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#and im v unwilling to do that now while lots of my brain architecture is still built for that interaction style.
g8d
·
1 month
Text
dont remember if i ever was this angry at anyone before
#keep thinking abt [redacted]
#wack. tbh
#like embarrassing idgaf abt this guy why is he still on my mind.
#this is some ego feeding shit like its cool to hate and be angry or something?
#its just that i think he should be corrected. but the system is not in agreement on this.
#guy was like my best friend for a couple months never even asked abt the system lol n theyr like looking out for him
#or i guess mby theyre looking out for me/us. so as to not go to jail/be haunted by our choices our whole lives.
#whatever
#i know how to make it stop it is just taking time and effort. because its like 1. kind of addictive so i keep accidentaly/habitually reinfo
#cing it and 2. the other option is to face that im hurt and i cant do shit about it realy other than ... LeArN from it or some shit
#like learn what? i already went full schizoid over this.
#maybe i dont need to learn shit lol maybe i already did it :)
#so just the pain then. and overcoming the hate habit. and like just letting it go and forgetting abt it
#but the thing is that he needs to die i think.
#i want to kill kill kill kill him so bad.
#i hope hes not reading this in case i ask to meet him again sometime. for business.
#maybe thats why its still on my mind
#because im unwilling to let go of the idea that we could help eachother if i wasnt so stupid hurt over some little thing (the nasty shit he
#pulled that hurt me lol) like bro. bro. im not going to just get over it. like thts rly the thing. 3-5 yrs ago i would have totally just
#elected to get over it and make up or smth like that.
#and im v unwilling to do that now while lots of my brain architecture is still built for that interaction style.
#so when im thinking kill kill kill kill im going to [redacted as fuck im not putting that shit online this is already bad enough] mby im
#actually killing the mental structures that make me a target for abuse :)))))))))
#all is good in the world i love myself and my life. and absolutely no one else. except my mom and my friends and that one other guy who als
#might read my blog but i really doubt it bc he doesnt evenrly ask me how im doing or anything . its cool though. for now.
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