#and love IS stored in the edward not just al both suffered EQUALLY this neglect | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fullmtal · 2 years

Text

‘ analysis.

edward basically had to be the head of the house around five- four in short? not old enough to be that. hohenheim left him with a glare and this is literally edward, old enough to know something is wrong, old enough to notice and old enough to have his heart smashed into pieces, no matter the reasoning hohenheim had. so that love turned into hatred and dislike and fear and grief and it turned into a very locked and guarded horror of any adult actually trying to show sympathy or compassion.

because he’s been neglected and then weighed with essentially raising al with his mother and also protecting said sickly mother who literally had tears in her eyes at the mere mention no matter how hard she smiled. ed has been saddled with burden and responsibility since he was a baby and he literally just took it?

and even at 15-16 this is his reaction to even thinking of his father.

because hohenheim hurt al, hurt his mom, who died young and it’s so easy to pin all the blame on him because he left them and trisha was already dying, something he found out too late, but that he wasn’t there at all and that at first he did ask about his dad coming home, but that lasted what? a few days after seeing carefully, ever insanely perceptive, his mother’s shifted demeanor and thinly veiled tears and alphonse’s frowning and confused face. the moment he put on a glare for edward and alphonse, the moment he left that gaping hole of neglect and abandonment even unintentional that was it. he wasn’t a father anymore.

and while edward has compassion because edward cannot turn off his kindness, his insane capacity for love? the promised day really didn’t do hohenheim and edward’s relationship any favors because it left ed no closure, only tears, only anger, rage at his offer of using his life as a toll and confusion.

so adults....caring about him scares the living hell out of him. fills him with anger because he has to be skeptical of them because if al is fond of them, he could get burned again. he HAS to be the one to look after the elric brothers as a whole as both the protector / eldest and because he cannot BEAR to see alphonse waiting at an empty door.

‘ for as long as i can remember....i never once remembered ‘that man’ acting like a father. ‘ note he doesn’t say anything but ‘that man’. he’s so removed from him.

hohenheim is a fascinating character, and has so much depth and is so masterfully written? but that doesn’t change his decisions absolutely broke edward and alphonse in different ways, and ed as the oldest and ‘little man of the house’ had to pick up the pieces. he is not a good father no matter how much he loved his family. frankly i don’t think he knew how. but al mentions he barely remembers hohenheim, but ed remembers /enough/ that he has nightmares of him. and he remembers enough of al’s sweet, innocent face asking for their father. and that breaks him in half.

how many times do you think ed early stages had to hide his rage and distract al from that?

and he can’t bear for al to be in more pain than he already is. he’s the big brother. it’s his job and his choice and he will always look out for alphonse until he dies.

he was a child --- he shouldn’t have had to. and now hohenheim dies before they ever have any kind of closure save a sorry too late, that only invokes sobbing and pain from edward himself.

he’s just another ghost in edward’s heart, and he believes fully he should try to do this for alphonse because primarily he IS on the lookout for adults trying to win favors with them in the disguise of love or kindness because it could just be another repeat of trusting an adult figure and loving them slowly, and i genuinely think ed thinks and i have a whole other thing on that, it’s ‘easier’ to bear it himself, but if AL gets hurt again....it’s almost unbearable. remember in edward’s eyes he feels he is the one that is completely responsible for alphonse’s condition and the sin as a whole as both elder brother and ringleader. he isn’t trying to rob alphonse of his agency on that, but he genuinely has always, always out of adoration and love once he got to know his baby brother, felt responsible for him out of his own choice while having full faith on alphonse making his own decisions as an individual fully capable.

ed tries so hard to spare alphonse from unnecessary pain. he just....forgot that he had a right to that too. or more aptly, he doesn’t allow himself it at all.

#/ long post #𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐀 * ── the anatomy of a heart of steel.#ask to tag.#can we blame ed really for being so cagey with adults #never relying on them?#the kid was abandoned with his baby brother #series hits home that ed is constantly nonstop protecting emotionally or physically even at 4'11 his little brother without coddling bc #that is job as a GOOD elder brother.#the best big brother in fiction imho.#*his #he is constantly on guard and everything is for al's sake and the vast VAST people he loves even when he tried hard not to.#ed is HEARTBREAKINGLY KIND and we don't talk enough about it.#to him it was like hohenheim threw his love in the trash.#and love IS stored in the edward not just al both suffered EQUALLY this neglect #ed prioritizes alphonse above himself by elder brother nature and because al is literally canonly connected to him by the literal soul ?#that he FORGETS like with everyone else.#to prioritize himself.#and it makes al rightfully mad and upset.#as he should.#but considering how it STARTED?#a lot of this neglect played into it .#but above all he loves and sacrifices of his own volition.#he won't let his trauma taint that.#he isn't just hurting for himself on this neglect.#he's hurting for /alphonse/.#he's hurting for /trisha/.#it's kind of horrifying how little ed processes that he's also hurting for himself.#ugh ed....please think of yourself.#but i think if he sat down with all this immeasurable pain and burden he wouldn't be able to do the finish line of the series.#that's genuinely how he feels.

16 notes · View notes