guys i'm gonna be honest. about two things. 1. playing super mario bros on the switch pisses me off 2. i have literally no idea how i'll write 10 pages on moral development by jan 2

Fraze & Bea

Fraze: Did you tell her no yet? Bea: No Bea: and hi, how are you, too Fraze: Clock's ticking, babe. You don't want me to do it for us Bea: You mean you don't want to do it either Bea: 'cos you know we should go Fraze: I don't wanna 'cause she'll kick off which will make me kick off but I will if you're not gonna, like Bea: Well yeah, and she'd be the one with a point to argue, not you Bea: it's what Christmas is all about Bea: we've got no valid excuse not to be there Fraze: I've got plenty of points, I've made 'em to you and I will to her as well if that's what it takes Fraze: Our family is right here, we don't need to drag the kids there to prove another fucking point entirely Bea: It isn't worth starting a row over, come on Fraze: You know I've started 'em for less, come on Bea: Well can you not, just this once Bea: it doesn't need to be any kind of drama Bea: it's barely longer than a standard car journey Bea: they'll be fine Fraze: Yeah 'cause that's the issue Fraze: Any kind of family thing is a drama Bea: We can't avoid them forever Bea: may as well get it over with when the distraction of Christmas is there Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: Alright, you've got a point Bea: I always do Bea: must be annoying Fraze: That ain't the word I'd use Bea: Spell it out so small ears don't pick it up Fraze: You know I'm shit at spelling that's just cruel, babe Bea: Exactly Bea: be fucked if I didn't know how to get you to be quiet by now Fraze: I'll be quiet as you like if it means they go to sleep for longer than an hour at a time Bea: I'm not a miracle worker Bea: contrary to popular belief Fraze: Shh, you had 'em all fooled Bea: Piss off Bea: How bad can it be, yeah Fraze: If your big plan is that you go back without me, you might wanna go back to the drawing board Fraze: Like you said, there's no chance of working actual miracles Bea: Neither that stupid nor that kind to you to be making a plan like that Bea: just saying, the worst has happened, can't give retroactive advice/contraception Bea: so everyone will just have to deal and make best Bea: us included Fraze: At least we waited 'til you'd finished school if not uni Fraze: They can still all give out plenty of unwanted advice though, that small mercy aside Fraze: Don't you wanna keep 'em at arms length a while longer? Bea: Oh yeah, let's make it a competition, that'll be fun Bea: it's just their job, not like you have ever listened so you don't have to start now Bea: I'm fine with going back, obviously Fraze: Comparisons are getting drawn like it or not, always have been Fraze: Same goes for judgements Bea: Not between family Bea: there's no need for that Fraze: Don't be naive, especially between family Fraze: Joe'll score points just for turning up, Tommo'll get a few more for making it to 18 without knocking anyone up Bea: Don't be a baby Bea: or expect me to apologize or feel bad for you that you won't be getting a pat on the back this year Fraze: I don't Fraze: But don't expect me to go along with your pretence of not giving a fuck what they think Fraze: I know you do Bea: I don't Fraze: You ain't gonna get the points awarded for keeping hold of me, those are all Ali's for that lad not doing whatever immediate runner my Ma reckoned on Bea: I literally just said I don't care Bea: do you think I have time for point scoring Fraze: And I just said I know you do Fraze: What else is there to go back for? Stay here if you don't give a shit Bea: You wanna stay here because you do Bea: so how does that make any sense Fraze: I give more of a shit about us, what doesn't make sense about that? Bea: What do you think is gonna happen Bea: seriously Fraze: Do you have time for their bullshit or don't you? Make up for your fucking mind Bea: I've got no time for avoidance Fraze: Well done you Bea: Jesus Bea: you're doing my head in now Fraze: What, you suddenly don't want my congrats? 'Cause it sounded like you were really angling for that Bea: I'm angling for you to grow a pair, actually Fraze: Doing what I'm told by you ain't what grow a pair means Bea: No but facing your mother is Fraze: Sitting down to Christmas dinner and playing nice ain't even close Bea: and staying here doing fuck all about it really proves our point Fraze: What do you want me to do, beg her forgiveness? I ain't sorry for any of it and I ain't gonna be just 'cause she is Bea: Then show up for your family and show her as much Fraze: Jesus, I'd hate you if I didn't love you so fucking much Bea: You better Fraze: Marry me, I'll prove it Bea: Shut up Fraze: Say yes and shut me up Bea: You're so stupid Fraze: I'm not that stupid Bea: I've not got the energy to debate Bea: already told you Fraze: Then don't Fraze: I'm telling you I ain't, take me at my word Bea: I'm not that stupid Bea: I don't take anyone at their word, don't take it personal Fraze: You're not stupid but you are funny Bea: Hilarious Bea: shame I can't say the same for you really Fraze: Stop holding onto it, Red, it's been years since I played class clown Bea: Yeah right Fraze: Yeah right Bea: not that long since you were still in uni Fraze: I weren't in the laughing mood then, was I? Bea: Well, who was Fraze: Every other fucker on my course basically Fraze: Nobody who matters Bea: I'm not sorry Fraze: Nor me Bea: Sure about that? Fraze: Meaning what? Bea: Meaning if you wanna go back and have the time of your life then go right ahead Fraze: If I went back I wouldn't have the time of my life just like I didn't the first time Bea: Alright Fraze: Is it? If you wanna have a dig at me for jacking it in now's the time, like Bea: That's not what this is Fraze: It can be, if you want Fraze: I'm making it easy enough for you Bea: That's easy for you Fraze: What? Bea: Easy for you to think I'm being a cunt about not finishing uni when I'm saying the opposite Bea: if that's what YOU actually want, then go ahead and do it Bea: I'm not going to be the one to decide for you either way Fraze: I was what I wanted so I did it, end of Fraze: It ain't your decision and I weren't asking you to make it Bea: So as I said, alright Fraze: Yeah Fraze: And like I said, you still get to have an opinion regardless Bea: What, like I'm bothered? Bea: it's not the be-all-end-all Bea: you still have a plan Fraze: 'Course I do Fraze: I'm not a fucking amateur, or as much of an idiot as you like to reckon Bea: I don't reckon anything of the sort, moron Bea: I'm saying I know Fraze: Obviously, you know whatever's worth knowing, always have done Bea: Too right Fraze: So if you wanna go, we'll go Bea: We're going Bea: it wasn't ever up for discussion but glad to have you on board Fraze: You do make me laugh, babe Bea: Hilarious, I remember Fraze: Good, don't forget Fraze: You're gonna need that sense of humour when we get there Bea: You're so dramatic, honestly Fraze: You're so in love with me, take a deep breath, honestly Bea: Yeah, you're 2 months too late to tell me to breathe, dickhead Fraze: Well, they were 3 months too early for me to need to Bea: You could've, I wouldn't have heard you to be pissed off Fraze: Now you tell me, cheers Bea: Some of us were a little busy at the time Fraze: Don't worry, next time I'll properly take the chance to say whatever I like Bea: Were you even there or? Bea: what next time Fraze: I'm just saying, we once said there wasn't gonna be any time Fraze: Didn't stick to that, did we? Bea: 1. It was an accident Bea: 2. Once is enough thanks Fraze: I'm not trying to argue otherwise, like Fraze: I was there Bea: You literally were, oh my God Fraze: Yeah, reckon I said that a fair few times myself there and then Fraze: Not that God showed up Bea: Don't imagine he's any good with a scalpel anyway Fraze: Not good at fuck all but voyeurism by all accounts Bea: and plagues, give him credit Fraze: Yeah, those locusts really boss, like Bea: Exactly Fraze: You gonna support me if I go study religion then? Bea: I will Bea: but your dad? no way, like Fraze: Fuck him, never gonna be his fave anyway Fraze: Gotta be born a girl for that Bea: Poor baby Fraze: Not for long, Red, stick around for the riches Bea: Where do you think I'm going? Fraze: Anywhere you want Bea: My question still stands then Fraze: I've told you loads of times before, the world is ours, babe Fraze: and now there's 2 more of us Fraze: The only question is what do you want Bea: You Bea: Us Bea: that's all I want right now Fraze: I see that and raise you no more holidays that are in a fucking caravan Fraze: Winter ain't gonna last forever and just 'cause I let you talk me into going back there for Christmas, don't think I'm agreeing to that bullshit Bea: I don't think anyone is going to even suggest we can all fit into a caravan anymore Fraze: Do you wanna make that bet though? Fraze: If my kids never see the inside of a caravan I'll go to my grave less begrudgingly Bea: You're such a snob, babe Fraze: They're having the best of everything, no less, whatever it takes Fraze: And that ain't even close, simple as Bea: Don't need to tell me like I don't know the score Fraze: I'm just saying, my Ma can make all the comparisons she wants, we're not them and it's not gonna be like that Bea: It's different for you than it is me Fraze: I know Bea: But it'll be good different for them, that we can agree on Fraze: 'Course Bea: I'll start packing then Fraze: I'll be back to give you a hand soon Bea: Not that hard Bea: get used to having a massive bag full of nappies and bottles and spare clothes on you at all times Fraze: Maybe not the suitcases but the babies we can't just shove in there and zip up, slightly more work, like Fraze: Have you already wrapped everyone's shit or should I just throw it in a gift bag? Bea: They aren't getting their own seats so you will have to hold one of 'em, yeah Bea: and you really think I didn't get it all posted there Bea: not an amateur Fraze: Alright but if you didn't get Joe an even itchier jumper than last year I'm reconsidering this whole marriage thing Bea: Thanks for the tip Bea: I'll have to reconsider my gift, obviously Fraze: Shut up Fraze: Me too now I'm sending the ring back Bea: Ha ha Fraze: You can laugh the personalised engraving has fucked my refund chances right up Bea: Well that was your first mistake Bea: can't reuse it on another girl either Bea: rookie Fraze: Write me a list when you can find the time, babe Bea: Easy Fraze: Good Bea: You know you have to be nice to your sister when we're there Fraze: Do I fuck Fraze: You be nice to yours Bea: My sister didn't have a baby a few weeks ago Fraze: So what? Fraze: You'd kill her if she fucking did Bea: So what is she doesn't need drama from you right now Fraze: She ain't getting drama from me but she ain't getting a round of applause either Bea: I'm not saying you have to go that far am I Bea: just don't start either Fraze: You're saying keep my mouth shut but I'm saying why the fuck should I? Fraze: A supposedly high IQ and a boyfriend who supposedly ain't an utter waste of space don't change the fact she's still a kid Bea: Because what do you think it will achieve? Bea: Literally nothing Bea: you'll only make it worse, if anything, so save your breath Fraze: Instead you want me to sit back and do literally nothing Bea: Whatever, be the big brother you want to be Bea: I'm not getting involved Fraze: This is why we shouldn't go Fraze: It's bullshit Bea: What do you propose, you never see her again because it makes you feel weird Bea: Get real Fraze: Yeah 'cause what you're proposing is so much better Fraze: We all just pretend everything is fucking fine when it isn't Bea: You can't do anything about it Bea: it's her life to fuck up however she pleases, she weren't going to ask for your permission at any point, like Fraze: I can't do anything about any of 'em that's the whole point Bea: Yeah Bea: that's always been the case and always will be Fraze: Exactly Fraze: Why would I wanna sit there and act like I don't know that? Bea: 'cos that's life Bea: it's the same for everybody else Fraze: I hope one of 'em somewhere is having a convo about what a fuck up I am Fraze: God, if you're listening, like, come on Bea: Really? Fraze: Don't let me down, Ma Fraze: 'Cause if they think this is as good as everything gets and everything really is fine for this family then fucking hell Bea: This is news? Bea: Mediocrity is aspirational to most people Bea: if everyone was the best it'd be meaningless and we'd have nothing to do in the meantime Fraze: Cheers, babe Fraze: I wouldn't want anyone else in my corner Bea: Don't be disingenuous when you really mean it Fraze: I don't talk like you swallowed a dictionary at me when I'm declaring my love Bea: That's what that was? Bea: You should work on that Fraze: I won't put it exactly like that in the vows Fraze: You saved me, you know, that's how I know it's something that can happen Fraze: I don't wanna just leave 'em to it but I can't do the same for 'em either Bea: I know Bea: it's a fool's errand Bea: but a noble one Fraze: I hate feeling like such a stupid cunt Bea: I know that too Bea: kinda signed up for a lifetime of it though Bea: not saying I'm so smart, before you suggest Fraze: I'll say it for you Fraze: 'Cause you are Bea: Hmm Bea: thanks Fraze: It don't even feel like a compliment anymore 'cause it's just been like that, something I've known, since the first time I met you Bea: Don't be soppy Bea: I'm meant to be the hormonal one, you'll set me off Fraze: You want me to be nice to everyone but you? Fuck that Bea: 'Course not Bea: we're a team Fraze: We better be 'cause they want us to stay til after New Year's Bea: We always have been Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I ain't forgotten Bea: Should hope not Fraze: I'm so knackered I feel braindead right now but I reckon it's actually semi functioning Fraze: Take that kids Bea: That's something Bea: need all the funds we can get now Fraze: How are you? Bea: Now he asks Bea: fine, of course Bea: he's being grizzly but nothing I can't handle Fraze: Put up with me long enough, yeah? I know you wanna say it Bea: Now you mention it, like Fraze: Do you need me to grab anything on the way back? Bea: something to eat if you're planning on it tonight Fraze: Don't tell either of 'em it's part of the plan, like Fraze: Might get a second then Bea: You reckon they've already got malicious intent Fraze: I ain't ruling it out Bea: They are yours, after-all Fraze: They better be Bea: As if Fraze: Too early to tell if they look like me Bea: Do you want me on your side or not Bea: think on Fraze: I ain't surviving Christmas if you ain't Fraze: So depends if you want me to or not Bea: That depends if you wanna keep implying things Fraze: Come on Bea: You Fraze: If I reckoned there was any truth to it we wouldn't be having this conversation Fraze: You know that as well as I do Bea: Not very supportive Bea: but fair Fraze: I love you but I've got my limits, babe and I don't reckon they stretch to doing night feeds for kids that ain't mine Bea: Always good to know Fraze: Keep it in mind, yeah Bea: Back at you Fraze: Fuck that, I need your genetics to balance out mine Fraze: Especially now the model missus of my childhood dreams ain't gonna happen Fraze: No wildcards, cheers Bea: Please, don't let me stop you Fraze: Shut up Bea: Go on Bea: I said no Bea: practically a free agent Fraze: I'd rather you said no every time than some girl I don't want saying yeah Bea: Cute Fraze: Don't take the piss Bea: Me? Never Bea: You're just so adorable, babe Fraze: Tis the season for you to have a day off it, like Bea: Don't make me repeat myself Fraze: Why not? Fraze: You've signed yourself up to a lifetime of that Bea: They're all we've got to talk about already? Fraze: Christ, I hope not Bea: Let's never be those people, yeah Bea: another rule Fraze: I don't mind that one Fraze: I'll even swear to it Bea: No need to spill blood on it Bea: but good Fraze: No takebacks either way Bea: Yeah Fraze: Good Bea: How long have you got left? Bea: need interaction with an actual adult human Fraze: One foot out the door, babe Bea: Thank God Fraze: My sentiments exactly Bea: I have missed you Fraze: Yeah? Bea: You know I have Fraze: I know it's more fun hearing it from you Bea: Well I have Bea: can't claim the babies have too but you know Bea: they're selfish little bastards Fraze: It's alright we've established they're mine, you ain't gotta milk it Bea: 😂 Fraze: I've missed you Fraze: Them too Bea: It must be weird being away from them Fraze: It's fucked but I'm on my way back via the shop Bea: You don't really mind though, do you? Fraze: Like you said, we need all the funds we can get Fraze: Gotta do what I gotta do Fraze: They need you more than they do me right now Bea: Yeah Bea: and there's only so much time I can give them too Fraze: Exactly Fraze: What about you, do you mind? Bea: I don't know Bea: it is what it is regardless, like you said Fraze: Yeah, but if there's anything you wanna do different we'll figure it out Bea: I need to finish Uni Bea: I'm going to be there for a long time yet Bea: we can do it Fraze: 'Course you do and 'course we can Bea: I can take until Summer term, doing long distance Bea: but then I'll need to go back full-time Bea: still the plan, they'll nearly be a year Fraze: It's still a good plan Bea: I think so Fraze: No need to repeat myself going on about how smart you are then Bea: Still, always fun hearing it from you Fraze: Still, I've got other compliments up my sleeve Bea: Only if you're lying Bea: I wonder if the gym creche will take them this young Fraze: You can always lie about how old they are if not Fraze: Every fucker knows twins are smaller Bea: Especially ones that can't hold on Fraze: Go easy though, yeah? Bea: I'm not pregnant now Fraze: You know what I mean Fraze: It ain't been that long Bea: Long enough Fraze: Come on Bea: Don't be a baby about it Fraze: Don't be a bitch about it Bea: Shut up and come home Fraze: Shut up and listen to me Bea: Don't treat me like an idiot Fraze: Don't treat me like an idiot either Bea: I'm not Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: I know you and you should know I ain't gonna stand there while you go fucking mental over this Bea: It isn't mental to want to look good Fraze: Nah it ain't but you do Bea: If that were true you would've said it however many messages up so Fraze: If I'd said it however many messages ago you'd have said that you wanna get out of the house or whatever Fraze: I ain't telling you not to go I'm telling you not to go mad Bea: Not planning on becoming a bodybuilder, like Fraze: That ain't what worries me, like Bea: Don't worry Bea: I promise, I'll be fine Fraze: You know the drill by now, Bea Bea: Come on Bea: I'm not my sister Fraze: Your sister ain't my problem, you are Bea: Charming Fraze: A charm offensive ain't gonna get through to you Bea: Calling me a problem ain't gonna get you anything you want Fraze: Come on Fraze: I'm saying I don't care about your sister, I care about you Bea: and I'm saying you're making a non-issue an issue right now Fraze: Alright Bea: Is it? Fraze: If you say so, babe Fraze: I ain't calling you a liar Bea: Good Bea: Don't worry about me okay Bea: We have so much more important things to focus on Fraze: Fuck that, there's nobody more important than you Bea: I think you're legally obligated to say otherwise now Fraze: I wouldn't have them if it weren't for you Fraze: I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you Fraze: It ain't nothing you don't already know Bea: Babe Fraze: I'll shut up now Bea: You know it's more than mutual, don't you Bea: You and me, always, no matter what Fraze: Yeah Bea: I mean it now Bea: no bullshit trial separation stuff again Fraze: I don't wanna be away from you when I have to be working, you ain't getting rid now that I'm on my way back Bea: I don't want rid Bea: never did Fraze: And it goes without saying how fucking beautiful you look but if you need to hear it you will Bea: I'm not desperate or asking for constant reassurance Bea: I'm not that girl Fraze: I know who you are Bea: Yeah Bea: It's just a lot Bea: I wanna feel more like me again Fraze: What else can I do? Bea: There's nothing else you need to do Bea: honest Fraze: But I still wanna Fraze: I'll look after 'em so you can go to the gym or wherever else Bea: I'd rather see you first Fraze: It don't have to be now, the offer stands Bea: Thanks Bea: seriously Fraze: You'd do it for me Fraze: We're a team, you said it Bea: I love you Fraze: Yeah, I know Fraze: I love you too Bea: Hurry up now though Fraze: We need to eat, babe Fraze: I've already pushed to the front of this queue Bea: Damn Bea: when he's a provider Fraze: When ain't I been? Used to provide you with drinks when we were kids, like Bea: It wasn't always you, thank you Fraze: You had your moments, cheers for each one Bea: How dare you Bea: it was a solid 50/50 Fraze: That ain't how I remember it Bea: Convienient Bea: you can't remember a lot of things Fraze: It really weren't at the time but it was worth it to impress you, I remember that Bea: I was not that impressed Fraze: Bullshit Bea: Not bullshit Bea: shut up Fraze: I'm getting in the car, you shut up Bea: Oh yeah, blame me if you crash Bea: that's nice Fraze: It'll be your fault Fraze: And my life insurance ain't all that either so you might wanna think on Bea: 😑 Bea: Go away then Fraze: See you soon then Bea: 💘 Fraze: You're gonna do better than that when I come through the door, yeah? Bea: Focus Bea: I'm NOT making you crash, remember Fraze: You're gonna make me do another detour if you don't say yeah Bea: Really Fraze: Alright no, I'm too tired to be fucking about but humour me, like Fraze: I wanna feel more like me too, and we both know who that cunt is Bea: I happen to like that cunt Fraze: Marry him then Bea: Ha ha Fraze: Pour me a drink, babe Bea: Watch me put it in a bottle Bea: 🍼 Fraze: I'll take what I can get, including those measures Bea: You ain't getting 8oz Bea: but nice try Fraze: That's only my first try Fraze: We'll see Bea: You will, babe Fraze: Nice try yourself Bea: Shut up or I'll start without you Fraze: Are you making that a promise or a threat? Bea: Keep me waiting and find out Fraze: [honey he's home cos honestly shh but we all know its a swag entrance cos he's really missed and loves them all] Bea: [renuinted and it feels so good] Fraze: [just kissing like they in a film casually instead of being two young harassed parents, have your moment babes] Bea: [live your best life lads 'cos the struggle is real] Fraze: [hence him coming in from the rain for that semi throwback cos yolo]