#and go hmmm maybe this is a bit more than typical teen jitters and thoughts
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#don't mind me rambling here for a minute#sometimes it is honestly so mind-boggling that my parents didn't look at some of the behaviours I was displaying in high school#and go hmmm maybe this is a bit more than typical teen jitters and thoughts#and maybe the history of the mental health of the family is at play here#and maybe instead of ignoring and denying it we actually get this checked out and make sure everything is a-oh-kay#no no#it wasn't until I got to uni I finally was able to go to a therapist (one that while got me started on the path I'm on now was a tad lousy)#and even then and to this day they still don't exactly believe it#i get not wanting history to repeat itself but what i don't get is denying that some things are just going to exist anyways#and not dealing with it or saying it's not true or insisting on handling it in ways that aren't healthy#or just plain old not being understanding#where was this going i had a point#idk just what's happened over the last few years has shaped me into who i am today#but i think the me now wishes the me of 14 15 16 17 wished she knew why she couldn't sleep at night#and why her thoughts were so scary and overwhelming and loud
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