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daughterofthereaper02 · 2 years

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*slides in the asks* If you don't mind, could we (mainly me) get a part Two of the diabetic reader? Maybe with the reader happily answering any questions the siblings have for them? Or just fun times?

I will gladly answer any more questions you have.

A/N: Of course! HERE is a link back to part one of this story. There will be a prologue with a diagnosis but I'm not sure when that will be out.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE CONTINUING ONTO THIS STORY!

This is purely FICTION due to this, there may be some inaccuracies within the story. A big thank you to the anon for responding with further information. Another huge thank you to @blackcat2907 who sent me so much information to properly display having diabetes. One thing, you will be denied from joining the military in real life if you have any type of diabetes. You can get medical waivers when trying to enlist but a good portion of the time they are denied, others they will let you into boot camp and deny your waivers then. With this information, please do not comment 'this isn't possible', I know it and so do you so let's save our time. Like I said, FICTION. There will also be inaccuracies about the military and top gun school itself.

I apologize if I portrayed anything wrong and I hope you enjoy this!

You helped Phoenix setting down the food everyone brought for a little barbecue get together. You both were control freaks as people tried to put the brownies with the salads so you two took over and set everything up. It was maybe a week since the incident and you were all getting together to hang out but also for you to explain everything to them.

You all sat down, you wouldn’t start eating for a bit still because the charcoal for the grill was still heating up for the burgers and hotdogs. “Okay, you all wanted to know about me being diabetic?” you asked as you sat on the wooden swing in the backyard, your father next to you to put in parts that you didn’t really remember. Jake, Nat, and Robert nodded, currently it was only them there and you would explain everything to Fanboy, Payback, and Coyote on a later date, they had been sent on a mission and had to miss the barbecue. Bradley sat with them even though he already knew everything as you had grown up with him.

“Okay, so she was diagnosed at age six. I noticed that she was tired a lot and wanted her to get checked out. Don’t get me wrong, she is my kid so she was a ball of energy! But she was tired a lot more often. So I got her checked and she was diagnosed. We stayed at the hospital for a few days as they taught us everything we needed to know, that was what foods she could eat and the moderation of certain foods, we were taught how to carb, and how to use everything. You wouldn’t believe how stressed I was” he laughed, “I was just managing to figure out how to take care of a girl and now I had this” he said softly. You reached over and grabbed his hand “And you did amazing dad. Number one father” you winked with a grin. “You took on the role of mom, dad, and uncle” you said as you glanced at Bradley “Better then anyone would expect” you told him and kissed your fathers cheek. He smiled and squeezed your hand “Thanks sweetheart” he murmured and you bumped his shoulder with yours.

You looked at your siblings in all but blood, blushing as they watched the soft interaction between you both as you were usually both very awkward when you weren’t working on his bike or plane together. “Okay!” You said, clapping your hands, “Information over load time people! Bradley, you already know everything so you are exempt from the test after” you joked. “You all already know about low blood sugar but you don’t know about high blood sugar” you told them. “A normal range is usually 120 to 180. A high amount is over 180 to 250 which is too high. 300 is dangerous and 400 is extremely dangerous. When the blood sugar gets this high it will cause the person to get very thirsty, go to the bathroom more, there will be dizziness and weakness along with tiredness. You’ll also get nauseous from this.” you explained to them, “Before our workouts, I typically raise mine due to the fact it burns and turns into energy, you want to avoid getting too low like I did the other day” you said.

You gave them a minute to process it before Jake raised his hand “How do you lower it?” he asked you curiously. You grinned “I would use more insulin and then drink water to bring it down. You know how to bring it up with juice” you smiled. “Now onto the fun part! Bradley, cover your ears. I know you get queasy from talking about needles and tubes” you joked. He blushed “Hey! I’m usually good when I actually see it! To hear about it makes me wanna pass out, the act doesn’t!” He pouted but walked away anyway.

You rolled up the sleeve of your t-shirt, “This” You said, pointing to the device on your upper outer right arm, “Is a CGM, short for Continuous Glucose Monitor” you explained “What this does is checks my blood sugar levels with a tube under my skin. It stops me from having to constantly prick my finger to check my levels.” You told them, they looked extremely focused on every word you were saying. “I use these little patches to keep it on for the fourteen days that it stays on. I have to change spots constantly to avoid an infection or the sight just getting too sore. It does come with a device to read my levels but this one is compatible with my phone so it makes it easier for me” you finished.

They all nodded, taking in the information you had just given them. You didn’t want to give them an information overload, “You guys okay or you want me to wait for a few more minutes so you can get drinks?” you asked them. Nat laughed “We’re not delicate, you know that better then anyone! Keep going” she insisted and you put your hands up in defeat. “Alright, alright!” you laughed, “So! There are two types of insulin and ways to administer it. The types are long and short acting, each has a purpose. The long is for overnight and the short is for meals and to correct, like I said with the high blood sugar” you told them. “Now where Bradley gets queasy” you said, “The ways to administer it is either through a pen or pump. The pump is more complicated by having wired and tubeless, each are different. You went into the details, explaining that wired was outside with a insulin reservoir and a catheter in the abdomen. You then explained the tubeless being under the skin and in a reservoir programmed to dispense certain amounts when your body reached certain levels. You let them take in the information before going into the pen, “This is simple. You take the pen and inject it into your stomach, outer thigh, or your upper outer arm” you explained, going into detail on how to set up the pen.

They sat there for a few minutes and either you or your dad answered the simple questions they had left over. “I can’t believe you’ve done this your whole life” Bob said in shock and you smiled, “A lot of people do” you told him. It wasn’t long after that that you got to go eat and everything felt a lot lighter. Your friends all knew how to help you and what you went through with a better understanding. You noticed nothing changed even after everything, you didn’t have them worrying over you as you drank certain drinks or when you played dogfight football. It was just sweet and you couldn’t be more thankful.

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imfartooobsessedwithkpop · 2 years

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From age 9-15 i was sexually abused by my brother. I was bullied from a very Young age about my weight, I remember lying about my weight because I was so embarrassed, id compare myslef to my friends, i hated going out to eat. I remeber looking at my thighs and stomach at age 11 as a guy says "youre definitely heavier than me" (i definitely was not. This kid was obsese for a child, i certainly wasnt) but i thought "wow you really look like that?"

At age 12, I started to walk everywhere without a jacket because "being in the cold burns fat" I wasn't restricting, but I was very self continous and wary of myself, on busses I'd get upset that my legs spead, I'd skip breakfast, and started to not take lunches into school and just keep my lunch money when I got it.

I used to be a hard worker in school until about half way through year 9, i joined cadets and was groomed by a nco, who was 19, i was taken advantage of, and i blame myself for it to this day because i was "mature for my age" at 14. This went on till i was 15, I kinda stopped. Idk if it was cause by that event or just that I learned the art of cheating lol but I was also just too distressed to learn anything and I felt guilty and useless for not being able to retain the information, so that's why I started cheating to keep up my "good student" title because I was a very smart person before that event, when I moved to England I was ahead of all my classes but then I just..wasn't:( at 14 that's when my eating disorder took off. I was restricting my food intake to 1200 cals, following all the influencer and weight loss advice. Apple cinder vinegar and superfoods, no chocolate, no sugar no carbs, military diets, binging and then throwing up my food, I was hinding it in bags in my room, I'd be in pain, I'd have nose bleeds from how long I was purging, the blood vessels around my eyes and neck would pop. Then I got into kpop at 15.i started doing hour long dance workouts on top of my regular workout. I started to do the idol diets which got so much worse as I got tickets to a BTS concert and was determined to be "skinny". Brain fog was a serious issue, I'd get dizzy constantly. In 2020 I went to chams but was turned away to "focus on the court case" and was refferd back to my doctor, I saw this as "I don't believe you, you're faking it" even though I was eating 500 cals a day, and if I wanted to eat a pack of noodles I'd kill myslef working out. My family wants a Chinese? Oh well I'm gonna go on a 2hr run after it, and while I'm waiting for it to come I'll do some workouts in my room to make up for it. I felt so betrayed. Court was not my biggest issue. My eating disorder and self esteem was. It controls everything.

Half way through year 9, into year 10 I started smoking occasionally with my friend (weed and tobacco) which definitely didn't help My memory, this is when my ed was getting bad aswell. I started drinking pretty heavily, going into school drunk, I'd take a shot of whiskey before I left for "good luck" and I binge drink with my friends which is sort of normal, but then I started doing it by myself. I liked it, until it caused another event which effected the next 3 years of my life going to court. When I drank it would make me cut deeper because I couldn't feel it, which lead to me drinking more, just so I could do that. In year 11 i got my work ethic back, towards my gcses i started to work so hard, i stopped cheating, i was gaining my knowlege, and the grades i had were my honest grades, then covid happend and i didnt sit my gcses which started the previous attitude again. Even after the even I continued to drink when things went wrong, in that time I had 2 suicide attempts, 1 of which I was in hospital for. that was 2020 Nov. Around this time, before the attempt I had started to try other substances such as mdma. This made me miss out on a lot of college, mixed with covid I lost all work ethics, I honestly didn't care so I dropped out.

In april 2021 I got vocal lessons, music was my passion, from a young age I sung in church I was super outgoing, singing in my mums bar etc, but I was struggling alot with my self confidence so I done this to help. After an episode and a fight with my mom, she told me to stop wasting my teachers time (I hadn't attended a few times and was going deeper into my hole) I didn't need to hear that, because I didn't want to do that deep down, but I wasn't thinking. I was in my " you're a failure, you'd never succeed anyway" so I stopped seeing her, even though she tried to get me to stay (she was so lovely) I ghosted all of her messages (I did say why I was leaving but she still tried to get me to stay) even though she could have changed my life and my confidence. Self sabotage at its finest.

That summer I was drinking and partying, smoking and doing pills.

I decided it was enough, stopped drinking although i continued to smoke, and gave college abother go, this time in something I was so exited for, instead of a levels, I chose a music course. The start of the year was so good I went in everyday and paid attention. Then here came the lack of self confidence when we had a concert. But I powered though. I had tried Crystal MDMA before but on bonfire night 2022 I took it too far which kickstarted my 2 month crystal addiction though Nov to the start of Jan. In these times I was mixing at least 5-7 drugs together, I was on crystal for 5days at a time, even doing lines in college. I can't blame my addiction on anyone, my ex boyfriend fueld I though, his dealer was now my dealer and when I wanted it, I just needed to ask my partner. Surprise surprise this relationship was toxic as fuck and he was a narcissist. This made me miss college a lot, and when it was time to do a concert I messed up and had a panic attack, which brought in everything I had ever felt about myself, all the self doubt crept in again taking over my thoughts so I no longer wanted to go in. What sort of music artist can make a career with themselves if they always have panic attacks, anxiety attacks, voice cracks on stage, cries on stage. A lot actually. Most musicians go through that. But to me it was the end of everything. I stopped crystal In Jan 2022, but then started doing shittonnes of pills, punishers, trains, fires you name it, 7-9 pills in 1 night, 3 day benders with pills and acid so the addiction never really stopped. I hesitate to call it an addiction because i didnt do it everyday, i took breaks of 5 days inbtween (only sometimes) what addic does that? Once again, a lot do actually. That doesnt invaliate you. At the end of march it started to calm down, i done them less and less often usually only smoking. April 2022 I broke up with my ex, followed by another suicide attempt on my birthday. I felt forgotten and unimportant. I've always felt like an imposter, but from March to present it's gotten so much worse. I then I completely stopped all drugs besides weed for a good 2 months, the first month being fully clean the second I had lapes of 1 day, and would be taking mushrooms mostly, or 4 pills. Still a lot less than before so I took it as a win. although the thoughts to fuck my life up again are strong, im going to liverpool on friday. I am strongly resisting the urge to do DMT again, im already going no where in life why not fuck it up more? But im resisting. I was occasionally getting bursts of energy to fix my life. Did that go well? No.

My attendance in college is 50. And I'm passing my course. I have 1 assignment to give in and then I'm done!! Yay? No. I can't leave my house because my outfit isn't right or I bunged the night before and now I'm throwing a tantrum like a 7 year old. I'm hitting myself, screaming and crying because I don't want to go because I'm so scared of people looking at me. I dropped out of a convert that's is meant to be tomorrow because " ill just embarrassed myself" even though I wanted to do it so bad, and was so exited talking to my classmates about it. Now I haven't been in for a week because I'm so upset at myslef and if I hear them talking about it, I'll break down because I want that to be me. I don't think I can even go support them because I'm a jealous and selfish bitch. I want to be the one performing why are they?? Why do j have to suffer, why aren't they???? They are. There is a girl just as anxitious as I am. She's still doing it, so why aren't you, why did you stop yourself?

We finish college next week. If I just handed in the 1 assignment I'd be fine, and go onto the second year. But I hate everything I create, I hate the sound of my own voice. When I go to write, my mind goes blanc. People will actually have to listen to me? No thank you, their ears will bleed. They'll laugh at me. I'm such a cringe person. I can't write lyrics, I can't create a beat. I can't play any instruments. I'm useless.

What happend to the little girl who wanted to be a star. Who learned 3 languages by herself. Who wanted to learn every language in the world. Who self taught herself piano, who self taught herself dance, who was so passionate about the things she loves nobody could stop her. She always hated herself but she always got through it. What happend to the little girl who went through so much but still managed to get a lance corporal rank in cadets, who cried one year when she didn't get it because she worked so hard.

What happend to the little girl who wanted to fall In love, designed her wedding cake, but now is too afraid to leave her house, who is scared of olive oil.

I'm recovering slowly I guess. I can put sugar in my tea, and use oil while cooking. I still measure everything. Everything is number's. And as long as I stay under my cal goal i can eat what I want. I'm still terrified of restaurants, if I can't see the calories I have a panic attack. But I can put sugar in my tea. And I don't restrict to 500 cals.

I don't do drugs as often. Although I feel a relapse coming :(

I don't cut everyday, I've moved to other self harm that's less noticeable. But at least I don't cut right?

I'm behind everyone, I'm behind in life I should be going to uni this year. ..I can't even finish 2 years at college.

I wish everyone would understand I'm not lazy. There is a lot going on behind the scene. I don't sleep well because I'm paranoid and supersituous. I get night terrors and sleep paralysis. So I miss college to sleep. I'll get up.in the morning, my makeup doesn't look right. All my clothes make me look fat. Or I've had a panic attack and am now a vegetable for the day because I'm so emotionally drained. Or my voice is bad, I can't sing there's no point going in. Or " I'm gonna kill myself anyway, why should I go in"

I've been saying that for the past 6 years. I don't know what to do with myself.

On top of this, I feel like I'm faking everything. It's an extreme feeling. I search a lot of things online. What if I'm just copying those articles. Even though I've only recently started to research mental illness to try and figure out what I am. Why I'm like the way I am. I still felt all these emotions at 15. But what if? What if this is an extreme case. But I can't fake my trauma. It happend, so I must not be faking it right? AH but maybe I'm making it our worse to people than it is, oh well then you're probably faking it. But you're not AHHHHHHHHH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

My brain is noise constantly, nothing shuts up, it's like a record player but a broken one, it cuts up songs and glitches them, whe 7 other conversations and thoughts happen.

I'm just exhausted.

I sit in my room and rot. I do exercise to feed my eating disorder that's it. I have paint and crochet but I don't want to do them, because what of I do it badly and then I fall down the hole of " you can't do anything right" and make myself even worse. But I'm making myself worse by not doing the things I love.

I'm so horrendously self aware it hurts. It's litterally painful.

I know my actions, how they effect me and others, but I can never stop them. I have blackout moments of rage. Over stupid things, I know this, but why everytime, can I not stop them? Why can't I calm myslef down, why does it happen again and again if I know I get hurt. Again and again when I know my parents are fed up of calming me down.

I'm on a waiting list but I don't know when I'll get help. I can't help myself I always fail at it, I need someone to MAKE me help myself.

Sigh, I just want that good little girl back. I want her to heal her own wounds first.

There is so much in this post, yet there is still so much to say so.much I haven't talked about. I'm just confused, scared no terrified of this world that I'm just paralysed in my own misery

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fatphobiabusters · 2 years

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So this might be a silly question and I'm sorry in advance. But, I heard reading nutrition labels is a sign of "disordered eating" because they force you to reevaluate your choices based on the calories/fat/etc (I'm paraphrasing). Is it bad to look at food labels to see other things? I try to make sure what I eat (packaged food wise) has at least a few grams of fiber because I have digestive problems and, well, metamucil is just really gross. I look at the sugar to see how much is added because I have a strong family history of diabetes (although, I feel like i read somewhere that sugar intake doesn't have anything to do with diabetes, but I could be wrong). And in the case of "fortified" food, like cereal, I look to see how much Vitamin D is in them because I need to get as much of that as possible. Would this still be viewed as "disordered eating"? I'm not reconsidering my choices based on calories, but on different nutritional parameters. Kind of like I have to read the ingredients to make sure there's no sesame because I am allergic (RIP sesame chicken, you will be missed).

Should I even bother, or should I select foods I want/like instead of basing my choice on other nutritional value? One example is applesauce. I buy a high-fiber strawberry applesauce that is OK (and more expensive) instead of the generic strawberry applesauce that is cheaper and tastier. Is looking at other nutritional facts aside from the "big ones" (fats/carbs/calories) still considered "disordered" because it still artificially separates foods into healthy/unhealthy categories based on some made-up parameters, or is it more just me looking out for specific dietary needs that I have trouble maintaining?

Personally I look for foods with iron! I'm anemic. This is a situation where nutrition labels can be really helpful for people who have special dietary needs and is 100% okay.

Calories don't help people make "good" decisions 99.9999% of the time (when you are feeding someone whose been starving you def want to count calories then, for instance which is why its not 100% of the time).

The information wasn't decided on by neutral thinking, calories being so dominant on labels shows that. But we as consumers can check how we use this info. Our reasons and motivations. You're doing fine!

I believe based on my mom and her diabetes/pre diabetes it's carbs she has to count. Sugar can certainly spike your blood sugar but the long term health seems to be carbs!

More info here: https://www.diabetes.org/healthy-living/recipes-nutrition/understanding-carbs

"There are three main types of carbohydrates in food—starches, sugar and fiber. As you’ll see on the nutrition labels for the food you buy, the term “total carbohydrate” refers to all three of these types." (But don't fear fiber is important, they acknowledge that.)

You said it runs in your family and the only advice I can give is to see what the latest research says. Family who get educated on something don't necessarily keep up with what's new and especially if they are going at it alone (they can't regularly see a doctor or afford blood testing machines/strips for example) they often find what works and that's it.

Diabetes doesn't run in my family btw that's just something I've noticed about a lot of people with chronic conditions.

Slight aside: if your gallbladder starts acting up get rid of it because it can mess up your pancreas and thats my current theory on why my mom is diabetic now. Her gallbladder caused pancreantitus twice. She couldn't afford to get her gallbladder removed the first time and it happened again. Very severly so.

Anyway back to the point at hand. I'm a follower of "food is medicine" thinking, well when the thinking is positive. (Apparently some people use that term in weird ways.)

If you've got a condition that isn't being blamed on weight/race/gender and is showing up on tests, you can definitely use those labels to make informed health choices. It's technically disordered but it's not in a way that follows a negative relationship with food/eating. In situations like yours it's part of a medical treatment and self care in the most literal sense. These are tools you can use.

You can have non beneficial food in moderation, of course. When you deny yourself everything tempting is when that slippery slope starts. If you'd rather have the cheaper taster applesauce then I'd personally try to add that fiber back in another meal. For people with medical needs it can feel like a fine line but it's really just trying to thrive.

Disclaimer here: part of bodily autonomy is that you can choose not to do anything at all, your body is yours alone. I know a friend of my mom who refused to amputate her leg and while my mom would want more time with her friend it's ultimately that friends choice to risk infections and a shorter life. No matter what you choose to do with an aspect of your health you deserve respect.

Sorry of this is a bit scattered but tldr you are doing great and you're coming from a place of trying to give your body what it needs not denying it things arbitrarily.

#Ask #Syellowtails #Mod squirrel #Disordered eating #Diabetes #Allergies

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datleggy · 3 years

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Totally random thought I had right as I am going to bed but ya know that show "I didn't know I was pregnant"? Buck would be on that show lol the boy is oblivious when it comes to his own body, so like I can perfectly picture him collapsing on the job one day wracked with pain, and then Hen is poking around his stomach where it hurts, her, Buck and Eddie packed into the back of the ambulance as Chim and Bobby drive to the hospital, and she gets out the stethoscope to try and listen for internal bleeding or anything but instead finds an infant heartrate and she's like "Buck, you're pregnant?" And he's like "uh, no? What the hell?" And then his water breaks and he tries to convince hen and Eddie that he had an accident bc even that would be a better alternative to suddenly figuring out he's about to have a baby???? What the fuck???? But Eddie holds his hand all the way through it and by the time they get to the hospital, Buck has a healthy newborn cradled against his chest, Eddie knelt beside him and alternating between kissing buck and the baby on the head, and observing the baby in disbelief. I can also picture Buck like, sobbing his sorry's to Eddie the entire time he's pushing, like "Eddie I swear I had no idea, if I had known, I would have told you!" And Eddie is just reassuring him the entire time like "don't worry about that now, Buck, just concentrate. No one is mad, okay? But you gotta focus on the- on the baby" and buck just sobs and nods and focuses on the delivery again. But for a good while Buck is in denial that any of this is happening and it takes a lot of convincing and encouragement from both hen and Eddie for him to start actively participating in his baby's birth. Anyways, random half asleep thought is finished sorry for the long ask hdshsjjsjdbsjsj

WELL SHIT ok so i actually love that show and i could see buck doing this lmao so i wrote a thing. also ignore all medical inaccuracies, this is my distraction from monday lmao let me have this wildly inept fic pls.

also just in case, it’s pretty brief, i think, but TW for talk of weight and weight gain

It's nearing the end of their shift now and Buck can almost hear his feet howling at him in pain. Today hadn't even really been all that busy, he thinks, annoyed at his own body's betrayal. He's not even thirty yet, but in the last couple of months he's felt as though he's aged about ten years.

He's put on a few pounds, which isn't too uncommon, sometimes Buck goes through stretches of time where he eats more carbs than he needs and works out less than he'd like and so a little tummy fat is to be expected.

It normally doesn't bother him, except that in the last maybe three months he hasn't felt like exercising much outside of work but he's eaten nearly everything in sight every night. He's up about fifteen pounds, which he wouldn't have even noticed, seeing that he does fluctuate at times anywhere between five to eight pounds over or under what he usually weighs, if it hadn't been for Chimney teasing him about putting down his third Krispy Kreme donut of the day and picking up a barbell earlier this morning.

Chim and Buck poke fun at each other all the time--it's a staple in their friendship and brother ship, in fact--and Buck had flipped him the bird, nothing new there. What had been new was the fact that he'd excused himself to the bathroom right after that and locked himself in a stall and bawled his eyes out as quietly as humanly possible.

Buck grimaces, embarrassed still, by the outburst, even if no one had been there to witness it. He still has no idea what the hell that had been about this morning.

Eddie notices the sour mood and pulls him in close. "Hey, you ok?"

Buck nods. "Yeah, just tired. Ready to go home--shit." Buck feels a shooting pain so intense his knees buckle and Eddie has to hold him upright to keep him from hitting the floor.

“Woah!” Eddie calls Bobby over, who’s closest, for help, “Buck? Buck, you with me? What’s wrong? What hurts?”

Buck just shakes his head and grits his teeth, the pain so debilitating he can hardly breathe much less speak.

The Captain is on his other side in an instant and together Eddie and Bobby help Buck towards the couch, where he collapses in a heap, throwing his head back and letting out an agonized whine. “What’s going on? Did he get hurt during one of the calls?” Bobby asks Eddie, frantic to help put a stop to this.

Eddie’s helpless, “Bobby I don’t know, one second we were talking about going home and the next he practically fell to the floor in pain.” he turns to face his husband, “Baby, I’m here, look at me, what’s the matter? What hurts?”

Buck’s face scrunches up and he finally exhales sharply, his grip on the couch cushions loosening, and he opens his eyes, wide like saucers, and says, “What the fuck was that?”

At this point Hen and Chim, as well as half the crew, have gathered around and Hen is quick to put on her doctors hat and try to sus out the problem. She makes Bobby step aside and Chimney hands her a stethoscope. “Buck, is it your stomach?” she asks, noticing the stiff way he’s holding himself around his midriff.

“I don’t--kinda? I don’t know. It was just like, this crazy wave of pain, almost like a cramp, but way worse.” he struggles to describe the feeling now that it’s more or less passed for the time being.

Hen had seen Buck wince when he’d been in the harness on the last call of the day, but he hadn’t said anything and she hadn’t thought too much about it until now. “Did you hurt yourself in the harness earlier? Maybe pulled something when we reeled you back up?” she asks, palpitating his stomach with her fingers, watching him almost retract from her touch.

“Maybe?” Buck shrugs uncomfortably, wincing when she hits a particularly sore spot.

Something about this feels familiar and strangely obvious, but Hen doesn’t understand why until she puts her stethoscope up to his belly to check for lack of bowel sounds, indicating maybe some internal bleeding or sorts.

Hen gasps out loud and sits up like she’s been smacked.

Eddie frowns. “What? What’s wrong? Is he gonna be ok?” He almost wants to snatch the damn stethoscope out of her ears and check for himself, his eyes darting between Hen and Buck nervously.

“Buck, you’re pregnant. And in labor, by the sounds of it.” Hen blurts out in disbelief.

“What.” Buck blinks at her, waiting for the other shoe to drop. This has to be a joke.

“I heard a heartbeat in there...” Hen informs them, still awed. “Buck, that was a contraction you just experienced.”

Eddie gapes at Hen and then at Buck. “You’re pregnant?”

Buck gapes right back at him. “No!” he denies, shaking his head incredulously. “That’s insane, I can’t be pregn--ah--” Buck leans forward in pain as another contraction begins. “Fuck.”

“Jesus, yeah, no you’re definitely pregnant,” Chim announces, “Your water just broke all over my favorite couch, bud. I’m getting the ambulance ready asap.” he says, before running to do just that, head reeling. He thinks about Maddie and when she gave birth to their daughter and how scared out of his mind he’d been and he sympathizes for Buck and Eddie, who up until now apparently hadn’t even realizes they were expecting...

Back at the lounge Buck continues to deny any of this is even happening. He whines into Eddie’s chest, “That’s pee, it has to be, because I’m not pregnant. There’s no way.” he lets out a pitiful whimper as another contraction begins and buries his face against his husband to hide the tears springing up in his eyes.

“Buck, son, we gotta get you to a hospital right now.” Bobby tries, running a soothing hand over the top of his head.

But Buck shakes his head no, shuddering out a sob. “M’not going.”

Eddie, overwhelmed, looks to Hen and Bobby for help.

“Buck, ambulance is ready to go, we need to move unless you wanna have this kid at the firehouse.” Hen grimaces. “I know you’re in pain and I know you’re confused and hurting, but we need to get you into that ambulance and now.”

Buck cries out when another contraction hits him and Hen gulps. “Your contractions are getting way too close together, we need to move.” she nods at her Captain and Eddie to help get Buck up and together the three of them manage to get Buck onto a gurney and into the waiting ambulance.

Bobby rides up front with Chimney, leaving Hen and Eddie to work in the back with Buck.

“Buck, you need to start getting ready to push, this baby’s coming.” Hen warns him, but Buck refuses.

“I can’t.” he sobs. “I didn’t--” he throws his head back, the pain lighting his nerves on fire. “I swear Eddie, I didn’t know. You gotta believe me.”

Eddie takes Bucks hand into his and brings it up to his lips. “I know baby, I know, you don’t have to worry about that. I promise. Nobody is mad at you, ok? I’m not. But right now you need to focus on pushing, you need to listen to Hen, ok? We’re ok, and you’re gonna be ok, but I need you to push, baby. I love you so much, you know that, right?”

Buck lets Eddie wipe away his tears, leans into the comforting touch, and nods shakily, exhaling. “O-ok, I’m--I’m ready.”

**************

The baby is so very tiny in Eddie’s arms.

Olive Buckley-Diaz is born weighing exactly six pounds and two ounces.

Christopher, who’s curled up against Bucks side on the hospital bed after a very exhausting day, looks up at his Buck, his little brow still knitted in confusion. “So she was a surprise baby? And that’s how come you guys didn’t tell me about her?”

Buck tries not to laugh. “Yeah bud, it was a huge surprise to us, too.”

Eddie nods along, smiling fondly down at the bundle he’s holding. Her blotchy red face is slack in sleep and there’s already tufts of brown hair sticking up funnily on her head under her hat. “I still can’t believe you only gained like fifteen pounds during the whole pregnancy.” Eddie chuckles, “Or that you worked through the nine months, God Buck, when I think of the stunts you pulled during calls in the last few months alone I’m--” he shudders. “Actually I’d rather not think about it.” he sighs, “I’m just happy you’re both healthy at the end of the day.”

Really, it’s a miracle. The doctor had said as much after the delivery.

“To be fair I never got any of the other symptoms,” Buck shrugs. “I wasn’t nauseous, my feet never swelled, I don’t remember any weird cravings? And you said it yourself, I didn’t really gain all that much weight.”

Eddie leans down to kiss Buck’s forehead. “You should be on that show.” he grins.

Buck tilts his head.

“You know the one, the one Hen made us watch when work was slow that one time. ‘I didn’t know I was pregnant’.” he teases.

Buck groans. “I regret all the jokes I made at the time. I totally get those people now. Pregnancy is weird.”

Christopher rests his head more comfortably against Bucks chest and smiles softly. “Yeah, but now our family’s even bigger.”

#mpreg #911 fox #i didn't know i was pregnant #i love that show #lol #ask #ficlet #writing #buddie #established relationship #buck #eddie #christopher #family

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dredshirtroberts · 2 years

Text

It is....infinitely frustrating to learn more about myself, apply it to my childhood, learn more about my parents and other family members because of it and not be able to communicate to them that they don't have to be the way they are. (long family rant under the cut, probably incoherent because it's a lot of vagaries and hedging details, and also because emotions are high rn)

I'm very clearly neurodivergent. What flavor of that is unclear but it's looking like something akin to either ADHD or Autism (or in a fun twist, probably both!). Learning more about these developmental disorders has made me reflective on how my family does things, what patterns they have, and why they probably missed any early signs i might have shown before my impeccable masking skills kicked in at a young age.

Of course not only do they not believe either of these disorders is real but they also believe that they're all completely normal. Everyone is like them! except everyone which they complain about all the time.

I think if my mom's vision hadn't been as bad as it was, if she hadn't been checked early on for myopia, I wouldn't have known how bad my vision was until it was impossible for me to move around my space without running into stuff, or incapable of reading. It might not have been caught until I was 16. Though that seems improbable considering how absolutely shitballs my vision is, it's unfortunately not as unlikely as I'd like to imagine.

I have a chronic pain issue and have been tired since i was a tyke. No one has ever noticed that anything was wrong with me and since i learned that complaining only gets you ignored and told to suck it up (either from experience or by watching it happen to my much squeakier wheel of a sister) so I just...dealt with it quietly. I figured everyone woke up in pain and exhausted every morning and was just much better at dealing with it than I was. My mom has always complained of similar issues, but I'm guessing she too assumed it was just normal and that she was not dealing with it as well as everyone else in the world, and thus never mentioned it to a doctor.

So mine never got checked, either.

Mom is sensitive to gluten. A few other people are in my family I think. I actually took steps to try and start eliminating it (to an extent, I'm a weak man, I enjoy my bready carbs too much and it's hard to cook for myself/find gluten-free foods that i don't have to make) and since then my symptoms have gotten worse every time i eat it again. So I have to be very careful and aware of when I'm eating it and if it happens accidentally it's worse because I wasn't expecting the attack. But if I had just kept going with it, hadn't stopped eating it regularly, I'd be like my mom, putting myself through hell daily just because i refuse to give up beer, or bread, or whatever on a daily basis.

My family suffers from sleep issues. From pain. From incredible social awkwardness that no amount of being around people can fix. From meltdowns. From anxiety and depression. From chronic procrastination. From people pleasing. From alcoholism and self-medication.

But we function in society as best we can and it goes under the radar and as I learn that this is not normal. That there are ways of dealing with this stuff that are healthier, better, easier than what we've been doing, that it doesn't have to be like this I keep trying to find ways to tell them that they don't have to keep on suffering. Struggling. Hurting.

But what do I know? I'm just a confused girl who thinks she's a boy, who is a hypochondriac, who just can't accept that she's a little quirky and needs to be Special And Different because I'm a millennial. Who is being brainwashed into Leftist Thinking and will come around again eventually, when she grows up finally. Sure I'm almost thirty and these things are just getting stronger/harder to ignore than they were, but if I just find jesus again it'll be fine!

So I have to suffer every time I interact with them because they won't listen and look at themselves and learn from what i'm learning and trying to share. I have to deal with the forgetfulness, with the extreme reactions to minor things, with my dietary needs being forgotten, with being considered dramatic or a liar when i bring up my very serious pain and exhaustion issues, with being dismissed when i try to talk about ways i've worked around my neurodivergencies in daily life to try and make shit work, with being invited last minute to meals where I don't know if I'm going to be able to actually consume any of the food.

And the worst part is, I don't think any of it is intentionally malicious. They don't mean to be like this. So if I lash out, if I try to put up boundaries about it, I am the heel. I'm the bad guy. Because i'm being mean to my mother out of nowhere, I'm forcing all of them to call me a new name, use new words to describe me and how dare I, forcing them to be mindful of their dinner menus and making them feel guilty for not providing me any options to eat—but god forbid i bring a dish specifically for me to eat that no one else can touch just in case they cross contaminate it. It has to be to share. Even if they have a whole meal to eat and I only have one dish that I can consume safely.

They're thoughtless. And selfish. And they have no idea. And it shouldn't be my job, as eldest child (since they won't ever call me son...), to correct them. To point it out.

I probably won't get a birthday this year either, third year in a row running. But let's guilt me about not attending other people's birthday things we celebrate. Yeah.

Yeah.

#was contacted by my mom and i can never be sure if it's just to say hi #or to invite me to something #or because there's bad news in the family and i might need to be on alert in case there's a memorial or service i need to attend #because every message starts out the same #so i never know #the captain rambles #the captain's bio family #the captain's got symptoms syndrome

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bl4cklabyrinth · 4 years

Text

Live Report: MY FIRST STORY TOUR 2019 Semi-Final at Kobe World Memorial Hall

Disclaimer: Take note that all of these reports were translated by ear, so there is no assurance of accuracy. Because of this, please do not retranslate my work. I am no Japanese or English native.

I am only reposting the relevant MCs from my Twitter thread for archive purposes. Please check my tweets to read more about my thoughts on the show.

Photo by Takashi Konuma | Taken from MFS’ official Twitter

Setlist

不可逆リプレイス

Black Rail

ブラック・スワン

花-0714-(Re:arrange)

monologue

虚言NEUROSE

KING & ASHLEY

mine

君のいない夜を越えて

終焉レクイエム (Acoustic ver.)

Love Letter (Acoustic ver.)

LET IT DIE (Acoustic ver.)

Band session

無告

Missing You

Weight of my pride (Pay money To my Pain cover)

MONSTER

絶体絶命

ACCIDENT

モノクロエフェクター

REVIVER

With You

Encore

THE OVER (UVERworld cover)

LET IT DIE

ALONE

Story about Weight Loss

Hiro: Anyway, this has no relation (to the acoustic session) whatsoever, but didn’t I get super thin?

Kid’z: You did! Tell us more! You really did lose weight! Nob too!

Hiro: We declared during Hall Tour that we’d lose weight within one month, but we couldn’t do it. We made a promise though, didn’t we? I did my very best, you know?? I seriously gave it all I got!!

Kid’z: I’ve been avoiding carbs for a long time, and even tried diligently apportioning my meals and stuff like that. But before I knew it, I was already eating curry!

Crowd: *laughs*

Fan: How much weight did you lose?

Hiro: I dropped 6 kg.

Crowd: Ohhh! *claps*

Kid’z: That’s a lot!

Hiro: Amazing, right? On the contrary, I’ve always been fat.

Kid’z: No, seriously.

Hiro: I lost weight so that I can get fat again. I want to get fat so I lose weight. When I’ve lost weight, I’ll gain weight again. It’s a never ending cycle.

Kid’z: Don’t leave it as it is!

Hiro: I get told that all the time. I mean, I’m gonna gain weight before METROCK again anyway.

Kid’z: Isn’t METROCK great though?

Hiro: Can I say this? Why do they hold festivals at such a season?

Kid’z: Because (the weather) is cool? I once thought Doraemon was the one singing.

Hiro: Who you calling 123 cm tall?

Kid’z: Nobita-kun.

Hiro: I’m not the blue geezer.

Kid’z: He isn’t a geezer!

Hiro: He’s a geezer, isn’t he?

Crowd: *laughs*

Hiro: Generally, we release a CD around spring or summer. Then we start tour around autumn, right? From the beginning of fall, Hiroki starts losing weight. Little by little. Then, year end starts rolling in. By the end of the year, tour ends, it becomes production season, and eating Hiroki comes out. Hiroki enters hibernation, just like any other large mammal.

Kid’z: You need to stock up, right?

Hiro: Yep, so I can get through winter. Then it becomes spring again. METROCK is waiting for me, but I don’t want stocked-weight-from-hibernation-at-its-max Hiroki to be exposed there! Why do I keep getting told I got fatter or thinner every time?! Leave me alone!!!

Kid’z: But you did your best, right?

Hiro: ...Yep.

Kid’z: Good job.

Crowd: *claps*

Kid’z: How about Nob? How are you doing?

Nob: I lost 5 kg.

Hiro: You lost weight only because you were sick, right?

Kid’z: Because his tonsils were taken out.

Nob: I haven’t gotten my sense of taste back up until now.

Hiro: Don’t let yourself lose one of your most important senses!

Nob: Some time ago I had pickles and it was the best.

Hiro: What an old man.

Story about Poor Kid’z (figuratively and literally)

Kid’z: This story has no relation to anything we’ve talked about so far, but you (Hiro) started an IG account, right? During Hall Tour. Since then, you did a lot of things to me, like that game with the paper cups and the 10,000 yen you put inside one of them, which I played along with having good intentions in mind. I chose the right cup and you gave me the bill, but you revealed that there was 100,000 yen in the other cups.

Hiro: Yep.

Kid’z: ...I tried that with a friend. I was caught. 100,000 yen.

Hiro: Eh?? They made a winning move, huh.

Kid’z: I was like, “Oh no, what should I do?? Should I take it back?” I wanted to be able to fool someone, to get a taste of how it feels! So I started turning the cups around thinking I could do it like you did. When it was time for them to pick, my friend chose a different cup, and in my head I was all, “No no no, not that!!!” and eventually they got it...

Hiro: That person probably saw my IG post and thought you were an idiot.

Thoughts on Marriage

After Love Letter, Hiro and Kid'z talked about being excited yet nervous to play the next song, since it's been a while since they last played it.

Kid’z: Speaking of which, the person beside me seems to be nervous!!

Nob: *rubbing his palms on his pants*

Kid’z: Can I do a hand check? *touches Nob's palm* It's all sticky!

Hiro: Eh? You're scared of making a miss again? Like in Yokoari? Higedan. Ah! Speaking of which, Satoshi-kun got married! Congratulations!

H&K: *congratulate Nob*

Hiro: Eh? Official?

Kid’z: This is Unofficial.

Hiro: Ah, sorry. Unofficial. He got married, huh... There's been a crazy marriage rush recently...

Kid’z: Yeah, it's been all over LINE NEWS lately.

Hiro: Right. back number, Higedan, Maple Chogokin.

Kid’z: You're mean for putting Maple Chogokin as last!

Hiro: No no no. *laughs* The marriage rush is insane, right... Right... Insane right...

Fan: Do you want to get married?

Hiro: ...I don't wanna get married.

Crowd: Eh???

Hiro: Do you? Someday, I assume. As for me, I don't wanna get married at all.

Kid’z: *in a teasing tone* Is it because you don't have a partner?

Hiro: *taunting tone* Ha? Ha? Ha? What the hell are you saying, you.

Kid’z: Ah, sorry we had a little quarrel.

Hiro: Let's get a divorce first!

Kid’z: What the hell is this breakup!

Poor Nob

Photo by Takashi Konuma | Taken from Hiro’s IG post

Hiro: Anyway, are we good? You (Nob) still seem nervous. How are his fingers?

Kid’z: They're tender.

Hiro: If I had to play it in a room like this, I'd be pissed.

Nob: *strums a tune*

Kid’z: It's that song!! It's definitely that song, right? Can you do it, Nob bear? Are you alright? You practiced last night without sleeping.

Kid’z: Give him your support.

Crowd: Cute!! You can do it!!!

Kid’z: The pressure on you is rising, huh.

Hiro: *in an old man voice* You can do it! You can do it! You can do it!

Kid’z: Eh? What was that voice? Father?

Hiro: *taunting tone* Ha? What the hell are you saying. Who you calling father, come home and I'll kill you.

Kid’z: Ah, sorry. Father, I apologize.

Hiro: to Nob You okay? Dududadududa~ (T/N: the intro of LET IT DIE) The last song for the acoustic session. Please listen, LET IT DIE.

Then, Hiro crouched down from his seat and kneeled, looked at Nob closely, and so did Kid’z. Nob stared back, aced the dududadududa intro and everybody clapped for him! However, Nob made a mistake towards the very end, playing the last string of notes twice. When they were walking back to the main stage, Hiro put his arm around Nob and teased in a mocking tone, "Hey, in LET IT DIE, in LET IT DIE, hey, during the acoustic set, hey, I was satisfied with the beginning, but in the middle of the song, hey, you made a mistake, right? Even if you were doing so well." When they got back to the main stage, Nob bowed down in apology.

Weight of my pride MC

Hiro: Your voice has been heard! There were a lot of requests for PTP, and in my heart, PTP is my eternal hero. It shouldn't be just us; so that he can also hear your voices, shout as loud as you can Kobe!!! Next song is called Weight of my pride!

Check out their version of the performance at Saitama Super Arena here:

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モノクロエフェクター MC

Hiro: How are we doing Kobe? I thought everyone in Kobe could handle it, you know? Aren't y'all drinking too much milk tea? Your nipples are gonna become tapioca if you drink too much milk tea, you know? Well, if you're sure you're not drinking too much then you should be able to handle it, so let's all dance together!!

Reviver MC

Hiro: Thank you so much for today! It's been a great day, I'm really grateful. I've always been alone. I've lost so many people I didn't want to lose, and I've let go of things I didn't want to part with many times. I might not be able to change the world with music, but because of music, I met the members, I met all of you, and it made me think that my life was pretty impressive. I want to believe it was my destiny to meet all of you here tonight, so let's keep walking together Kobe!!!

With You MC

Hiro: Thank you so much for today, Kobe!!! After this, the tour will be ending soon. Thinking about it makes me sad, but knowing that you will all be supporting us next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, and even after 10 years makes me feel very grateful. But there's one thing I want to say before today ends: Kobe, I love you!!!

THE OVER MC

Hiro: How was it? MFS' UVERworld. Did I become Hiroki∞? This song was really difficult. The way the lyrics jump, especially during the part before the last chorus.

Kid’z: I didn't learn that note.

Hiro: *emphasizes the difficult enunciation of a line from the song* Unbelievable, I had a hard time remembering it.

Kid’z: The instruments were tough, too. Even Nob was complaining, there were notes he had never seen before.

Hiro: I couldn't match the timing of the lyrics either. I had to enter at an exact time, 3 characters in one second!! If MFS were to do it, we'd go with a lower key.

Kid’z: You say MFS but it's your key, right? Your voice is hella loud you know.

Hiro: It's because if I'm alone, then it's not MFS.

Kid’z: Nah, we were able to match the key, but only you can sing it that high, right? (T/N: They seemed to have raised the key by 2 octaves)

Hiro: You guys thought the cover song was only Weight of my pride, didn't you? You're wrong! We did UVERworld but we received many other requests. There were a lot of PTP songs in the tags. Who else was it... Sheena Ringo, Oral, and King Gnu too.

Kid’z: Weirdly enough, B'z was highly requested too.

Hiro: It'd be weird if I sang their songs.

Crowd: Sing! Sing! Sing!

Hiro: 萎えぇぇ！萎えぇぇ！萎えぇぇぇぇー (T/N: Nae is Japanese slang that roughly translates to “no” or “ugh” in this context) Wait a minute. Change the song.

Kid’z: *offended tone* Huh?

Hiro: Well then, sing a line that starts with A!

Hiro: You're an Ultra Soul Idiot. Do you know any other song apart from Ultra Soul?

Kid’z: Of course I do! Don't you? All of you? I love them more than anyone else, I'm even in the fanclub! こいよ！！

Kid’z: *sings a B'z line that starts with A*

Hiro: Gi!

Kid’z: Gi? *sings a line that starts with Gi* I told you, I can do anything.

Teru: Yu!

Kid’z: Yu? YUME JANAI ARE MO KORE MO SONO TE DE DOA MO AKEMASHOU, SHUKUFUKU GA HOSHII NARA KANASHIMI O SHIRI HITORI DE NAKIMASHOU, SOSHITE KAGAYAKU ULTRA SOUL!

Crowd: HEY!!!

Hiro: Oi, Teruki!! Why did you say "yu"?! You should've let him build up first before making him sing "yu"!! It was too early to make him sing that as the third song!

Kid’z: It felt really good!!

Hiro: Why did you say "yu" so quickly?!

Teru: I just made a mistake.

Hiro: Don't be an airhead!!

Kid’z: I'm really grateful!

Nob’s Redemption Arc

After their UVERworld cover, Hiro asked the audience what they should do next. The crowd started screaming different songs, to which Hiro said "I'm seriously fine with anything." Nob suddenly played the first three notes of LET IT DIE, to which Hiro said, "Ah, from earlier?" Kid'z said, "He made a mistake a while ago, so let's give him another chance." Then Nob started practicing. The crowd screamed, "You can do it!!!" then Nob walked towards the center stage and did a moonwalk. Hiro was all, "You can't do it, you're not Michael Jackson!" then sang a MJ line and howled his signature "Woo!"

Final MC

Hiro: Today was truly an amazing day, thank you all so much. We had such an intense gathering here at Kobe World Memorial Hall. The first Coming Kobe was also held here. We have so, so, so many memories here in this place. Right now, we're still on our way to reaching our dream. From hereon, we don't know if we could make such a big dream come true. We still have a long way there, but we're doing our best every year, making music for everyone and visiting various places as well. Next year, and the year after that, and even after 10 years, it would be nice if we could all make amazing memories together. Thank you so much! We're definitely coming back, Kobe!!

Photo by Takashi Konuma | Taken from Hiro’s IG post

#my first story #マイファス #live #2019 #still sad we didn't get a DVD of the Kobe show #liked it better than Saitama #we could've gotten the MCs and the encore at the very least #sighs #ah well

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