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dregstrash · 5 years

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“is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” || kanej modern college au||

Requested by @hestiaforever and this little drabble from this comes from #6 of this list! (this also turned out way longer than I intended- whoops) (if you want a drabble just let me know!)

Inej lived by a certain set of rules-- or more specifically three rules. They are unwavering, unbreakable, and the only things that have kept her sane when the months of being away from her family had been almost too much. Ever since that first trip during her first year of secondary school, they were always reassuring her that the sacrifice was necessary so that she might be able to do something great with her life. If she was another child, she may have kicked and screamed and demanded that she could learn all she could with the circus, with her family.

Unfortunately, Inej was just her, and she dutifully obeyed even if her heart was perpetually homesick. So she went to Ketterdam’s School for the Gifted. She went and was determined to be the star that her parents wanted her to be. But plans sometimes change, friendships that should never have happened happened, and her world of black and white, blended into a silvery gray.

That’s why she needed the rules. It kept her resolve steadfast when she told her parents she was staying for college. It led her away from the insane parties Nina was always throwing in their dorm. And more than once, her rules have let her keep her heart at ease.

Rule 1: Be the flower, but never hesitate to show your thorns

That was something her mother had told her about, and something that Inej regularly practiced. After all, that was how she met Jesper during her second year in school. He was in detention because he got caught trying to orchestrate an underground poker game [I’m telling you, Inej, I was so close to winning that hand Principal Van Eck is just a drip]. And Inej was in detention because some boy was harassing one of the younger girls. Jesper laughed a lot when Inej showed him her bruised knuckles.

Rule 2: Sometimes right and wrong are just words

It wasn’t until their senior year of high school did Inej really know what that rule meant. She had heard Kaz say it ever since they had been partnered up for a science project during their first year. Inej wasn’t entirely sure if it was wise to be trying to form some sort of alliance with the strangely silent and brooding boy. But he had once warned her that the girls in their class were planning on breaking into her locker and putting unsavory pictures of boys to prove that she wasn’t as “innocent as she seemed.” Ever since then, they had stuck together. They stopped the incident before it ever happened, and Kaz, somehow, got them suspended on top of that. Inej felt guilty over it in the beginning, but he said Rule 2, to her and she just nodded.

He reminded her of that as he gathered Jesper, Wylan (who was the surprisingly rebellious son of the principle), Nina (who could sweet talk any teacher into giving her anything), and Matthias (the star football player, cut from the team when he refused to be a part of a hazing ritual concerning the new kid, Kuwei). It was the a week before finals, and Kaz said that Principle Van Eck was blackmailing their fellow senior, Alys, with some horrifying pictures unless she did what she told him. It didn’t take long after that explanation for their particular group to agree to his crazy plans.

Their school still spoke of that day. The day when finals week started, the school opened, and playing over their screens was Van Eck, red in the face as he cornered sweet Alys. They still spoke of the day that papers littered with threatening letters and bribes taken by school board members were plastered on every inch of the hallway and classrooms. They called it the Day of Reckoning. Inej and her friends called it The Ice Court Job.

Rule 3: The heart is an arrow, it demands aim to land true

The saying was a favorite of her father’s. It helped her pick law major, it also helped her want to work for nonprofits up and down Kerch that had to do with abuse victims. This rule allowed her to think clearly when Nina was trying to decide whether they should dorm or find an apartment. This rule guided her steps away from boys with easy smiles and fake promises.

It was a good rule.

Unless it had something to do with Kaz Brekker, because when it came to her long time friend, Rule 3 seemed useless and flimsy.

He was never shy with his cruelty. Kaz wasn’t one to be ashamed of the dark impulses that came to him when someone looked at him wrong. She supposed it had come from the heavy limp that had plagued him for as long as she’s known him. But it didn’t stop her from scolding him. And it didn’t stop him from giving her that condescending look and that annoying smirk.

In the beginning, Inej was determined to keep their friendship to associates. Like that of two partners who could do without the other, but throughout the years, she had started to notice that he treated her different than their other friends. Not in the kind of possessiveness that she’s seen, but in the way that there was always one less wall with her. He seemed to relax his injured leg more when it was just her. The lines on his face would decrease significantly, and in the most quiet afternoons of their study sessions, he would almost look peaceful.

It was in those moments that Inej let her mind wander down paths that it shouldn’t. It led her through ideas that Kaz could tell her how exactly he had broken his leg, why he never seemed to have any family to write or call to, and why he was always trying to keep himself apart. In those daydreams, Kaz was softer, kinder, and maybe not so made out of stone.

But then he’d make some sharp remark and she’d shake her head and roll her eyes. It was useless trying to imagine Kaz as someone different. Kaz was Kaz. And despite it all, Inej preferred him like that.

Though this led to the indecision that warred against her. Did she like him? Did she want to like him? Did it matter? Should she tell him about the offer to go back home and practice law at a local firm? Would he care? Should she care that he cared?

When Kaz was involved, her heart wasn’t sure where to aim.

And that’s exactly what she was thinking as she crept into her empty dorm and kicked open her bedroom door and flicked on the lights.

The sight in front of her was too ridiculous, too unreal, and too unthinkable that Inej thought it might have been a strange delusion from spending all day in her Chem Lab.

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” Inej asked loudly to the prone, pale form of Kaz Brekker.

From what she could see from the doorframe, he was in nothing but his boxers. His pale (and surprisingly muscular) arms were wrapped tightly against her pillow and she had a full view of the lean lines of his shoulders and she felt a hot blush bloom in her cheeks as she noted the shape of his backside.

“Kaz? Did you hear me?” Inej tried louder, but he barely even stirred and Inej felt her shock transform into worry.

Tentatively, she touched his skin, and felt the warmth of her cheeks spread to the rest of her body.

“Hmmm...” He grumbled. She caught the faint scent of alcohol on his breath, but even then she breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was alive.

“Kaz.” She shoved a little harder this time, and was rewarded when one of his dark brown eyes cracked open.

“‘Nej.” He mumbled.

“What are you doing here?” Inej tried to keep her voice calm and patient, even when he turned his body revealing his unfairly perfect chest.

“I-um-” He unwrapped an arm from her pillow and rubbed his eyes awake, “Um-wait-I- I-”

“Do you know where you are?” She felt her brows furrow. This wasn’t like Kaz. He was known to be a drinker, but he was always so controlled and himself.

“I- I thought I was in my dorm room.” He grumbled his face in his hands.

“Your room is further down the hall, remember?” Inej lifted her hand from his shoulder and tried to ignore how cold her room was without her hand touching him.

“Y-yeah,” He shuddered, and still didn’t look at her, “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to-”

“What happened?”

“I drank. I drank a lot.”

“Yeah, I can smell that. But why? Did Jesper make you buy him drinks again?”

He shook his head. “It’s-” He coughed, and then lifted his face up to hers. “It’s the anniversary of my brother’s death.”

The words sucked all the air out of Inej’s lungs. He had mentioned once or twice that he had lost someone, but she couldn’t stop the deep stab of sympathy she felt at hearing the words come out of his mouth.

She took a step back towards him and, again, put her hand on his shoulder. His dark gaze never left hers.

“I’m sorry, Kaz.”

He gave her a rueful smile, “It happened a long time ago. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“But you’re drunk, so it still has to be important. What-what happened?”

He looked away, and the moment stretched on. Inej wanted to take the words back, he had never shared anything about his family before. It almost felt wrong to take advantage of the situation. Just as she was about to put distance between them again, he covered the hand that was on his shoulder with his other hand. A faint shiver seemed to ripple through him, but he kept her there.

“My brother fell in with some bad people. It was the only way he could support us.” He slurred, his eyes growing distant and unfocused, “One day we were riding our bikes through a park, and they jumped both of us. They whaled on me, and when Jordie got his bearings he tried to shield me with his body. Which was dumb, cause then he didn’t see the knife. He died right on top of me.” A faint sheen of tears appeared in his eyes. “And I’ve been dead ever since.”

Inej’s blood felt cold and the weight of his words seemed to crackle the empty space. She watched as Kaz’s eyes started to close again. He looked so much younger now, he wasn’t Kaz Brekker who was the downfall of many a corrupt official and the man to go to for test answers. He wasn’t the man of mystery their classmates were both terrified and attracted to. He was just a boy, drunk and alone.

His head started to droop, and his grip on Inej’s hand began to limp. With some care, she guided his body back onto her bed and made sure his head was propped up on a pillow. She shook out her favorite blanket and tucked him in.

He mumbled something in his sleep, and Inej leaned down to his mouth.

“What was that?” She whispered.

“I-” He mumbled, “I-I don’t feel quite so dead when you’re there, Inej.”

Her heart hammered to that, but before she could respond. Kaz’s breath deepened and lengthened. She had no idea if he would remember this moment. She had no idea if he would remember the way he gripped her hand as she tried to leave or the soft, sadness that lingered on his face.

She set down a glass of water and a couple of Aspirin tablets on the bedside table she felt Rule 3 being brought back into her mind.

If her heart was an arrow, Kaz Brekker’s was the unsteady, rocky target that could either break or undo him. And while every cell in her body wanted to aim for it, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She couldn’t bring herself to even consider trying, because darkness was a dangerous thing that could drown her as well as him. Maybe in the future, when Kaz learned that his soul was more vibrant than he believed and when Inej could understand her own wants, they would be able to look back at this moment and laugh at the ridiculous situation they had gotten themselves into. But until then, Inej flipped the lights off and shut the door.

#kanej #kaz x inej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kanej modern au #this was way long #my bad #but i had fun writing this #hope everyone likes it

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