#and this is why posts about how we need to be kinder bc white people are 'trying' regarding our names just bother me bc it's like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess · 3 years

Note

Any tips for an aspiring social worker

+Be aware of any of your own trauma. Dont be one of the people who think they can do therapy AND get a degree at the same time. You will burn out, there are hundreds every year. Please dont be the person in lectures who takes yup 45 minutes crying over past trauma every session; you need to seek counselling for that from a professional who can help, not from your newbie classmates.

You may think its an exaggeration, but No. Unfortunately, no.

This ties in to your own biases, what you are likely to take to heart if the person fails, etc. You need to work with your supervisor around clients that may trigger something for you; or reconsider the role you are aiming for, etc.

+Have personal skills, you will be making and repairing relationships often. You can’t be someone who is super introverted and unable to start relationships with the clients; because often you are going to be the one doing the Hard Talks about difficult subjects. It doesnt mean you have to be a drill sargeant, but it means you need to have the confidence to talk with anyone.

If you’re a bit shy, work on talking to people and even looking into little courses. You’re not needing qualifications in public speaking, but you do need to have yourself in a position wherein you can talk to someone, even a whole family, or even lawyers, and police. Via phone, video, face-to-face, etc.

+Have work clothes and home clothes. Also court clothes, if you work in areas that need it.

Wear smart casual, you need to look presentable but not be like, dripping with diamonds and playing ‘rich person ministers to the Poors’. It happens, they get told off.

DO NOT WEAR SKIN TIGHT CLOTHES. Or ripped skinny jeans, or have your cleavage/buttcrack hanging out. Please. Strapless backs and short shorts also no.

Students sometimes turn up in this and it is dangerous. Especially the ladies. Sometimes you work with people who are very dangerous, who will interpret clothing for consent, and/or have incredibly low respect for women. When something happens, they will point to the workplace dresscode and absolve themselves of the situation.

Do not wear dangly earrings, scarves or thick necklaces/anything you do not want taken. And if in a hospital role, there are additional rules about what can and cannot be worn (bare below the elbow rule).

Also, enclosed shoes. IF you are in a service that assists families with dysregulated lives, or in the hospitals, etc, you will have strict policies about footwear for your safety.

+Get the flu shot. Trust me. Do it. You talk to so many people, by the time one catches a cold and you start showing symptoms, you’ve seen like twenty people and they all have families.

+Be used to working to tight deadlines. They are always there, esp in hospital social work where you legit have to account for every minute of the day and patient seen on this awful little system.

We are understaffed in most areas, and you will need to work hard.

BUT, self-care is imperative. Even if it is only making sure you leave before 9pm each night lmao.

+Be able to let insults go. You are going to be dealing with people often in the worst part of their life, be it mental health, in the justice system, having their kids removed, being disabled and persistently denied assistance, having significant alcohol/drug concerns, people who have experience extreme sexual harms or domestic violence, people who are being stalked, people in crisis etc.

At some point someone will call you some horrific things, or threaten you, or make nasty comments about you, etc. They may try to make constant complaints, etc. And as frustrating as that is, you have to understand their frustration and anger and fear.

You do not have to sit there and listen to them swear at you, that’s not what this means. It means that when someone is heightened and calling you a cunt, or something more inventive, you don’t give them the reaction they want; you can acknolwedge that they are upset/etc, or give them space by ending the call/leaving the room.

Think about when something happened for you and it was the Worst and you swore or threatened, etc. When you are calm, it seemed ridiculous, didn’t it? But that was you processing big, complicated feelings in the only way that felt right at the time. Same for them.

+You need to be aware that some clients have done or experienced terrible things, but you need to be open to the individual within the trauma. For example, someone may not be showing their emotional distress or pain or grief etc in the way you think they should, so you might discount it. When, someone who has gotten to know the client is aware that they tend to do ____ behaviour when they are having flashbacks, which is not a behaviour normally associated with the trauma.

Also, biases again. Just because someone is on drugs and denying to you that they have a problem, does not mean some part of them isn’t aware they do have one. Relapses are common. Soemtimes it is about discussing what was happening for them this week that made them use again, what they could try next time, if they are using their support networks. And never putting them in the Hopeless box.

If you are really struggling with a client, lean on your team, talk to your supervisor and see what else can be done or if there is another social worker with more experience who can be involved even for a short-term intervention.

+Don’t throw jargon and insider terms around when talking to clients, it’s rude. Explain things, use pauses so they can think.

+Look into the primary populations of your area/the area you intend to work in. Are there a high level of Indigenous persons? Refugees? People whose first language isn’t english and may need extra help with engagment?

What are your immediate thoughts (learned stigmata/stereotypes) about these peoples? How can you learn more?

In Aus, we work closely with Indigenous communities and agencies around social work matters. Making sure everyone is supported, heard, and can understand the concerns being raised/what is needed to help the client move forwards. There are many people out there who see this as ‘coddling’ or ‘unfair to non-Indigenous people’; but it is simply making certain that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are on the same footing as any non-Indigenous client.

And that cultural options are put on the table, such as having a family member step up to take in a child whilst the parent is not well; or trying a community-focused approach to helping with a drug concern, and using the right agencies so that they have appropriate supports.

Would it be fair to have a non-english speaking client in a courtroom without an interpreter? Why? Would you claim that they should know english and the entire legal system bc they were in your country? Of course not, that’s absurd. But some people think that way.

Would it be fair to ask someone in a wheelchair to file a form on the top floor of a building with no elevators, by 5pm, or lose their home? Why? Would you think they are complaining or ‘lying’ if they were able to mobilise a few steps without the chair, on a good day? That they were being ‘lazy’ and ‘deserved’ to lose their housing? Of course not, that’s absurd. But some people think that way.

When the military put men into service in the wars, they made anyone who could pass an english test an officer and the rest priovates who would die first in battle. Was this fair? Why not? Because it ensured the rich white dudes with private tutors got the best spots (totally unqualified) while the poor, poc and refugees were used as cannon fodder. Many could have been good officers if the test was about competence, but it wasn’t. Some people feel this was fair.

There are still people who think they ‘did the right thing’ whilst participating in the Stolen Generations; but then, they also thought taking babies from single mothers was appropriate too. That women couldn’t vote or be trusted with money, that is was ‘kinder’ to take a stillborn away and dispose of it without the mother ever seeing... rather than let her hold them, and say goodbye the way she needed to. Not to mention the english children shipped over to Aus to be used as little slaves and cruelly abused by Priests and Nuns and ‘upright christian citizens’. Not to mention lobotomies for when people were too emotional/refusing to play the game. Forcing hormone treatments on men and women to stop their homosexuality or sexually abusing them to ‘fix them’. Not to mention all the Twilight births nonsense where they tried to remove the pregnant person from the equation entirely, and it kept causing post partum depression. Not to mention... Not to Mention... NOT TO MENTION...

We have a lot of broken little old men and women and nonbinary (who do or don’t realise it) now, because of these “helpful interventions”.

You need to be aware of the harm that has been done, and aware of your own practice, so this damage can’t happen again and again.

Understand that your perspective and the worries/concerns you hold are often different to those of the client, because you are individuals who grew up in very different ways.

And remember, being a rich white person in a high paying job with good social standing doesn’t mean you can’t be charged for drug possession or have child safety knock on your door about the bruises you leave. Never think people are Above being awful, and never Assume people are because they are poor, a different colour, have not had your advantages, or have a disability/poor mh or addiction.

Clients are people, like you. Never think that you are above needing help too, one day. We all do, humans are built to rely on the group, on the social bonds we make from the minute we are born.

+Do you overreact to things? Sometimes a client will tell you about something that happened years ago, but they may phrase it like it happened yesterday (because of how it has returned to their mind, etc), and if you were to overreact to that immediately it can break the relationship/cause harm. You could say, “I can hear that this is very distressing for you, thank you for telling me about this difficult event in your life. Would it be alright if I asked you a follow-up question about when this occurred?” Sometimes a client will disclose things to you, and the goal is to remain in the conversation. They do a lot of this preparation at university, but you also need to have a personal ability to not panic off the bat.

+Ask yourself, is there anyone I would refuse to work with... and then examine Why. How would you react if a person like that came onto your caseload?

+Do not become overly emotionally invested in a client. It will be said in training over and over again, but you need to have clear boundaries; and being too invested in their success can hinder your ability to provide appropriate assessments for the client. Meaning they are not getting the care they need; which can sometimes be a harsh conversation about how you can see they are trying, but have backslid recently, so what is happening?

+Look at any internal biases and prejudices you may have. Did you have extreme mental health concerns that may make you feel more sympathetic to a parent or client, and this could blind you to the other concerns present? Didyou grow up rich and now have unrealistic expectations of what is necessary to be a good person? Do you think that all ‘those people’ should ______ ? Why? Question yourself. If you find yourself stereotyping or pigeonholing someone as ‘just another ____ trying to _____’ stop. Think about it. Where did you get that idea?

+Be aware of professional boundaries, do not be friends with the clients, but don’t be cold. Always let your bosses know about potential conflicts of interest to protect you.

Like, don’t loan the client $5, don’t hang out at the cinema because they’re ‘a great person’, etc.

And be aware that you have more power in this dynamic, so you have to be careful not to abuse it.

+You need to be good at record keeping, and honest. Everything you do is documents, referrals, reports, affidavits, forms, and a million little notes for this and that. It is imperative you are accurate, use the format required, and be honest. If you saying “Have you tried not taking drugs?” to a client sends them into a rage, you don’t write “Client was heightened and threatened me without reason at today’s session” in the notes. That’s putting a knife in their back.

”Client was triggered when I, the practitioner, made an inappropriate remark (”Have you tried not taking drugs?”) today. They told me I am a “fucking whore who should kill myself” and threw their chair across the room before leaving the building. I have discussed this matter with my supervisor, and we are going to call Client at 3pm today, to provide a formal apology for this statment and attempt to repair the professional working relationship, as they have been making significant progress with this agency until today’s event.” Whole scenario, tells the real story. You will make mistakes, but it is about being able to accept this and move forwards.

Accurate documentation is a must, may be needed for court.

+You will need to have a good memory. A good way of keeping little notes to unlock the full encounter when you write casenotes and reports.

+Make connections. Every client will need a support system around them, and if you have an inroads with different agencies, it will help them out. For example, if your client has drug concerns, then being aware of the agencies and counsellors in the region broadens their safety net.

Knowing the practitioners gives you someone to ask for professional advice around, say “Good Morning Kim, I know your agency handles Centrelink application often for non-english speaking clients. I have a client who is new to the country and is struggling to complete the financial aid forms, they speak Language. Would I be able to refer them to your agency, or will they need a more specific agency who handle Language -speaking persons?”

You have, in a deidentified way, sought help for a client through a known agency and can now refer them pending the answer. Etc.

+If you are not sure about something, ask your supervisor. They have several years on you, and almost all areas of social work prescribes to one or another Acts (legal requirements) which they are required to have a strong grasp on.

Get to know any legislation in the area you are aiming for. This will help immensely.

+Doing a degree gets you two fieldwork practicals, in different areas. These really help you identify which area you want to go for; your main goal going into a degree may not be the one you settle on. Many people have an idea where they want to work and change their minds after their placements, or really feel connected to a different area, etc.

+Mostly, be certain this is what you want.

Have your own support network.

Be aware that you must uphold confidentiality, at all times. No posting to social media people, please...

Be aware that in small communities you are likely shopping at the same place as clients. Ask them how they want you to react when you see each other in public (eg. please don’t acknowledge me, or happy to give a wave) so they feel comfortable.

Don’t disclose personal information to a client. There’s a difference between “Yes, I can see that you are having trouble with baby; I recall they get quite fussy at teething time, have you tried a cold biting ring?” and “My son, Chadley, is eight but when he was two he used to just keep biting the furniture and his poor teacher, Mrs Allyways! At least he’s grown out of it now, but I just know Bailey’s going into that phase soon, the dangers of having kids a few years apart!”

I know who your child had as a teacher, and now the school as well, esp if its a small town. I know you have two children, their names, and your last name so I could go get them from school if I wanted to. I know you work until 5pm, and someone could pick them up.

Etc.

Mostly, be a decent human being who does their best and doesn’t walk in thinking they’re better than everyone, and you can do okay. Have a good support network, use them, and seek help if you struggle.

Uni is drawn out and a bit boring, but you will get a lot from it (even if you only see it in hindsight).

#dunno #kind of on the spot there for this one #Anonymous #also if you were the fucking nightmare bully bitch at school who is now thinking they're a caregiver type who should be a nurse or social w #the answer is NO

14 notes · View notes

hopeandharmonizing · 4 years

Text

RP Plotting Sheet : Briar Rieka

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

tagged by: stole it from an old blog

Mun name: Rachel or Teceraca OOC Contact: Start with tumblr IMs. I have discord as well. Talk in the tags.

Who the heck is my muse anyway:

Creeping up on middle-age, part-time Happy Huntress, part-time musical performer, wolf faunus lady who occasionally plays with gender presentation, mostly on stage. She has a painful past, but it only hardened her into a stronger, kinder self who wants to help everyone else to never hurt that badly, or at least not have to shoulder the pain alone. All she wants is to empower people, and yet all she seems to do it make them weaker and intimidated in her presence. Regardless, she continues to try and inspire through words and music, and protect through fists and claws.

Points of interest:

black and white wolf tail, thorny vine tattoos wrapping most of her body, a semblance which cancels out others’ semblances, skilled in Aikido, guitar, keyboard/piano, and vocals. Graduate of Sanctum and Atlas Academies. Her huntress license lapsed after its first expiration date and remained that way for ~10 years until she reinstated at the behest of Robyn Hill. She will love you if you love yourself, and likewise do her best to truly scare the shit out of you if you mistreat others.

What they’ve been up to recently:

In mainverse, she’s living her best life in Mantle city, trying to bring hope to the masses and occasionally going on stake-outs for Robyn Hill or acting as entertainment or security detail for her rallies.

If you want to meet her somewhere in the past, you can find her either just looking to survive, mastering her music, or completing combat training followed by huntress training. then, trying but failing to work effectively as a licensed huntress, and slowly feeling like she’s lost herself before she finds music again.

Where to find them:

In chronological order:

Morkmani Village Anima forests Argus Sanctum Academy Atlas Academy Mantle city - wherever the work was - performances at nightclubs, bars, street venues, coffee shops, etc - libraries, cafes, anywhere she can sit and work on her stuff - her apartment - supporting other people’s shows! having fun in the crowds. - out shopping, especially to add to/update her wardrobe with cool shit

Current plans:

make the world better! or at least feel like less of an oncoming storm. continue to be a badass? love as many people as she can. from a distance, usually.

Desired interactions:

WHEEZE. A lot of this is similar to the associations bit in my page but here we go.

Robyn recruiting her to join the huntresses, any and all shenanigans that may follow. Fraternizing with fellow huntresses in general, or missions together.

Qrow and/or Clover semblance shenanigans and training. Also her and Clover generally giving each other shit bc it is just So Much to have those two egos in one room.

Bitching at Ironwood about what trust and loyalty REALLY means or maybe just her venting to someone about him, but this requires her getting to know him somehow in the first place, or at least to hear from others what he is like. idk. this muse has meta feelings about micromanagement, I would love to thread them.

Giving Weiss vocal training classes when she was a lil’ girl. and/or catching up in current verse.

Briar getting to meet Blake and absolutely gush about her speech at Menagerie bc she saw it from some scroll recordings.

Basically anything with Jaune. I still have no idea what is going to happen when these two semblances meet each other. I do know hers can basically act like a spiritual resistance weight to help his get stronger. It probably goes both ways. Semblance arm wrestling is what I’m sayin’. But also she just.......... she has a lot of feelings. It’s like a Qrow/Clover thing too where she looks at him and sees everything she could be, but isn’t. She’s too proud. Help her work through this and question herself a little bit so she can come out better for it, and realize they are both different yet who they are supposed to be.

Silver eyes training with Ruby!!!! She doesn’t know anything about them besides what she’d find out from the crew, but she does have plenty of skills and pep talks that can probably help Ruby focus and/or project her power. Briar's semblance color is silver for a reason.

Semblance/aura training with anyone in general. But when I say that I also mean “learning not to rely on your semblance” training. She’s good for that. She may get being a professor for it added to either her history or her future, idk yet.

This also leads into being able to have a discussion with Oscar/Ozpin about a different take that can help her fully realize her semblance abilities. If you’re interested, we can chat mun to mun so I can let you know my ideas and you can decide how your muse wants to guide her through it.

Other OCs idk who what where when why how but that’s exactly the point. the whole verse is our oyster, let’s see what happens. come @ me. let’s let our muses help develop each other.

Offered interactions:

Briar’s actually pretty easy to have interactions with villains? She probably won’t know any better if she runs into them and they aren’t immediately stirring trouble. For better or worse, she’ll give them the benefit of the doubt if they are trying to confide in her about something or just chatting.

Also I haven’t made one yet but she’d be damn good for a villain herself AU.

She will listen to you! She will sing to you!! She wants to make you happy and help you grow, plz come to her with whatever. (Or vice versa! She’s not difficult to get to open up and she will talk with you about her own doubts and demons if u want).

Anyone can watch one of her performances and/or come find her hanging around the venue afterwards. I’ll probably make some opens for this kind of thing.

Are you another performer character??? Duets??? duets.

Faunus mentor!! Music mentor!!

Sanctum or Atlas Academy student days can be a thing. Likewise for her more interspersed street performances during those times.

future volume interactions if you’re comfortable with hcs of what goes down until we find out canon. She can go after Robyn/Qrow in the immediate timeframe, or run into any of the kids in the process. I like to think she joins up with the main cast to head to Vacuo when that happens. Whether to just bring her music along for them and/or to start spreading it to more reaches of the world bc hopefully Atlas/Mantle is under control at some point and in good hands with Robyn and however that leadership shakes out, and damn the whole world needs hope right now, so it is... Time To Dream Even Bigger.

Current open post/s:

here’s the open starter tag!

Anything else?:

I thought there was a shipping section on here but uhhhhhh i’m too much of a wuss to make one myself right now. maybe a bias list in the future. I feel like I should get some general interactions going first.

Tagging: I’m not making anyone commit to this beast. If you want it, take it and most certainly blame me and tag me so I can read it.

#( you just crossed a borderline || ooc )#( can you keep up? is that all you got? || wishlist )#long post

3 notes · View notes

lesbiansastiel · 5 years

Text

still untitled fic chapter 4 (i will eventually have to post somewhere... it’s getting long)

this chapter was a mess originally bc i wrote it in like three minutes and it was nothing but dialogue but i edited it and here it is! title is ironic, reference to this song bc i’ve been reading a moomin book lately. all chapters here x

Chapter 4. Starlight

When they reach the next stop on the route to finding an exit from Sam’s heaven, Cas stops Sam near a tall tree and grabs him by the arm. Sam feels a little twist in his chest.

“We don’t have much time.” Cas says, out of breath. Sam feels relieved and worried at the same time, because hey, at least Cas didn’t bring up the previous memory, but oh no, Cas looks bad. This whole tagging-along-to-heaven -business could be draining Cas’ powers worse than they imagined. And to make matters worse, they had no idea how long they’d been here. Time works very differently in heaven, apparently.

“Are you okay?” Sam asks. Cas lets go of his arm.

“I’m running out of power. We will have to get back soon.” Their eyes look red, like someone’s who’s been crying. They have been running in a forest of some vague memory from Sam’s childhood for a while now. Sam doesn’t recognize the memory, but he has a similar feeling of déjà vu as in some of the others. Sam feels a bit guilty for having such a labyrinth of a heaven. He sighs.

“Let’s just get out of this forest. Any helpful ideas what the exit could look like?” Sam’s words come out harsher than he means. He’s tired too.

Cas shakes his head, beaten, and they keep running. Sam feels like giving up, but fights through it, thinking about how he’s doing this for Cas. This was so important to him, Sam knows perfectly well how important; finding the father who’s disappeared, even if it all turns out to be bullshit. It was a familiar quest for him. They need to at least try their best.

So, they run and run and keep running, even though Cas looks more tired than Sam has ever seen them. They don’t stop running until they come up to a bright light.

“Should we go into the light?” Sam asks, his eyes blinded by the light.

“Sam, wait,” Cas says weakly, his breathing shaky and uneven. Sam’s heart is breaking, seeing Cas like this.

“Yeah?”

“When we go,” Cas begins and turns to look at Sam’s direction, their eyes hurting from the light, too, “I cannot talk to him, he won’t see me. Look for The Garden, and think of his name, and remember that we have to return soon”. Sam nods at Cas and at the same time curses the plan in his mind. But it’s the best plan they have for now, and so he lets the light surround them, and thinks of Joshua and the garden as hard as he can.

In the next instant, they open their eyes inside a big, white, round hall. The glass ceiling is high, like the room was made for giants. Above, there are a million tiny bright lights, but not quite stars, they move too quickly, and new ones turn on as quickly as others turn off. There are tall doors at the sides of the hall, tens of them, maybe more. Sam chooses one, by random, walks up to it, and pulls it. It’s heavy and makes a loud rumbling sound as it opens. Behind it, there is another hall, with the same ceiling, and more doors. Sam backs away and looks at Cas, who is leaning against a wall, looking around as confusedly as Sam.

“I doubt this is a memory of yours?” Cas says and their voice echoes in the huge room.

“Yeah, this is… something else. You don’t recognize it?” Sam is in awe by everything he looks at. He walks up to Cas and offers a hand for them to take as support. Cas holds on to his arm, stands up properly, and they take a few steps to reach the next door.

“I have never been in a place like this before. Maybe it’s your soul’s way of seeing heaven. That would mean we are out of yours,” Cas speaks quietly.

“That’s good right? So how do we fi-” Sam is interrupted by a loud crash from behind them.

He turns to look to where the sound came from. Cas has disappeared from beside him. One door has opened in the direction of the sound, and Sam walks towards it and notices the door has been ripped out from the frame. He walks in to a room that looks empty, but as he gets there, it’s suddenly not a room anymore. It’s an endless jungle-like place, and he’s standing in moss and there are birds singing and chirping in every direction. He’s yelling the name of Joshua, without realizing it, and his voice gets lost in all the noises of the jungle. When he turns around to see where the door was, there is a desk, and a man sitting behind it. A man with huge angel wings that are there and aren’t there at the same time. He is looking at Sam, with a smile on his face.

Sam tries to take a step back, but his feet are stuck on the mossy ground, there are roots slowly climbing upwards, tying his feet to the ground.

“You’ve come a long way. Not a lot of people find me,” Joshua’s face looks kinder than any other angel’s Sam has met so far. His eyes are dark, almost black, and his chin and cheeks are covered in grey bristles. Sam doesn’t notice himself talking before he hears his own voice say:

“But some do.”

Joshua looks at Sam, analyzing his appearance meticulously from head to toe. Sam feels trapped. He looks around the jungle and tries to find Cas with his eyes. He can’t be far, he wouldn’t leave Sam alone.

“Every once a millennium someone gets lost and finds this place. I guide them on their way,” Joshua eventually answers, taking a pen from his desk and placing it behind his ear. Sam considers what to say for a brief while, and ends up taking the straightforward route:

“I’m looking for God.”

Joshua takes the pen from behind his ear and starts tapping the push button to the desk as he answers:

“Aren’t they all?”

Sam feels strange as Joshua keeps tapping the pen against the desk and staring at him. He feels like this is an office and he’s queueing for a form for the taxes or something.

“Does anyone find... God? Do you know-”

“No, not that I know of. The Father of all creation usually appears by his own will, you see,” Joshua sounds pissed off, but Sam decides to ignore it. His feet are even more stuck to the ground, the roots climbing up on his knees now. Sam feels like he’s taking too much time. And where is Cas? He needs to ask these questions for Cas.

“There has to be a way to reach him? You’ve talked to him, haven’t you? You know how-”

“No. I don’t know anything. I merely take care of his creations, like I’m told,” Joshua’s voice is powerful, it feels like it’s coming right from next to Sam’s ears, thundering by his side.

“Who tells you?” Sam keeps questioning Joshua. It’s starting to feel like an interview. Sam is a crappy journalist, Joshua a bored politician who has nothing wise to say.

“Look, child…” Joshua begins and stands up and takes a few steps to the side of his desk and places the pen on the desk.

“I’ve been doing this since I was created. I was told, that if anyone comes looking for me, comes looking for our father, I must tell them I don’t know anything and show them to their own path.”

Sam shakes his head slowly. The roots on his legs are getting looser and he lifts one leg and the roots fall off. He takes a step and the other leg is also free. The ground feels more solid than before. He walks towards Joshua and asks, with a quieter voice than before:

“Do you know anyone who knows?”

“No.” The answer is rude and short.

Sam isn’t convinced.

“Why did you let me come here then, if there’s nothing to gain from this?”

Joshua reaches to touch Sam’s shoulder and smiles.

“Stop searching, child. It does not take you anywhere,” he sounds kind, but his voice goes darker as he continues: “And I did not let you come here. I tried to keep you out, but you had someone helping you, didn’t you?”

Joshua lets go of Sam’s shoulder, but Sam feels caught. He looks around, not hiding his worry anymore.

“Where are you, Castiel?” Joshua asks in a roaring voice.

Cas is nowhere to be seen. Sam hopes Cas is okay, that they can still drag both of them out of here, that Joshua won’t hurt them...

“You better call your friend here, right now.” Joshua stands next to his desk, firmly, looking around for Cas. Sam doesn’t reply, he’s hoping Castiel would take it from here, whatever it is that is about to happen.

“I want to have a little chat with your friend,” Joshua says the word friend in a way that makes Sam feel uncomfortable, “I couldn’t keep you out, but I can keep you locked in, until your friend shows up,” Joshua smiles and the roots start climbing up Sam’s legs again.

This time they feel too tight. Sam considers his options: tell Joshua everything he knows and possibly buy time for Cas to get them out of here or hope that Cas knows what he’s doing.

“I don’t know if Cas can show up,” Sam says, eventually. The roots are up to his thighs now.

“Hmm, well. I can see everything that comes to heaven, and I can see that your little helper has been here, with us,” Joshua takes a step towards the trees next to Sam, and looks at Sam, again, investigating his face, “and I can see that Castiel did not want to be seen by me.”

Sam stares at Joshua, who’s not very intimidating with his kind face. Joshua continues with a an almost whisper:

“But I need your friend to know that this little crusade of finding God is useless. So, you better call Castiel, or I will not let you out.”

Sam knows that Joshua is just following orders. And he seems very precise about following them, even more so than any other angel Sam has met. He will follow his orders, Sam has no doubt about it.

“Cas, I...” Sam begins, defeatedly, but before he can say more Castiel is standing beside him. They look more broken down and tired than before. Sam’s heart skips a beat when Cas looks at him with a sad, defeated expression.

“Castiel!” Joshua snaps out and suddenly Sam can see his wings flashing and slashing as Joshua rises up into the air, “There’s our brave little hero. Looking for God, while I’m supposed to be distracted by your human, huh?” Joshua sounds bitter, almost jealous. His expression is sourer than before, as well. Cas is looking up to Joshua, trembling and swaying on the uneven ground.

“It’s not like that,” Cas’ voice is weary and there are visible bruises on his arms, showing from under the trench coat’s rolled up sleeves. The sleeves are just like they are back at the motel, where Cas stuck his hand inside Sam’s chest, to touch his soul. Suddenly Sam realizes that he doesn’t hurt, at all, although this is supposed to hurt, the touching souls-business. Maybe there’s no pain in heaven. Sam keeps thinking about the motel, he is starting to feel close to the real world, like he’s waking up, the dream is fading… If he closes his eyes, he can hear cars pass by the window behind the couch he’s sleeping, or dying, on.

“I need to know if God is out there, Joshua! So that I can stop hoping. Because if God is still alive, he’s left us, and I want nothing to do with him,” Cas implores, their eyes still fixed on Joshua, who’s higher than before, wings flickering in the air.

“Oh, Castiel. What have you become? You’re willing to risk your own life for this insignificant little voyage!” Joshua moves closer to Castiel and closer to ground, into his personal space, and thus, into Sam’s personal space. Then he continues speaking:

“Or did you simply want to take a little peek into this mortal’s heaven?”

Cas looks at Joshua but doesn’t defend himself.

“Does God live, Gardener?” Cas asks instead. The way he spits out the word “gardener” is filled with hate Sam can’t understand.

Joshua blinks and then says slowly, each word with precision: “I, don’t, know.”

Sam wants to help Cas and asks:

“Why are you following the orders if there’s a chance God’s not alive?”

“Why do all angels follow orders, child?” Joshua looks as Sam now, intensely, “Isn’t it obvious! That’s all we’re capable of doing… Like your Castiel. Did you know that his orders are… to break them? To rebel. To stir commotion. To start a war in heaven.”

Castiel looks at Cas, who looks so tired it’s wonder they’re standing up. Sam tries to think about all that just happened, to come up with some reply, but he can’t think of anything. He just looks at Cas and tries to send a message of “hang in there”.

Suddenly Sam can feel the roots falling off from his legs and then they’re standing on solid ground again, back in the hall.

“I guess Joshua said all he wanted to say,” Sam says at Cas.

Cas nods, or looks down on the ground, and then immediately falls on the ground. Sam drops on his knees next to him and touches his face. It’s burning hot. Sam’s mind is in a million different places at once:

“Cas!” Sam is frantically touching Cas’ face and chest and then their arms and the bruises. Cas shows no signs of responding.

“Cas? Please- Cas!” Sam can feel his breath’s get more uneven as he shakes Castiel.

He can hear and smell the motel, but they’re still here, in the white hall.

“Please bring us back, take us back, please.”

#sorry this was kinda rushed i like some parts so i didnt want to rewrite #im just excited for The Next chapter #cas x sam #my writing #ok to rb!

7 notes · View notes

pepperpatrol · 5 years

Text

So I’ve only been blogging jokes about the Tumblr guideline changes

I’m gonna take approximately five minutes of your time to be serious about it.

I do not post NSFW material (for the most part) nor do I log into tumblr with the intent on seeing it. In fact, I have used xkit to curate my experience as such that I almost never see it. Theoretically this ban doesn’t affect me. Except....It does.

For all that can be critiqued and complained about Tumblr, it is a unique place on the internet where I can be presented with ideas and concepts I literally had almost no access to whatsoever in any other facet of my life until I joined it.

Tumblr is the first, and actually only, LGBT heavy community I’ve ever joined.

Tumblr is the first time I’d ever seen anything even remotely resembling sex positivity.

Tumblr taught my white ass about racism and helped me understand how to be a truly compassionate person.

Tumblr shitposts taught me tips and tricks about cooking, home repair, calling officials and making appointments that my abusive family members never did.

Tumblr hasn’t quite gotten me to go back to therapy yet, but the tips and tricks shared by users in the recovery tag have helped me manage my mental illness and be a happier, kinder and more productive person.

Tumblr shitposts and the donations to my paypal that came therefrom helped me out of an abusive relationship and the resulting homelessness.

These things could not, or would not, have ever happened on another platform.

The thing is, is that many things I would not consider NSFW is considered so outside the context of this website. Protest pictures from feminist marches with topless women, two gay men sharing a chaste, loving kiss, informative sexual education diagrams even just talking candidly about kink and consent can be banned elsewhere depending on how stringent their rules are. Truth Coming out of Her Well to Shame Mankind is not anywhere near the realm of intentionally sexually explicit and yet it’s been flagged and the staff are not going to unflag it.

When you make an adult content ban you then need to define what is and is not actually prohibited content.

Many of the communities that exist on tumblr simply cannot exist on another platform. Even if they could, with the Apple Store Terms of Service being what they are, you can expect at least 90% of them to also ban explicit images and “female-presenting nipples” if not now, then eventually. As a casualty of this puritanism, lesbians holding hands and picking flowers will somehow be pigeonholed into the same group as hard core dom sub pain play.

This isn’t just a ban on horny ppl and the casualties of this ban aren’t just NSFW artists or sex workers. It is everyone. We curated a community and an atmosphere that was so much more open than other platforms and being able to openly talk about things that may be uncomfortable has made it easier to identify those things, to identify why they’re uncomfortable and whether or not they’re really harmful.

They’ve already demonstrated they aren’t going to follow their own rules by banning classical art. LGBT has been an unsearchable word for close to a year now. Their bot is a fucking joke and there’s no way they could hire enough people to actually, personally monitor the site. And honestly, saying non-sexual nudity can stay is ambitious of them, bc a bot can’t determine what nudity is and is not sexual.

I’m not leaving Tumblr or anything. But it’s not going to be the same. I have a twitter account and I’ve made a donation to Pillowfort just bc I’m curious about it. But yeah Tumblr is probably gonna be Twitter 2.0 with more nazis and pedophiles on it soon and i’m not sure I’ll stay very long after that.

5 notes · View notes