#and then add the ✨️crushing dysphoria✨️ and almost.. gender envy ? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-amber-droid-dreams · 5 months

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i hate that i made it my whole thing that im so Not romantically jealous and that im always 100% cool and chill with all that comes w being polyam bc im having a hard time w my gfs newest relationship and i cant say anything about it

#im not even sure if its *jealousy* i just.#it started dating him RIGHT as i broke up w my long term gf (my longest standing and first ever relationship)#who had abandoned me replaced me and ignored me for 6 months in favor of another relationship #my gfs new bf is someone i Also have feelings. possibly for slightly longer than my gf has but theyve only really intensified the past month #and he has zero clue and most probably zero interest. which. yk is fine. but..#and then add the ✨️crushing dysphoria✨️ and almost.. gender envy ?#its just. hes also pre everything but he passes so much better. bc he actually puts in an effort.#and everyone treats him.. idk #like my friends keep joking that him and my gf are at first glance a straight couple even tho theyre not. and it stings ?#bc no stranger would ever think of me as a man #and my gf is / was a lesbian right ? started calling itself a bi lesbian a few months after we got together + its crush on the bf took hold #and at the time i was touched bc it felt like it was adding the bi for Me. bc of My gender.#but now that it and him are together its REALLY leaned into the bi part. like swapped out all its pins and corrects ppl and stuff #like im not even sure if its a lesbian anymore ? which is fine and good that its figuring itself out but. but..#idfk. i just. i wish i was Actually seen like a guy. i wish i had proof my friends didnt view as just some weird bs nonsense to put up with #i wish i could just *fucking ask it* but im too afraid #amber actually saying stuff #vent

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