kiruko heavenly delusion is so transgender to me

#3: Identity and aesthetic terms.

TL:DR: When making recommendations or complimenting people, it's important to keep their own personal preferences and goals in mind. So recently I experienced an interesting situation. A friend at a local LGBTQ+ event on campus had recommended a particular hairstyle to me, and despite being a very feminine hairstyle and me being a feminine-leaning person, being recommended that hairstyle as something that would "suit" me was quite discomforting. And eventually, I realized why: while the hair style was feminine, it didn't fit the aesthetic I was personally wanting to achieve. See, even though I'm a transgender woman and I am pretty (according to other people, not me, I think I'm ugly as fuck) I am very dissatisfied with my appearance. And there's a reason for that. I don't just want to be fem leaning/generically look good. I, more specifically, want to have an aesthetic air that I can best describe as somewhere between "cute gremlin bastard" and "adorable soft smart bean" (exactly where depending on my mood). As a part of that, I wanna be described as cute and/or adorable, not pretty or beautiful. And while the hairstyle was pretty, it was NOT cute or adorable. Being told that this not-cute-or-adorable hairstyle would fit me made me uncomfortable because it was effectively saying that I was not cute or adorable, which while true for the time being (despite the protestation of my only current partner and most of my friends), ultimately hurts to acknowledge. However, since that person was making a recommendation purely off the fact that I was transfem and didn't know about this, they just had the fact that I generically want to present fem to base it off of. And this ultimately leans into the terms I prefer to use as well. While I fall under the umbrellas of "transfem" and "trans woman", I personally prefer the term "trans girl" since it better fits the aesthetic and "vibe" I wish to emanate. And looking back over those that I've been around in the past, I think this is an important point to keep in mind these types of things. Like my partner is not the type of person who I'd recommend a knitted turtleneck sweater to, even if it is the exact type of thing I'd wear, because it's not at all her style. And that's because even if we are both transfem, we're ultimately going towards different goals, even if those goals aren't super well defined. The same thing can be said about my first ex. He is a transmasc. And yet he's the type of guy I'd recommend a corset to because he personally presents as a goth femboy and it it the type of thing I've seen him interested in in the past. Yet if you tried to recommend a corset to a random transmasc, they could easily get upset at being recommended a traditionally feminine garment. So, consider this a terrible diet PSA thing: When making recommendations or complimenting people, it's important to keep their own personal preferences and goals in mind. Also, pronouns in bio are so last week, all the cool kids are putting preferred aesthetic in their bios. I'm personally cute/bastard. - Vrell, Depressed Trans Girl P.S. If anyone makes fun of me for being a stereotypical "I wanna be cute anime girl" transfem, I'm gonna have to say "u rite" and go cry in the corner.

Also since I'm on the topic heres my akatsuki gender/sexuality headcanons. Under a readmore bc it's long as hell.

• Nagato/Pein - nonbinary gay (they/it/he)

Idk I've just always seen them as nonbinary. I think they've known since they were a kid. Also I wouldn't be surprised at one point he had a crush on Yahiko. But at this point he's too caught up in everything to even consider getting a partner. I like to think it was the first one to come out in the ame trio.

• Yahiko - cis bi (he/him)

Cool guys like him are always bisexual like cmon. Was always very supportive of Nagato and Konan being trans.

• Konan - nonbinary/demigirl lesbian (she/her)

I go back and forth on whether she's nb or demigirl but she's def a lesbian. I think it took her a while to figure it out but was relieved when Nagato and Yahiko supported her. Same as Nagato, she's too caught up in everything, although I'm sure she sometimes sits and wishes she had a gf.

• Zetsu - bigender (they/it)

White Zetsu is nonbinary (a little feminine leaning but not transfem) and Black Zetsu is agender. I don't want to think about them fucking.

• Kakuzu - agender gay (he/him)

He's too old to give a shit at this point. He's too cunty for a partner and no one seems worth his time to him.

• Hidan - cis?? bi (he/him)

Idk he's also known he was gay for a while but he was the kind of gay kid that was like "yeah I'm gay what about it?". I say he's cis??? bc when he was younger/first joined I feel like when asked for his pronouns he would've been like "the boy ones" but now that he's been around different ppl with different genders, when asked abt his gender he's probably like "whatever". Since he's from a smaller village I'm sure there's little education abt lgbt things and people so he's learned more being in the akatsuki.

• Sasori - nonbinary gay (he/they/it/doesn't rly care)

Look at him and tell me he isn't transgender. He literally took his body and turned into a puppet. Again, I feel like he's also known he was gay/trans since he was pretty young, but he kept it to himself instead. Knowing Chiyo, she probably isn't as accepting and Sasori knew, so he just. Didn't formally come out. Once he left Suna he went all out ofc.

• Deidara - trans gay guy (he/they)

For Deidara I think it took him a while to figure out he was gay/trans. I like to think that while he was figuring it out, he identified as bi, and when he realized he just wasn't into girls like that, he fully embraced being gay. At the same time he was also figuring out his gender. I think when he got recruited into the akatsuki, he had been on T for a little while and had either gotten top surgery right before he joined or right after. He was just a baby gay/trans when he was recruited. I don't think he formally came out to his village. When he left he was still figuring shit out. I think him being attracted to Itachi confirmed he was into men.

• Itachi - transmasc nb gay (he/they)

Itachi also took a while to figure out his gender/sexuality. He never felt like a girl but didn't know being trans was even an option until he joined the anbu and was around Kakashi and Tenzo (who I also both hc as trans). He was like "no way" and talked to Shisui about it, and was the 1st one who he came out to. He was accepting and supportive of course. He then like. Explained and "came out" to Sasuke, who was rly young and didn't quite understand fully, but was happy to have a big brother. And then for a while he thought about coming out to his parents, he was hesitant but did it anyways. Mikoto was taken aback but accepted it, but Fugaku was less accepting. Not full on "get out of my house" disowning transphobe, but he just was even more distant. He probably told Itachi to not tell anyone else outside their immediate family. So there came even more repression for Itachi.

After the massacre he decided to finally go on T. He kind of held off on getting top surgery, since he was getting more sick he didn't know what would happen. But he has a naturally smaller chest anyway so he didn't rly mind.

The gay thing I think was much more recent/took him longer to figure out. I genuinely think he realized he liked men when he met Deidara. Idk he just seems like the kind of guy to not think about partners bc he was preoccupied with a bunch of shit. He was probably like "oh I'm gay" and thats it.

• Kisame - trans bi (he/him)

I go back and forth on whether he's trans or cis but I rlyyy like the idea of him being trans. The thought of Itachi having an older trans person to look up to is rly cute. He's had bottom surgery. Idk that much about kiri but I'm sure they like. Don't care if you're lgbt. As long as you can prove yourself as a fighter you're good.

• Obito - cis bi (he/him)

He's bisexual bc he's obsessed with Rin and Kakashi.