#and i shouldnt hsve trusted him that much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

naalamuse · 1 year

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This is about youu, chunke!

I have talked about you to few people a million times that they doesnt want to hear your name from my mouth anymore. You are the indirect situationship i had that i cant stop thinking about. but this post is the end to it. all this time i have never been fully honest but this tine, its gonna be real.

okay, you met me at a vulnerable point of time. i was in a relationship maly into that person. i even planed a life with him, wanted to settle down and even arrived at a date 2031 to get married with him. the number of kids everything. I loved him, and i dont hsve any grudges now.

But, in college i was unhappy. i always ran to my bf in phone(i had a b set in first year) and talked to him. i was scared of everybody. I had severe issues ands i judged me a lot. i did notice you and i liked you for some reason. like i knew i would like to be friends with you.

Mybe it was becuase you were friendly with everyone and i wanted to be like that. but i was so scared and when you did approach me(just like others) i ran away, or i ignored. later on you told me that i looked like i had no interest. the truth was that i was so interested that i knew i would ruin it or people will see through me, or already is seeing my weaknesses.

then we started talking. how? yh you talked to me at my weakest times. what happened was that i was so sad and i was scared of people that i was crying that day, and you understood. so yopu asked ...i guess.

I was pretty surprised. i still remember the haopiness. becayse someone noticed and that someone was alrady liked by me.

and we started tal;kinhg.

we started talking so much that we even talkede about deep stuff. i talked about my sexual stuffs, and you were too re assuring. ytpu said i was your bestfriend and thats the reason why you are telling all that. i was also happy to hear that. i loved you a lot but not like in a relationship way because at that time also i was in a relationship i was talking about yopu to him. he was happy too. that's another story.anywqays we became close. i trusted you.

the things we talked include stuff that normal people done really share. or atleast i wouldnt have. thats why i was so attached with you.then all of a sudden, some stuffs changed.

i hink i fely bad when you asked me for friends with benefits in t or d game. i then tried to make it nrmal but it never bvecame. so it was weird.

but it really hurt me. i was scared and i even asked you later on and ypu said you didnt tell anyone but maybe am hallucinating bvut sometimes i feel like evryone knopws./ i am scared of that?

but am rembvvboning all that scary parts for now. and ever. even if the world knows about things , the intimate stuff, its not the worst thing ever. its not okay but i can deal with t. i dont want to be ashamnerd of my self. sex isnt npothing to be ashamed of and sicussing it with a best friewnd who i thought so is ok. noww what?after that i did trell that all out to others when i got druk. that was sick of me. i shouldnt have done that. adu vendarnu.,

i dont want to keep grudges too.i became obsessed wiht him, thought about a lot an ffinally fell for him. i fell for him becuase he left me and made e feel s[epacial and nothing at the same time. it all happened oin 2021 and here i am in 2023 stiull thinking about him.

okay, this is an open letter to you. i realy liked you. i wanted you to be there i m,y life. i liked you i really mean it. i had grudge too, a bit. but i liked you thats the truth. but i am letting you go, because i liked you because iogf my own trauma and theres nothing about you that i actually want. i don not like you, i just like the idea. i didnt want to progress in my life becauyse i wasnt ready so i took you asnd putr ypu asxz my love or something. nbnow its gone becuaeeam not stupid anymore. no more all that. i have a life so i doint have time for this anymore.

i am not gonna say this to anyone, that i wrote here and all, because no one needs to now. only myself.

my bigger regret is telling people about it, it was a mistake and to rectify it, i need to stop all this.

you are not in my mind anymore. i am so happy tpo finaaly allopwing myself to breath and toi stop in this day dream. once i stop day dreaming about you, i can start living my life.

i am following you on instagram, lets see. am donme with you ansd fpfgr that i can allow myelf that.

ok i followed you, you are having a public ac.

i am finally ready to live my life without neing revolved around by you.

#am done with past

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