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#and its just sooo fucking embarrassing why am i so incapable of keeping my shit together
notfullyfunctional · 1 year
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god i used to be so stoic this is so humiliating what happened
#some little bullshit conflict w my coworker that i knew i was in the right abt and was fucking pissed in my head#and he brings it to the boss#amd shes standing there talking to me telling me all the stuff that i knew#basically taht i wasnt doing jack shit wrong#and im like visibly having a mental breakdown for no reason#and she very clearly notices#and its just sooo fucking embarrassing why am i so incapable of keeping my shit together#at least if i git fired or smth i wouldve had smth to be upset abt but she was just like#nah this is stupid and you're doing your job exactly how you were told to and im on the verge of tears for no goddamn reason#i wasnt even upset at that point#ig ik why tho its not exactly the mystery im portraying it as#i cannot handle not being Perfect let alone having anyone have a genuine issue w me#i cannot handle being yelled at#and i have. no fucking emotional regulation.#its just all truly revolting i hate it#i can be upset all i want but why does it have to be on display for everyone in the room all the time#what happened to the massive wall i used to have where no one had any clue what i was feeling#no but it occurs to me that any complaint abt me immediately makes me think i have no worth as a human being and thats probably bad#i probably should not think that whether i deserve to exist hinges on shit like this#but it does actually and my failure to be pure perfection at all times means that i deserve the worst life has to offer <3#now if youll excuse me ill be shooting myself now
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