#and this visceral awareness that gives him of being percieved and the idea of never really having the choice to not be noticed
Text
i wish literally anyone else except for me would in depth care about my pathfinder character and would know like. all the lore and be in the sessions BUT i still wanna do it without the Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known
#myposts#like nemja is so coded into my own expieriences of growing up and is kind of a way for me to channel and deal w some stuff#like he is so much based on this expierience of being a young woman with a mental illness and this lack of any authority that comes w that#like. and he is insanely socially akward and shy but in this way where you are never taken seriously#like. the expierience of being a young adult who isnt really comfortable around Adults With Authority#like a driving instructor or your boss or whomever and you just feel akward and uncomfortable having to interact with this person#but who also has no ideal about social cues & is just really Weird but in the way people dont like yk#and whose impulsiveness and thoughlessness and general lacking understanding of consequences#creates horribly akward situations for himself like 24/7#which also includes situations where other people are mad at him afterwards and it kinda feeds into a weird cycle of self-hatred#like while learning and growing up he feels so viscerally on a display case where everyone can watch him fuck up and stumble around 24/7#and he also feels way too old to be going through this process and is horribly embarrassed (hes 22 but doesnt remember 7 years of his life#so hes emotionally kind of like 16-17 but also hes kind of 22 in some aspects so hes kind of embarrassed by how little he knows)#and also in his design he has these huge ass horns that make it impossible for him to ever really disguise himself#and not immediately stand out like a sore thumb everywhere he goes#and this visceral awareness that gives him of being percieved and the idea of never really having the choice to not be noticed#like as a woman growing up with alopecia being in any public place everyone will notice/look at you all the time#like no matter what you do like you can never turn it off and him being a rogue and good at stealth and shit#is kind of like an ironic wish fulfillment because as a kid i really did have this thing#where i thought invisibility would be the best superpower#but like. it's nice to not be seen but it always makes you an observer looking in and not a member of any group#this character is my absolute everything ok?#nemja
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
