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#and situations that are the most interesting out of my daydream walkabout freakshow improv acting session but
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utilizing all of my willpower in a daunting battle against The Fixations just to get basic household tasks done, i am very brave 
#currently in a 'pace around my house for 3 hours staright talking to myself making up character scenarios in my head' phase#which is good because often that is literally how I write and get writing ideas like things start as concepts#and are only fleshed out once I spend hours talking to myself in different voices trying out dialogue and noting down the words#and situations that are the most interesting out of my daydream walkabout freakshow improv acting session but#this is BAD actually when I have 800 other things to do#I couldnt even eat dinner I just wanted to go in the other room and walk around talking to myself#which just happens#I think it's part of the natural cycle of my creativity or what the hell ever like I just.. get Like That#once every few months I become obsessively fixated on wanting to spend all of my time talking to myself like.. idk#maybe just as a way of processing ideas and stuff that have been floating around in my head for a while or somehting#then after a week or so of constantly having to fight the urge to spend all day talking to myself it's like my brain has gotten it out of#its system and I can function again#but for those few days lol#yesterday I made free time to sit and watch a show that I like and I was literally like.. no... I cant even get into the show I dont#care about this.. I would rather pace the living room and act out imaginary people#Which I know some people daydream about exisitng media characters or like their ships or something like this explicitly is not that#it's like... not even anyone in specific. original characters but not even my pre-established cast of exisitng characters#from the various things I'm writing. I just mean I literally walk around having random interactions#Like I'm playing DnD and I'm the DM and also all of the players hiknjk#but also I'm up walking around acting everything out physically and speaking so its maybe more like LARPing#but everything is just random on the spot. like just testing things out. what if I were these 5 random people off the top of my head#in this random scenario off the top of my head. is that anything? huh? then I debate with myself if it is or not#also one of those aituations where having someone spying on you would be more funny than creepy like.. * throws a punch* *also falls on the#ground because I am both the puncher and the person getting punched* *quickly rises and dashes across the room bevause I'm also a third pers#on who's just a witness* * eating a piece of toast while frantically emoting towards a blank spot on the wall#* etc. and so on and so on gybjh#also sadly yes I have super aphantasia I cannot see shit in my head this is probably why I have to physically act out all imagined#scenarios instead of just visualizing them. rip to people who can silently zone out lost in their imaginations but I'm different (WORSE)#ANYWAY I have a ton of projects right now like a game being finished and the giant worldbuilding videos and costumes and all of this stuff#bad timing to get sucked into the vortex of one of my many evil wizard afflictions that manifests once every few months
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