I feel like we need to talk more about the les amis-marauders pipeline

PART 3:

Ok, so this is about Eliott and the link between S5 and S6. Like Eliott out of everyone was crafted in this season so damn well. And yeah his arc in S6 was plotted here but it's the whole character. And it goes back to his S3 debut. France has remained so damn consistent with this character. Nothing is forced or out of place. It's a natural flow to this point now, and probably what is to come.

So just before i jump into S5. What do we know of the Eliott character? So we meet him in S3 and he's beautiful, like out of someones league beautiful. And he's mysterious, and has a loner vibe but from the trailer looks troubled. The trailer shows so much that will crop up again throughout the show in regards to Eliott. He enters the school with a prison atmosphere (just left one or is about to enter one). He quickly walks through, hurried, not wanting to make an imprint, hiding in his environment with the 'catch me if you can' vulnerable hoodie up style. Everyone notices him but he notices no one. He just wants to get this over with (same cycle different environment). The people either know him (Imane) are attracted to him (Alexia) or intrigued by the new guy (Emma). So he walks down the corridor and bumps into a very important person. That is Lucas and it's the first inkling from Eliott that something has penetrated his bleak dark world. The first hint of the light/dark motifs that S3 would be centered around. Before we know it's even a concept POLARIS is everywhere.

Eliott does something that i love. He stops, but doesn't turn around just yet, Maxence plays it like he's taking something in and waking up. And then he turns and looks, and we get everything in that look to Lucas. You feel his intrigue, attraction, fixation, awe of this unknown guy. That this guy has shook his world. And then he does something else i love. This tiny wry smile appears for like a milisecond, and then he looks him up and down signalling to the audience that we're in for a hell of a ride, and that Eliott is showing some playfullness towards Lucas. The hint that he's gonna pursue him. Then crucially he walks down the corridor to Colouring - In motion (range remix) awesome and reflective lyrics. Into the black, back into the dark he goes. And this is a direct contrast to Eliott and his world. Sees nobody but Lucas and is turned towards him looking, and then there's Lucas turned towards Eliott but oblivious and not looking.

So as the season goes on we see that he is all those things but so much more. He has a romantic, goofy, sweet and tender side, he's very vulnerable and fragile but he also has a darkness and it comes out as fear, anger, jealousy etc. He's the Even that we see snap at times e.g. class outburst, Chloe, Lucille.

And another thing is that he's the Even that gets developed off screen with the brilliant utilisation of his insta for mental/emotional state. It fits Eliott with the mystery, puzzles, metaphors and plot foreshadowing that takes us through the season. It's Eliott's journal and we're the therapists in a session with him. Each time he posts isn't fickle. Everything has meaning, everything connects and it's linked up so well onscreen. So we see Eliott onscreen but we see into Eliott offscreen. And that mental illness insight has continued and remains true to not only real life but who Eliott is.

We find out that he has so much fear. That it makes him hide in relationships and quite literally hide in the dark. That he created his magnum opus POLARIS that is all about fear and running from true connection. That has so much bipolar symbolism in it and that has Eliott settling in this dark world of MI. Because as any one who can identify with Eliott, sometimes there is a morbid comfort in staying stagnant and not reaching for something because deep down the light and happiness is something you don't deserve. It's horrible negative feelings of shame, embarassment, and self loathing that permeates. Anyone that struggles with their mental health will attest to this.

So he, facing this fear reaches for Lucas, and they fall in love. Eliott is chasing the light in Lucas that has made him want to enjoy life again. Then something horrible happens, Eliott is confronted with all his worst fears of himself being reinforced by the one he loves the most. Eliott being a crazy person that Lucas doesn't have time for. He's literally slapped in the face with his SKAM. And he's the Even that literally bleeds out right there on the screen. There's no mask which racoon Eliott is adept with it. He took it off and it shows how deep he was in with Lucas as he can't even pretend anymore. In that moment he is truly exposed and to this day it's heartbreaking to watch. He also does something that no other Even did either. He begins to ghost Lucas in this scene with the hair ruffle and that truly disappointed look when he's backing away. It's almost like a self resignation in himself like "well i was right, the light is not my world, and i shouldn't have been stupid enough to think this would have gone any other way" and he's truly disappointed and so damn heartbroken.

So he goes back to the ex thinking it's a clean break. But he realises he can't stop what he feels for lucas. So he pines on his insta, trying to reach out and trying to be honest but comes to the conclusion the only way to have lucas is to hide his darkness (bipolar). So they reconcile and are happy, and then it goes to absolute shit. He has a manic episode and the truth comes out. Eliott runs again back to the dark. Back to the comfort of his world. Doesn't expect anything, doesn't reach out because he has no hope that he can be loved with this defect, and just cries. 😭 in total despair. It's that level of self loathing that keeps cropping up rooted in his MI.

Lucas proves him wrong and saves him (this is crucial for Eliott's S6 arc) and he accepts him but now we see that Eliott still doesn't accept himself (S5, S6) minute par minute is a very important scene that is being revisited in S6 and will be crucial for Elu. Eliott wants to end the relationship, he sees no way it can work, and Lucas fights and gives him a perspective to hold onto.

Sorry i got into a S3 character study there. But i felt it was the only way to show how Eliott as a character has been built through the show and layered with so much depth but so much darkness. He's actually not only one of the darkest Even's but one of the darkest SKAM characters. And the reason i feel that, is because of the contradiction of the character. That he has such a postive sunshine aura and will smile at anyone and instantly bring a warmth. But yet has this deep well of struggle and pain that you can feel is there underneath that "I'm the happiest person in the world" energy. And you have to ask yourself how much of that is Eliott projecting to keep the demons at bay? As someone who can relate to MI. There is a level of exhaustion where you feel like you pep talk yourself on an almost daily basis. Quite literally you fake it untill you make it. And i just feel that Eliott is such a walking dichotomy between 2 extremes. That he perfectly represents the bipolarity of this character.

But rambling aside, so that's the Eliott we know and in S5 we kick off his arc with an insta post. He posts his new job 'new job, new school, same boyfriend' caption with a pic of the video club. Lucas follows it up with 'and soon, new appartment'. This tells us Eliott has not only started working but he's in Uni now and about to move in with Lucas. The video club is also dropping the hint that Eliott has found his new vocation within art. And that is movies. Now, what we know of Eliott is that he dabbled. He had many artsy interests. And we saw his love for not only movies (POLARIS) but he enjoyed literature (Virginia Woolf) and painting (Jackson Pollock) and he liked greek prose (Apollo and Hyacinth, Pygmalion). He had an affinity for artists who suffered with mental illness (pollock and Woolf both bipolar) and a true identity fixation with Woolf (mentally ill, bisexual and drowned through suicide) now that takes on a much more serious meaning with what Eliott revealed about suicide in S6. So he was an artsy hipster and he added graffiti and urbex too. A very talented and creative guy is our Eliott.

But considering POLARIS was how we were introduced to Eliott and that art side. We had to have known that his chosen field would have been movies, as it is now confirmed with his job, his uni project and his insta this season focusing on movies. How they add to the plot and how he's using them as inspiration for his project.

So it's setting him up to make a movie and to bring back something from his past that failed for him, and could have led to a spiral as we don't know how long after that all the Idriss stuff went down. All we know is that Idriss was there with him in the video interviewing him as he explained POLARIS. So the fallout must have been very soon after. And the failure of the movie on top of that must have been horrible for Eliott.

Lucas posts instas of him basically of him supporting eliott with this job and visiting him etc. So we see Eliott loves his job. And S6 shows us this more in depth.

The next we see of Eliott is a nightclub scene of new years and just basically the gang and elu happy, having fun and in love. It's just showing you for Eliott that he's come so far. Obviously we know what happens with Arthur so i won't get into that. Then there's the house warming and this is a crucial scene because Eliott has to explain something, and the audience is learning something. That this is the 2nd house warming and the 1st had to be cancelled. Eliott starts to explain himself and it's same feelings in regards to the mental illness again. Maxence plays it like Eliott is so fragile, that he's vulnerable and embarassed, and it oozes out of him. That Eliott finds it hard to go to that place where he has to talk about his mental illness. We see Eliott struggle to get the words out, look over towards Lucas, Lucas quietly reassures him and then steps in when he senses that it's too much. We see Eliott curl into Lucas in gratitude and like a child who needs comfort. And again it tells you that Eliott is very affected by his bipolar. That it's a huge effort for him to confront it and even talk about it. And now you see how it's such a focus in regards to power and agency over himself, the fear of not having it, how he can help others and how he frames it in his love with Lucas.

"And i have Lucas...i can't lose this"

That this is the crux of everything. That all the fears, insecurities, feelings are rooted in his SKAM. And we further see this explored as we begin to see the domestic scenes between Elu. How Eliott doesn't seem to be around the chaotic boygroup like the fanbase thought he would. And that's an issue because we have to admit to ourselves that we built Eliott up in a certain way, and we expected him to integrate with the gang, but the show naturally evolved Eliott the way the character is at his core. And that is why his spirit animal is a raccoon (curious, intelligent, friendly, mischievious, nocturnal, wild at heart, will lash out if threatened or cornered, wears a mask said to protect against night glare) basically Eliott is at heart a wild creature, that he goes off at night exploring, that he's chaotic in nature and a lone wolf. That he gravitates towards situations and behaviours that reflect his inner nature. That is who Eliott is.

So we see a lot of chaos and loudness in the boygroup centered in Elu's appartment in early S5. Lucas joins in and they scream over social media, and they literally hangout there all the time. After the party they stay the whole weekend, and Lucas does eventually say guys c'mon not tonight it's date night with Eliott. But you're shown basically that they do it alot. And probably more hangouts happened off screen. Crucially you're shown Eliott is not there joining in on the chaos. And in S5 the boygang were dialed up in energy and i don't think that's a coincidence at all. They were so much that even i felt over stimulated. Now like i said i do think this is important for Eliott and important to his arc. He told Lola that he needed something for himself in the urbex and that he needs to be by himself and breathe. I can attest that people who suffer from mental illness need to get the fuck away sometimes. That the mind becomes chaos and over stimulated and you need to recharge your batteries in a safe space. I believe, and i think S6 is showing this, that this is what happened with Eliott. That it was too much, and in his own love nest, so he left Lucas to do what he wanted with his beloved friends, never kicked up a fuss and just went and did his own thing e.g. urbex and otteli. That he found peace in this natural art environment channeling his raccoon and made it a safe space. And that now Lucas is shown hanging out a lot with the boygang and Eliott is otteli the extreme urbexer. I also believe that this may come up between them as part of minute par minute. That they may be letting things slide on both sides for fear of upsetting the other. In S6 Lucas was hanging out with the boygang sans Eliott and Eliott was alone and able to go help Lola at a crucial moment. Lucas is out of the loop as he was away and that caused conflict between Elu the next morning. I think all of this will finally come to a head in the following weeks.

At one point under all the fanbase jokes and memes about Eliott and Lucas being adoptive parents to these idiots. It start's getting serious, because we find out Eliott has been going through a depressive spell. And while all this shit was happening too. That he was probably going through one as far back as the house warming, and put a brave face on. That him waking up at 3pm was part of it or even a hint to Otteli urbexing. But they show you that the boys wake him up. That he's not part of the meeting but joins later.

And then another scene that sets up Otteli the raccoon urbexer. He brings the gang to an abandoned building. This is the confirmation of what the fanbase always suspected about Eliott. That he has an urban exploration hobby. With La Petite Ceinture it was debated that Eliott liked to explore the Parisian underbelly in S3 but it wasn't expanded on. Now we see it. And Eliott brings sprays and they graffiti and have fun. This sets up so many things e.g. urbex, otteli tag, street art and the expression of art as a seasonal theme focussed on Eliott. This clip is about Arthur but now looking back it's actually Eliott. It sets up his hobby, how he helps people using art, how specifically he expresses himself through art, his secret identity, and his passion for urbex. All in this little clip. To add he's already tagged the building, probably when he found it. He uploads graffiti insta art that day of him in practice. Once again it's positive art and it's a beautiful flower. And in S6 we see all this. Eliott as an artist is a direct contrast to Lola and when Lola expresses herself through art it reflects through damage and breakage, ugly and negative depressing photography. I believe this is a theme and we see it with Lola and Eliott. Eliott will use his art to help her and seeing how he expresses love and connection through art e.g. polaris, love mural, friendship mural, possible art we have yet to see. Lola will change her view of not only the world but of how she expresses herself artistically. I do believe that is a theme of S6.

Then Eliott goes away for a few weeks. Lucas is asked about him and he lets the audience know that Eliott is struggling with his mental illness and lucas can do nothing but love him and wait. The week after Eliott posts on insta a cuddle selfie with the caption 'spring of the senses' and a hedgehog emoji. This tells us that Eliott is out of his depressive spell, that he's grateful for Lucas and considers it a rebirth. Again we see that Eliott's MI is ongoing and doesn't just get fixed in this relationship. We see Lucas's maturity with Eliott's illness but we also see hints that this mental illness is a weight on the relationship. That Eliott has sorta hinged the love on his mental health. That there's a theme in S6 right now of Eliott trying to lead Lola out of the darkness that he once found himself in. That Eliott himself was led out of the darkness by Lucas but there are now issues of agency and capability. That he fixates on this sorta 'saviour complex' maybe, and it'll be something very important for his rock bottom moment. Maybe Eliott must face and save himself this time to bring his arc full circle.

There are little hints which i don't think are accidental for Elu in S5. One of them is Lucas being late to the laser tag. Now i must stress Lucas is never late. That's Eliott's department, and the fanbase picked up on it. And i think it was to hint at Elu issues. Also when Lucas has his outburst at Arthur on Valentines, and Arthur rips into him. If you look at Lucas you see that he goes to say something, like he's trying to explain something but stops and doesn't continue. And the way Axel plays it is like Lucas looks stressed and strained. Again i don't think that's an accident at all. There's issues at home clearly.

Then Eliott shows up for the holiday. And he rents and drives the van for the gang. We see Elu domestic and in love, and again a pattern, as once again in S6 they'll fight but make up being all cuddly again. We see it when Eliott posts a love declaration to Lucas 2 days after their big Idriss fight in S4, we see it in S6 when they fight and then post a couples selfie later on. And it's probably hinted at here. They fought in the background at some point and are now super in love. So the show is depicting that they'll argue and still love each other. But it's also depicting issues being pushed to the side so they can be in love again (love bubble).

Ok, so Eliott is super happy and bouncy sunshine just loving life and Lucas. At one point he falls in love with a bunny he names Fifi. Now we see this is a habit as he also fell in love with a chocolate labrador and tried to steal him in the past. So Eliott just responds to vulnerability with affection and adoption e.g. lab, fifi, taking lola under his wing. For all his demons we see Eliott has a lot to offer the world. He's just well meaning and cares. Lucas gives into his pleading which is cute and then Fifi is killed and Eliott is heartbroken. So we see he gets attached to things and he puts a lot into that attachment. And when it backfires it hurts. Now i don't know if this is true but someone from that group chat leaked that Eliott was supposed to have an episode but it was cut. If true it again highlights how stressors can make Eliott spiral and he may spiral again (S6) but again i don't know if that S5 spiral is true, so i'm not gonna go further into that.

So then there's the cheating conversation and Eliott gives his view and then answers Bas's question. He's aware of what he did to Lucille. He says he's not proud of it but he emphasises Lucas's importance to him. He does it again in S6 and he's hinged his mental health on it which is crucial. Again it's just Eliott being Eliott. A hipster view of humanity, and not really judging anybody in particular. Just a general statement of the human condition. I just feel it's Eliott wanting to see the better in everything and not label anyone specifically.

You do see though that oblivious nature to Eliott's perspective. Like he says this around Lucas who has huge abandonment issues. Now i must stress it's not Eliott's fault because Lucas shows with Arthur later on that he hasn't confided these fears in Eliott. So Eliott is kind of blind here. Like he's playing with Lucas's hair. He's not even talking about their relationship. So i feel bad for the attacks that happened on Eliott. But it sets up how Eliott being friends with Lola is going to lead to miscommunication and mistrust. And it's setting up when Lucas comes clean to Eliott about his fears how puzzled Eliott's going to be, how on another page Eliott is. And it's setting up Eliott finally declaring to Lucas himself how much he means to him.

Then as Lucas is talking to Arthur about Eliott, Eliott bursts in early in the morning super sunshine giving zero fucks cuddling and kissing Lucas. And it shows that divide right in front of Arthur. How Lucas is like all worried and stressed over Eliott straying and then a second later he's all loved up and happy and just pushes that shit to one side. Like Lucas literally turns it off and on in this scene. And Eliott has no idea his boyfriend feels like this. This is the definition of the love bubble. And look at how well Lucas's hides this. That scene shows it all. It also sets up Eliott having a friend in a girl (Lucas and pansexuality) and Lucas fearing that Eliott will find something better and leave Lucas, it sets up the movie spoiler and how Lucas will take it, and it sets up the abandonment issues coming to the forefront in S6. It sets up them both understanding just how much they've been afraid to share and it sets up them trying to keep the relationship in the honeymoon mode. They're basically afraid to be real.

Last we see of Eliott he is back in that building and partying and vibing being Eliott. He then paints another mural. This time it's a friendship mural. And cements Eliott's art being used as a theme for the season e.g. S3 love, S5 friendship, S6 connection (upcoming theory). He is used to wrap up Arthur's themes and motifs in his season (Arthur fixated on space and the cosmos and using his insta to reflect the vacumn and loneliness of being HOH) now Arthur is among this huge cosmos grounded through the connection of friendship. It sets up the completion of the gang being at the forefront of the show, it shows the importance of them in each others lives. But crucially it shows Eliott seperated from that. So it is here where we see that Eliott doesn't include himself in the mural. This is Eliott establishing himself as a lone wolf on the periphery of connection. That he also has a perspective because he's on the periphery of the group, which serves him in S6 and connects him to the story. That he's not insulated, so can navigate the bigger picture. Can see what the group can't. It also sets up no matter how deep the demons run in Eliott he can still see love, positivity and connection in the world. That he gives back through his art. So the friendship mural was a gift to the gang and because he loves Lucas and knows the place the gang have in Lucas's life. And he has never interferred in that, or felt threatened. We see how Lucas looks at him and the gratitute and love coming from him.

Then Lucas posts an insta of him and Eliott in front of the mural holding hands. We see that Lucas has brought Eliott into the mural to say you're important to me too. But we see that he's there through Lucas and not because he belongs there. We see that Eliott doesn't feel a place in this group. That he'll be at the big events but other than that Eliott may be yet to find his place, or it could just simply be that Eliott forms small connections and not big ones. And now in S6 with his friendship with Lola and what he said in the church about not being comfortable around people? I took that to mean large groups and i took it to mean Eliott expressing himself with his MI and largely being an introverted person, as introverted people can be drained by their environment.

Finally i just wanted to address what Maxence said in the recent interview about. "He's lonely" first of all i was sad because i feel deeply for Eliott, but i'm also trying to work out what this means. Does he mean Eliott's lonely right now, or always has been? Is it to do with Lucas spending a lot of time away from him and it's caused him to try to find a distraction of his own? Is it to do with his introverted nature? Is it to do with him wanting someone to understand him? Is this his arc, to accept that's it's ok to be alone and not feel shamed, or is it simply his mental illness making him feel out of step with everyone? I haven't worked it out yet as you can see all the questions. But i may do a seperate post on this at some point. But i do believe right now it adds to the S6 themes of insulation v isolation.

My final post will be about Eliott and Lola's friendship. Thanks for reading. 💜

Ok I caught up with wtfock s3 because well, it felt weird to leave unfinished (except a few clips i just didn’t want to watch, like the attack one). here’s what worked and didn’t for me (i’m pretty critical so don’t read if that sort of thing upsets you or you’re not in the mood) because i still think having this story remade so often is an unprecendented storytelling experiment worth thinking about even when it doesn’t entirely work (and i think argumented criticism is good, but if you post hate about the actors/fans etc you really suck tbh) : 

- to start with positives : like many said, the acting was pretty damn good. overall wtfock has a really solid cast. the willems have succeeded in creating an onscreen queer intimacy that feels very believable, no holds barred and no awkwardness, and they have to be commended for that. there’s a lot of chemistry and tension at first between them, which then turns into something very soft and sweet and puppy-love-like. it was nice seeing Robbe evolve and the sweet bean energy that emanates from how the actor plays him is very very powerful. i also loved the warmth of the flatshare, and as a Dutchie I just adored the Sinterklaas bits, it was so funny and i loved the found family vibes. warmth is just something they do really well, esp with the last clips, perfume shopping, playing board games, the party at the end. They use the Christmassy vibes really well. the cinematography has its moments too, contrasts between warm and cold, the episode at the beach is gorgeous, the sequence in the tunnel, the light on their faces when they are in that classroom surrounded by drawings. wtfock as a whole is also good at creating some very lovable secondary characters, be it Milan, Yasmina, Noor, or especially king Senne. So, I do understand that there are things to love about this remake, which is probably why my disappointment feels so strong. I really wanted to care about these characters in their journey. 

- on to the controversial : i don’t necessarily fault them for wanting to show a more prononced aspect of homophobia. i think the debate about this often lacks nuance. on one hand, this is the sixth remake, and homophobia is something that is still often prevalent, and having one remake show that out of six is not in itself a problem. on the other, yes, happy fluffy stories are important, but sometimes people who have gone through stuff like this also need to see their experiences represented. the power of skam is that it shows difficult experiences BUT ALSO a happy ending. that can be very healing, i think, compared to other stories which focus only on the drama. the trouble is, i don’t think they dealt with it very well, or put any effort into processing the consequences of these harrowing things. and if you don’t, it feels cheap.

- on to my main gripe : the writing. previsible, i know. but to me, essential. and this is not about them ‘changing things’ - i like when remakes change stuff, when they do it well. the thing is, i have been burned too many times before. and when i sense that the writing is being wack, it makes it automatically much harder for me to invest emotionally in the characters. and simply put there were signs early on that made me distrust the writers. for starters, the first two episodes gave me a feeling that they didn’t have their priorities in order. the POV-immersion and depth is one of the most powerful aspects of skam, and it was lost. too many early clips felt out of Robbe’s perspective, and when it was him it was about Noor ; a few clips to show his discomfort were on point, but there were too many of them, and there were repetitive, losing time on what isn’t really an essential part of Robbe’s journey. and while they were spending time on clips that felt like misery flavored filler, they decided several times to condense original clips focused on Isak and Even, together ; like their first meeting and then their first hangout, or later in the series OHN and the minute by minute talk. and i think their story suffered from that. i think because they don’t have a real discussion early on, the buildup of their relationship feels mostly based on physical attraction. and while it certainly is a thing that happens, it just isn’t my fave love story thing. i missed the sweet pining from afar and tension that makes later drama believable. it felt like they brought the drama comparatively too fast without enough character work to make it worthwhile. Also there is just too much time spent on Zoenne drama, and their breakup seems like it foreshadows the dreaded s4 love triangle, which, yikes. the focus is all over the place, the rythm felt incoherent. 

- what’s more, they decided to introduce pretty grave elements of plot, like Robbe using slurs against Sander, the homophobic attack, the suicidal urges on both their sides, Sander kissing Britt while he was still saying I love you to Robbe in the morning, without either proper build up or resolution. It made it all feel cheap, jarring, and unearned, especially when they didn’t put trigger warnings or made jokes about it on insta or waited forever to give news about the characters being ok. it felt like drama for the sake of drama, and definitely not written with a vulnerable audience of queer teens in mind. and at the same time, when it came to the ‘big scenes’ of their relationship, like the first kiss or the universes talk or sander’s episode, it felt more or less lifted from OG without a lot of effort made to adapt it to them. i actually quit live watching/blogging after the first kiss scene, because of how similar it was, and how uninspired it felt, and lukewarm. it felt like a lack of imagination. when it came to OHN, the scene in itself was lovely, but the weird time gap, random timing and people seemingly doing nothing after a suicidal Sander disappeared, sort of broke it for me.  In the OG the combo of buildup, longing, realisation, fear, release works so well in a sequence, and splitting it over time really diluted it, to me. Similarly the quickly thrown out ‘life is now’ at the ending felt sort of out of nowhere, while in OG it was such a lovely bookend, him apologizing to Eva and reflecting on his growth. The symbolism, which ties everything so beautifully together in themes of rebirth, salvation, baptism, union, faith, deciding your own narrative in OG, here feels inconsistent. There is an attempt I see, something about wasteland vs. warmth/family, but it’s often absent of main clips. It’s nowhere near as coherent as it could be. 

- all of this builds up to the main problem for me, of the season. which is, i didn’t really get into Robbe and Sander’s relationship. Or their individual arcs for that matter. When it comes to Robbe, I guess he just isn’t my type of character. I feel like he is missing the fire of an Isak. A lot of the time he just felt too passive, like he let other characters make his decisions. I was waiting for him to stand up for himself more than he did. And there are too many scenes of another character doing his coming out for him. And then Sander ; I have to say I don’t understand all the love his character gets. Maybe because that’s because he sort of gives me Dutch fuckboi vibes...but there were several times he just came accross as a flat out asshole. I found him intriguing in his intro clip, chaotic and charming, but that never really went where i expected it to. i didn’t get his passion, what drew him to art. the symbolism around his character - basically Bowie, and drawing Robbe, and Chernobyl (which is a bit tasteless imho, turning a tragedy like that into a cutesy romantic thing), feels ...disjointed, and shallow to me. Like I never really got into it. And maybe some people did and noticed deeper links but to me, I got stuck at the surface. I saw a lot of interesting theories with what was going on with him but in the end they just copied OG. And I’m sad to say, but he ended up feeling like a manic pixie dream boy cliché to me, and i just didn’t understand what drew them to each other so strongly. Yes, Robbe is caring and Sander is in need of care, but that feels like a very reductive reproduction of OG. Beyond that...i don’t know. Certain complexities of the OG i loved  just...were sanded away, like Isak being ignorant about MI and learning compassion. This just...didn’t feel like it had the same depth, and often felt like soapy teenage drama, leaning too hard and too lazily on the actors’ chemistry. i like my romances wordy and solidly enmeshed in character development, and this was not it. It never felt like they had a real conversation about things, esp after the drama. 

- i think this is the first remake that made me actually angry for reasons not related to problematic cast shit, and so i’m trying to analyze that emotion. for me it comes down to too much drama, too heavy handed. Too much of the boy squad being shitty to Robbe, too much Noor, too much filler clips without any deeper meaning, too much things distracting from getting to know the main characters and going into their issues in depth. They changed stuff, but didn’t have the guts to actually follow through. They broke the mold but only in ways that ended up feeling shallow and unconsequential. Like I would have loved seeing Robbe go to therapy ! see his mom ! Zoe and Robbe go to the police together ! Sander have a complicated home situation ! or doing a Bowie related art installation to express his feelings of alienation ! seeing more of the underground graffiti scene ! or just...something, idk. And them also removing the faith-related themes also felt disappointing. and the ohn clip taking place in the place where sander draws feels very....basic to me, even if it was pretty. very ‘oh he’s an artist, here is his safe place’....hm, okay. I didn’t like that they made Britt into such a villain, I didn’t like how the boy squad showed no care for Robbe whatsoever for weeks until the plot said it was time for them to be redeemed in a way that felt too jarring, and I didn’t like that they made Moyo so horrible but redeemed him so easily. I actually thought they would show that it’s okay to separate yourself from friends who are that bigoted, because it just shows they are not willing to care for people. And him suddenly saying those sweet and mature things felt too out of characters and a ahah ‘gotcha’ rather than depth . I didn’t like that Robbe, too, was made so virulent by his internalized homophobia but got over it so quickly. I think what disappointed me most, in the end, was that I kept picking up potential and the show kept doing absolutely nothing with it, or confirming my fears, and it made me feel stupid and out of tune with whatever they were doing. And it’s, to me, symptomatic in modern storytelling of a trend to privilege shocks and twists over inner coherence and build up. And it makes for...Very underwhelming stuff, in the end. 

- all in all, i think this remake illustrates why s3 of OG is not as easy to remake as it sounds. it’s very intricate machinery, with a pitch perfect rhythm (and an extremely passionate nitpicky fanbase lmao). and if you don’t get all the parts of why it’s so great, you’re going to lose a lot of it. (and all the remakes ended losing up stuff in translation ; more or less compensated by inventivity and charm of their own.) so many mainstream press articles praise the real time/social media format and the ‘real talk about teen issues’ which, yeah, is part of the success, but doesn’t explain the devotion on its own. there’s the way the story uses real time to build up a storytelling rythm that feels organic and makes sense as if it was part of the lives of the viewer. There’s foreshadowing and aftershocks. Wtfock often feels like they wrote the clip numbers on darts and randomly threw them at a week planner. If an episode of a regular series ends on a cliffhanger, we can be thrilled and frustrated and put it aside for next week. but if you end an episode with a character shown to be suicidal, or you don’t show them being okay after a beating, for hours or days, that’s the emotion you leave your viewers with, because skam is a continuous experience. and remakes who pile on drama moments without respite (looking at you too skamfr s4) don’t get how tiring and disengaging this can be, in this format. skam worked so well because of how benevolent it was, on the whole. and also, cheeky, with that ‘don’t take it too seriously’ deflating humor. grumpy isak in ‘hate me now’ mode getting bumped into. this lightness and comedy often feels missing here. also my god the social media is absolutely terrible. plus...there is too much filler. honestly, them having more time, on the whole...ended up being a bad thing. Plus Wtfock feels like it has so much more unadressed plot points, like...why did Sander change his mind exactly and kiss Britt again ? How did Robbe’s mom react ? Who did the attack ? What is happening w Senne now ? etc. And it feels like they just missed the fact that OG, however subtly, did adress those things. 

- now, don’t get me wrong, i’m happy it’s popular in Belgium. On the whole it’s still a beautiful story of love and acceptance. and that people found something in it that spoke to them. but as a remake, it’s probably one of the most disappointing yet, to me. and i sort of...don’t get the hype. and i don’t want to be too ‘oh cute boys kissing’ cynical about it. but i think this illustrates why in the end, this is also very subjective. there are probably things i missed because i didn’t feel the need to examine it in depth or do the extra emotional work that comes with being a devoted fan of something. and some of their choices made me angry, and i’m not forgiving when it comes to these things. i still wish them success for s4 and whatever else, but i don’t think i will watch live, at least unless it gets really rave reviews about their treatment of Yasmina’s season. i mean they got s2 right, who knows? 

unfriending my phone

So the leaves are finally starting to drop off the trees around here, giving me all the autumnal/winter pinterest-your-way-to-Halloween vibrations. Nature has a canny way of living and dying and getting rid of what it doesn’t need, taking time out, taking a rest and putting its feet up while the cold weather sets in. It doesn’t need to tweet about it, or update an instagram story with the caption “Branches are dying off lolz.” Autumn marks the beginning of death and decay, it won’t be long until we start posting pictures of our favourite streets coated in leaves (I’m into it). It’s amazing; so many of us love the colours of the fall but in essence, it is the death of living things that we celebrate, so that everything can start anew next year. That’s reality, and I think that’s beautiful. 

Here’s my point. I wish social media would take a break; I wish it would curl up in front of the fire, maybe die off and come back better for everyone next year. I know so many people who now log out of their apps, only to be sent emails from the apps themselves trying to help them “get back online.” This happened to me two weeks ago. 

I don’t know whether I was suffering from PMS, or if I’d been sitting around too long, but my anxiety came on through flood gates I’d obviously forgotten to shut, so it took me a little while to realise the frequency had returned and was buzzing underneath everything before I tried to counteract its presence. I’ve realised I find it quite difficult trying to relive just how my anxiety feels in those moments, because everything seems like a big grey, squishy worm that bleeds into each passing minute, floating midair, making the atmosphere dreadful and vehr wormy. So there are no definitive emotions. Just worry, dread, pressure around my brain and the existential worry that I am not enough.  What I can recall, though, is that I was on social media so often I must have feared it was going to miss me. I have noticed that in times of my quarter life existentialism, the less I have going on around me, the more I automatically, without thought or intention, find myself immersed balls deep in social media. It takes around an hour of surfing absolute dink before I even realise how deep my balls are in the first place. I scrolled mindlessly, and through that open window of my phone, that little ignorant bitch named anxiety flew in as easily as a mother-fucking pidgeon, and I felt just as bad as that time I accidentally pronounced Pinot Grigio as Pee-not-Gri-guy-O. But alas! What did I do, but continue to swipe my poor little finger, as if it would find some answer, some pick-me-up that would relieve the overwhelming feeling of I-HAVE-FAILED (and believe me, when I ordered a Pee-not-Gri-guy-O to that waitress in the restaraunt I did feel that same sense of existential failure). I couldn’t explain to you or myself what I was looking for, and yet the more I found myself looking the worse I felt.

Let me tell you, that shit is as dangerous and addictive as gambling. 

Did you know, Twitter was the first application to develop the pull-to-refresh feature, which was essentially mimicry of a slot machine? It wasn’t long before all the others followed suit (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat et al); ever wonder why you keep refreshing your pages? Do you hope to see something new? Something more beautiful? Something you’ve been tagged in? What’s the difference between you and the fella in Aspers, feeding in twenty after twenty into the machine, in the hopes that this time, this time, he’ll be rewarded? What about the woman who keeps getting four fifties changed at a time, laying all her chips on the roulette table, and losing it all, only to change more money, because this time, this time, she might win? 

It’s not about the money any more. It’s about seeking the reward, the win, the fulfilment, and in social media’s world, validation.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/may/08/social-media-copies-gambling-methods-to-create-psychological-cravings

So I’ve known for a while the power the internet and social media apps have had over me; all the articles I read in research for my novel really opened my eyes. Sometimes, though, I’m just as good as all the other people on the bus; neck craned, eyes cast downwards, quickly researching Ariana Grande’s insta feed to salivate over her aesthetic, or to see why everyone thought she was responsible for Mac Millers death (hint: she wasn’t). It’s because, just like everyone else, I’m totally addicted to my phone.

Aside: I’m not blaming my bout of anxiety on social media, I’m just noting that it is a huge factor in how I perceive my life.

I use social media as a drug for my restlessness, and I receive sweet fuck all from it. Every time I look, it’s a reminder of how little I’m working, because I’m spending all my time thinking about working and looking at other people succeeding. It integrates this sense of failure, the smallness of my successes look in comparison, to be puney and frail. My lovely living room, amidst the quaint backdrop of my London suburb, looks boring against other artists hanging out in studios and lounging against LA backdrops online. What a failure I am; I’m eating into my savings to pay rent and afford food, I can’t buy that nice contouring set they’re selling to look the part, I’m flogging my clothes on Depop for spare change, I can’t afford flights there, I can’t afford any of this and I’m still chasing this pathetic goal of making money from my art. Every time I leave my parents house, my Dad hugs me and says, “Keep your head up, it’ll happen,” even if I haven’t spent the last two days complaining, even if I’m content, even if I run a bloody half marathon. Everyone’s still aware that she’s still trying, she’s not there yet. It’s really quite easy to lose yourself in those thoughts, it’s easy for me to reel all this off for the sake of a blogpost, but in the end I have to remind myself of the reality.

And that is, I’m fine. I’ve been doing better than I have for a long time. I’m excited, I’m getting motivated, I’m trying, I’m earning, I’m positive about the future. I’m looking after myself.It’s uncertain at times, but life is uncertain. I’m not stepping forward to play the victim in the play of me life. But that’s the kind of outlook I have in hindsight when I haven’t been on my phone all day, because social media does not help my anxiety, or hinder its progress at all. It encourages it. Instagram feeds off of my insecurity and isolation, Twitter feeds off my desire to be all knowing, Facebook creates the illusion that I’m connected when in reality I’m more separated from everyone on there than I’ve ever been.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/may/19/popular-social-media-sites-harm-young-peoples-mental-health

As a generation, we’re so very disenfranchised but we’re all part of this huge market. It feels as though we’re connecting, and don’t get me wrong, social media is great for self expression and identity and openness. But at the end of the day, it’s a business, and we’re it’s blind, salivating customers. It’s a marketplace for everyone to sell themselves, even when they have no goods to offer. We’re advertised products that an algorithm predicted we’d like, we’re told to post daily to reach more followers, but most of them are bots or strangers who won’t look at your page more than once. Everyone follows each other but we don’t support or give like we used to. I get the odd comment on Instagram complimenting me on my “content,” but that “content” is just my life, I don’t plan it, I don’t create it, it just is. When did our lives become fictional?! I’m all about real action, not figurative or hopeful. I’m about judging my relationships on how they are outside of an app, not what’s said inside of it. It’s too easy to lose ourselves in the virtual version of reality, where we can create how we’re seen. That’s the side of social media that I see, in terms of how it reflects back to me; it’s dark and foreboding, it’s void of meaning. And that is why I’ve been logging out. I want to enjoy it when I’m on there, not reminded of every flaw in my makeup. I rarely login in to Facebook now. I allow myself, twice a day, to look at Instagram (my main vice and source of all my first world anguish), and now I’ve been off-line, my desire to browse the app has diminished dramatically. I notice my boredom better than before; It doesn’t hold my attention. I caught myself scrolling half loaded pictures (bad wifi connection) this morning, and realised fifteen seconds in that I wasn’t actually looking at anything, I was swiping, endlessly, but the pictures were blurry and it was only the subconscious idea that something would appear that kept me going. So I put my phone down and finished my poop.

Has anyone else found themselves doing something similar? Has anyone else tried logging out? What kind of an effect did it have on you, on your mental health? What kind of an effect does your active participation on social media have, as a whole, on your mind? Do you feel less connected to the world, or more connected to those around you? Perhaps you have a better relationship with your phone than I do. *shrug*

I know I sound like a real doomsayer with my dark cloak (I’m not really wearing a cloak, but damn I think I’d like to) and and my seemingly pessimistic outlook. It’s not my intention to negate social media’s power to instigate positive change; just look at iWeigh, Help Refugees, Political Jules or Coppafeel. All good people using a Instagram to better spread their message of good health, equality and better body image across all platforms. I also believe the people who have really nailed social media are the heroes, the mums and dads of Facebook and Instagram, using Facebook to share with friends and family. That’s the whole point, and I personally think that we’re missing it as a younger generation. It’s so easy to lose ourselves in a business who’s main priority is traffic across all its apps. It doesn’t care what the traffic is, whether its bad or good, friend or foe, wizard or troll (I’ve been re-reading the Harry Potter books again), only that we’re there and we’re active. 

I reckon I really am an old woman at heart; so shoot me. I love my plants and painting, and I dream of living in some log cabin with an art studio, with a huge allotment, my main man and a couple of dergs, Bob Ross style. I love making music and getting on stage and performing, I love acting and I love media and I love galleries, I adore bookshops, beaches, forests. The whole, soppy whack. So what? I’m a romantic.

(That’s the only cool old lady gif I could find)^^^

I’m tired of stalling real conversations because either they or I have been sucked into apps, emails or jigsaw puzzles (it me). I want to live in this real world and create in this real world, but the discontent and conflict I feel is sometimes really, really irritating; I don’t want to use social media for my art, but it seems the only way you’re to be judged by labels and music makers. How much of a following do you have? How many likes do you pull in? How often do you post? It’s not about your art any more, it’s how good you are at selling it. I have enough trouble dealing with all the cogs turning in my brainbox without thinking about all this bullshit. And it goes beyond all that, it’s really irrelevant what career I choose, social media is addictive regardless of what we do. 

So fuck that. I play the game when I have to, but I’m not bending over backwards for it.