#and dont say its the impossible girl stuff. thats the worst shit ive seen in my whole fucking life
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the diehard clara hater/lover quiz is fun because some of the lover descriptions feel like they're describing the most toxic evil person on planet earth and it's like guys i think we have all forgotten the fact that canonically she is twelve's one tie to earth and has to remind him of how to care about people. and like she dies in a doctor-esque sacrifice to save someone. she just reflects the worst qualities of the doctor she is not an evil possessive selfish girlboss woman. i do wish she was more awful though i think it would be funny to have a sole companion like that making the doctor worse
#i feel like the writing about her is not 100% solid. if there's this much range in interpretation going on#although it may be fandom reading comprehension or whatever#i wish she was in more episodes of s9 to flesh her out more and develop her relationship w twelve more gradually#i wish we got to see why she is so dissatisfied with just having one life. and stuff exploring her life on earth#before she met the doctor. and why she reflects the doctor's uglier qualities. as opposed to many other companions before her#that instead became the hero of the story in the doctor's place (rose + bad wolf. martha walking the earth. doctordonna)#her relationship w danny feels wrong like she is just going through the motions w him. girl what is it ur drawn to abt him#there is quite obviously something wrong with her. i just feel like we needed to see more of what that something was#and dont say its the impossible girl stuff. thats the worst shit ive seen in my whole fucking life#quite possibly the most heinous arc for a companion of all time and im glad deep breath continues on like its not real#if there are any clara enjoyers out there feel free to monologue in my inbox about her. i think theres smth about her i don't really get.#like im missing a piece of the puzzle or something.#dr who#12 era
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Answers
so i was asked to answer all of these so here i gooooooo!!!!~… kms… ;u;
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1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
uhhhhmmm i dont really hold hands cause i over heat and the get clammy easily, so the last person i “held hands”/ linked arms with was actually at Anime Boston with this rad dude Jay, we were cosplaying Keith and Lance from Voltron. it was a good day, but we were tired as fuck.
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
kinda both depends on the situation and who im around tbh
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
in general or like famous??? uhhhmmm, if we’re going in general tbh me rad ass mate Jay cause why wouldnt I be looking forward to seeing this kid??? hes literally the best thing or person to see ever, duh! and if were going famous??? uhhhmmm music wise either Panic! At The Disco, TOP, orrrrr maybe a tie between some one from the Hamilton, or Heahters musicals.
4. Are you easy to get along with?
again depends on the situation and people. over all id say yeah in some way.
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
uhmmm idk because we’d both probably be shit faced and tumbling over each other screaming, incoherently and laughing our asses off. While simultaneously getting into 20 different fights over cheese, bread, and cats. Then crying about video games and anime. probably in the midst of this we’d be laughing and patting each other’s back telling each other how good of a bro the other is an how we’re gonna take over the world by the sheer brute force of dogs and cats
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
uhhhhmmm i dont really have a type but there’s a guy i like alot whos my dream guy tbh, and to me hes perfect in alot and pretty much every single way. ºuº
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
probably not but its nice to hope and dream c:
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
either rn my friend Casey cause shes in spain this week for vacation or my childhood bestfriend Liz cause her birthday just pasted on april 7th and i havent seen her in years.
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
depends on who im with and what exactly kinda stuff were talking about. but im always awkard af with everything so im always uncomftorble.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
mi boi Jay!!~ we tend to get into deep conversation alot. i enjoy it alot tbh hahaha.
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
(when i got to this quesion)
WE WILL BE TRASH GODS!!!~
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
UHMMM pass cause honestly the whole entirety of Heathers and Hamilton pretty much.
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
OMFG HELL YEAH I DO!!!!!!!~
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
yeah man thats always been something i believe in because i have the most terrible luck but i like to believe miracles have happened in my life.
15. What good thing happened this summer?
i started the change in my social life and i got a really rad friend through the beginning phase of it!
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
uhmmm ive only done pecks cause im fucking looser so that was Jay, so hell yeah i would man hahaha! (hes got a kissable face its nice alright, i swear im not this fucking awkward XD) ((and bro i know youll end up reading this. i love ya man!! i hope this isnt too bad lol~))
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
fuck yeah i do bro. i wanna befriend at least one of them tbh.
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
not really cause the kid left after 5th grade and i never saw him again,
19. Do you like bubble baths?
fuck yes.
20. Do you like your neighbors?
i dont really talk to them haha.
21. What are you bad habits?
i have alot, talking to much and fighting HARD during a fight, and having the worst timing for smart ass comments, and trying to change things i cant change too much. theres more but thats a good few.
22. Where would you like to travel?
everywhere and anywhere tbh
23. Do you have trust issues?
a bit ive more developed them because of shitty people
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
either shower or the part where i come home and either draw, eat, play video games, get to text my boi, or where i get to sleep.
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
my nose, the corners of my mouth or my big toes.
26. What do you do when you wake up?
text my friend good morning or get up and play with my mouse for a few minutes
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
i enjoy my skin tone but i wish i could tan ith out burning although, ive always wanted to either be albino or see what its like to be darker.
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
either Jay, or my friend Casey
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
nope because i dont talk to them XD
30. Do you ever want to get married?
at some point maybe haha
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
almost but the sides and some of my bangs are just a teeny bit off from making it :u:
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
uhmm not really any tbh theyre all to much older than me
33. Spell your name with your chin.
alyxx/ nyxx
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
ew no but i like swimming and to go on walks for fun
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
thats hard cause i need both for background noise
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
not really, i dont think so
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
something really stupid and half the time really provocative
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
ahhhh hahaha well i dont really know because the guy im crushing on is my dream guy js. and if i were to try and describe him id butcher the amazing and astounding beauty of the real person to be honest
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
ahhhh idk, lush?? and anything with food tbh
40. What do you want to do after high school?
die, or move to salem WITCHever comes first -u0 lol (bad pun i know i know)
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
i belive in ALOT of chances tbh
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
either im tired, extremely sad/depressed, overthinking/ thinking, focusing, thinking how to reply something or im REALLY fucking pissed off at you for something.
43. Do you smile at strangers?
REALLY FUCKING AWKWARDLY AND IN REALLY FUCKING AWKWARD SITUATIONS
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
UHHHHHH BOTH!!!!!~ TF?
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
THE INPENDING FEAR AND DOOM OF CRIPPLING ANXIETY IF I MISS THE BUS OR if im hanging out wiht someone that day the motivation of not being alone in my room with myself for the whole day or so hahaha, or a con/ meet up which applies to friends.
46. What are you paranoid about?
AAAHAHAHAHAHA IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION???? fucking everything…
47. Have you ever been high?
yes
48. Have you ever been drunk?
buzzed not drunk
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
uhhh i dont think so im not really very secretive. maybe like PERSONAL shit but no
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Grey
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
a few times
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
uhmmm either eye color and nose Physically.and personality wise i wish i wasnt so stubborn tbh.
53. Favourite makeup brand?
lush is the closest thing to makeup i use hunny
54. Favourite store?
lush
55. Favourite blog?
@thedevilandhisfiddleofgold c;
56. Favourite colour?
Blue
57. Favourite food?
uhmmm theres too many to list, all?? except spicy
58. Last thing you ate?
a cracker with nutella on it
59. First thing you ate this morning?
a cinnamon powdered sugar doughnut
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
nope
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
Suspending, accused of stealing shitty locker wallpaper panels. THAT I ACCTUALLY FUCKING HADNT ;U;
62. Been arrested? For what?
nope
63. Ever been in love?
YES ;-;
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
never fucking had one kiddies sorry no story time for this one
65. Are you hungry right now?
kinda i want chips
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
uhm my only tumblr friends are friends in real life so not really because how do you like someone more on tumblr than you like them in real life??? not like its impossible its just odd.
67. Facebook or Twitter?
neither tbh, i only use my facebook for my work schedule
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
TUMBLR
69. Are you watching tv right now?
yes i started 13 reasons why
70. Names of your bestfriends?
jay, casey, liz (ranked most to least interaction and tbh who ive talked to most recently, those other two loosers never text me)
71. Craving something? What?
chips, cookies, FOOD, and love, BUT MOSTLY FOOD RN
72. What colour are your towels?
we have mostly white and black towels but theyre all just multicolored
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
(im also counting my stuffed animals as pillows)
at least 11 tbh
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
(refer to last question)
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
9
75. Favourite animal?
wolf, fox, raven, snowleopard, cat, snake (i cant choose)
76. What colour is your underwear?
black like my soul bitch
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
birthday cake or cotton candy/ bubblegum
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
black
80. What colour pants?
dark grey
81. Favourite tv show?
uhmmmm Voltron or steven universe
82. Favourite movie?
heathers and the crow
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Mean Girls
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
havent seen the second one (refer to previous question)
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
the lebanese chick and the gay guy that were friends with lindsay lohan’s character
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
thats a hard question cause i love them all ;-;
87. First person you talked to today?
Jay (and caiden???) i sent a message to a group chat right after i woke up, i was pointed at Jay but theyre both in that chat
88. Last person you talked to today?
same chat
89. Name a person you hate?
ahha ahhahaha hahahaha, mmmmm theres alot
90. Name a person you love?
Jay, Casey, my pets
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
better question… is there not????
92. In a fight with someone?
i dont think so but im aboutabe casue they wont give me times on if theyre coming tomorrow or not ;-;
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
2 and a pair of sweat pants i made into shorts
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
hehehe at least 6 or 7. tbh my attack on titan one has been issing for a while and it makes me sad
95. Last movie you watched?
heathers, im not saying the technical last one cause it was gross as fuck and doe not count as a movie to me
96. Favourite actress?
ehhh hellena bonham carter
97. Favourite actor?
johnny depp
98. Do you tan a lot?
not really cause i burn and im afraid of getting skin cancer
99. Have any pets?
2 guinea PIGS and a mouse
100. How are you feeling?
alright kinda missing my friends and also kind anxious
101. Do you type fast?
depends on my mood, what im typing on, and about
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
so.. many… things…
103. Can you spell well?
fairly decently i think, average nothing over the top but i try haha
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
ehhh Liz and my friend Julia from Germany she was cool.
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
nope
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
there was a girl named shannon who was all over me and head over heels for me, she mightve been a taurus. she tried to use some serious mental shit to try and get me to stay. i told her to seek professional help and not me.
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
nope
108. What should you be doing?
a 10 page paper and finishing final fantasy, and getting more loot boxes in overwatch
109. Is something irritating you right now?
not really knowing what to do with my senior paper, shop friends, being alone, and not having enough hours in the day and always being fucking tired.
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
yes, i do right now, tbh, but its cool
111. Do you have trust issues?
this was already asked. slightly it depends on the person
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
no one, mentally and close to physiccally jay and caiden, but im always mentally crying. i dont physically cry if i do youre special, im not that soft.
113. What was your childhood nickname?
Ash
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
i was born in pittsburgh, pa. i lived in townsend, ma and i just recently moved to pepperrel, ma.
115. Do you play the Wii?
not any more
116. Are you listening to music right now?
not really
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
yes
118. Do you like Chinese food?
YAS
119. Favourite book?
how to make the perfect boy?? (its something like that) i also really enjoyed mrs. perigrines home for peculiar children.
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
im afraid of what might be in it
121. Are you mean?
i can be
122. Is cheating ever okay?
ew not wtf
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
probably not
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
kinda but only to an extent
125. Do you believe in true love?
again kinda but only to an extent tbh
126. Are you currently bored?
a bit
127. What makes you happy?
chilling with jay, playing wiht my animal or sleeping
128. Would you change your name?
i want to, im trying to get Alyxx as my name hahah but i have a genius way to keep ASH
129. What your zodiac sign?
GEMINI BIATCH!!!!~
130. Do you like subway?
yeah its alright
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
uhhhh hahah i already dated my childhood bestfriend. Liz was chill but id kindly turn her down
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
already answered this up top, but Jay
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
hmmmm i have too many tbh, id love to put one here but i cant think of a good one atm sorry my dudes
134. Can you count to one million?
maybe but im to lazy to fam
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
hahaha ive told too many to put those down
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
CLOSED OMFG NO #TRIGGERED
137. How tall are you?
5′5.25″ ( THAT QUARTER IS IMPORTANT ;u;, believe it or not i had=ve alot of friends that are taller than me)
138. Curly or Straight hair?
wavy-ish
139. Brunette or Blonde?
i myself am a “brunette”
140. Summer or Winter?
kinda both
141. Night or Day?
ehh more night but i enjoy both
142. Favourite month?
either, October, November, December, and i actually am not a fan of my birth month may haha
143. Are you a vegetarian?
nope but ive thought about becoming one to cleanse and to get in better shape kinda reasons
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
milk and white
145. Tea or Coffee?
both
146. Was today a good day?
ehhh kinda
147. Mars or Snickers?
snickers but i wanna try a mars bar
148. What’s your favourite quote?
hahah either
“ another fucking heather! -sighs- Our love is god let’s go get a slushie!”
-JD “Heathers”
( i relate most to the heather part tbh)
“ill hook ‘em…” “..and ill cook ‘em!”
-Roadhog and Junkrat “Overwatch”
( YEAH I KNOW IM TRASH BUT ITS A PRECIOUS QUOTE BETWEEN TO REALLY GOOD BEST MATES OKAY!!!??)
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
WHOLE HEARTEDLY, IVE SEEN THEM, IVE FELT THEM, IVE HEARD THEM, TALKED TO THEM, I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM AND THEY ARE KINDA SLIGHTLY TERRIFYING BUT I LOVE THEM!
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
“WOW MAGNUS, you’re probably thinking. That was… stupid!”
Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard
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btw this wall of text is funny and has jokes so dont be afraid to read it in full♥( like i never read theory posts i just skim cuz they’re usually really boring)
im genuinely asking all you girls lol. i think that theory and stuff is fun but its got a lotta girls caught up in it to where they think all issues are equal. because in theory they are. but this is totally war, like, our numbers are limited. and also we cant afford to make things any easier for people who are invested in killing us.
like in theory what if we had a utopian capitalist society; trans women would be treated perfect, cis women would be treated perfect, etc, except for that capital would exist lol but im just saying its capitalist because of the epistemological impossibility of describing a post-capitalist society. so cis women would have their uteruses respected and all that stuff (what do cis women care about????? idgi tbh) and trans women would y’know, not be in the absolute shithole.
so in that situation theory coincides with and applies to society so if a misogynist trend appeared it wouldnt hurt trans women to work with cis women on whatever was an issue with them with that. well the only thing that would hurt would be being seen in public with such unfashionable people. but i digress.
however in this late capitalist metadata-shaped reality, if we want to really center and support ourselves and our sisters, we have to preform some kind of triage. triage is a practice in medicine and more specifically field, military, and emergency medicine by which doctors quickly determine prognosis (oversimplified: how likely someone is to survive) and more importantly the effect of treatment on said prognosis. and then decide the order to treat injured based on that analysis. so basically they treat the ppl with severed limbs first so they dont bleed out, but the people cut in half last cuz it would be near impossible to save them anyway. you probably already knew all this, like, if you’ve seen apocalypse now or anything but i just really like talking about medical science lmao. humor me.
so we have to decide where the focus of social and material resources is most important and will do the most good for tw. thats pretty intuitive. i think if i said that to any tw i know shed agree. well tw dont usually agree with my taste in icecream muchtheless politics so maybe not. anyway :p♥
looking at it from a military/conflict analytical perspective, because there’s little difference between physical and emotional conflict and often its helpful to look at them the same, there are a lot of people working on cis womens “rights”. in fact many men also work with cis women on their ~issues~ ; trans guys being especially invested in this cuz its a way to be transmisogynist and gain power 4 free basically. cis women have that shit on lockdown, lemme tell you. they’re bringing their boyfriends and everything. meanwhile our boyfriends or cis girlfriends dont wanna be seen with us. but like i said a bunch already, nobody’s even working for trans womens basic needs (not rights) except ourselves. let me say: every time we go participate in a womens march, in a trans march, we’re getting played hard.
like hard girls. like major funny business. like serious shenanigans. why? because cis women and trans men use us and our incredible skill, talent, etc, and get us to organize, direct, speak at, etc the march and they get all the benefits. we get none. in fact we usually get sexually assaulted, traumatized, verbally assaulted, et ceteraaaa. like, are you seeing what im seeing? my triage says that thats definitely NOT something i should get within 10 miles of. dont rhetorically defend that, dont go, dont give your labor to ppl who are lookin to simply exploit you and send you home with less that you masked up with. or pussy hatted up. god thats the worst. fashion nightmare.
everybody has limited resources. it simply doesn’t make sense to spend our resources as tw on stuff which doesnt give back. every time you theoretically defend cis women in even a minuscule way i wonder why?? cuz the problem is you’re not gonna get anything from it! i mean maybe this is too max stirner but not really cuz what i’m saying is that we are small in active numbers, and we dont get any tactical assistance from anyone but our selves, and thus its crucial to focus solely on gaining resources for and preserving our own selves. especially when its not just a waste, its dangerous. the more leeway cis women get from trans women, the more they will exploit that and exploit the trans women in their movements; and use those women to decredit the women outside of their movements. dont be a token! i’m not kidding when i say you won’t get anything out of it.
remember the study that said trans women participating in communities are more depressed than trans women who dont. cis womens movements will suck you dry. okay that sounds kinda hot. they’ll do it in a non-hot way. they will use your brilliance for their own ends and dehumanize your daily life.
so when you give your energy to them, whether you’re a fulltime h8r like me or you dont really h8 anyone (i bet theres someone you h8 dont lie to yourself, we’ve all got that dark side hatred inside us), its not useful to ever focus on cis women. even if you like them a lot they dont really need your help. unless you’re a hardcore masochist and wanna never focus on yourself and only focus on others, which i get, its kind of a thing with tw, but lemme tell you its the most dangerous goddamn thing when done with cis women. at least if you put the needs of other tw over your own they will prolly help you in return! anyway please become an egoist and put your needs above others. thats not even actually egoism, so dont even worry about karl marx’ ghost coming to haunt you.
trans women need to use that kind of thinking more than any other kinda people, but we like put ourselves first the least! we are way too selfless. and literally everyone is conspiring to play the fuck out of us so we are sooo vulnerable to being tokens and hurting ourselves by giving energy to communities that just wanna exploit us. it sux!!
the moral of the story is, please never talk about uteruses and vaginas and reproductive rights and petty acts of misogyny like catcalls ever again lol, cuz the (millions) of cis women who talk about those things have got way more resources to fight those things which are comparatively nothing to what threatens trans women, and they are also 100% invested and complicit in your exploitation and demise! also it makes me sad cuz i want sisters to care about me and focus on me (and themselves) cuz i’m super vain.
i feel like what politics posts are missing on tumblr is like, honesty! ive become way more honest this year and i dont think it detracts from what im saying to say that posts focusing on trans women and validating us and totally tossing out all the cis bs thats constantly around us make me feel more cared about and more happy. i want people to care about my experiences and listen and share my passionate emotions. im extremely passionate about trans women fucking winning at life. and i know that cis women, men, every non trans woman always tries to stop me and my sisters from winning at every fuckin turn! damn! that sux!! but we have to deal with it, forreal, like, we can and will win by ourselves. nobodys gonna help us, as fucked up as that is, we have to make our own lives and come into our own resources and contacts and happiness and safety. but i know we can. and i know that cis women especially, who are very sneaky and try to pull like 10 fast ones on us a minute, (how do they do that) can be soooo harmful for us. anyway indulge me and just try not really focusing or contributing to cis womens or “transgender” movements et cetera et cetera cuz it’s the way2go. focus on yourself, real life, not theory, (like not theory as a huge major thing in your life its totally fun as a hobby, just dont let it control how you like, relate to people! cuz i see that a lot), your sisters, and winning. dont put your energy towards movements that really, honestly, will never be able to truly see you as human and give you any support or benefit whatsoever. jeez why’d i write this post this is so long wtf i never go on tumblr ok bye girls♥♥♥
dont believe the hype, bitches are the lowkey fbis sis !! ♥♥♥
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