here’s some random camren for y’all, not really sure what the plot is... very small smut section. Love you!
It was my first time leaving baby Sofi at home alone, and I was doing it for three weeks. Sure, Sofi might be able to take care of herself, and also I really wanted to go on this study abroad trip, but still, I was nervous beyond words. Sofi had come along with me to the airport, like the good sister she was, and then it was time to say goodbye. She kissed my cheeks twice and then left me a phrase that was currently taunting me. “Remember, you need three kisses to stop a plane crash.”
Three kisses to stop a plane crash, is what Mamá had left us with at the airport back in Cuba when she kissed each of our cheeks three times before leaving us to fend for our own. Three kisses. Two of which Sofi had left me with. Two. Not three. So where the hell was I supposed to find the third one, Damn It! Mom had left us each with three- why couldn’t Sofi have done the same. Idiot sister. And no, it was not an option to just forget about that last kiss. I was superstitious, I’ll admit, and given all the bad experiences I’d had, I didn’t want to risk anything. I guess that might be why I was in my best clothes that I owned; a baby blue, collared Calvin Klein blouse tucked into a crisp black skirt that stopped just above my kneecaps. Under that I was wearing stockings, with my not so long legs extended by a pair of black stilettos.
Now finding people to kiss wasn’t so much of a problem. There were thousands in the airport at midday, many who were about my age and excited to go on vacations. And I wasn’t the most concerned about getting rejected. On the surface, I probably appeared to most people as a fairly attractive latina girl. I had some chocolate colored eyes, plump lips, and long brown hair that was flowing in waves down my back. I wouldn’t hesitate to say that I’m fairly well endowed in the butt section either- must have been all those years of cuban dances. No, the problem was all in the asking.
See, I’m definitely gay, but I knew that my chances of finding another gaybie in a Houston airport were very low, maybe even impossible, and even if there was another one, who’s to say they’d be willing? My eyes landed on a girl in leggings and a hoodie munching on some doritos with a bottle of sprite in her hand. Perfect. She had her long brown hair pulled into a ponytail, light shiny eyes covered with reading glasses, with an ass to match mine. Beautiful. I walked up to her before I could stop myself.
“Hi there, can I sit here?”
She looked up at me and put down her book. “Uh sure, no problem. I can go if you need?”
“No! Stay! I- I mean please, I would love if you kept me company! My name is Camila.”
And she smiled. Her smile was easy, wide, and her teeth sparkled in the light. “I’m Lauren,” she said, reaching across the table to shake my hand. But I was in need of a kiss so I figured, better start off with lots of touchy feely contact! I caught her by surprise with a hug and two kisses to the cheek.
“Nice to meet you from my country- Cuba,” I pulled back, gauging her reaction.
Her eyes twinkled- I swear! “Nice to meet you from my country Cuba also,” she smirked. She didn’t seem too shocked by my actions, so I thought I would step it up. Wait but… I already kissed her right? Or no… she had to kiss me. That was it. And how could I break it to her.
“Thank you, Lauren, I think you’re really cute,” I flirted. If she didn’t like that, she wasn’t interested. I was good at picking out gay girls, and fairly sure I’d found one.
Yep, I had. She was blushing hard. I only needed to know her for today, so may as well get to it, I supposed. “So Lauren, this is a pretty crazy request, I know, but I have to admit something to you. I’m in need of a favor.”
“Well tell me what it is and I’ll see what I can do.”
“I um… Well- when I was little, my mom taught me a superstitious good luck type of thingy… It’s not- It’s just…” I paused. “I- She said that to have a safe flight, I must get three kisses, and I realized that I forgot to ask my sister for a third when she dropped me off… Would you- I mean- I… If you’re interested, I was hoping you might be possibly willing to kiss me- but it’s totally fine if you don’t want to. Your choice, I swear!”
She laughed. Her laugh was so sweet, so soft, so- shoot stop day dreaming here idiot! “Sure thing Camz,” she teased, “where do you want it?”
I was shocked she was asking me, and managed to come out with “Preferably the lips but wherever you’re comfortable?”
So she did. Lauren cupped my chin with a gentle hand, and the pad of her thumb lightly brushed against my cheekbone. My eyes fluttered shut and I leaned forward, feeling her uneven breath on my lower lip. She leaned forward for the final stretch, and she kissed me. Her soft lips pressed against mine, and I could taste the doritos on her tongue as it made its way into my mouth. She pulled away for a breath, and I scrambled around to her side of the booth, invading her space as my arms wrapped around her waist, with hers grabbing my ass, and then we were full on making out. Our tongues classed for dominance, and I let her win as she willingly explored my mouth, making me whimper softly. She pulled away softly, blushing bright red at the attention we’d attracted. Then she packed up her stuff and went on her way. Damn Lauren.
Dreams of making her my girlfriend were destroyed as I blushed at the onlooking crowd and found my way towards the nearest restroom. My superstitions were satisfied, and I could now get on with my trip. I was to be meeting other members of my high school study abroad program headed to Brazil to study the marine biology at the mouth of the amazon river. Apparently they’d discovered the first coral reef in muddy water down south. The program wanted me to wear a bright orange shirt so others could find me, and I did put it on in the bathroom over my blouse, before looking for the gate I was headed towards. Gate 23. All I could think about was how disappointed I was to not get to see that girl again. Honestly, she was my first kiss, and I hoped I wasn’t so bad that she ran off because she could notice!
I found the gate and began to converse with the other kids wearing orange t-shirts. They were from all over the US, and the program leader, Alex, told me we were waiting on one more student and the other program leader, Lauren. My eyes widened at her name. There’s no way I’d just kissed my program leader, was there? No- she hadn’t been wearing an orange shirt like Alex was, and they were required to at all times. But this only made me yearn more for those flower-like lips that I was missing so much.
“Saudade,” I mumbled.
“Huh?” The girl asked to my left.
“Saudade- it’s in portuguese,” I responded. “I’ve been learning for the trip! Saudade is used to describe somebody or something that you really miss.”
“Oh, cool!” She smiled, before looking away.
I heard Alex talking to somebody whose voice sounded familiar, and then I looked to my left. It was her. Shit. My first instinct was to hide, but the same girl on my left looked at me funny so I just sat as still as a statue and hoped she wouldn’t see me. Of course she did. Lauren was going around, introducing herself to everyone when she locked eyes with me. Her eyes widened, and then she looked away, and continued with the introductions. When she got to me, you could tell she was faking it, but I acted just as much and then she went on, barely making eye contact with me. I felt bad, but it’s not as though I’d known that the girl I’d kissed would be my program leader! If I’d known, I never would have kissed her in the first place!
Once we boarded the plane, I found out it was just my luck to be in the window seat next to none other than Lauren. We’d somehow been placed in front of all of the others from our trip, and nobody we knew was around us, so she wanted to talk. I was scared.
“Camila, while it’s not your fault, nor mine, that we ended up kissing, I would like to know why you did not tell me that you’re not 18.”
“Lauren, I am 18. I mean I am 19. It’s just that on my birth certificate, they made a mistake and it says 17. When I moved from Cuba, I wanted to stay close to my sister so when the official guys asked me my age and my sister’s, I said that we were only three years apart, when we’re really five.”
“Okay, but legally, you’re not 18 so I could get in trouble for kissing you!”
“If anyone is concerned about age, I will argue with them until I win that it is the government’s fault I am listed as a minor when I should really be as a 19 year old.”
“You don’t understand though, my whole job and reputation is in jeopardy!”
“Is it really though? Nobody needs to find out!”
“But I think if anybody even finds out that I’m gay, that’d be a big enough problem itself!”
“I won’t let it happen, don’t worry.”
Lauren fell asleep eventually on my shoulder, and the rest of the long flight was spent counting her breaths.
Eventually we made it to our dorms, and I was sharing with two fun girls, Dinah and Normani. They were excited to talk, but even more excited to sleep, and eventually we collapsed into our beds, eager for what tomorrow would be bringing. We were supposed to get Scuba dive certified during this trip, and that might be the one thing I was looking forward to the most.
*******
Throughout the trip, Lauren had been leaving me with lingering touches and glances, and tonight I was going to put an end to it. It was eleven or so and my roomies were fast asleep when I crept out into the hallway, walking to the end where Lauren’s room was. I knocked twice, and smirked when she opened up in only a pair of boxers and a T-shirt. Totally gay. I pushed her into the room and shut the door behind me.
“Camz- you can’t do that!”
“Don’t worry, you’ll love it.”
With that, I pushed her onto her bed, making out with her every step of the way until I had her flat on the bed, shirt riding up and exposing those smooth but hard abs, evidence of her daily workouts. I tore off her shirt and licked my way into her cleavage, where she gasped and writhed for my tongue. Her hands tried to keep up with my movements, but all efforts were lost the minute my tongue met her nipple. I’d never done this before, but I was going along with her noises as my reinforcement, and the more I played with her nipples, the louder she got. Eventually she pulled my hand down into her boxers, and helped me rub her clit. I wasn’t dumb enough not to know how- I guess I was just too slow for what she needed.
Lauren moaned at my hand movements and I pulled her boxers down, daring to venture into very new territory for me. I sniffed out the area, dropping wet kisses everywhere my mouth met. Her thigh. Her navel. Her well trimmed curls. I got to the place of no returns and took one swift lick from the bottom of her core up to her navel. Her taste was sweet and tangy, and I went back for another. Mmmm, I just couldn’t get enough.
Eventually I graduated to licking her clit, something she seemed to appreciate, if her moans had any indication. She gripped my hair in her hands and came in my mouth without a warning and then that was that. She kicked me out.
******
We went on like that, being fuck buddies, for another two weeks before it was time to leave. I’d had incredible experiences diving, but the most I’d taken from my trip was a deep love for Lauren. But it was to no avail. She only cared when it came to sex. Months later, I received an invitation in the mail. On the front it read, Save the date to Our Wedding. It was addressed to me. I double checked. Lauren was getting married to my best friend from the trip, yet after hearing about this, with no mention from either of them, I was furious.
**********
In the end I didn’t go to Lauren’s wedding. I also never kissed another stranger for a fucking superstition. True love cannot exist at first sight, no matter how good a kiss may be.
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