hi, liv!! you mentioned kid’s ‘intergenerational trauma’ in one of the replies, could you elaborate it? i’m currently going through analysing my own mental problems caused by my parents’ impact on me and the fact that kid has this kind of issue makes me realise this is another thing i share with her...

love! <3

warnings: depression, anxiety, self esteem, familial trauma

Hi love! Ok this might get kinda heavy :/ so idk if intergenerational trauma is the most accurate way to put it but like what I meant by that is that her family/parents passed on issues to her that they never addressed in themselves. But like for example, I think things like depression and anxiety just kind of run in her family, so she feels she's kind of inherently predisposed to struggle with depression and anxiety. Also, I think there was just kind of a lack of affection and warmth in her home and she felt like love was very transactional and conditional and something she had to earn. Like I think she may have rather selfish or maybe even narcissistic parents who made her feel responsible for their emotions, which then riddled her with guilt any time they were upset. And she feels like she has to be doing some act of service to receive love, rather than it being given because its unconditional. I think she often would have been told by her parents that she's not good enough, both verbally and through their actions. And this makes her quite guarded and even self destructive in some cases. I think she'd cope through isolation, which then makes her feel lonely and also makes her loved ones feel unwanted. And I think it would take her a lot to not feel like she has to be on the defense at all times. Letting people in is very scary because she just doesn't trust that she's good enough and that they won't like what they find. Even though she's very sure of herself outwardly, I think there's a lot of self doubt and poor self esteem that she's always having to try to overcome. However, I do feel like she would go through therapy and actively work on herself. But I think a lot of the time she's left mourning who she could have been had she not been kind of handed this baggage from her parents. I just think a lack of warmth and love growing up, and being made to feel like she's responsible for her parents' emotions, would make her struggle with self esteem, letting people in and trusting herself with them, and also would make her experience a lot of guilt and shame.

It's that idea of resenting your parents while also feeling a deep sense of remorse and empathy for them.

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