#and I keep thinking about fucking. Angus. Who certainly does not really make sense in what he does
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I wonder now if people who know a lot more about that certain part of history my AU takes place in have been slagging me off in private, which is their good right, but I would also appreciate constructive slagging to my face, because the more I learn, the more interesting it gets.
#beablabbers#I just keep thinking about how I have a vague definition of class in my head but by far nothing specific#and I keep thinking about fucking. Angus. Who certainly does not really make sense in what he does#why can he read. what people would accept him into their circles bc discussing conceptual shit is for people with money.#Francesco I would have no doubt that man could have fucking fooled people into access#But Angus is not exactly. Socially intelligent. I mean he is too a degree but he is also an arsehole of a firebrand.#Angus is the kind of guy who would not get into a coffee house I think. But now I wanna learn more about coffee houses.
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Alright here’s my belated Thoughts on that latest TSP episode. I should add again, I am in no way saying people shouldn’t like this show, I just need to be petty on my own blog.
- Stafford’s Performative Masculinity is a bit Much, even for a sixteenth century man
- Katherine doesn’t want Wolsey appointed chancellor because that would give him too much power and the chancellor is apparently the second most powerful man in the kingdom... so powerful in fact that I’m not even sure we’ve seen the current chancellor on screen, except in his ecclesiastical role as archbishop of Canterbury
- Ah the migrating towers of Holyrood. They weren’t there for the last two episodes and they won’t be there next scene either but they’ll be *theoretically* here all week folks.
- It is mildly hilarious that this show seems to think that every single moment in Scottish politics took place in one wee house in Somerset “Edinburgh”, and the only people who are ever involved are two dozen stereotypical Scottish noblemen, and one Englishwoman (and no clergy? Which is extremely weird given how heavily involved they were in royal administration).
- Not to mention they imply Holyrood is meant to be Edinburgh (it is now, then it was actually in the burgh of the Canongate but close enough) and yet the burgh skyline of Edinburgh is never visible in the background of these shots, just rolling fields and a nondescript hill that I assume is meant to be Arthur’s seat.
- Ok so we’re portraying Angus as the poetic soul instead of his uncle, that’s fine, that makes no sense but it’s fine.
- Who the fuck is Bishop McElroy. Setting aside the fact that McElroy was more common in Ireland than Scotland during the sixteenth century (and there were no major noble or even influential lairdly families bearing the surname), why could they not have just done a google search and found out that, oh yeah, there were Real Life Scottish Bishops in 1515, anyone of whom would have done. And I don’t know why they mucked about with the timeline but if they were going to muck around with the timeline anyway then then how about maybe even, dare I say it, Gavin Douglas, bishop-elect of Dunkeld???
- Also I didn’t quite catch the full line so I may have misheard but I think Margaret states that they got married in the kirk of South Queensferry? I mean tbh this only confirms my belief that the writers think everything happened in the vicinity of Edinburgh (and that they didn’t even bother to think to TRY and find out where the marriage might have taken place, just started tossing a few Scottish place names out there as if that would do. The Ferry’s not even that private, it was on a major pilgrimage route and an important crossing point over the Forth). It’s also a bit irritating because there’s no reason for the inaccuracies? They didn’t have to show the wedding so they didn’t have to change the location or characters for ease of filming or anything, it’s just a throwaway line, there’s no reason for them to make up a bishop and unlikely wedding location? Anyway join us next week as Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn conduct their affair in the middle of London Bridge.
- Also excuse me while I make an unconvinced noise at that line about how the Douglases (i.e. all of them, not just the Red ones) have always ‘licked the balls of England’. While their notoriety for being Shady As Fuck and occasionally siding with the English was certainly well known, no sixteenth century Scotsman worth his salt would have sullied the name of the Good Sir James just to score points off the Angus branch of the family.
- (Maybe this is a bad time to point out that they’re not technically licking ‘balls’ in this instance either...)
- I take it back there was one (1) woman very briefly in that scene where Margaret and “Angus” rushed to grab the bairns. She was promptly never seen again. Confirmed Cryptid.
- Also where did all the other bairns (James IV’s ones, not Margaret’s) go. I mean they were actually there last episode I think, so it’s not like they were implying that Margaret got rid of them as soon as she could. Have they FINALLY grown up?
- How quickly do letters travel in this world? How long have they been in that cellar? Are they still there?
- Wait so now Katherine of Aragon knows his name is Archibald??? Why has everyone been calling him ‘Angus Douglas’ then, even when his dad (and presumably grandfather) was alive?
- Lol @ Henry ‘after all I’ve done for her’. Do tell, what HAVE you done for Margaret.
- Hang on so Thomas Boleyn is Earl of Wiltshire already and yet his father-in-law Thomas Howard still isn’t duke of Norfolk
- Second LOL @ an archbishop of York willfully summoning a naturalised Frenchman to Scotland without the king of England’s permission, as if Scotland lay in his gift and as if that was in any way a good idea, even for some political point-scoring
- “Margaret’s sons must take the throne”- Katherine are you aware that James V was crowned King of Scots not two weeks after Flodden, and approximately seven months before his younger brother Alexander was even born.
- Again, HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN IN THE CELLAR? Angus has grown a BEARD.
- He’s not the future king he IS the king. A tiny toddler king. You help him go potty you disrespectful shite, I don’t care if you’re having a nervous breakdown. (May I just point out again it is CRIMINAL that David Lindsay isn’t in this)
- We all pause for An Exaggerated Whispering Scene, that great period drama staple. I mean are we sure they’re gossiping about Henry and a *woman*, because the way people are talking about Wolsey at that dinner once again makes it look like he’s the real Mistress
- So wait how is this ‘letting’ Margaret go with Howard thing supposed to work. Is it like knock-knock special delivery for the duke of Norfolk, here you go please take your princess back.
- And when exactly did Angus do all this negotiating when he has supposedly been stuck in a cellar for weeks. Gavin Douglas has a lot to answer for, and not just the sheer length of the Eneados.
- ‘Bog-fuckers’ - not a bog in sight in this west country version of Scotland. Also er, just how does one fuck a bog. Asking for a friend.
- I’m just being pedantic, Howard’s foul mouth is actually the only genuine piece of comedy the writers can come up with in this tv show.
- Howard putting up a good front here but come on there’s like six of them and about two dozen Miscellaneous Scotsmen. I know that the English were very practised in quartering Scots whenever they liked but eight to one is not good odds, even for the victor of Flodden.
- Yeah that whole scene is not how the history worked. At All. But let’s let them ride dramatically away across a field as if it’s at all plausible. (Also why is it always fields- I know Scotland’s roads were bad in the sixteenth century, but seriously they were at least *technically* roads when you got near Edinburgh)
- And there was definitely no Isabella Hoppringle, which is again, criminal. I mean I expected it but it’s still sad. Mind you I suppose that might imply that Scottish women are real creatures and not cryptids which, as we know, is totally unrealistic.
- Even weirder though, they’re not including Margaret Douglas? Why?
- Only one man has ever been in the king’s rooms? Seriously? You expect us to believe this, not only from a historical accuracy perspective, but also from the tv show that gave us implied Wolsey/Henry?
- The Great English Midwife Shortage c.1509-1516
- Do NONE of the many many grown-up people at the English court understand the lottery of birth and that you can’t just like, assume the baby will be a boy even if you hope it will. Wishful thinking is one thing (and common) but this wholehearted belief thing is frankly unrealistic.
- It’s also unfair how they’re treating Mary as unloved by both her parents. We know Katherine loved her daughter in some way, and it’s also not really fair to say that Henry VIII was anything less than a doting father in her early years.
- And the record for fastest churching goes to Katherine again. Cracking cape though.
- Katherine all ‘he won’t visit his daughter’- you won’t even look at her either though. How is this a sympathetic depiction of Katherine again? Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely understandable if a royal mother didn’t always want to hold her daughter but really? After every other negative light they’ve shown Katherine in and called it Empowerment?
- Hey I don’t know much about English customs but seems to me that inviting the French to intervene in Scotland without consulting the king might just be a beheading offence Wolsey. AND THEN HENRY COVERS FOR HIM? THE PAGES OF ENGLISH HISTORY BOOKS ARE NOT STAINED WITH THE BLOOD OF CIVIL SERVANTS EXECUTED FOR FAR LESSER OFFENCES FOR THIS KIND OF NONSENSE TO BE ACCEPTABLE.
- Thomas Boleyn, dad of the year
- People do kiss, Margaret Pole. That was a common thing. MEN kissed each other goddamnit. Not really good enough. I mean by your logic Katherine should have broken up with Henry after her dad laid one on him in the first episode.
- How is it that Thomas More, of all people, has the Goss.
- Oh and apparently there was also a National Laundress Shortage in 1516 too.
Ok so it was about as meh as every other episode but I think this one really brought home to me how poorly thought out Margaret’s storyline was. I mean usually these period dramas have to insert Drama for no reason to keep people interested, but Margaret’s life was FULL of drama and they had so much to work with. Instead they seem to have actually stripped most of the drama out to tell an utterly incomprehensible story about a bunch of stereotypical Scotsmen, who all live in the same house in Fake Edinburgh, chasing the only woman in Scotland into the cellar, and then posting her off back to England a few weeks later.
#TSP#Margaret Tudor#rants#I know I know#I finally got the internet back#And I'm using it to have a really petty rant about a tv show I'm largely indifferent to#This is the true purpose of tumblr
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PKNA Issue 0/3 “Xadhoom!”
Script/plot: Alessandro Sisti and Ezio Sisto
Pencil art: Stefano Intini
Inking: Sandro Zemolin
Inducks
Index post to my entire essay series about PKNA.
We reached the third and final issue numbered 0, and it is also an introduction of another ally to PK, a very special one:
The villains remain the same, the evronians. We actually start with a few pages all about them, the first longer such sequence in the series. I really like the design of their leader Zotnam:
The head on his tail is doing the talking, I love it!
Anyway, the purpose of the sequence is build-up to our big introduction of the title character. They have identified DA as their major threat, but when sending out their ships, they’re attacked by a mysterious entity. It is not even made clear what the attack consisted off, which builds suspense rather effectively.
The evronians send out these weird droid things to search for the Duck Avenger, who probably describes them best:
This leads to a trap, the alley is filled with evronnians. Donald prepares to fight them as usual, but:
I love this little twist, for here Donald’s personal life and his life as the Duck Avenger intersect. Because he was so tired after being exploited by Angus in his job as caretaker, he forgets to take his weapons with him as DA. This feels very realistic and very in-character for Donald.
Anyway, he is saved by:
Oh hell yeah! This is how you introduce a character. Just have them burst through a wall and kicking ass.
Xadhoom’s doesn’t explain her backstory until the end of this story, but I’m going to skip ahead a bit because I want to do a little character analysis. I try to keep these things in the order the story presents them, but this essay might work better by starting from her story’s beginning. She is the person from the very beginning of issue 0/1, and the race that was conquered by the evronians was hers, the xerbians.
Xadhoom was once just Xado, one of their great scientists. When they first heard of the evronians, she believed in them and urged her people to welcome them:
Despite objections from Xari, who is heavily implied to be her romantic partner, she held fast to her policy and blissfully goes on to perform a great experiment:
She takes off on a spaceship and goes near the planet’s sun. And It works, but when she returns to Xerbia:
The planet has been swiftly conquered by the evronians and their inhabitants seemingly made extinct
Blaming herself, she swears to take revenge and drive the evronians to extinction. And thanks to her successful experiment, she can. Now, lets return to her introductory fight with the evronians. It doesn’t explain who she is, but it does a good job of establishing just how powerful she is.
She can resist their weapons easily and is even able to reshape her body at will.
And she can just overload the evronians with energy.
She is able to do this because she has effectively become a sun in a humanoid body thanks to the experiment, as she explains.
She is the powerful character in the whole comic, essentially a goddess. She can take on pretty much everything the evronians can throw at her and her goal to destroy them all is not that far-fetched for her.
I can’t deny thinking she is very cool, for she is. But what I really like about her character is that the comic explores the impact of her transformation on her personality and goals, in conjunction with the traumatic loss of her species and home. She is certainly the most complex and dynamic character in the whole comic.
As Xado, she is a peaceful and kind scientist, kind to the point of naivety. And when that naivety is cruelly taken advantage of by the evronians, she blames herself for the people’s defeat. Being Xado, with her kindness and trustful nature brought ruin to the xerbians. Thus she entirely disavows that identity and its entire personality and beliefs. She instead becomes Xadhoom, an avenger, determined to take violent revenge to the evronians.
She is not even kind or altrustic anymore, for Xadhoom’s at this stage is entirely motivated by revenge, or at least so she claims. This is interesting thematically, because she breaks the simple binary of good vs. evil. Is a character a hero only because they fight the bad guys? Doesn’t heroism involve altruistic motivations? The very question Xadhoom’s story asks, is kindness always a good thing?
Interestingly, as angry as she is, because of her powers, she does have to keep her emotions in check:
Yeah, that would be bad….
Also apparently Donald doesn’t know what a nova is, he doesn’t understand what Xadhoom says here until One explains it. Of course, the purpose is to explain what a nova is to kids who don’t know.
Speaking about One, this comic really establishes One’s ability to hack into anything, any time. It’s ludicrous and the comic seems to know it:
Anyway, back to our star: unlike Xado, Xadhoom is very distrustful. DA wins the trust of One and Lyla relatively easily, but Xadhoom is a hard sell. She takes the Duck Avenger for an enemy at first and fucks up 313:
This by the way is the comic’s way of introducing DA’s new epic flying car that replaces 313 as his main vehicle in PKNA. It’s super cool:
Donald only wins her trust by proving himself to be an enemy of the evronians, which he does in a fight that also establishes the powers of his new ride.
She then accepts him as an ally in her fight against them. Of course, Donald is such a loveable duck that not even Xadhoom can resist him. I love the cute moment where she explains that getting energy from thermonuclear processes sometimes hurts and he gives her baking soda.
Best of all, it actually works.Just look at her eating baking soda straight from the can, so cute.
I love their friendship, it seems to provide a hopeful answer to Xadhoom’s cynical attitude. The problem with Xadhoom’s distrustful nature is that while she might not be taken advantage of, it makes her very lonely. It’s only when Donald trusts her to be good, despite what she initally does to him, and she trusts him in return that she can escape that loneliness.
The comics would later explore Xadhoom’s feelings of loneliness. Without the xerbians, she is all alone and with her transformation, it’s doubtful if she is even xerbian anymore. Her friendship with Donald then understandably becomes important to her. But that is only implied here.
I realize that so far I barely talked about the story itself, but the story is all about introducing Xadhoom and she is an awesome character, for reasons already explained. And the story does that really well. It is a mystery story, that builds up a sense of suspense about who and what Xadhoom is that persists almost to the very end of the story. Is she friend or foe? It is only relieved when Da builds enough trust with her to reveal her backstory. A great issue of PKNA, and a great character. Join me next time for Issue 1, finally.
#chronicles of the evronian war#duck avenger#xadhoom#pkna#alessandro sisti#ezio sisto#stefano intini#sandro zemolin
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Thunderbirds, Chapter 24
t/w: mentions of drug use, suicide
With a sick feeling in my stomach. I took Jane's laptop and set it aside. This whole time I had been telling myself that whatever Jared thought was going on was only in his head, that he had let feelings from that night at the party color his perception of her. But the look on Jane's face now told me that whatever was going on had at least some truth in it. I just couldn't understand why, if she knew there was something to Jared's accusations, she had acted so confused by his behavior. Things still weren't making sense. I hoped they were about to. I hoped they weren't about to break my heart.
“It isn't like they're saying. It's not all lies but it's not like they're saying, I swear Shannon.” Jane wiped her eyes and took another drink of her juice. “I don't even know where to start.”
“Maybe from the beginning?” I suggested.
Jane shook her head. “First of all, you need to know something. You know how I said Angus's parents hated his ex-girlfriends? Well, one they hated in particular, sort of the chief ringleader of the skanky shenanigans club was Lacey. She's an actress, she's on this Aussie soap opera and she kind of has this weird cult following. And she hates me. Oh, my god, does she hate me. But I had bigger things to worry about at the time and Angus had stopped seeing her and got a restraining order, and I just kind of let it go...”
“Restraining order? What the hell did you get yourself mixed up in Jane?” If I wasn't officially worried about where this confessional was going to go a minute a go I was now. “I'm guessing whatever it was she didn't “just let it go”?”
Jane shook her head. “No, it looks like she did anything but. And apparently she has convinced her little fan club that I'm the psycho whore of Babylon, out to ruin Lacey's life and steal her precious boyfriend and they have a whole website dedicated to how much they hate me.” She let out a ragged breath, but the tears seemed to be under control for the moment.
“Okay, well that sounds upsetting and a little crazy but....”
“Which is ridiculous because who the fuck am I right? I mean sure Lacey knows me but why would these people care?” Jane seemed to still be processing whatever was happening. She rubbed her temple and took a few deep breaths. “I know I'm not exactly an angel. I've made some decisions that weren't the smartest, but....” she paused, seeming to be lost for words. Which was chilling enough, Jane was always explaining and over explaining and the only times I had ever seen her speechless were big deals. I braced myself for whatever was coming.
“Just tell me what's going on Jane,” I told her as reassuringly as possible. “I promise I will listen.”
She nodded. “Okay, let's start with that workshop where I met Angus. Remember how I said I had been dating the guy that was giving it? Well, the whole story was he was an artist in residence, a novelist who was teaching a few classes that year. I took his class the first semester I got there, fall semester. We didn't go out until I had finished the class, this workshop was part of the way through the spring semester. And really it was only a few times, we weren't actually romantically compatible, we got bored. I didn't think it was any big deal at the time and I swear until just now I didn't even know that other people knew. That's why I didn't put it together when you said Jared mentioned it. It was that much of a non-event.”
I didn't understand what the big deal was here. “So you kind of dated your professor. Sounds like a bad romance novel. What's the problem?”
“Well,” she said, eyes down, “I ended up applying for a writing fellowship. Which I won. Guess who was on the selection committee.”
“Shit Jane.” All right this certainly sounded bad but didn't come close to explaining the drama from either Jared or her, nor justify a stalking campaign or an internet hate site.
“I swear I didn't know it at the time, and when I confronted him afterward he swore to me it had nothing to do with our previous relationship.” Well, of course, he's going to tell you that Janey, I thought. Then again, if it happened the way he said and he was bored with her and uninterested, why would he have a reason to tip the selection in her favor? “But yes, it looks bad, and they're accusing me of sleeping with him to get the grant.” I could hear the frustration in her voice. I wanted to comfort her but there was more and I had to get to the bottom of it.
“I'm not following Jane. I mean I know it sounds bad but it's not that big of a deal.”
She agreed. “No, not by itself. I know it's just innuendo but it establishes a pattern of behavior. Well at least as far as my hate club is concerned.” She took a deep breath. “I told you Roger's career really took off once we got to New York. That first year I was super busy with school and work but that summer I had the money from the fellowship and took some time off to travel with him and do some writing. We had a good time, went some interesting places, met a lot of different people.”
“You've told me about this,” I pointed out.
“Yes, but I don't think you really understand,” Jane said. “When I got to New York, well, you remember how I was. Not exactly brimming with self-confidence or style. You made me start to understand I wasn't homely, awkward Plain Jane anymore but I still had a long ways to go. I started hanging around more with Roger's crowd. They showed me how to dress better, do my makeup. I started going to the gym, got an expensive haircut, learned how to shop sample sales. And I started getting attention. Lots of attention.”
Roger and I had both repeatedly told Jane how stunning she was but I guess at some point it finally sank in. I was surprised that I felt a little disappointed in hearing it. I guess I liked the idea of having all that beauty to myself. It felt sort of powerful. I wasn't sure I liked what that said about me. I wasn't sure I liked the thought of a lot of men drooling over my Jane either. “What do you mean “lots of attention”?” I asked warily.
She shrugged. “Very simply, I let a few.. and I do mean a very few... very wealthy men take my broke, grad-student ass some very nice places and buy me pretty things. It sounds a lot more tawdry than it was. But, add in the fact that I was also being taken places by Angus and trailing around on Roger's coattails, and the fellowship scandal.... It does make me look like a certain type of woman.”
I took a breath. I could see how she felt like it all looked bad, and Jared's name calling and hostility was making a little more sense. But it still seemed blown way out of proportion to me. I've seen some of the girls Jared kept company with over the years. Some of them were a lot worse than anything Jane was telling me. “I know this isn't it, Jane,” I told her. “Yes it looks bad but Jared is over the top and ….”
I stopped when I saw the expression on her face. It had been looking pinched and pained all through her reveals but now she looked absolutely heartbroken. Her eyes were starting to brim with tears again and I could see her fighting to regain her composure. Whatever the big secret was, we were there. I sat and waited, giving her time to get her words together. Curiosity was eating me up, this story was winding all over the place, but there was a sense of dread about what might be coming. I found I didn't want to hurry this along any more than she did.
“Do you remember I said that Angus and I would go on vacations together, as friends? That sometimes he took girls he was dating, and I took my boyfriend once?” That had been during the first phone conversation we'd had, the one with me drunk in the hotel tub. Kind of hard to forget. “The trip I took my boyfriend with me for, Angus was with Lacey at that time. Roger actually came along too. She would be super nice to me whenever Angus or the guys were around like she was absolutely my best gal pal, but the minute he turned his back she would turn into this raging cunt, making nasty comments and things. And when they were there she was still trying to undermine me, trying to embarrass me, hitting on my boyfriend.... she was jealous of the attention Angus paid me but also jealous of my boyfriend. This is when she started hating me, that week on the island. When she met Jefferson.”
Jane took a big shuddering breath as soon as she said his name, and I knew for certain we had come to the heart of the matter. “See, Jefferson was an old friend, from our LA years. You might remember us mentioning him, he's the one that came and cleaned the apartment out after we moved?”
I did actually remember her talking about him a few times, mostly in reference to Roger being somewhere with him. I'd never met him though. She continued. “So Jefferson was like two years younger than us, really smart and pretty amazing. He really was only dating guys back then, he wasn't even on my radar. But we all kept in touch and once when he came out to visit, things just sort of clicked between us. We were together for about a year and a half. It caught me by surprise really, I wasn't expecting it at all, honestly, I'd kind of been waiting on you, but this just sort of blossomed on its own and we were really good together. When he was good that is.”
The first tears fell then, and although she quickly got herself back under control, I worried where this story was going. She hadn't mentioned Jefferson once in all the hours I had spent on the phone with her. Hadn't mentioned a boyfriend at all other than Angus, and people don't tend to keep happy secrets. I thought that she had done the same thing I had, meaningless hookups while I waited to see if Jane and I would ever materialize again. It surprised me to know that she had dated, and from the sounds of things, somewhat seriously. This morning was just full of surprises. I hadn't liked any of them yet.
“See Jefferson had been battling depression for years, since he was a teenager. He'd had a few bad bouts, had even been hospitalized once, but he was medicated and pretty stable when we were together. There were some rough patches but he always pulled through them. I tried to be as supportive and understanding as possible. I wanted him to know I was there for him. I thought he understood that. I thought he knew he could come to me. I would have at least thought he understood he could come to Roger. We'd all been friends for so long, we'd always looked out for each other..." she trailed off and took a deep breath before continuing.
“He hit a really bad patch that summer. He had always wanted to go to this particular resort in the Seychelles, but he was a bit of a workaholic and never got around to taking the time off. I was really concerned about him and insisted he needed a vacation. We went with Angus and Lacey and Roger came along with one of his temporary boyfriends. It was supposed to cheer Jefferson up, help him get back on his feet. I thought it did. He seemed to be better after that, he started going out with friends again, was super productive at work, he was very attentive to me, he just seemed very connected and at peace. A month later he dumped me, out of the blue, no explanation.”
“Janey...” I tried to reach over to take her hand but she brushed me off.
“Twelve days after he dumped me hung himself.” She let loose a single, ragged sob that tore into my chest before clenching her teeth and pushing on. “He said in the note that he was trying to give me some time to get over him before he did it, so I wouldn't hurt so bad or blame myself. But he couldn't wait any longer.”
There was so much anguish in her voice. I knew this had to have happened at least several years ago, just from her history with Angus, but I could see how painful it was for her to tell me even now. No wonder she hadn't brought it up on the phone.
She continued. “If that's all there was to it I think Lacey would have left me in peace. But she was interested in Jefferson too, for the same reason she was interested in Angus. He was loaded. Which I know kind of makes me look bad too, but when we I met him, when Roger and I first became friends with him it wasn't that way. His parents kicked him out when he was a teenager after he came out to them. He came out to L.A., tried to make something of himself. Roger picked him up at a party, but when he heard his story... He ended up crashing on our couch for a while until he got a job and got on his feet. He was such a scrapper, such a survivor. He got into college, got his degree, worked really hard. Started a business, made a fortune in the dot com boom. So yes, I had another rich boyfriend, but when I knew him, he was just the homeless kid who used to sleep in my living room sometimes.”
She was all out crying now, and I could tell that no matter how this internet psycho had spun things Jane had very genuinely cared for Jefferson. “He left everything to me and Roger. He didn't really have anyone else, like I said his family had disowned him years before that. I didn't want it, of course,” she added quickly. “I was too broken up over losing him and I just wanted him back. The money felt dirty. Roger and I ended up spending a lot of it on starting a charity in his name, to help kids that had been kicked out by their families like Jefferson had. But there was a lot of money. There was still a lot left.”
Shit. I had been giving her so much grief about Angus, wondering things like who was paying for her hotel room and expensive vacations and it had been her all along. “You don't need a rich husband do you?”
She shook her head. “Nope.” I wanted to ask some more questions but I could tell by the way she held herself this story still wasn't done. I let her finish. “Lacey was really nasty about the whole business. Accused me of driving him to it so he'd leave me his money.”
“That's fucked up.” I really wanted to meet this Lacey chick so I could knock her on her ass. This vendetta she had against Jane was ridiculous, she had clearly kicked Jane when she was down and still wasn't satisfied. We were going to have to do something about her.
“I know. And I felt so guilty about not catching the warning signs, not being able to stop him, I let her get to me. I didn't handle any of it well. Neither did Roger. It sort of broke both of us.” Jane covered her face in her hands and once again I had to wait for her to compose herself. “He was so strong, so determined. I'd seen him overcome so much. I really thought he had beat it,” she said, eyes again brimming over with tears. “It fucked me up so bad when he didn't. I started going out a lot. I was just writing then, I didn't have a formal job, so I had lots of time to party. And party I did. I danced my ass off and drank and smoked and popped and sniffed everything I could get my hands on. Lacey made a lot of nasty accusations about celebrating Jefferson's death with his own money. Angus dumped her. She blamed me. Then one of the girls Roger and I had been partying with OD'd and Angus threatened to put us both in rehab if we didn't straighten up our shit. I told him I wasn't really an addict, I was just self-medicating, but he was right, it had gone too far. I quit. I got a therapist. So did Roger. I started writing again. And then I started seeing Angus. Actually dating him. We had slept together numerous times over the years when we were both single but we actually started dating. Lacey completely lost her shit. Started stalking Angus. He had to get a restraining order.” Jane shrugged. “I guess that's why she turned her attention on me, she can't get to him anymore.”
“She's stalking you now,” I pointed out. “If she knows this much shit, has got these people spying on your and slandering you, you need to get a lawyer. This is scary stuff when you think about it, Jane, and it's probably only going to get worse.”
“Yeah. As much as I hate to do it I think I'm going to call Angus and see if the lawyer that handled the stalking stuff with him will see what he can do about this mess.”
For the first time, I understood what Jane had meant when she said her relationship with Angus was complicated, when she had pointed out she had more of a history with him than she did with me. He was intertwined with her life, he had been there for her through some really deep shit, he had been there when I wasn't. Of course, she was reluctant to end things with him. She may not have been in love with him but he was more than just some pretty schmuck who could buy her nice things, the way I had imagined it. I realized I had been judging her pretty unfairly too, it wasn't just Jared. I hadn't really been seeing Jane at all.
“I never dreamed any of this was out there for other people to know about," she said miserably. “If I had I would have known what Jared's problem was right away, could have tried to reason with him instead of just amping the fight up higher. Fuck the internet and fuck Lacey and her crazy ass fans.” Jane took my hand and looked at me. “Please believe me. I know to hear her tell it I'm a manipulative little money grubbing whore who sleeps her way to whatever she wants. And I'll admit I have made some questionable decisions. But I've never used anyone, at least not anyone that didn't want to be used. I mean those guys that used to buy me things, back in the day, I was always upfront about exactly what our relationship was.” She chuckled softly. “I learned that lesson the hard way but it only took me once. Everyone on the same page.”
I knew I had been that lesson. And my heart hurt for Jane now. Life had apparently had a lot more lessons for her and it seemed to determined to teach them all to her the hard way. I could understand how bad this looked. I understood why Jared was upset and afraid of having her anywhere near me. But I knew he was wrong. I had been blind to how much Jane had changed, how much she had been through, but I was certain what she was telling me was the truth. I'd bet my arms on it. There were a lot of things Jane was good at. Deception wasn't one of them.
“I believe you. And I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I wish I could have been there for you.” I pulled her up against me and her head fell into my chest as a fresh round of sobs poured from her. She thought no one knew. She had been carrying this all around like a secret and I knew first hand how much secrets eat at people. And as I held her tightly I realized all her new bravado, her sophistication, her fancy clothes, the titles after her name, they were souvenirs of where she had been, like stamps on a passport. They didn't change who she was. She was still gentle, sentimental Janey, who took everyone as they were, who loved adventure because her heart was open to it. And I was still her Shannon, her wild but cuddly rock god as she put it, even with all the new trappings of acclaimed records and fans and magazine articles. But we needed to start figuring out how to make all these new parts work together or we were going to lose the 'us' underneath that we valued so much. The first thing we were going to have to straighten out was Jared. He was the one person that had the power to take this whole ship down with him. Once Jane had composed herself again we got dressed, had some breakfast, and went to confront my brother.
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#shannon leto fanfiction#jared leto fanfiction#shannon leto fic#jared leto fic#30 Seconds To Mars#Thunderbirds
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Thunderbirds Chapter 22
t/w: referenced drug use
The next morning I made sure Jane had all the passes and directions she needed before heading out to the venue. We had interviews and a photo session and of course sound check so there were several hours of busy that there was no need for Jane to be hanging around for when I knew damn well she could use some more sleep. I hadn't forgotten how tired she had looked yesterday when I first got to the hotel. I just wished I could be there in bed with her.
I thought about warning Jared that Jane was coming. I almost did several times. But I figured the closer to time to go on stage he found out, the less time he'd have to have a tantrum before he had to get over it. The more warning he had before Jane showed up the more time he had to work himself into a state.
Finally, Jane called me letting me know she was almost at the security check point and would be back to us momentarily. Tomo had apparently spilled the beans to Matt the night before and now both of them had been following me around all day waiting for Jane to show up. So of course when I slipped away to go meet Jane they were both fast on my heels.
“Don't you assholes have something better to do?” I asked them jokingly as they trailed after me.
“Something better to do than meet the girl that has Jared foaming at the mouth and you sneaking around like the world's horniest secret agent?” Tomo said. “Not a fucking chance.”
Matt suddenly stopped in his tracks. “Holy fuck.”
Tomo gave a low whistle. “Hell, I'd let Jared yell at me for three days straight too if I got to hit that when he was done.”
It took me a minute to register that the girl waving our direction from the security checkpoint was Jane. I hadn't expected the stylish but conservative Jane from the book signing, or elegant and stunning Jane from last night, but maybe something more along the lines of blue jeans and curls Janey from my memory. I certainly wasn't prepared for the Jane that was walking toward me now, blonde hair all shiny and loose like a shampoo commercial, sunglasses, what looked like a striped barely-there bikini top, black leather shorts that I wasn't sure actually contained enough fabric to be legal and boots that went up over her knees. I was quickly realizing somewhere along the line Jane not only gotten a whole lot more comfortable with her body but had learned to dress for the occasion, and it didn't matter if it was public radio interview or a music festival/'I'm with the band” look, she was going to knock it out of the park. I was torn between wanting to pin her against something while I shoved my tongue down her throat and throwing my shirt over her to cover her up. Matt and Tomo weren't as conflicted.
“You must be Jane,” Tomo said, eagerly stepping in front of me. Jane just flashed him a gigantic smile and gave him a hug.
“Yes,” she said as she released him, “And you're Tomo right?” He nodded. “And you're Matt?” she added, turning to him to give him a big hug too. Great. Everyone was hugging. I just wanted them off her. I was definitely starting to lean more towards the throwing-my-shirt-over-her camp when she finally turned to me, that smile getting even wider. “Hey I know you,” she purred seductively, slipping her arms around my neck. I let my hands fall across her hips as she melted into me, my tongue getting to invade her after all. I was lost in the soft heat of her when I heard Jared behind me.
“Hey I thought we agreed no random chicks back here,” he said, sounding annoyed. He was about to be a lot more annoyed.
Jane didn't even look up, barely even lifted her mouth away from mine. “Hi, Jared. Nice to see you too.”
Well, here we go. I gave her one last kiss while I braced myself for the meltdown I was sure was coming.
“What. The. Fuck.” I didn't turn around, just kept my face pressed against Jane's while I waited to see how bad this was going to be. “Seriously Shannon, what the fuck? What is she doing here?”
I let Jane go and turned to face Jared who was standing next to me, jaw like iron. “She's here because I want her here. I asked her to come.”
“Of course you fucking did. You have no sense at all when it comes to her.” He turned to Jane. “And what do you think your fiance would think about this? He cool with you running around half naked and climbing all over other men? Or is it just tit for tat since I'm sure he's got a line of women just waiting for you to turn your back like you have been on that tour.”
I was expecting a fiery response but Jane just tossed her hair and gave him a withering look. “You really want to start down this road Leto? I don't know what your problem is with me but...”
“I just can't figure out your endgame here,” Jared said, cutting her off. “The fancy millionaire husband explains itself. But why are you fucking around with my brother? What does sneaking around with the drummer of a moderately successful band get you exactly?”
Jane clenched her teeth. “I don't have an endgame. I'm not a damn Bond villain. If I'm with Shannon it's because I want to be with Shannon. My relationship with Angus is complicated but frankly, none of your damn business.”
I was surprised. It was more of an explanation than I thought he deserved under the circumstances. Of course, Jared wasn't nearly done yet.
“There's nothing complicated about your little arrangement, it's the oldest story in the damn book, Jane.” His tone was just as clipped and harsh. “And yes, if it involves my brother then it is my business.”
“You don't know Jack Shit about my story and stop pretending otherwise.” I could hear the waver in Jane's voice as she fought to stay composed. I wanted to step in between them and stop this but to be honest, I was still confused as to what the hell this even was. I wasn't sure Jane knew either. It was like there was a one-sided war going on in Jared's head and he was just dragging us all along for the fight.
“I don't give a god damn about your story. What I care about is the mess I'm going to have to clean up when you leave again. And let's be honest here, you're going to leave. It's what you do, after all.” Jared was inches from her now, giving her that unblinking stare he reserved for when he was truly pissed off. I had to say something.
“No one is asking you to clean anything up. I can make my own decisions and take care of myself here. Just mind your own damn business this time Jay.”
Jared flashed me an angry look but immediately turned back to Jane. “Boy, you've really got him snowed this time, don't you. He has no idea what a nasty piece of work you are. Don't you dare think I'm going to turn my back on you. Not for one damn minute.”
“I'm the 'nasty piece of work'? Really? You're the one that's causing all the drama here. I haven't done shit to you.” Jane didn't back down one bit, just stood staring him right back.
“Jared, come on,” I began. “There's no reason for you to be acting like this.”
He kept his gaze fixed on Jane for a minute before responding. “Fine, what the fuck ever, suit yourselves.” He waved his hand dismissively and started to walk away. “Just keep your wrapper on big bro, God knows where the hell she's been.”
I could practically see the steam coming out of Jane's ears as she shouted after him. “Yeah, well people who live in glass Whorehouses, Jared....” He just flipped her off and kept walking. We all stood around awkwardly for a minute before Tomo broke the silence.
“I think that went well, really.” Matt laughed.
Jane sighed and wound her fingers into mine. “And when he finds out I'm not leaving?”
I shrugged. “What's that you said last night? No crossing bridges we haven't gotten to yet. We'll tell him after the show.”
She turned to me and put her arms back around my neck. “I don't think you understand. I'm not talking about this week.”
My heart sped up about a hundred more beats per minute. “Please mean what I think you mean.”
“I'm calling off the wedding. I realize I deserve more than being someone's respectability beard. Angus is just going to have to understand.” She kissed me then, just a soft brush of lips, but she kept herself pressed tightly against me afterward. Her voice was quiet when she continued. “I'm not saying I'm leaving him for you because I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. I just.... I'd forgotten what it felt like to be with you. To be with someone I really felt something for. It was the best feeling in the world. That's what I want. Something real. No more settling.”
“You won't be sorry, Jane, I promise,” I told her. I really believe I meant it too.
Jared didn't say another word to me. Literally. As we got ready for the show if he needed to tell me something he would loudly tell the person next to me to tell me, like a fourteen-year-old girl who caught her best friend passing notes to the guy she liked. He didn't even look at Jane. I didn't care. Nothing could ruin my mood. I was on cloud nine.
I drug Jane around and introduced to her to everyone. Everyone. The production manager, the techs, the stagehands, the venue volunteers, even the guy that came to get the trash. “Hi, this is Jane, she's stupid hot and crazy smart and she picked me. She likes me. She's with me,” went the dialogue in my head. When I ran out of people to show her off to we went to hang out on the bus and wait for them to let us know it was time to go on. Jared kept up his silent treatment but Matt and Tomo were happy to chat with her. For her part, Jane really seemed to be enjoying herself.
Our set went great. Seriously. Jared was a madman out there and I began to think that maybe we needed to really piss him off before every show. Jane waited in the wings and cheered me on and as soon as I came off stage she threw her arms around me, not even hesitating when she saw how sweaty I was. It was sort of amazing to know she was there waiting.
I needed to get cleaned up and changed and we were due to sign merchandise after the show so I suggested to Jane that she might want to go hear someone else or check out the festival. She said she'd been invited to a party on the way in, and wanted to go hang out there. We made plans for me to meet her there when I was done with my band obligations.
Jared, of course, kept up the silent treatment all through it. As we were walking back to the bus I broke off to go find Jane and figured it was as good a time as any to let him know what was coming.
“Just so you know, Jay, Jane has this week off so she's going to be coming with me.”
Jared had his back to me when I said it but he stopped dead in his tracks. I couldn't see his expression but there was no response. I waited a minute but he never said anything, didn't move either, just kept standing there with his back to me. “Fine, whatever,” I said, starting to walk away.
“She's not who you think she is Shan,” he said. “You're going to regret this.”
I'd had enough of his vague warnings. “Dammit Jared, either tell me what has got you so pissed off at her or let it go because I'm really sick of this shit.”
“Ask her again how she met her fiance,” was all he would say. He continued to the bus without ever having turned around.
Like most parties, I heard it long before I got there. The thumping bass slowly developed into a full song, and the thin groups of people grew into larger clusters and finally a pit of dancers. I forged ahead into the crowd, looking for that shiny blonde head of hair. Jane found me first though, throwing herself on my back and covering my neck with kisses. With a laugh, I turned around pulled her against me.
“You look like you're having a good time,” I told her, stealing a quick kiss before she could start jumping around again.
“The best!” she shouted with a laugh. She started kissing my neck again, running her teeth over the salty skin as she writhed against me in time with the music. “Aren't you going to dance with me?”
She placed her hand on mine as if to lead me out to the dance floor and I was struck with how hot it was. We were outside in July and she had been dancing, so it didn't seem odd that she was warm and sweaty but this seemed too hot. Instead of following her to the thicker group I pulled her out to where the crowds were thinner.
“Are you okay, Janey?” I asked once we got to where I didn't have to shout so loud to be heard. “You seem overheated. Have you been drinking? You know alcohol dehydrates you right? It's really hot.”
She just laughed. “I've just got my dancing shoes on Shannon.” She trailed her fingers up from my wrists. “God, you've got such great arms. I love it when you hold me.”
A thought occurred to me. “Jane....” I said. She just smiled and kept running her hands over me, tracing the outline of my shoulders as she bobbed her head to the music. I tipped her chin up so I could look into her eyes. Her green irises were just tiny rings around her abnormally large pupils. Her jaw was tight. “Jane, did you take something?”
“Just some ecstasy,” she said, as casually as if she had just told me she'd eaten an apple.
“What the fuck do you mean “Just some ecstasy”?” I gestured to the crowd. “Do you know any of these people?”
“No,” she said calmly.
“Did you bring that shit with you?” I could feel my own temperature rising and it wasn't due to any chemicals.
“No. I got it from one of the guys on the crew for one of the other bands... I think his name is Kevin....”
“So you're telling me you took drugs from a stranger, in a group of people you don't know? Dammit, Jane, I thought you were smart.”
Jane made a face like her step-dad had just caught her sneaking back into the house at 2 a.m. “Jesus Shannon, it's just some ecstasy. It's a music festival. I knew you'd be here soon. Don't be such a prude.”
The irony of her saying that was so thick my brain did a backflip. “Do you know who the hell you're talking to?” I asked her. “I'm telling you from sad experience this is not a good idea.”
“I'm not sweet Janey who can't hold her liquor anymore Shannon. I know what I'm doing. It's fine.” She pouted at me, resting her elbows on my shoulders as she ran her fingers through the back of my hair. “Please, I don't want to fight. If it's a big deal for you I promise I won't do it around you again.”
“So you do this a lot?” My head was swimming. I knew I had no right to get judgmental about her rolling at a concert, but it was just so far from what I would have expected from her I didn't know what to do. And oh sweet Jesus was there going to be fireworks if Jared saw her like this.
“A lot? No, but sometimes. I enjoy it every now and then. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal.” She kissed me on the nose. “I'm sorry. baby. I didn't mean to make you mad. Please don't be mad.”
A lot of things went through my head at that moment. I knew I didn't have a right to be pissed, I knew I was being self-righteous and overreacting. I also knew she had been careless in the way she had gone about things tonight. I wondered how well I really did still know her, this was certainly not something L.A. Jane would have done. She didn't even like parties. I thought about scaring up some E and joining her on her trip. I tried not to think about Jared and his warnings. In the end, I followed her back into the crowd and got my dance on and waited for her to come down.
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#shannon leto fanfiction#jared leto fanfiction#shannon leto fic#jared leto fic#30 seconds to mars fanfiction#thunderbirds
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