We made it. Found our happy ending. Who would have think?

Osomatsu-san PS Vita game translation - Osomatsu 04 – Summer Scary Stories

Osomatsu: ... Karamatsu: ... Ichimatsu: ... Choromatsu: ... Jyushimatsu: ... Todomatsu: ... Osomatsu: ...That does it! Are you trying to kill me!! Todomatsu: Hey, Osomatsu-niisan, don’t shout like that all of a sudden. You’re too noisy... Osomatsu: Why!? Why did the fan have to break at a time like this!? And how are you guys able to just sit there like normal!? I’m at my limit! Oh, that’s right, it’ll be cool at the pachinko parlour...! Ichimatsu: Even though you don’t have anything to spend there? Osomatsu: Ugh...!

Jyushimatsu: Wassei wassei wassei... Clink! Yay, it’s a home run! Hehehe hehehehehe... Osomatsu: Ah, see... our cute Jyushimatsu has lost his mind? Are you guys ok with that? 

Todomatsu: Even If you say that, there’s nothing we can do... And wait a minute, Jyushimatsu was always weird. Osomatsu: Ah, you’re gonna say it out loud like that? Karamatsu: Heh... Don’t pointlessly resist, brothers. Why don’t you think of it like this? It’s not the summer heat that’s driving you crazy, it’s the heat of my heart... Todomatsu: Ah, I’ve been bitten by a mosquito here. It’s itchy! Itchy itchy itchy...! Osomatsu: So although we’ve got the window open, there’s no breeze coming through, but mosquitos are getting through? Sigh, that’s just shit. Karamatsu: ... Choromatsu: I think that one was your own fault, Karamatsu. Osomatsu: Oi, Ichimatsu, you do something about this. Why are you so complacent over there? Ichimatsu: We don’t have the money to buy a new fan. The summer isn’t over yet. ...So sitting still and conserving energy is the best thing to do. Todomatsu: That’s such lazy spirit, it’s almost refreshing. Choromatsu: Sigh... If there was at least a way we could make ourselves feel like it’s a little cooler, that would be nice. You know, like a wind chime or something. Karamatsu: Then why don’t I strike a chord on my guitar? Well, you might all be completely mesmerised and then get even hotter though... Osomatsu: A wind chime, huh... hey, we don’t have anything like that in the house! Come up with a better plan, Choromatsu! Karamatsu: ..........

Choromatsu: So why do you throw yourself off a cliff like that, even knowing that you’ll be ignored!? Your strength of will is amazing!  Todomatsu: Since we don’t have a wind chime, why don’t we fantasise about being on a date with a girl in a bikini? We’ll probably feel a bit more refreshed and cool. Jyushimatsu: Bikinis! Girls! Douff! Osomatsu: Jyushimatsu!!!! Karamatsu: Pull yourself together, Jyushimatsu!! Ichimatsu: He’s completely overheated, hasn’t he? Choromatsu: Isn’t he a bit too lacking in self-control? Isn’t that completely unreasonable? Todomatsu: Ugh... I won’t forget you, Jyushimatsu-niisan...! Rest in peace...! Jyushimatsu: I’ve had a brain wave!! Todomatsu: Uwah! Please don’t get up so suddenly. Seriously, it’s bad for my heart...! Osomatsu: Hey, Jyushimatsu, what do you mean you had a brainwave? Did you come up with some way of keeping cool!? Jyushimatsu: Yes yes yes y-yes yees!! I think we should tell scary stories. The other five: Scary stories? Choromatsu: Ah... I see. Certainly, I do feel as though my body temperature drops when I listen to a scary story... Osomatsu: Ah, that could be good. We won’t know until we try. Let’s give it a go! Ichimatsu: ...If it makes me cooler, I’ll try anything. Osomatsu: Alright! So let’s start with making a spooky atmosphere. This bright, sunny room won’t do at all. Let’s close the shutters like this first. And let’s light this candle I found in the kitchen.

Jyushimatsu: Uhehe! It’s pitch black!! Choromatsu: Huh, but... isn’t even hotter than before? Osomatsu: Just your imagination, just your imagination. You’re too sensitive, Choromatsu.  Choromatsu: Wait, what does this have to do with being sensitive? Osomatsu: Alright, let’s get started right away. We should go in clockwise order. And starting from Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu: ...From me? Well, alright. Erm... once upon a time there lived an old man and woman. Osomatsu: Hah? Ichimatsu: The old man went into the mountains to cut grass and the woman went to the river to wash clothes... Osomatsu: Hey, wait a minute! This is only a guess, but isn’t this the start of Momotaro!? Ichimatsu: Yeah. I’ve always found this story creepy. A person being born from a peach? How ridiculous! Osomatsu: Well, when you think about it a lot, it is scary... But that kind of thing is no good, next! Ichimatsu: Tsk. Karamatsu: Heh... Then I have a tale for you. This is the story of how one year ago I sold my soul to the devil. Osomatsu: Next! Karamatsu: Ah, I didn’t finish the story yet... Todomatsu: Ok, then it’s my turn. Well, this is only a story that I heard... but someone was walking along and they suddenly got a text. It said “I’m Mary. I’m at the station right now.” Choromatsu: Ah... right. Todomatsu: They didn’t know who it was and it was annoying, so they read it but ignored it, but then several more texts came. Even though they blocked it several times, they changed their ID and sent more. And Mary was coming closer to where they were, bit by bit, the station, the footbridge, the park... Ichimatsu: ...Sigh. Todomatsu: It was like Mary was using GPS to work out where they were. So they turned off GPS and put their phone into flight mode, just in case... Osomatsu: Arghh! That’s enough, that’s enough, that’s enough! Todomatsu: Eh, why? Choromatsu: The story is too contemporary and not scary at all! Why does Mary have a smart phone? Todomatsu: Of course she has one. Nowadays, it’s rare not to have one. Choromatsu: Yeah, if you’re a human being. That’s enough of that story. I don’t think it’s going to get scary even if we listen to it the whole way through. Todomatsu: Eh, but it was just about to get good... Ichimatsu: Yawn... Todomatsu: You’re kidding, right, that was so boring you felt sleepy? Ichimatsu: Well, that is true... My mind kind of went blank... Choromatsu: Huh? Well, now that you mention it... Osomatsu: Ah, seriously, that’s no good at all! There no one who can tell a proper story!  Todomatsu: If you’re going to talk like that, then you should tell a story, Osomatsu-niisan. Osomatsu: Hmm... alright. You won’t wet your pants out of fear, right guys? Did you guys know? This house’s secret... Karamatsu: Secret? Osomatsu: Yeah... The truth is apparently this land was originally used as a graveyard. There was also a burial mound for severed heads nearby. That’s right, this place is a ghost nest. If you look in the mirror at 2AM, you can see a whole swarm of ghosts reflected back. I’ve see that a number of times... Todomatsu: Eeek...! Y, you’re joking right? Osomatsu: You guys have felt it too, right? Sensed somebody behind you while you were shampooing your hair... Looked at the clock and it said 4:44!? Ichimatsu: ...! T, that’s true...! Osomatsu: Yeah... this house is cursed. The fact that we’re NEETs is all the fault of the ghosts haunting this house. Karamatsu: Was... was that what it was? I thought my life wasn’t turning out very well...! Osomatsu: (Of course I’m lying. Well, it’s so we can feel cooler, right? I can be forgiven for this level of lie.) Osomatsu: Right, and with that, my story is over. Do you feel cooler? Choromatsu: Definitely... I’m kind of thirsty... Ah, can you pass me that water? Shoumatsu-niisan. Osomatsu: ...Heh?

Shoumatsu: Yes, here you go. Choromatsu: Thanks, Shoumatsu-niisan. Todomatsu: You don’t seem like you’d have any spooky stories to tell, Shoumatsu-niisan.  Osomatsu: ...Eh? Eh? Ichimatsu: You don’t need to do anything other than be here, Shoumatsu-niisan. Shoumatsu: ............. Osomatsu: (They’ve increased. The number of bothers I have has increased by one! Who? Why is there a Shoumatsu? Could he be... a real ghost? Todomatsu: Hmm, what’s up, Osomatsu-niisan? You shut up all of a sudden. Osomatsu: Eh? No... not, not really. It’s nothing! Ahaha, ahahahaha... Osomatsu: (Wait wait wait, why have they all accepted Shoumatsu’s existence? ...This isn’t good! This situation isn’t good!) Osomatsu: Ah! I feel a lot cooler already, how about you? Let’s stop with the spooky stories already... Shoumatsu: ...Not yet. Osomatsu: ...Eh? Shoumatsu: We’re not finished yet. Osomatsu: Wait, hey... Todomatsu: Ahaha, you’re right, Shoumatsu-niisan. We’ve finally gotten into it, let’s keep going for a bit longer! Choromatsu: It’s Shoumatsu-niisan’s turn next isn’t it? Come on, get talking. Shoumatsu: ............... Alright, I’ll begin. Why am I in this place... What happened in the past to lead to this? And when my story is over, I’ll let you into to a world where you won’t even feel the heat... Osomatsu: !? (This is no good... We can’t listen to his story! He’s going to take us with him for sure! I’ve got to do something... but what?) Osomatsu: That’s it, at times like these, I should talk to that person! Hello.. blah blah blah, what should I do!?

Option One: Get out of there! Osomatsu: ...Ok. I’ll try to get out of here somehow.

Choromatsu: So Shoumatsu-niisan. What kind of story is this? Shoumatsu: Huhuhu. This story begins in the third year of the Kaiei Period (1850)... Osomatsu: Wahhhhhhh! Wait a minute. I need to go to the toilet first!! (I’ll just go right outside the house. Then I’ll be saved...!) Shoumatsu: Wait. Osomatsu: ...!? Shoumatsu: I won’t let you leave here now.

Osomatsu: Ha, hahaha... But, look, if I peed myself, that would suck... Shoumatsu: Are you running away? Aren’t you going to journey with everyone to a place where you won’t feel anything? Osomatsu: (Noooooooooo!! If, if it’s come to this...) Osomatsu: Ah! So you were here too, Totoko-chan. I didn’t notice! Shoumatsu: Totoko-chan? Where?

Osomatsu: Now! Woahhhhhhhhh! Pant... pant... pant... pant...!! Ahh, thank god...! I made it out somehow. Wait... huh? I was so scared, I slammed the door shut, but what happened to the rest of them? ...Well, whatever. I saved myself anyway. I won’t be able to go home for a while... 

Guess I’ll go to pachinko. I’ll be able to do something with 1000 Yen. ... ???: Are you really going? With just that much as a war chest.

Osomatsu; Huh, Ichimatsu? So you were ok. Ichimatsu? You’re kinda... weird?

Todomatsu: That’s horrible, Osomatsu-niisan. Going somewhere fun by yourself. Karamatsu: We can’t let anyone get ahead, right, brother? Osomatsu: Todomatsu!? Karamatsu too...! Wait... all of you guys!? (What’s this, what’s happening? Were they all actually taken by Shoumatsu!?) Jyushimatsu: Huh? You’re sweating bucketloads. What’s wrong Osomatsu-niisan? Osomatsu: Ahh, no... wait, I don’t feel very well... ahaha... hahaha. Ichimatsu: You’re alive, so you’ll feel unwell sometimes. That’s right, if you die, you won’t feel anything. Choromatsu: Ah, it’s nice to feel at peace. I don’t have to force myself to look for a job and I can go to idol concerts for free! What a wonderful world... Don’t you think so? Osomatsu-niisan. Osomatsu: S, so this means you guys... Shoumatsu: Hehehehehe... Osomatsu: Shoumatsu, you...! Todomatsu: We won’t forgive anyone who betrays us. Osomatsu-niisan.

Option Two: Try to reason with the ghost! Osomatsu: ...Right. I’ll see what I can do!

Karamatsu: Come on, Shoumatsu-niisan. Tell us your ultimate story... Shoumatsu: Ok, I will. Yes, it was in the third year of the Kaiei Period (1850)... Osomatsu: Stop with that story!! Shoumatsu: ...? Todomatsu: Hey, why are you stopping him? And just when Shoumatsu-niisan was trying to tell his story to us. Osomatsu: Let me say something to Shoumatsu first. There’s nothing to be gained by taking us with you! Shoumatsu: ...What are you saying? Osomatsu: Look, just think about it. We’re such shitty NEETs in this life, right? Ah... Karamatsu: ... Choromatsu: ... Shoumatsu: T, that’s... Osomatsu: I don’t wanna admit this myself, ok? I want to think that we’d be worth something anywhere we went. But that’s a bit of a stretch. People who’re the trash of society in one life, aren’t going to be able to refrain from being trash on the other side. So can’t you give us a break?

Shoumatsu: ............. I don’t need you guys after all. Choromatsu: Eh!? He disappeared!? Where did Shoumatsu-niisan go!? Karamatsu: You’re right... Shoumatsu-niisan... Shoumatsu-niisa... Shoumatsu? Todomatsu: Eh... is there somebody called that? Osomatsu: Of course there isn’t, you idiot. Hurry up and open the shutters!! Hah... hah...! ...I did it!! I got away without being taken!! ...Huh?

Karamatsu: ...

Choromatsu: ... Ichimatsu: ... Jyushimatsu: ... Todomatsu: ... Osomatsu: ...What’s up with you guys? That was a ghost just now. Aren’t you happy I saved you? Karamatsu: We have no money, no jobs and no girls... Choromatsu: We’re society’s trash... Ichimatsu: We’re not even worth anything dead... Osomatsu: Ah... Karamatsu: ... Choromatsu: ... Ichimatsu: ... Jyushimatsu: ... Todomatsu: ... Osomatsu: Reality is scarier than ghosts after all. Option Three: Don’t give into your fear! Osomatsu: You say don’t give into your fear... but how do I do that!? Ah, they hung up! Shit...! Osomatsu: (But... I feel like I heard on TV that ghosts feed off your fear. So in other words, if I can get rid of my fear, I can get away from him!?)

Shoumatsu: So I’ll start my tale. This story begins during the Spring in the third year of the Kaiei Period (1850)... Osomatsu: (Ahh, he’s see through! When you look at him long enough, you see the ends of his legs are see through! That’s so scary, it’s stupid! Uh oh... at this rate I’m going to be swallowed up by my fear!)

Jyushimatsu: ... Osomatsu: ...Hmm? (...Wait, is Jyushimatsu aware of the situation?) Shoumatsu: When I went to sleep that night, I heard a woman’s voice coming from the garden. I wondered what it was, so I looked out of the window and Jyushimatsu: ...... Shoumatsu: ... Are you hungry, Jyushimatsu?  Jyushimatsu: I’m ok... not! I’m hungry, muscle! Shoumatsu: Food... p, please wait a moment. It will all be over soon. So I looked out the window and there was not a soul to be seen... Osomatsu: Nice one, Jyushimatsu! That’s it, that’s how to do it! Choromatsu: Hmm? Be quiet, Osomatsu-niisan. Shoumatsu-niisan is talking. Osomatsu: Muscle muscle! Hustle hustle!!

Choromatsu: ...Huh!? Why are you impersonating Jyushimatsu!? Todomatsu: Hey, you’re ruining the scary atmosphere we’ve built up!? Ichimatsu: Yeah, you’re ruining it... hmm? Hey, isn’t there one more of us than normal? Karamatsu: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Huh? Seven people?! Shoumatsu: Y, you’re imagining things! Listen to my story, everyone! Osomatsu: Don’t be fooled, everyone. There’s no such person as Shoumatsu! Todomatsu: Eh...Eh!? Ehhhhh!? Then who is that? Osomatsu: Don’t be afraid of him. You’ll be taken off into the other side! Choromatsu: But scary things are scary! What should we do!? Osomatsu: Look at him. Jyushimatsu: ...I’m hungry. Ichimatsu: ...He’s not scared at all!? Osomatsu: At the very least, he doesn’t look like he’s afraid, right? If we act like him, the ghost will probably give up. Karamatsu: I see... Our pride will be torn to shreds, but we don’t have any other choice. All five except Jyushimatsu: ... Yes!

Matsuyo: Sigh, it’s hot again today. Speaking of which, the fan broke, so I wonder if the sextuplets are ok. ...Huh? The shutters are closed. That’s weird... And there’s some kind of weird smell... What on Earth are those boys doing? NEETs, I’m back...!?

Osomatsu: We’re going to beat the summer heat, two runs! Karamatsu: Even though there’s no breeze, it’s fine, inner course! Choromatsu: Even though there’s no oxygen, brushback! Ichimatsu: I’m not scared at all, nice batting! Todomatsu: Toss your fear away, centre! Jyushimatsu: How about some nice cold ice cream!