#and im envious that the partners of these people are supportive of that lifestyle and encourage it
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#envy is so poisonous#i wish i knew how to stop making myself seethe with envy and yearning but god I just want to know what it's like so badly#i want to quit my job and fuck off to a rural little place up north to see what real fall and real winter are like#im tired of the sounds of a city im tired of the smell of tar and dust im tired of it being 90 negrees in November#im tired of working retail and im tired of being tired#but i don't work hard enough to be a full time artist#how can i when i have to work all day come home cook and clean and do laundry and feed the animals and try to get my work done for class#im so exhausted by other things and other people#and the housing market is so fucked up anyway#ive been watching videos about the down sides to living in a rural area and the sacrifices it takes to live that way#but it doesn't make me want it any less#and im envious that the partners of these people are supportive of that lifestyle and encourage it#i want to fucking G O#but my partner is happy here and has no desire or ability to move#i am happy but more and more i feel like im in a cage due to circumstances#i didn't think committing myself to this person was going to mean committing to the shitass himetown I've never left#i don't want to leave him and I would never but i want to leave Here
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