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#also that chin grab kiss fuckin got me đŸ„”
neatfrog · 3 months
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thoughts/ramblings re ascended Astarion
(Act 3 spoilers)
I want to preface this by saying I completely understand why people would like or prefer this version and I have no beef with them, these are just my own opinions and feelings after playing through that route with a certain type of character
(I have not finished the final battle, but otherwise this run of the game is complete)
The only word I can really come up with to describe A!Astarion is ‘unsettling’. Which, imo, is exactly how it is supposed to be for a character who genuinely loved and cared about him and wanted to have their love reciprocated the same way.
I have to also extend a ton of credit to Neil Newbon, bc when he said he essentially “got to play two characters”, he was 100% correct and I think he nails both of them.
In terms of the way the sudden change in character felt, I would liken it to if you had a spouse who was kind of a smarmy bastard but otherwise not too horrible of a person - they had faults and you knew it, accepted them anyway. And then one day they get like
this huge promotion at work that changes their entire personality. Maybe they went from prison guard to prison warden, and prison guard!spouse was fine and could be put in their place when they got a little too cocky or power hungry, but prison warden!spouse will threaten to snap your neck for trying.
The particular character I was playing is the type who wouldn’t care about the ‘bad’ parts of him until that’s suddenly all he is. At that point, they realize they made a mistake, but they still love him and desperately want that love reciprocated so they will agree to his demands rather than leave/have him leave. An otherwise confident and independent takes-no-shit character who has one fatal flaw - a debilitating fear of abandonment.
They can see the change immediately, and it terrifies them, but they tell themselves that deep down there still has to be Astarion under there - the Astarion they came to know and care about. If they work at it, maybe they can coax that part of him to come back out. Until then, they will go along with his whims and let him change them too, because the alternative is even more terrifying.
He would be the significant other they frequently make excuses for to the other companions when they express concerns about the way he treats them and other people. And they’d tell themselves that he wouldn’t really hurt them, but at the same time they know that there would be consequences for defiance.
They would feel trapped, used, and owned. But that would seem like a fair price to pay to keep him, still clinging on to the person they used to know him as.
There would come a point where they would have to make that inevitable choice - whether to succumb further to the darkness he dragged them down in, or to stand up for their fate and break away despite how much the loss will hurt. I feel like it could come to a choice between killing him or being killed by him. And deep down, they would know that, even as they agree to let him turn them.
But when he goes on another one of his flowery spiels about how beautiful they are, how much he loves them, they let themselves believe it’s not all empty words despite knowing his ‘profession’ for 200 years was as a lying seducer. They’ve got to be different, they tell themselves. It will be different. Even when it’s not.
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