#alyosha loves so so much and he is so so loved and it makes my stomach hurt
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the brothers karamazov, fyodor dostoevsky (tr. mcduff) // strawberry blond, mitski
#SORRY FOR ADDING MITSKI I WAS POSSESSED AND WENT INTO A FUGUE STATE#the brothers karamazov#alyosha fyodorovich karamazov#something about finding the urge to live because your loved ones exist. even if you never see them. just knowing theyre there.#unconditional love makes my bones ache#alyosha loves so so much and he is so so loved and it makes my stomach hurt#of course i have a lot of thoughts and opinions on his character as a whole but good god do i want to/strive to love and be loved like him#<- yes i say this knowing hes a representation of jesus. yes im extremely atheist/antitheist. we exist#anonpost#tbk#ive connected the dots#<- making a tag for these song/text comparisons bc i have like 10 of them in my drafts rn and theyre not good enough to be webweaves#i also almost added pink in the night because imi nsane. with every drop of rain singing i love you i love you i love y
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honestly would be pretty interested in hearing about all of them, if thats alright
it's no problem o( ❛ᴗ❛ )o i like talking about this
for context, apart from making personal art i'm also an artist and character designer at Smarto Club, so I don't know if these count as OCs but i have posted art of them here: Haco from >Bubblegum Galaxy and Teacup from >Teacup.
you can check the steam pages on those games for more info if u like. i love all my characters but i don't usually make personal art of these two since i already do it as my job.
my newest Smarto Club character is a bit different since she's more in the style of what i'm doing personally so i want to make more art of her soon. her name is Abigail:
she's a kid who likes reading about bugs and catching them but she never hurts them : ) this is a short game in early development but it's about catching creatures called angels. it's got horrorish vibes but i don't think the end result will be full-out horror, since it's also kinda silly...
then there's Peklo, it's a game for which i created the whole concept and story but the plan is to develop it as a studio at Smarto Club. i wrote more context for it on this post, but for the characters, they're my favorites to make art about at the moment. the main ones are Kiku (the cat) and Mi (the bunny):
i recently created these human forms of them for fun but i'm not sure whether i'll establish them as canon or not... they're trapped in limbo/hell so there's space for them to have a past human form. they don't remember their lives but Kiku feels a deep sense of regret about things unkown to her and wants to break out of Peklo. Mi feels trapped in an eternal sadness, she longs to see the ocean, she can always hear it but has never been able to reach it.
the antagonist in Peklo is a frog entity called Guppy but i haven't really shown him outside of his froggy logo
i also have OCs from my smaller games. there's Hlina that i created specifically for >this game that was commissioned to me for a zine. i don't have any plans to use her again for now but i might make more art of her in the future for fun. she's part of a strange dream realm and is hostile to the player:
there's iro from the >game with the same name who's my oldest game OC. i created that bitsy game for her story but she existed previously in my art degree final project, it was a version of the same story but just a section of it. it's a dream of mine to create a full-fledged 3D game for her some day.
she's a bit of a defective space exploration robot, sent to explore planetoid Iridium-3 in search of human contact. it's set in a future where humanity has dispersed among the whole galaxy so lots of groups have lost contact with each other.
my latest game OC is Michtat, a wizard cat that i created just for this silly zine.
lasty, there’s the characters from my comic that I’m working on, called The most distant planet. the main characters are Victor and Mitya, two 9 year olds whose families end up living together.
i'd say these are the dearest characters to me of all. i don't post as much of them because they're mostly in the shape of comic pages and it doesn't spark as much interest as my games. i love drawing them though.
they’re both little weirdos who isolate themselves and don’t fit in much with other children, so the friendship they develop is very special to them. they have almost opposite personalities where Victor (darker hair) is very shy and dorky but also very sweet to everyone, while Mitya mostly gives 0 fucks about what anyone thinks or says, he blurts out whatever he’s thinking and just wants to run around wild.
the story is mostly slice of life-ish but there’s also a science fiction element ^-^ Victor is obsessed with things like ghosts, aliens, etc but Mitya thinks it’s all just dumb tales.
another important character is Alyosha, Mitya’s 17-18yo brother. he doesn’t know how to talk or relate to his little brother and is kinda weirded out by him. they where very close when they were younger, but when Mitya was 2 he had an accident that Alyosha feels guilty about, and has been somehow different ever since.
he still worries about his little brother and how isolated he is, though. at the beginning of the story the two of them live alone with their grandma who does love them but has kind of a cold and distant personality.
Alyosha was the type of kid to be considered “gifted” but now feels completely burnt out and had to repeat a grade at school. he felt so humiliated by this he eventually stopped going entirely, so he now works part time and just studies at home. he cut contact with his old classmates but he still has 2 best friends from the last few months he spent at school in the grade below, Manon and Min Na. they’re the kind of friends who just show up unannounced at his house and job, and are very involved with his family’s life.
i’ve also included Min Jie in some art, she’s Min Na’s younger cousin and comes into the story later:
i should have like character sheets and stuff for all of these OCs but i’m the kind to just jump head first into drawing/modeling lol, that's why i included all these finished illustrations.
i really wanna publish this comic, i’ve been working on it for a long time and i’m currently waiting for the results of a public funding application here in my country to decide what i'll do next.
hope this could be of interest (^人^) thanks for the ask!
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Thinking about Mitya and Ivan
I think a lot about the unexplored dynamic of Mitya and Ivan. There is so much potential there, yet we only have the pieces.
Imagine being Ivan and meeting your half brother for the first time. You didn't know he existed until recently, he's practically a stranger. His manners are rough, he drinks, he makes scenes, he's debauched, just like your father, who made your mother suffer. He throws around money when you have to work to sustain yourself. It saddens me, but I can understand why Ivan dislikes Mitya so much.
But Mitya is no buffoon: he holds respect for Ivan and sees him as superior to him, even if part of it comes from his own self- pity. He's not the brightest, but he appreciates education and smarts when he sees them and wants to know what's on Ivan's mind.
Mitya is most likely eager to make a connection, but the obstacle is exactly the source of the personal pain in both of them and the only thing they had in common from the beginning, their father. Ivan pushes away those he cares about, but he can't escape Mitya, who will keep seeking attention from people and taking them for granted even when he knows they don't like him. And Ivan is too proud to not put up with it. This dynamic is a goldmine.
Ivan's relationship to both Pavel and Mitya is the answer to why although his idea has not been refuted, him as a person with prejudices had his downfall. In Mitya is the bestial man who was once one of those weeping children.
Mitya, a body aware of the mind, and Ivan, a mind aware of the body, as some critics say. Mitya, who would love God from the depths of Hell, and Ivan, who returns the ticket even in the face of salvation.
Perhaps they do have more in common than they think. I believe readings of Ivan as the rational one are very reductive, when his rejection of harmony is a question of his feelings towards the suffering of the innocent. His passions are bubbling under the surface. Both grapple with the tension between their pathos in front of reality and their unexplainable love for life, they have questions about sin and salvation expressed in different ways. Ivan presents the idea that if there is no God, everything is permitted, and Dmitri echoes it as a question that receives no answer. Even when Ivan became a representation of the intelligentsia and "Westernised" himself, he knows the eternal questions still plague his mind. Mitya barely thinks about God, loving God seems natural in him, and Ivan may think about God more than anyone else.
Despite their not- so- perfect relationship, it was Ivan who in the end dragged himself to court and claimed to be the guilty one, it was Ivan who came up with an absurd plan to free Mitya, and doing so he showed that he cared more than any of Mitya's relatives, who did absolutely nothing to help him (except for Alyosha, who could at least offer emotional support). It's almost poetic: the culmination of a relationship that was damaged from the start, as "Free the monster!"
Note: Their relationship to Katerina is also an essential piece to their dynamic, something that takes even more to explore and that I hope to see more clearly in future chapters of my fic, as well as the Ivan- Mitya dynamic I talked about here.
For now this is all I'll say about them.
#the brothers karamazov#ivan karamazov#dmitri karamazov#mitya karamazov#I..... love them so much........
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Lock, what DO you love and like so much about Dostoevsky's work? I don't think you've ever talked about that. Please, I want to know !!!
^o^
(christianity mention jump scare below proceed with caution)
i thought this would be an easy to answer but figuring out how to put my feelings into words proved difficult .
the beginning is always a good place to start, so let's go with that. by chance, i happened upon this video on youtube and gave it a watch. about halfway in i decided i had to read notes from underground for myself. i struggled to understand what the narrator was trying to get across. the unique writing style, where the reader is addressed directly, as if in challenge, helped me preserve.
i think part of what makes his work special to me is his depiction of people. and they really do feel like people more than characters, even if some of their characteristics are unique to the era dostoevsky wrote in. everything else about them transcends time. i can see myself in some of them. whether it be the titular idiot, prince myshkin in his naivety; alyosha, who goes from devout to doubting; and ivan, whose bitterness toward religion masks his disappointment at the state of the world.
that's why the brothers karamazov touched me in particular. for some context, i grew up in a christian household and was heavily involved in the church (american northeast white baptist strand of church). around when i was 11 or so, the introduction of left-wing politics through social media had me undergo a looooong identity crisis. these new ideas felt at odds with what i'd spent my entire life believing. what i grappled with the most relates to ivan's anecdote, the grand inquisitor, where the goodness of god is called into question. the bitterness, the disappointment from crushed expectations, all those sensations resonated strongly with me. reading it as an adult who (supposedly) 'healed' from that time period in my life was like opening pandora's box. i'd never seen my thoughts and struggles so accurately described, or treated with more than a 'his ways are higher than our ways' type platitude. i stuffed these concerns of mine away because they only ever served to make me feel worse.
i won't delve deep into the Depressing Lore. the only reason i mention it is to stress how profound an impact the work had on me. throughout the remainder of TBK (and in most of dostoevsky's discography), the best and worst of humanity is shown. our hypocritical nature, capacity for evil; nothing is shied away from or made more palatable. and yet, throughout it all, our potential for good is shown too. whether it be in the little acts or monumental self-sacrifice. sometimes those acts are honored, or ‘worth it,’ sometimes they aren’t. it’s cheesy but whatever i’ll say it — choosing to love and serve others is my greatest joy. i don’t really need a definitive answer to those problems i struggled with. that’s the takeaway i’ve had from his work. it might not seem like a big deal, but not feeling guilty for having certain doubts or anxious over those doubts never fully being resolved was. very significant for me. and healing (for real this time).
so that’s the sentimental perspective GJSDLKFJS from my writer’s perspective, i can only describe him as brilliant. his grasp on the human psyche is incredible. he can accurately describe so many emotions, worldviews, and give the context necessary for each one to feel organic and real. it’s vivid, too, in a way i can’t properly get across. everyone’s unfiltered and messy. characters contradict themselves in the same sentence. they’ll murmur, go off on tangents, tell stories, misquote the bible (or many other significant works), and just be overall disasters. aka how people actually are.
the man’s also funny as hell. the protagonist from crime and punishment has a mental breakdown spanning multiple pages over a sock. yes, there’s context, but that’s still the gist of things. then there’s the issue of the hedgehog in the idiot. hedgehog drama.
ultimately, his work is so very human. there’s commentary on issues that are prevalent to this day, multiple centuries later. the topics he touches on tend to align with what i care about most. whether i agree or disagree with what i’m reading, there’s always something i glean from it. something meaningful that sits with me long after i close the book. i’ll mull over it and bother people in my vicinity until they mull over it too. no one is safe. whether it be a co-worker or my dad who drives noticeably faster to reach our destination and be free of my many questions.
i could keep going but this ended up being long enough GJSKDF i hope at least something here makes sense?>?? i apologize for the incoherent ramblings. it's what the dude does to me.
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Close to me.
A/n: this is the filthiest thing i have ever written, god is dead. Enjoy! Gif was made by @goodboyriddler also i named your baby Alexei lol.
Warnings: unprotected sex, always use protection stds are no joke, mommy kink and breeding kink if you squint, lactation and reader is a milf. If you feel like i should add more warnings please do let me know.
Neither Pierre nor you felt at ease with the servants taking care of Alexei, he was three months old and slept most of the time, only waking up to eat, usually you changed his diaper every six hours. You were scared about his sleeping schedule at first, expecting him to spend day and night crying, but were assured by the pediatrician that it is normal, he'll get like that when you change his diet, but for now he only drinks milk.
When Alexei was born, Pierre was sure he was so happy he'd die, and as the new born's swelling subsided he was very pleased to see that little Alexei Petrovich Bezukhov was a little version of his father with his mother's eyes. Now little Alyosha was also a lot like his father not only in size, having been born a little larger than babies are usually born and growing steadily, but in the way that he drank, he drank so much milk he'd start falling asleep but when you tried to pry him off your breast he'd wake up and keep on drinking. This would cause the milk flow to be quite heavy, usually making your breasts ache, and while you hated the soreness, Pierre and you had started making love again, and he absolutely loved the new volume you were sporting, he always loved your chest, he just couldn't help but to like it like this, so firm and full.
But it ached a lot, and as Alexei spent more than half of the day Sleeping the milk would sometimes leak, and it was uncomfortable to say the least, and tonight was not the exception, you were even considering not wearing a nightgown, you were going to stain it with milk anyway, you felt frustrated to say the least, and your husband ever the sharp man, obviously noticed, "are you quite alright my love?" He asked you sitting beside you, dressed for bed already; you sighed with a pout and turned to look at him "oh my dear, i am just so frustrated, i keep..." you blushed, feeling quite shy about it "staining my nightgowns, the milk gets cold and it is so uncomfortable, i can't sleep" he looked surprised "is it that much milk?" He asked, the question seemed dumb to you, but you understood he's a man, so he doesn't understand, so you got up from the bed and got in front of him, pulling on your 'fresh' nightgown, already a bit stained "i just put this one on" you said frustrated, he lifted his eyebrows "and how does the flow lighten?" He asked truly hoping to find a solution "well usually when Alyosha drinks, it lightens for a few hours but he is asleep and definitely not gonna eat, i bet he's still full, he drinks so much" then his face lit up and he looked positively devious "well my darling, since he is not here" he said trying to stifle an excited smile "perhaps i could lend a hand" and you looked at him as if prompting him to explain himself "i could ah" he said quite nervously "empty them" he finished, once you processed the word that left his mouth you blushed, you were not a virgin by any means, but the idea of breastfeeding your husband was totally different to what you have done with him so far, but you weren't really opposed to the idea, so you nodded shyly.
He helped you remove your night gown, kissing every bit of skin he uncovered with each button undone, at last letting it fall to the ground. He sat on the bed, motioning for you to sit on his lap, which you did, soon enough you were sitting on his lap, him kissing all over your neck, shoulders and collarbones, your hand in the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair, he started his way down to your swollen and leaking breasts, licking your left nipple tasting the sweet droplets of milk letting out a sound of satisfaction "my darling it tastes so sweet" he said before taking your nipple in his mouth giving it a tentative and gentle suck, feeling the warm and sweet liquid fill his mouth, for some reason it tasted inherently you and Pierre was in heaven, this was so erotic, the mere idea of drinking you was enough to arouse him greatly, to him this was one of the most arousing things he'd ever done, mentally giving himself a pat on the back for having this brilliant idea, he was sure you could feel how hard his cock was and there was only one worry in his mind, were you enjoying this?
It was strange, different from when you breastfed your child, probably because of the knowledge that this was your husband who was suckling on your tit. It was well, arousing, and the feeling of the warm milk being sucked out of your tender breast heightening your arousal, lowering your gaze at Pierre who was now sucking a little more confidently, droplets of milk spilling out of the corners of his mouth and a look of utter satisfaction in his features and for some reason that turned you on further "you are doing so good my darling" you said, rolling you hips once which drew a loud moan out of him, making milk spill out of his mouth, you wiped it off with your thumb and guided his head back to your other breast and moaned when he started suckling on it, starting to roll your hips, grinding on his hard cock, he moaned around your tit but did not stop drinking from it "my darling, sucking so earnestly, are you enjoying it?" He let go of your breast with an obscene pop and whined "yes mommy" it took you both a second to realize what had left his mouth, you smirked and he went redder (if that's even possible) "i-i'm so-" he started to apologize but you cut him off with a chuckle "i'm happy you are enjoying yourself, my good boy, now empty mommy's tits will you?" He moaned and took one of your tender tits in his mouth making you moan, you were so wet it was unbearable and the poor friction you were getting from grinding against Pierre's hard on was dismal, so you had an idea, prying Pierre the same way you would Alexei from your breast cooed "oh my darling your cock is already so hard, does my good boy want to fuck mommy? Does my baby boy want mommy to help?" He let out a high whine and nodded "use your big boy words love" you softly scolded him and he began "y-yes mommy" and you smiled softly at him "that wasn't so hard was it?" You said getting off him so you could get rid of the clothes he wore as if they offended you.
Once he was naked you straddled his hips, lining the head of his member with the entrance of your cunt and slowly lowered yourself, making the both of you moan "now keep emptying mommy's tits my good boy" he didn't have to be told twice, taking your breast in his mouth and sucking like a man starved moving his hips to fuck into you, all hesitance and gentleness out of the window now, making you throw your head back in pleasure "Oh my darling, my good boy don't stop fucking mommy" you moaned, you really weren't gonna last long with how earnestly he was fucking you and suckling on your tit. His arms were tightly around your waist pulling you as close as physically possible, you were on cloud nine, the combination of sensations making you loose your mind, and then Pierre (regrettably) let go of your breast moaning "oh mommy, i'm cumming" you put your hand on the back of his head, pulling him in for a kiss, tasting yourself on him, when you pulled away he reattached himself to your breast "mmmh good boy, cum inside mommy" and it was all it took for him to release inside you, the warm feeling of his cum and his mouth on your chest making you go over the edge with a moan, cunt clenching and back arching. When he let go of your breast, you got off him carefully, both of you laying down, your head in his chest "i am so full" he said making you giggle "but i am glad to have helped" he said chuckling and kissing your head. Both falling asleep quite soon after.
Thank you for reading! 🤎
#calvin weir fields#dwayne hoover#jay okja#klitz the girl next door#louis ives#paul dano#brian fast food nation#pierre bezukhov#alex jones#calvin weir fields x reader#dwayne hoover x reader#jay x reader#the riddler#klitz x reader#louis ives x reader#pierre bezukhov x reader#alex jones x reader#brian x reader#paul dano x reader#the riddler x reader
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fic stats meme
tagged by @seamayweed. TY bb!!!! :D
rules: give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.
most hits: Sleeping Beauty (thorki, smut, 6.2k words). One of my relatively early thorki fics from back in the kinkmeme days, full of somnophilia and various other kinks and delicious bottom!Thor with a side of Loki angst. (I bet I know why this one has a disproportionate number of hits to kudos. seems like it has a lot of. ah. reread value *waggles eyebrows*)
second-most kudos: Thunder and Other Things (thorki, 22.7k words). My take on the standard thorki arranged marriage with Jotun Loki trope... but because it's me writing it, he quickly gets Thor pregnant.
third-most comments: LMD (thorki+ (it's complicated), IW/EG AU-ish, 67k words). I guess it makes sense for one of my longer and serially posted fics to have lots of comments, even though it was written after the fandom had gotten so much quieter in recent years.
fourth-most bookmarks: Fimbulwinter (thorki, Wintersmith AU, 28.7k words). I still have a huge soft spot for this one. I love the way the story just seemed to be waiting to be uncovered, the way the roles just slipped over them, perfectly fitted. I love it when I get to play around with mythic references and resonances.
fifth-most words: What You Are in the Dark (thorki, horror, 37k words). One of my spookyfics, but one that started out from a single scene/concept of Thor getting consentacled by tentacle-monster Loki who was horrified by what his transformed body was doing, and it grew to a pretty sizeable story to explain that scene. Figuring out how to make that work was fun XD
least words: Two Thefts (Brothers Karamazov, Mitya/Alyosha, 100 words). It's a true drabble, what can I say? I come from old fandom where the art of drabbling was an important skill. Of course it's exactly 100 words long.
(Alternatively, if we stick with Thor fandom fics, it would be Jotun Thor Is Thor's Fursona, which is 377 words. I still recall hastily writing and posting it in response to a mutual's shitpost while getting ready to run out the door to head down to Comic-con and then not realizing how it had landed until I was able to actually sit down and scroll tumblr hours later XD good times, good times.)
Tagging anybody who wants to do it! Seriously, just say I tagged you. It's all good.
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hi i wanted to ask bc i’m always curious about other peoples orkneys takes: if mordred is the second youngest, who’s the youngest? (& if you want to share any other opinions you have on the orkneys, order of siblings or otherwise, go ahead :) but no pressure)
HIIII!!!! thank you so much for your question !!!! i'm sorry this is going to be super super long i have a lot of thoughts about the orkneys (guy who named himself after biblical cain and loves complex sibling dynamics)
of course gareth is the youngest, but generally it goes like this for me
gawain - eldest obviously. there's this line from alliterative morte that i'm really fond of that sums how i think of him really well
"like a berserker he fights in a frenzy for fierceness and heart; fights and cuts down all who stand before him and never did fortune so favor the brave"
++++++ eldest brother syndrome. eldest daughter syndrome, even. i think with having morgause as his mother + the death of lot he was put in the place of taking care of his younger siblings and tried his best to be the role model for them... i was always really fond of a teenage gawain taking care of an infant gareth while leading agravaine and gaheris as children to bed. he's super repressed and has a lot of angst... but i think one of his key traits is his devotion to his family (which of course includes arthur as well... who i think he found a paternal figure in, in the lack of emotional connection from morgause and lot's physical absence)
i think mordred came into the family later on but by then he'd be an adolescent and gawain would be fully integrated into the kotr which fuels his outsider syndrome tbh and the struggle w/ his family. i do think gawain really tried his best to reach out to him though because that's still his baby brother.... and it's one of the reasons why i like the idea of mordred killing gawain instead as opposed to lancelot haha i think it makes the betrayal 100x more agonzing and heartwrenching. plus the fact that they're family hits different for me. but anyways.....
agravaine - second eldest and has bad middle child syndrome, but i also read the wicked day by mary stewart when i was younger and it shaped my view of the orkneys a lot so i'm also fond of the idea of him being twins with gaheris... either goes though. i think agravaine is the second saddest in the orkneys apart from mordred, but for different reasons i think... there's a lot of bitterness in his heart. largely due to growing up with gawain's shadow over him i imagine
gaheris - either twins with agravaine or the ultimate middle child. surprisingly i don't have a lot of opinions on him ? i think. in my ditched retelling (different from lideri and closer to medieval arthuriana) he used to be really close with agravaine but they grew distant as they grew older. i liked making him an artist for some reason i think it's cute + i had the idea that he actually didn't die, he was the remaining orkney after the battle at camlann so he had to rule over orkney something he wasn't prepared for in the slightest
gareth is the youngest. i love making him the baby of the orkneys. i think gawain spoils him to death, i borrowed this from mary stewart again but i also like to think that he wasn't spoiled by not just gawain but also by morgause because of his likeness to her, though i don't think he's similar to her at all personality wise esp when he grows up. he has the image of a young awkward teenager to me haha and he struggles in his place amongst the orkneys. he also has a similar issue with gaheris wherein he feels at odds with his siblings esp their conflict bc the orkneys is dramaland. i don't know if you ever read the brothers karamazov but gareth for me is similar to alyosha where he acts as the glue for the orkneys, which is why when he dies gawain loses his shit
there's also clarissant... who i think is along the same ages as gareth and mordred. though i haven't thought much yet for her bc i only started thinking of her recently i like the idea of her being a lady knight though
and well.. there's mordred.... don't ask me i have a lot of opinions on that guy.
#cain.txt#SORRY THIS TURNED OUT TO BE SUCH A LONG NOVEL#i love the orkneys#i seriously need to design the orkneys in lideri but i haven't figured out what i want to do with them yet#oh bear in mind that my takes/opinions on arthurian characters is different from how i write them in my story haha#these are just my headcanons#i pretty much write gawain the same in lideri but he and mordred aren't directly related by blood but they're very much brothers
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For the Truth or Dare ask game: 🌵, 🔪, 🍦, 🎨
🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love
Sorry to disappoint but I do not have a link to share! I’m a puts-my-entire-music-library-on-shuffle-and-revel-in-the-chaotic-mixture girlie. When a song plays that reminds me of a particular book or pairing, I do add it to a playlist of that, however.
🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?
Well, during the research for this fic, google was literally giving me crisis hotlines at the top of the search results because I was searching things like “what does it feel like to be stabbed in the chest” “how long does it take to die from a stab wound to the chest” “how long can a person remain conscious after a stab wound to the chest” etc. etc. etc. I was making google very concerned lol.
But I don’t even know if that’s the weirdest, because those are kind of the standard “I swear I’m a writer not a murderer!” search queries. The weirdest was probably something like the time I was desperately trying to find out how long the voyage from Germany to New Orleans would have been via steamship in the mid 1860s and having to resort to a free trial of ancestry.com just so I could get the dang passenger lists in order to compare the arrival and departure times, or combing through agricultural advertisements in American newspapers in the 1860s (if I ever finish that dang chapter you’ll know why) or the fact that I’m currently reading a 400 page academic text on moneylending in Imperial Russia…
There’s a lot of weird niche research that goes into writing fic lmao.
🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate
Noooo how could you do this to me when all the characters I hate are very deserving of my hatred? Gah. Fyodor Pavlovich Karamazov came to mind immediately, so let’s see… um.
He has affection for Alyosha (but only because Alyosha is loving toward him, and he’s still an absolute jerk to Alyosha quite often)
He makes Pyotr Miusov miserable and it’s pretty hilarious.
He got extremely angry when Grushenka was referred to as a “brute creature” and defended her, so we do love to see that, even though he’s still a gross pathetic little creep when it comes to her.
🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it
Noooo there’s no way I can possibly pick a favourite when all of my fandoms are full of such incredibly talented artists!! But I guess the most impressive fanart project that comes immediately to mind for me is @gegengestalt’s Microsoft Paint—yeah, that’s right, you heard me correctly. Microsoft Paint—illustration of the entirety of tbk from start to finish. It’s amazing. https://www.tumblr.com/gegengestalt/717765289928015872/the-entirety-of-the-brothers-karamazov-in-mspaint?source=share
But yeah, gah, I am in absolute awe of all the fantastically talented artists in all of the fandoms I’m in. You guys are terrifyingly talented.
Thank you so much for the ask!!!
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TARTAGLIA HEADCANON: AJAX’S FAMILY:
MOTHER AND FATHER (SERGEY AND ANNA): Past adventurers before they decided to settle down very early in their relationship/marriage to have a family. No one would guess that they were adventurers, but they tell stories like they were. They have 8 children.
SOFIA (OLDEST SISTER): 32. Married, 4 children (a 5th one on the way). Sofia was always the mother when their actual mother was busy. She’d take care of all the babies and help her mother cook food. The younger siblings would call her bossy, but the older and wiser siblings would know that she’s always just been looking out for them. She doesn’t work but takes care of her children while her husband fishes. She’ll often come to her parents’ house to take care of the younger kids too, even if she has her own to worry about. The most family oriented of the group.
ANDREY (OLDEST BROTHER): 29. Married, two children. Andrey LOVED his parents’ stories and loved to tell some of his own, and that’s why he became a writer. He now writes all kinds of stories, true and fictional, and is well known within the town for it. He also had his fair share of adventures and has always been a kind soul to his younger siblings. Ajax looked up to him a lot when he was little.
ALYOSHA (SECOND OLDEST BROTHER): 27. Twins with Inessa. Not married, no children. Alyosha refuses to be pinned down anywhere, and that’s why he doesn’t have a family. He’s an adventurer and often brings back his spoils for his siblings and nieces and nephews, but never visits for long. Ajax doesn’t like how he distances himself from the family… Ajax has no choice when he leaves his family, while Alyosha does it purposefully.
INESSA (SECOND OLDEST SISTER): 27. Twins with Alyosha. Engaged, no children. Inessa was kind of a bratty girl when she was little, and she always teased Ajax (but Sofia would scold her for it). Now, she’s still very perky and kind of rude (no filter), but she’s SOMEWHAT more mature. Far more girl-like than womanly like Sofia. She’s engaged to a fisherman and makes jewelry from any gems she finds or any extra parts from the fishes her beloved catches. She wants to own a jewelry shop.
AJAX: 24. You guys already know Ajax, so I won’t go into him.
TONIA (YOUNGER SISTER): 16. I won’t say much about her, so all you need to know can be found with my main Tonia, @diverse-hearts-ocs . If I refer to a Tonia, it will be Mira’s!!
ANTON (SECOND YOUNGEST BROTHER): 14. You know, he’s that tween younger brother XDD Kinda annoying, bugs you a lot, but it only means that he thinks you’re cool!! He wants to be an adventurer, but Sofia says that he should stick to what he knows he can do for now.
TEUCER (YOUNGEST BROTHER): 8. You also know Teucer, so I’m not gonna explain him
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Lmao OOOOOF COOOURSE you are a Mitya stan. God DAMN.
I’m sorry - I haven’t finished it yet. I’m juuuust part the part he and Alyosha have that talk in the shed/garden.
Tell me, tell me, why him? What did he say/do to make Mitya your fav? I have my personal theories (The fight against the beast of who he is/where he comes from vs the good man I think he might genuinely think he’s trying to become.)
ALSKDKDKDK AM I THAT PREDICTABLE.
you pretty much summed it up, i just love the type of doomed character trying to do better despite everything (even himself lol).
and also. im sorry to say this but i just LOVE a stupid bitch. give me a character who uses two braincells at MOST and you bet i’ll be all over them. whatever the opposite of sapiosexual is, i am that. i love a man who doesn’t think. genuinely and completely.
also i read the book a while ago so i might be wrong but the first scene in which we actually get to meet mitya is when everybody’s waiting for him for hours in a church (or wherever they were) and when he finally shows up, he makes the biggest scene, insults his father, then just runs away. iconic.
(my fall-in-love moment was actually the scene somewhere at the beginning when he sneaks up on alyosha pretending to be a robber or something? it was so out of place and honestly, not to repeat myself, but frankly ICONIC)
ALSO WHO’S YOUR FAVOURITE SO FAR AND HAVE YOU READ CRIME & PUNISHMENT????
#i also love ivan he’s my second most favourite#and also alyosha you just can’t NOT love alyosha <3#i really need to reread the book tho i remember so little from it actually for some reason :<#the brothers karamazov#natali speaks
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top five classic novels!!
as always we need a caveat that i have so much love in my heart that choosing favourites is hard and i'm gonna exclude some big heavy hitters from this year that are fresh in my mind and instead focus on the ones that absolutely have vacation space in my frontal lobe
rebecca (daphne du maurier) - i relate to the narrator saying she "shall never be rid of rebecca" because Me Too girl!! a gateway drug into classics. absolutely intoxicating without a word misplaced or misspent. i enjoyed reading it more for the second time not only because i knew the plot but because there was so much of any given theme to stick your teeth into (i had colour coded highlights for gender and doubling in addition to general excellent prose/foreshadowing). a whole thesis could be written about the ways that rebecca and the narrator both perform androgyny--the narrator essentially fails at performing any sort of gender, rebecca is too good at androgyny and that is what kills her. not to toot my own horn with the one decent line in my otherwise incomprehensible review but: "while rebecca sails freely between masculinity and femininity, not-rebecca drift unmoored between both." i could write more about the structure and point of view but i am big sleepy so unfortunately that post will half to solely exist in the hypothetical. i am always thinking about rebecca
wuthering heights (emily bronte) the thing about wuthering heights is that the first time i read it all the way through i gave it 2.5 stars and was absolutely enthralled by what it lacked and then like 5 months later i think emily bronte personally tunnelled into my brain and compelled me to bump the rating up to 4. at first i was just like Oh the ghosts they story is stuck in a time loop while the rest of the world moves the only way it can be broken is if the cycle of abuse is also broken which is True but the more i thought about it the less i actually thought of the ghosts (shocking i know) and more the possibility of rancid trans rep t4t cathy & heathcliff. cathy trying to get around gender like it's a blocked path and ultimately dying because of compulsory femininity. heathcliff determined to make up for what society sees as a deficit (his race) with his gender, playing four-dimensional chess with his gender trying to find the one (1) way to Do It Right which ultimately means deliberately emulating all the worst parts of masculinity so he has some modicum of power. this WILL be a post in the future and that is a threat.
hamlet. i don't need to say anything more about this one. we've unfortunately all seen the horatio monologue that people keep tagging as poetry even though the word MONOLOGUE is in the first line of the description.
the brothers karamazov (fyodor dostoevsky) frankly an insane choice for my first fedya d especially given the circumstances but man....mitya karamazov is one of the Characters Of All Time. honestly it took me a longass time to read because uhhh being intensely suicidal in a tiny studio apartment with a job you only took for convenience's sake in huge and unfamiliar country during a global pandemic is not the best environment to read your first dostoevsky in but also is maybe the most appropriate. so it took me a while to read and at first i wasn't sure if i understood half of what i was reading but gave it 4 stars for sheer craft and then maybe a week later it really hit me how good it was. i am Not Immune to atreus house. one of the readings i like to consider is somewhat basic but seeing it as biographical specifically alyosha as a mirror of dostoevsky's son alyosha who died at 3 from epileptic complications. book as a mirror and a shrine and a grave all at once. also i'm legally required to mention the unwritten brothers k sequel brothers k ii: alexey kills the tsar. my literary white whale. i have never wanted to read a book more and this one doesn't even exist. kill me! your slave and enemy!
the epic of gilgamesh. bro. bro. 1400 years old and it's a deceptively simple story about transformative love and the earth-shattering grief that comes from losing that love. please refer to my post about how gilgamesh and the velveteen rabbit are fundamentally the same story. it turns out that my method for answering asks is to just type until i run out of ideas and get so sleepy thank you goodnight
#lesbianaglaya#answered#lit#once again my condolences to anyone who has to read and/or scroll past this#what can i say i love explaining things and have a lot of thoughts also my keyboard makes funky clicky noises so typing is fun
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cast your mutuals as your fav perfumes uwu
ok this got too long...might make a part 2 with the rest of my mutuals if I've missed any <3
@crippling-anxiety as baccarat rouge 540 by maison françis kurkdijan (would marry her anyway because she's so sweet and kind but with this 😵😵💘💖💓💗)
@redundantly-in-love as whispers in the library by maison margiela's replica (calm, comforting and such a warm presence and we're a perfect match because i love to talk and he loves to listen, i love u bubba haven't told you much of that nowadays <33)
@perssepeony as good girl supreme by carolina herrera (literally the opposite of what the name & perfume is. she's like a warm weighted blanket after a harsh and cold day. such a sweetheart who don't need no man, nandos babe hii <33)
@coquette-amor as lost cherry by tom ford (rara is exciting, fresh, dizzying and full of warmth and always always laughs during all the wrong times. also she's really really pretty btw i love her she's my mafia darling <33)
@wtfrroch as rolling in love by killian (chellie knows this is the perfume which defines her, she's a smart and really beautiful hoe (unlike me) who everyone loves, also explains why i have heart eyes for her all the time <3)
@neurogliadudette as midnight fleur by NEST (best person to go on museum tours, stargaze and geek out with about YA and all that too, shails us meeting when? :( also she's gonna be an amazing lawyer btw)
@kabiragf as coco noir by chanel (shat gives femme fatale vibes, she's already so very pretty and now she's giving all those exams to become a badass lawyer, she's also a good listener btw <33)
@wedefyauguryy as miss dior by dior (lizzy is the soft looking talkative mutual who loves her theatre teacher btw/s. she's one of the coolest and the cutest people i know and she reminds me of the moon!!)
@knivesgf as an air of despair by imaginary authors (listen anya is literally one of my favorite horror mutuals you know i had to give her this horror movie protagonist perfume. and as the movie goes, she may end up becoming the house or....who knows?)
@belovedbi as bitter peach by tom ford (literally my favorite, she's the moment she's my url namesake she's another smart mutual of mine she's the coolest mutual i have <3)
@themangopdf as angel eau crossière by mugler (ok so because ela reminds me of mangoes and every time i bite into one i think "hmm i should share this with ela" also you remind me of a warm spanish afternoon while you're watching cheesy telenovelas with your beloved <33)
@jongens2014 as poets of berlin by vilhelm parfumerie (me and merle's dynamics are always the one mutual who has good takes everytime and i just reply to it with #yeah #realness...also merle is one of the sweetest and the coolest mutuals ever and my mum loves her!!)
@icemaiden as amyris femme by maison françis kurkdijan (kaaju di is the well read, theory and alyosha karamazov posting, beautiful looking mutual of mine btw and this perfume immediately reminds me of her. also she has an excellent taste in jewellery btw.)
@girlbi-deactivated20220618 (lau????) as mojave ghost by byerdo (lau is the cute and smart mutual who loves cows and i love that about her, i love everything about her btw, she's one of my favorites <33)
@persimmonbaby as cleopatra by tocca (literally why i call her kanave because she feels like a dream to me. sweetest and justifiably the most popular one because she deserves that anyways, also her writings are out of this world! <3)
@hillhousegf as mad madame by juliette has a gun (my other favorite horror mutual, oh to feel the descent into madness after entering a house which looks completely fine but isn't. and in the end, she gets out but not before burning the house down and watching it burn while sitting by the road and holding an unlit cigarette)
@breadmp3 as rose of no man's land by byredo (amira is my pink mutual and this so reminds me of her, she's kind and sweet and literally the cutest mutual of mine btw and when she tags me in posts *heart eyes* <33)
@lovejar as her by burberry (literally a goddess among people she reminds me of the colour pink & a summer dream and she's the prettiest/coolest/smartest girl I've ever seen. also minnie's name is the cutest i'm jealous)
@ruesgf as neroli portrofino by tom ford (yeah she's a goddess and yeah she's a literal heartthrob and yeah she looks so good I'm in love with her and yeah she's pretty smart and beautiful at the same time and yeah-)
#helloooo#i'm not that active nowadays but i promise I'll be more active now <3#i hope y'all like this! <3#— parfumeries
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Some thoughts on how Dmitri Karamazov and Pavel Smerdyakov are perfect foils
*Keep in mind that this contains spoilers for the entire book and that in order for this comparison to work, one must assume that the rumour about Fyodor being Pavel Smerdyakov's biological father has to be true.
While there is a lot written on the theological debate of Ivan and Alyosha Karamazov, I have yet to see a comparison of Mitya Karamazov and Pavel Smerdyakov. Perhaps I haven't explored enough, but these are my two cents (dare I say 3000 rubles) on the matter. Both taken care of by Grigory, both suspects in the murder of Fyodor Pavlovich, yet two men couldn't be more different from each other. I will write down my thoughts in this order:
Different from their birth (social circumstances)
Contrasting the individuals (their descriptions and characterization, side by side)
Brotherhood (relationships to Ivan and Alyosha, preparation for the next point
Narrative (their place in the narrative)
1. Different from their birth
From even before they were born, their paths are opposed. Mitya is born out of the union of Fyodor Pavlovich and Adelaida Miusova, an aristocratic, beautiful and educated young woman who married Fyodor against her family's wishes and was no innocent victim of his. Even when he left her son, it was her choice, though a hard one (and probably the best one, considering her fate.)(BookI,chapter1). Stinking Lizaveta didn't have much of a choice. She was a poor and mentally disabled woman who suffered violence from Fyodor shortly after Adelaida left, and died in childbirth (BIIIch2). Mitya keeps a connection to his mother through his inheritance, but for Pavel, it's a curse. He is "the stinking son of Stinking Lizaveta", and ironically the child that remains in his father's home for the longest time.
From these circumstances, the children grow up to be a firstborn who feels entitled to what he feels is owed to him, and an illegitimate son whose work as a servant is taken for granted. Yet, even when Mitya is of a good social position and Pavel is of a lower one, Mitya is the one who seems to sink below what is considered to be how an aristocrat should act in public and is compared to a beast, and he has often surrounded himself with peasants in his parties. Pavel is the one who takes small steps to strive for more than what he's given, he likes to dress well, he learns and has aspirations beyond what he's expected to do. (For this whole paragraph, BVch2)
2. Contrasting the individuals
Their differences come down to individual characteristics as well, and it's evident even in how they present themselves. Mitya is described as muscular and sporting signs of masculinity like a moustache that is often seen in military men (BIIch6) He walks with long strides, he's loud, outwardly emotional and often gesticulates in exaggerated manners. Pavel's main physical feature is his weakness and sickliness. Compared to Mitya's masculinity, Pavel is portrayed as emasculate, as he is compared to an eunuch. He has a silent and discreet demeanour, and he's not very expressive. (BIIIch6, BIXch6)
Mitya is impulsive. This causes him to have a temper and not be very smart in the way that requires focus, patience and forethought (seeing him as completely stupid leaves out so much of his character). What Pavel lacks in the physical strength that Mitya has, he makes up for with a more calculated and patient approach. He's neat and meticulous even in the night of the murder, while Mitya runs around stained in blood. Speaking of meticulousness, it's interesing to me how Pavel's behaviour could be described as effeminate, while Mitya's masculinity is overdone through several masculine stereotypes at once (the knight of honour, the brute, the sensitive and tortured artist).
When it comes to women, God, their country and poetry, their opinions are comically different. Mitya enjoys the attention he gets from women and returns it, he expresses love for God and Russia in the text and he's very fond of poetry, quoting it often and even speaking with rhymes and wordplays at times. (BookIIIchIII&IV, Epilogue 2). Pavel happens to disdain all of these. While he holds contempt for both men and women, the suggestion of marriage digusted him. He rejects God, claims to hate all of Russia and declares that poetry is rubbish ("who ever talks in rhyme?" well, it seems like Mitya does)(BIIIch6, BVch2).
3. Brotherhood
Ivan and Alyosha, the children of Sofia Ivanovna, have contrasting relationships with their half- brothers. Mitya, who quickly grew fond of Alyosha, puts him in a moral high- ground and pours out his heart to him. Alyosha accepts it and reciprocates his brotherly love, even if he isn't as outwardly enthusiastic. Pavel, on the other hand, looked up to Ivan on the basis of thinking they could be alike and shows great interest in Ivan's displays of intellect. Ivan is increasingly scornful of Pavel as the story progresses. Ivan and Alyosha's contrasts extend to their half- brothers as well. Mitya and Alyosha are the life- affirming pair of half- brothers, while Ivan and Pavel are the pair with the ideas deemed destructive by the narrative.
Two fun contrasts I noticed, as a side note:
Mitya and Alyosha are two sides of not working for money, and Pavel and Ivan are two sides of work.
Book III ends with Alyosha and Mitya parting ways and Book V ends with Pavel and Ivan parting ways.
4. Narrative
While Ivan and Alyosha carry the theological and philosophical discussion in the heart of the book, Mitya and Pavel are the main players in the world that puts the theories and ideals to the test. Dostoyevsky's narrative attempts to make the reader sympathize and have faith in the greatly flawed human being that is Mitya. Those who believed in his capacity for spontaneous good will never believe that he murdered his father, while those who didn't would have a harder time believing in his open- ended redemption. Pavel's case is a little more complicated. His inner thoughts aren't as exposed as Mitya's, and his motivations aren't explicitly nor reliably stated, so it's harder to consider his importance unless one pays attention to how the narrator presents him as an outsider, a shallow presence. Not even his relationship with Marya is explored. I have my reasons to believe this may be a deliberate choice, since a theme in Fyodor Dostoyevsky's work is the suffering of the lower classes. Mitya is a great character, but Pavel isn't, not because he's badly written, but because perhaps his conflicts aren't Mitya's intense and paradoxical angst and passion. Perhaps there is a lot of boring and unromantic pain in the world.
Mitya and Pavel execute Alyosha's and Ivan's respective positions, even further. Mitya's religious fervor surpasses Alyosha's, his faith is a simple and unwavering affirmation even when he's drowning in the guilt of sin or Rakitin pesters him to dissuade him from his faith. His religiosity goes so far that he overdoes one of the core ideas of the book: while he embraces Zosima's idea of guilt for all, it doesn't just mean that he should be guilty for everyone, but that everyone is guilty for everyone else. Those are fundamentally different things. As for Pavel, he dared to do what Ivan doesn't, he put his ideas in practice (BXIch7-8). However, I don't believe that he was directly inspired by him. I think he adapted the ideas to his own interests. Sometimes people love to realize what they already knew, and wait until they find a justification. One of my favourite things about Dostoyevsky is that we see the philosophical content happen in the world of his stories.
From their birth to their fates, two men couldn't be more different. Mitya, who acted or expressed himself in a suicidal manner well over ten times, ultimately stays away from the pistols and declares a sense of responsibility for a crime he did not commit. Pavel, who was shown to feel attachment to his own life and save his own skin, destroys himself out of his own volition after tormenting Ivan.
Thank you so much for reading if you made it all the way to the end!
#the brothers karamazov#how do I even tag this? tbh I could write even more on this#tbk#dmitri karamazov#pavel smerdyakov#fyodor dostoyevsky
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Eurovision semi finals song content contestants, and my favourite highlights in running order!
Eurovision
Norway was great, it was like they managed to make a pirate shanty into a pop song whilst looking like a monarch! She's queen of the Kings! Probably my favourite song.
Malta, all I can say is he'll be major hot onstage if they perform at gig with those on
Serbia, I saw him and was like yeah OK he's totally up in my wardrobe, loved the styles but the song wasn't my kinda thing.
Trans flag focused on very soon into the show, wonderful news! 🏳️⚧️
Latvia but they missed something maybe more oomph? With what they were going for.
Mention of Lordi in Elisha Dixons quick rap
Portugal was such a boppp? Red outfits and the music was grand
Ireland, well, this this gold edition Elvis Presley? Visually. Pot of gold?
Croatia THE OUTFITS, fabulous, beautiful, every military uniform should look like theirs, stripping, random goth in the background holding firing rockets with the best eyeliner ever.
Switzerland I THOUGHT THEIR NAME WAS RAINBOW WITH THE PRONUNCIATION SOUNDS THAT WAY?? Right?? I didn't question it until they shared the spelling. Sweet song. Song about people not wanting to be sent to war, which is sadly happening again during this time as we know all too well with us hosting instead of Ukraine 🇺🇦 🩷
Israel, good song called Unicorn. The lyrics are so true, with the use of Hebrew too is is nice.
Moldova mooonsss starrsss cool dancing oh my, this dude loves his wife, he's a goof egg. What a banger. The hairstyles, kinda reminded me of scorpion tails even though I figured they were representing 🌙. The looked awesome standing together and mirror sync dancing.
Focusing on people using rainbow 🌈 hand held fans! Yusss 🏳️🌈
The tirquoise carpet was fierce, everyone's style was outstanding.
Sweden, reminded me of ABBA especially the beginning. Awesome!
Azerbaijan, Jedward
Czech Republic very much enjoyed and a strong and beautiful performance, keep your hands to yourself reminder! And very empowering. Their hair!! Wow!
Netherlands they're so gorgeous and what a performance that shows such a connection. The pinstripe suit inspired outfits, I need. I love their gender.
Finland, once sold his moustache. Got to be done, brought a potable sauna to the venue as well. Sassy punk pole dancers, everyone else on the stage on giant dog leads. His dance moves are unmatched, the human centipede situation was and elbow jig leave them 10/10.
2010 Ukrainian representative, Alyosha telling her story of having to leave Ukraine and her husband in a heartfelt story. Beautiful and very sad stage performance and special effects, met with Rebecca Ferguson, X Factor 2010, I remember that when she was on!
"Where is my friend when I need toy the most?"
The heartbeat of all the countries flags uniting and the hole in the heart got filled with the heart made by the flags and bursting with light out of her chest. Very tear jerking and amazing performance.
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One of my favorite writers is Fyodor Dostoyevsky.
His brilliant novel The Brothers Karanazov astonished me and changed my life.
How could he know me so well?
He was a writer who knew the depths of the human human heart and the ways put it on paper with an ink well and a pen.
I hope to learn to do that, too.
On the side my college ring from UNC Chapel Hill is the motto Esse Quam Videri, to be is more important than to appear to be, the essence is more important than the video.
Through the hard work of writing, Dostoyevsky got to the essence of what it means to be human.
When I read a novel, I try to put my feet into the shoes of the characters in the story and walk around in them.
As much as anything else, this has helps me grow empathy in my own heart.
I try to teach this skill of walking around in other peoples shoes to the 9 and 10 year old students in my classroom.
Is there any better gift can I give to the world than an empathetic kid?
Nope, I think.
When I read a novel, I also always try to identify with one of the characters in the story.
Who am I most like?
Who is most like me?
In The Brothers Karamazov that character for me would be Alyosha.
The story begins with him as a novitiate in a monastery, exploring a possible vocation as a monk. (Ha ha, I’m certainly no monk, though I have taken the vow of poverty and the vow of obedience by becoming a public school teacher).
My favorite moment in the story comes when Father Zossima, the wise, old, kind, saintly monk of the monastery says to Alyosha, “This is what I think of you, you will go forth from these walls, but you will live like a monk in the world.”
In that moment, I found my vocation.
My vocation is to live like a monk in the world.
This means I live out the prayer of St. Francis every day and sow love where there is hatred; sow pardon where there is injury; sow faith where there is fear; sow hope where there is despair; sow light where there is darkness; sow joy where there is sadness.
If you walk into my classroom at any time on any day, I hope you’ll find we sowing these thing in my students and in my school.
I hope you’ll find me being a farming monk.
Dostoyevsky wrote some other words that mean a lot to me, too.
“Beauty will save the world,” he wrote.
What did he mean by that?
I wonder.
And I don’t really have a good answer to that wondering.
But I feel I see and hear glimpses of what he meant by that.
I see it and hear it in the lives of my students.
I see and hear it in Lauri, a kid from Honduras with brown eyes as deep as the good earth, a sweet smile as soft as the rising sun, and a kind heart, well, a kind heart that is beautiful enough to save the world.
She’s an artist and can make a flower out of notebook paper, scissors, Elmer glue sticks and Sharpies that rival any Daisy I might find on a hike in the foothills of the mountains where I live.
She gives those flowers away every day to me and to her fellow students.
She leaves us all with a sense of wonder beauty.
You know, being a teacher is hard work.
Very hard work.
It’s the hardest work I’ve ever done.
But it’s good work.
Very good work.
It’s the best work I’ve ever done.
I’m so thankful I get to be that good work and see that good work, be that beauty and see that beauty every day.
I’m so thankful I get to be a part of saving the world.
All in a day in public school.
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accidentally thought of alyosha karamazov. i need to curl into a ball under my desk and die
#he’s my little man#i love him so much#kissing his forehead and ironing his clothes#making him as much cherry cake as he can eat#alyosha karamazov
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