#also yes it's a spn fic my childhood is coming back to haunt me
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Title: "A Life With No Regrets"
For day one of @heaven-ecologist Angel appreciation week! (Yes I'm behind on the prompts I know) Happy birthday, I don't know when your birthday is op but have a lovely birthday week!
Angels Week 2022 - Tumblr | Ao3
Fandom: Supernatural
Prompt(s): "Vessel"
Relationship(s): Alfie(/&)Samandriel (can be read both ways)
Rating: Gen
Warning(s): None
Word Count: 2,919
"I have them; my family, the others… and you."
His chest tightened. "And me," he confirmed.
"In a way, it was you or my father." Samandriel furrowed his eyebrows, "I suppose I made my choice."
"Do you regret your choice?" The words left his mouth before he registered what had came out.
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The bag crumpled in Alfie's hand as he handed it off. "Thank you, come again."
He received a smile as the customer left. The bell rang and lingered in the silence of the empty restaurant. It had been a slow day, a few customers coming in every so often but never enough to get near to overwhelming him.
Though, the smile he had greeted and said goodbye to the customer with, had stayed plastered on his face. He had woken up happier than ever and the feeling was a reminiscence of the day. Maybe it was because he had learned that the apocalypse—which was a possible factor that could happen to the world—was indeed not going to happen.
Samandriel had told him the news with nothing but utter excitement and content of words that his family was finally okay again.
Yet despite the end of what the angel had originally asked his permission to take Alfie's body. He never left. Well… granted, he did have to leave for some periods of time to return to heaven with his siblings. He knew Samandriel didn't have to come back, nor did he expect him to, he was one of the protectors of the souls in heaven after all. And yet, Alfie found himself saying yes time and time again whenever he came back to earth.
He enjoyed his presence and that made him happy, maybe it made Samandriel just as happy too. But his smile that refused to leave his face as he worked his shift wasn't from all these thoughts. And while they did have an influence, they weren't the leading cause.
The cause was maybe half due to the fact that no one could see the angel spinning on a chair behind the counter. Alfie tried to say that it was the former reason, and yet, his smile only grew as he continued to watch his friend spin himself in dizzying circles.
The sight made it hard to talk and continue his job with a straight face so he didn't try to fight it. Taking the compliments he had received from the customers and co-workers about how happy he was. He couldn't exactly tell them that an angel of the lord named Samandriel was entertained with the spinning chair in the corner without sounding insane.
He cleared his throat through the silence hoping to grab Samadriel's attention, only the angel kept spinning. A part of him worried that he was going to make himself sick and throw up. Though he had seen the angel go through worse and decided not to worry too much.
An airy chuckle escaped his mouth as he shook his head and grabbed for a rag to clean the counters with. "Are you having fun?" He lightly teased.
Samandriel's eyes met his as he stopped spinning. His eyebrows furrowed down in thought before he nodded his head. "I believe so."
Alfie opened his mouth but the sound of Samandriel's feet leaving the floor and the chair once again spinning interrupted what he was going to say. He chuckled. "An angel of the lord entertained by a spinning chair," he commented more to himself than Samandriel. "Who knew."
"My brothers say we are no longer my father's angels."
"What, are you Charlie's angels now?" He joked.
Samandriel's spinning stopped as a confused look graced his face before he answered. "I am not related to Charlie Bradbury, although she is kind."
"That's… uh." He shook his head, he didn't have the heart.
The corner of Samandriel's lips twitched before he broke out into a wide grin. "I'm kidding."
He scoffed, "very funny."
"You seem to have a vast knowledge about those things, especially—"
"Okay! You can scooch on out of my brain now."
His grin just grew wider as Alfie felt his face grow warm. Sharing headspace with an angel was not ideal. He sighed, "So how does that whole no ruler of the universe thing work anyway?" He asked before Samandriel could start spinning again. He briefly peaked up from wiping the counter as a confused look was sent his way.
"I mean no lord—god," he explained, "that can't be good, right?"
Samandriel shrugged his shoulders, swaying the chair lightly. "It has been this way for thousands of years, my older siblings always took charge. This universe was run by them, the demons in hell and other deities while my father played human," he supplied. "The only difference now is he's…"
Alfie grimaced. He had been there multiple times to witness first hand the dysfunctionality that was Samandriel's family. The small spats and sibling arguments that rivaled any he had ever seen. What little he could see of it was overwhelming, and yet he knew it was worse for Samandriel. Older brothers that squabbled constantly only for the rest to sit back, helpless and watch it all unravel.
"I'm sorry, Sammie," he softly muttered.
Samandriel raised his head with a gentle smile and shook his head. "I like this—now. Even if it means my father is gone. My siblings are finally together with love again, how it once was." His voice grew softer as his smile grew fonder. "I have them; my family, the others… and you."
His chest tightened. A gasp of breath in the new air and unwalked ground. The all too hopeful gaze directed towards him was held as a smile climbed on his face. "And me," he confirmed.
"In a way, it was you or my father." Samandriel furrowed his eyebrows, "I suppose I made my choice."
"Do you regret your choice?" The words left his mouth before he registered what had slipped out.
Samandriel didn't answer quickly or appeared to be in deep thought. He blinked as the question that ghosted through the air, left to be like an annoying itch instead of something head-on.
Guilt started to claw at Alfie, he wanted to rip back his words as quickly as he said them. The somber expression on the angel's face made it all the worse as they both sat in silence.
In a way, he wanted to know. That if Samandriel had another chance, would he choose humanity again or his father? The selfish manner or thought that was there lingered. He wanted confirmation for his own mind and heart that he—humanity would be chosen again. And yet, in the same breath, he didn't want to hear the truth if it wasn't that. He wanted a lie in its most concealing form and the truth to be hidden away no matter how bright it shined.
"I—"
"Samandriel…" he interrupted before he could finish his thought on what he was to say. He couldn't hear it, he couldn't bear the thought of it.
The word left with one breath and he gasped for another as those same eyes met his. He watched him with intent and whole trust surrounded by a world with familiarity of puzzle pieces missing and growing unknown feelings just as peculiar.
He watched as Samandriel's expression changed, thought to a sudden worry as he cocked his head. A misunderstanding or confusion that Alfie could say was plausible. Be it the interruption and tone of his voice, or simply the use of the angel's full name that many—including himself—had deemed a mouthful. He too had his own confusions when it came to others and feelings.
He shifted as he directed his gaze anywhere but the angel. "You don't—"
"Alfie!"
He jumped at his boss's voice, fumbling with the rag in his hand as she walked in sporting a kind smile.
"How's everything going?"
"Oh, um… slow day." He smiled and gave a pointed look around the empty restaurant.
"It is," she acknowledged. "How much longer is your shift?"
"Umm…" he felt his clothes for his phone before remembering it was in the break room.
"Twenty-eight minutes and thirty-three seconds," Samandriel supplied.
"What he s—" he quickly faked a cough covering up his mistake of acknowledging the angel that no one else could see.
She shot him a confused look. "What?"
"Twenty-eight minutes! I said—Uh," he cleared his throat, "twenty-eight minutes."
"Right…" she said warily, "Why don't you take the rest of your shift off, I doubt any more people will be coming by anytime soon."
"Yes, uh, Thank you," he smiled as she turned and left.
He let out a breath he was holding. "That was a close one." He walked past Samandriel and disposed of the rag, their previous conversation left unfinished. "We should get out of here before someone else thinks I'm talking to myself."
The cap on his head was the first to go as he made his way to the break room. He grabbed his bag as he started to remove his uniform. Well�� almost. His hands froze as he turned and came face to face with Samandriel. "Uh… Sammie?"
"Yes?"
"What are you doing?"
"Waiting," he replied simply.
"I'm uh, y'know… gonna change."
Samandriel just blinked.
He sighed. "Just…" he grabbed him and faced him towards the wall. "Stay like that till I say to turn around 'kay?"
His head bounced lightly from where he faced the wall.
Alfie found himself with a fond smile on his face for the umpteenth time that day as he reached for his bag and grabbed the extra change of clothes he kept in there. "Us humans tend to enjoy our privacy," he commented, kicking off his shoes.
"We angels are private about things as well."
"Really?" His tone bordered on incredulous. "You guys aren't exactly embarrassed when it comes to nudity." He had learned that one the hard way.
"Our wings are rather private to us."
"I saw yours that once." And he would never forget the sight. At the end of everything when they were all at peace from the constant war and the angels finally were to return to heaven for the first time together. With one small snap, the wings they all had heard the fluttering of so many times before were visible.
He had gasped at the sight. The colours and sizes all varied from Michael's ash grey wings that triumphed over all his siblings, down to Samandriel's small soft cream coloured wings. It had taken everything in him to not reach out and touch.
Samandriel's head dropped as he shifted a bit in place. "It's a rare occasion for… certain people when we allow them to be visible to the human eye."
"Oh…" he pulled his arms through his shirt and started working on the buttons. "Do they actually look how you showed them to me?"
"What you saw is the manifestation of my grace suitable to not burn your eyes out."
"Right, true form, not suitable for human eyes."
"Not suitable for earth in general," Samandriel stated. "My brothers told me that after the incident with the dinosaurs."
He stopped on the last button at the top as the comment sunk in. "Wait, wait, wait…" he grabbed Samandriel's shoulder and flipped the angel around to face him. "Your brothers killed the dinosaurs?!"
"Michael says that it was our baby brother's fault but Gabriel always argued otherwise"
"What does he say happen to them?"
Samandriel shrugged, "never said."
He scoffed in disbelief. This is what his life had come to. "Can't ever have nice things huh?"
"With my many siblings?" He shook his head, "No."
"Well, come on." He bumped his shoulder and grabbed his bag. "At least we can have some nice things."
"What things?"
"A lot of things," he replied. "Or more importantly Ice cream."
"Ice cream?"
"Mhm," He hummed. "Best invention since pizza."
Samandriel smiled at him. "I've had neither."
"You can't be serious?"
"The times I've been on earth have all been for a reason. I mostly always stayed in heaven; guarded the souls."
Alfie grimaced. Every time the angel spoke about his purpose in the past, he only ever mentioned being the guardian of the souls. As if that was the one and only purpose he served. "Still," he argued, "I can't believe you've never had ice cream before?"
"I don't require food to live."
"Ice cream is not a requirement for life. Although some people would say otherwise—but forget that. Come on." He grabbed Samandriel's hand and dragged him out the door.
The once bright sun was dimmed in a hued ombre of colours. He knew he was going to regret the baby blue button-up and shorts he had changed into very soon by the rate the sun was disappearing at.
"Where are we going?"
A slight tug on his hand had him stuttering in his steps. He halted and turned back around. "We have to show you the wonders of ice cream, Sammie." With another tug, the angel was steadily following him as he made his way around the corner and to a nearby ice cream vendor.
He dropped Samandriel's hand as he ordered and accepted the two vanilla cones before handing one to him.
"Cheers." He bumped the cones together before digging into his own.
Samandriel gave it a peculiar look before he too started to eat it.
"Do you like it?" He asked as he watched the angel's face for any indication.
"Most things taste like molecules."
"Are ice cream molecules any good at least?"
"They're… different."
"Sweet?"
"Sweet," Samandriel repeated with a small nod, "like comfort."
"They call it comfort food for a reason."
"I can see why." He took another lick of the melting ice cream.
Alfie chuckled, "I'll take that as a yes then." Despite having something to concentrate on, he kept his gaze up. Time to pass that his eyes followed Samandriel's movements. The childish gleam as he lapped up the melting sugary treat.
Alfie's own getting less attention and dripping to the napkin around the cone. He looked away from the still unsuspecting eyes as he licked the sticky sweetness from the edges of his fingers and the aftermath of the heat.
His heart beat heavily as he took a deep breath. The presence next to him demanded his attention and he could only ignore it for so long. A constant pain that left throbbing and bruising from where its impression first was. Something that only time would change and yet each second agony with a tied tongue.
A loud crunch brought his attention back to Samandriel. A small edge of the cone was gone from his ice cream, yet the evidence remained on the corner of his mouth.
Alfie lightly chuckled. "You have…" he gestured to the corner of his mouth.
Samandriel tilted his head.
"Here." He grabbed one of the clean napkins and closed the distance between them, wiping away the bit of ice cream on the corner of Samandriel's mouth.
"There you go…" his hand moved away but the rest of his body didn't. The small distance seemed to be almost smaller as he met Samandriel's eyes, dancing across his expression for something—anything to grasp onto.
Samandriel quickly dropped his head from his gaze, staring down at the melting ice cream between them. "I don't; so you know," he said in nothing more than a whisper. "I don't regret my choice."
Alfie swallowed, he knew the conversation would come back around. "You chose humanity?" He still couldn't comprehend why. It had been more than his brothers and sisters, it was more than the people they had met. More than humanity.
"I chose people who love and care about me rather than an absent father I'd never met." His tone didn't falter as his words spilled from his mouth like a command. "There are many things to regret when you've lived as long as I have, but this is not one of them." He raised his head and allowed their eyes to meet. "I'd make the same choice a thousand times more."
His words echoed on the edge of devotion. A choice of right and wrong that only played at the end of the story. If mistake was the aftertaste to choice, Alfie wondered how his words would change.
Yet when all was said and done, Samandriel had already made his choice. And truth be told, Alfie has chosen his as well. All those yes's that he gave without a second thought could have very well been the opposite. No hesitation for the angel's wanted return despite all the situations he knew were inevitable.
"Then," Alfie slightly raised his ice cream, "to no regrets?"
He smiled. "No regrets," he repeated.
Alfie hurriedly finished his ice cream, disposing of their napkins as they walked aimlessly. A chill coursed his body, making him shove his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "It's getting dark."
"Home," Samandriel said. It wasn't a question so much a statement from the angel.
"So I'm walking you to a sandbox?" He questioned. "Not exactly too romantic if I have to say, and I've been on some pretty bad dates."
Samandriel scoffed at him. "No… I mean home." He held out his hand, palm up as if waiting for it to be taken.
Alfie looked down at the gesture, fingers twitching for the warmth that had escaped too soon. A free invitation on a dare mixed with the unsaid truth they both knew laid dormant. An unacting tease as the question really was: how long?
He obliged. The vice grip from earlier melted into their shared warmth as he carefully laced their fingers together.
"Home?" He asked for confirmation.
Samandriel smiled, "home."
#supernatural#supernatural fanfiction#angelsweek2022#spn alfie#samandriel#heavens most adorable angel#samandriel x alfie#virusfanfic#i forgot how to tag my fanfics on here#oh yeah hi!#i'm back baby!!!#a month (two months actually) without uploading she comes back with a fic!#did i just make that referance? yes... yes i did#weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee#also yes it's a spn fic my childhood is coming back to haunt me#let me get it out of my system then i'll be back to my regular (ppfft regular yea right me) scheduled fics#alfieandriel
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i’m bad at music and only listen to like 5 bands but here’s a collection of songs i would put onto a general spn mixtape bc either they 1) aren’t about dean/cas or 2) don’t map exactly perfectly onto the pov of one character/are an au or 3) are fun
the “i’ve been listening to taylor swift for two months straight” collection:
here’s a song crowley would listen to and drink and think about dean and cry:
‘tis the damn season + We could call it even / You could call me "babe" for the weekend / 'Tis the damn season, write this down / I'm stayin' at my parents' house / And the road not taken looks real good now
here’s a song for literally everyone on spn:
marjorie + And if I didn't know better / I'd think you were listening to me now / If I didn't know better / I'd think you were still around / What died didn't stay dead / What died didn't stay dead / You're alive, you're alive in my head
here’s a song for claire when cas showed up again before she forgave him:
closure + It's been a long time / And seeing the shape of your name / Still spells out pain / It wasn't right / The way it all went down / Looks like you know that now
here’s a song for the entire purgatory experience. is it about dean/benny? bc dean was so focused on cas, and sam, and dean eventually had to kill benny and send him back to purgatory to save his brother? is it about how dean thought he left cas behind in purgatory, how he spent a year searching endlessly for him? is it about how cas keeps leaving dean: first, rejecting his hand in purgatory, then running off with the angel tablet? anyway i have 1000 feelings and should write a purgatory fic one day
coney island + And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island / Wondering where did my baby go? / The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go / Sorry for not making you my centerfold / Over and over
here’s a song that doesn’t map exactly bc it talks about childhood and dean and cas were not friends then however it is about dean and cas (or maybe benny too bc of the pirates who knows):
seven + And I've been meaning to tell you / I think your house is haunted / Your dad is always mad and that must be why / And I think you should come live with me / And we can be pirates / Then you won't have to cry / Or hide in the closet / And just like a folk song / Our love will be passed on
speaking of benny here’s that high school au where he’s pining for dean endlessly but he also knows that dean was never his either:
august + Your back beneath the sun / Wishin' I could write my name on it / Will you call when you're back at school? / I remember thinkin' I had you
the “5 songs for how 5 years ago all i listened to was death cab on repeat” collection:
a classic song i shouldn’t have to explain:
some boys + Some boys are singing, some boys are singing the blues / Joylessly flinging with the girls that they're bringing / To their rooms, and then leave when they're through / Some boys are sleeping, some boys are sleeping alone / Cause there's no one that's keeping them warm through evening / And they know that they're on their own / 'Cause some boys don’t know how to love
is this one about dean? is it about sam? is it about cas? we just don’t know
you are a tourist + And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born / Then it's time to go / And define your destination / There's so many different places to call home / Because when you find yourself the villain in the story you have written / It's plain to see / That sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemptions / Would you agree? / If so please show me
this song is about peter and jason from bare which means it is also about dean and cas high school au:
we looked like giants + God damn the black night, with all its foul temptations / I've become what I always hated when I was with you then / We looked like giants in the back of my grey subcompact / Fumbling to make contact as the others slept inside
this song isn’t about dean bc he’s an asshole to cas on a regular basis but i think of him every time i hear it:
you can do better than me + I have to face the truth / That no one could ever look at me like you do / Like I'm something worth holding onto / There's times I think of leaving / But it's something I'll never do / 'Cause you can do better than me / But I can't do better than you
this song is too clingy for crowley and dean however it is about crowley and dean:
i will possess your heart + How I wish you could see the potential / The potential of you and me / It's like a book elegantly bound, but / In a language that you can't read just yet / You gotta spend some time, love / You gotta spend some time with me / And I know that you'll find, love / I will possess your heart
the “sometimes spotify shows me new things” collection:
this song is about both winchester boys bc of all the car imagery (dean) and also bc the singer is planning on escaping (sam):
this year - the mountain goats + I am going to make it through this year / If it kills me / I am going to make it through this year / If it kills me / I drove home in the California dusk / I could feel the alcohol inside of me hum / Pictured the look on my stepfather's face / Ready for the bad things to come
this song is 100% what charlie would put on a playlist for dean to celebrate him coming out to her:
bad liar - selena gomez + I was walking down the street the other day / Tryna distract myself / But then I see your face / Oh wait, that's someone else / Tryna play it coy / Tryna make it disappear / But just like the battle of Troy / There's nothing subtle here
does cas keep his hands to himself? mostly yes but he still listens to this and thinks about dean
hands to myself - selena gomez + The doctors say you're no good / But people say what they wanna say / And you should know if I could / I'd breathe you in every single day / All of the downs and the uppers / Keep making love to each other / And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, trying
i wish i could quote this entire song. this entire song is about dean except for the specific bit in the beginning about the mom calling insane and high and the pov rejecting her:
a better son/daughter - rilo kiley + But you'll fight and you'll make it through / You'll fake it if you have to / And you'll show up for work with a smile / And you'll be better, and you'll be smarter / And more grown up, and a better daughter / Or son, and a real good friend
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