// the last falsetto //

dear you,

when i first listened to this song, i easily associated it with someone. the song makes me feel like i'm walking barefoot at the beach, feeling the warm sand in between my toes, my hair flowing freely with the cold breeze, and my chest feels light as i breathe all my frustrations out in the air. he feels exactly like that. he feels like sunshine.

but after looping it for hours and rereading the lyrics multiple times, i took back the association because it doesn't match. all along, there's an underlying reason why i liked the song, and now, i realize it may be because of you.

there's probably a million things i'd like to say to you, but honestly, i think it'd be best if i just ask — how have you been?

a part of me wholeheartedly wishes that you're well, and that you're living your best life. a part of me wishes you're happy. but the part of me that recognizes the pain you caused totally wishes the opposite. i can't blame her though.

do you even remember how we started out as friends? it was the 5th of december, and we had emptied a lot of bottles. we were both drunk, and you were muttering the most nonsense sentences the world has ever heard despite us having a sensible conversation because the alcohol already took over. when the morning came, we were waiting for everyone to finish getting dressed so that we can go home. you sat by me while i'm hugging my stuffed bear and asked "can i hug you?". you were clingy when you're drunk, and funnily enough, i am too so i said yes. i think that was the first out of the many hugs we get to share. too bad the count finally halted.

we met again that afternoon for a photoshoot, and you, despite sleeping so soundly on the jeep to the point that your friend carried you to his apartment, turned out pretty decent. you looked great, like you weren't hurling hours before. that day was filled with so much bliss, and it's vividly etched in my memory. little did i know, the 6th of december marks a start of a beautiful friendship — so beautiful that the world doomed it to end terribly.

i don't want to delve deeper into what we had because even i cannot verbalize what that was. was there even a concept of "us" or was it just in my mind? all these years, the chronic thought of asking "what are we?" haunted me and what's sad is that i will never know the answer to that. maybe it's better not knowing. maybe it's better to just settle with the fact that you were the reason why my life was filled with bliss for a certain point in time, and for that, i will be eternally grateful.

at the back of my mind, i have this small box filled with little details about you. i know the song you listen to when you need that little push. you know how to braid someone's hair because you do your little niece's hair. you have this certain hyperfixation on this one particular italian word. oh god, i still remember how you smell like -- intoxicating, gentle, familiar.

and at the same time, you knew things about me, things i never even had the chance to verbalize out loud, but you still knew because you paid attention.

it will always be a mystery to me how you knew that i loved that particular song to the point that you asked me to sing it with you. i will never forget every single time you braided my hair because you knew i loved it when people play with my hair. you knew i love stickers, so you bought one that matched mine.

your arms, up until now, are what i consider my safest place in this world. no one has ever come close to the way you made me feel that night – the security, the serenity, the peace, everything – and five years later, you still own a part of me.

i'd like to think we knew each other pretty well -- perhaps to be loved is to be known. however, like the seasons, you and i went through drastic changes. we outgrew a lot of things, including each other. although sometimes, i think about these versions of us -- the version of us who deeply knew each other -- where did they go?

at nights when i walk home alone, or during spontaneous karaoke nights wherein i sing duets with a different person, and whenever i get the urge to braid my hair in the morning before i go to work, the question lingers, "what if?"

i'd like to think there's a universe out there wherein we decided to give in to chance. there's probably a universe wherein i decided to tell you that i love you, and you eagerly said it back. there's probably a universe in which the yearning and pining were mutual, and the love was unconditionally reciprocated.

like the song we sang to each other, i'd come home after a long day because in that world, you'll be mine and i'll be yours.

but that's all this was gonna be – a "what if". ours was never a case of bad timing because we're never made to course through this lifetime together. what we were were just ships that pass in the night — meant to meet at one point in time, but destined to sail off on our separate voyages, never to cross paths ever again.

it's bittersweet that i couldn't even say that our time has passed because we never even happened, but i grew to accept that i was never meant to be a part of your story. not a sentence, probably not even a phrase. i never made a mark on yours, but do remember that you are a whole chapter in mine.

me and nox concluded our nct marathon and im feeling oddly bittersweet about it. it was such a good experience. we still have so much more stuff to watch (we call together frequently to watch cinderella movies, we plan to listen to every new nct release in the future, and we also have more kpop marathons left) but OUG. THE NCT ERA IS OVER.

ether way it was such a good time and i'm glad we did this. it was honestly a rlly interesting ride. they had a rough start, like everything sounded SO weird initially vnfjvnjf with a few exceptions here and there. and then suddenly they had their hashtag slay era as noxia calls it, where they kept releasing consistently good music. of course highway to heaven was released during that era, literally nct's peak. and then everything went downhill again NVNJFNVJFVN THEY RELEASED MAKE A WISH. WHICH IS SUCH A MID, LEANING TOWARDS BAD SONG, BUT ALSO ONE IM KINDA OBSESSED WITH, ITS MY GUILTY PLEASURE. me and noxia had only listened to the english version but the lyrics in the korean version are so different??? like they actually make sense. whoever translated the song legit just pulled shit out of their ass and tried to make it rhyme. there was so much unmemorable shit, and then we got to hot sauce and OH MY GOD, HOT SAUCE IS SO BAD. i've heard it so many times before but idk why it rlly got to me this time. i think it was noxia's reaction to it but i started laughing so hard i had actual tears in my eyes, i was sobbing. and then the most devastating thing happened.

noxia looked at one of the guys and said "DUDE, THAT GUY HAS A SUPERM SHIRT" and she kept going back trying to find the frame and it was a fucking SUPREME shirt. i lost my mind at that.

then we got to sticker. we've all heard sticker. it certainly is a song.

and as for the more recent releases, i actually thought they were pretty good. a lot of nct's stuff is kinda just generic and unmemorable but occasionally it's kinda fun, and i do think after sticker there's been some improvement here and there. the world is healing. as noxia put it by the end of it: "their music just isn't for me. most of the songs aren't bad, they're just so generic, and i wouldn't ask someone to turn it off but i would also forget about it by tomorrow. every once in a while they release a BANGER and every once in a while they release the worst songs known to men."

yeah, i agree. i no longer think they suck, is just that when they give them bad songs they're SO bad vnfjvnjv. but there's redeemable qualities in their discography and for the most part, they're okay. overall their music is a 6/10 i think, but they have some rlly good songs here and there.

SPECIFICALLY i love wayv. wayv stayed consistently good all the time??? not a single miss. i was terrified when we got to the nct flop era and a wayv song started playing and it sounded kinda off. i remember noxia going "THEY GOT WAYV!!!" but it was fine, the song actually picked up a bit as it went along.

in conclusion: nct is. alright. not as bad as some people say it is, and also not as good. it's just okay overall. but i do think they have some potential, so i'm excited to see where they go in the future in terms of their music. maybe they'll get a full redemption arc.

NOOOOOO, THE END OF THE NCT ERA....I'm not surprised that ur rating of their discography was 6/10. I wonder if nct is more of an...experiment for sme. Bc they already have a unique group dynamic (Idk of any other groups that just keep adding new members bc that's their gimmick + them having so many subdivisions + having one of those subdivisions be dedicated to just putting the members on rotation), so maybe they're throwing things at the fans and seeing what can be marketed and what can't. Seeing how much bad music the fans can take before they start dipping gjskfkfj. I don't have any evidence to support this, I'm just musing here

Also not the supreme shirt.....it would be so funny actually if that had been a superm shirt. Imagine if sme was trying to promote superm thru nct 😭😭

I'm happy to hear that wayv stayed consistently good! I might check out their full discography then, I rlly like what I've heard of it so far