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thechangeling · 3 years

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Say my name or I won't survive

This is an extension of my headcannon for non binary Kit. He uses he/they pronouns. Kit comes out to Jessa as nonbinary.

Tw: mentions of transphobia/enbyphobia

A lot had happened since that conversation with Magnus. Kit usually didn't like to make a habit out of breaking down in people's arms. But it had become clear in that moment that they needed to talk to someone. That they needed to face the things they had been pushing down, trying to avoid.

Kit was currently standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom. Magnus had let them take some clothes that had been magically altered to fit Kit. Just so he could experiment with wearing them.

So far he hadn't made it out of his room wearing a dress or a skirt, but Kit was trying to take baby steps. Well mostly they were just scared. Scared of what Jem and Tessa would say.

Scared of what everyone would say. Like what if he was just making everything up? Or maybe he was just confused? Shadowhunters were big on tradition. Asking people to use different pronouns for Kit and stop using his full name might be a challenge for some people.

Like Jace, their brain supplied.

Kit stared at their reflection on the mirror. Magnus had started teaching them how to apply makeup and experiment with it. Kit confessed that when they were younger they used to steal eyeliner and lipstick from drug stores and put it on when Johnny was otherwise occupied. Kit was still no where near Magnus's level of talent but they were pretty good.

Kit had done simple makeup today, not looking for anything too crazy, just a little mascara to make his eyes pop and concealer to cover his light bruising from training. He hadn't wanted to look too girly during this conversation, he figured it was better to ease Tessa and Jem into this whole thing.

Also Kit didn't always feel like looking too girly, even though as Magnus constantly reminded them, clothes and makeup didnt have a gender. They liked playing around with different concepts, different styles. The societal ideas of femininity and masculinity were just that, ideas. There were no real rules, not when Kit stopped playing the game.

They stared at themself in the vanity mirror, trying to think of exactly what Kit was going to say to Jem and Tessa. Just saying the words, "I'm nonbinary" didn't seem good enough. They felt like they needed to give a proper explanation of their feelings and experiences or else they would be accused of faking it.

The urge to prove ones validly, the need to make sure people knew he was real and he wasnt crazy, it was more importent then anything. It was infuriating. Knowing that his experiences could be so easily dismissed as delusional feelings.

Not trans enough. Not cis enough. Not gay enough. Not straight enough. Kit's mere existence was a controversy on it's own. It was exhausting enough to make Kit want to abandon the whole idea of coming out again all together. Maybe it was easier just to smile and nod everytime someone misgendered them. Ignore the clenching of their stomach and the punch to the chest that came with it.

Smile and nod and be the man he was meant to be. But he had been doing that for 18 years and he couldn't survive it much longer. Kit needed to come out. People needed to acknowledge his reality and use the proper pronouns for him.

Or else Kit was going to wither away, shrivel up into something unrecognizable. A shell of their former self. They were going to die if they had to hear "Christopher" one more time.

The only time it was tolerable was when Ty said it. Kit could almost pretend that he could be the person Ty thought he was, if it would make Ty happy. He used to think that he could let himself wither away and die as long as Ty was ok. As long as Ty was safe and happy.

But that wasnt ok. That wasnt fair. Kit deserved to be safe and happy as well. One of the things they had learned with Jem and Tessa was that Kit deserved to put themself first sometimes. Kit deserved good things despite what Johnny Rook had made them believe. Kit wanted Ty to be ok. They wanted Ty in general.

But Kit needed this.

He took a deep breath and exited his room, heading downstairs to the kitchen where Jem was cooking breakfast and Tessa was trying to get Mina to settle down. Everyone looked up as soon as Kit entered the room.

"Kitty!!!" Mina screamed excitedly, waving her arms around. Tessa shushed her fondly, scolding her for yelling.

"Good morning Christopher," Jem said with kind a smile. "How did you sleep?"

Kit tried to ignore the way their stomach clenched at the sound of their birth name. Dead name, their brain supplied. They needed to tell Tessa and Jem. Kit slid into a nearby chair with a heavy sigh.

"I need to talk to you guys about something," he muttered, trying not to sound too nervous or dejected. Tessa and Jem shared a worried glance.

"Is everything alright Kit?" Tessa asked sparing Mina a glance, probably wondering if she should be removing her from this conversation. Kit shut his eyes briefly and took a breath.

"Yeah I hope so. I just need to tell you something," Kit ran their fingers through their curls. Jem and Tessa watched them, waiting patiently. Kit tried to ignore the shakiness of their breath and the way their palms.

"Here's the thing," Kit began. "You might not get it but I need to ask you to respect it ok?

He didn't wait for their responses. "I'm nonbinary. Which basically means that I'm neither male nor female. I'm something else, something seperate. I don't know I guess I just think of myself as a person who doesn't really have much of a gender," he was staring at the tabletop refusing to make eye contact. "It's just sort of like, if you think of the colour spectrum as gender, I would be a blurry watercolour. A mixture if all kinds of different things and sometimes some colours are more vibrant then others. And then sometimes it's just gray."

Kit wasnt sure if any of this was really making any sense but they knew they had to try. Jem and Tessa were both still silent. Mina was happily chomping down on her breakfast and ignoring all of them. Kit took this as a sign to continue.

"I don't exactly know why I'm like this or how I know. But maybe there are some things that you just can't explain. You just know. Like I know that the sun will set and then rise again tommorow and I know that I love you guys," Kit voice faltered at the last part. He looked up at Tessa and Jem, panicked over seeing their reactions.

But they were both just staring at Kit with huge, loving smiles on their faces. Kit's breathing slowly began to return to normal but their hands were still shaking. Tessa csne towards them slowly, grasping Kit's hand in hers.

"Baby it's ok," she cooed. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's just like we told you when you first came out as bisexual, we will always love you no matter what." Jem nodded.

"I have admit this whole thing is rather fascinating," Jem chimed in with a smile. "I've never heard the term before." Kit fought the urge to remind him that two weeks ago he had never heard of playstation, but decided against it.

Mina was paying attention to them now and she was smiling at Kit. "No bany!" She cried excitedly. Kit couldn't help it, he through his head back and laughed. Mina scowled at him slightly. "Not quite Min-Min," Kit told her playfully.

"Do you have different pronouns that you would like us to use?" Tessa asked. Kit's heart fluttered at the question. They didn't actually think either Tessa or Jem would think to ask.

Kit cleared their throat. "Yeah do you think you guys could use alternating he/they pronouns for me? Like use he in one sentence and then use they?" Kit instantly felt kind of guilty for complicating things further. "I'm sorry I know that's kind of confusing."

Jem shook his head, "no it's fine! We just want you to feel comfortable." Tessa nodded in agreement. "Is there anything else?" Kit pulled Mina's hands off of their shirt. She had begun to tug and pull out of boredom.

Kit nodded. "Yeah do you think you could stop calling me Christopher please?" He hoped he didn't sound to harsh. There was something so guilt inducing about having to ask for these things. It felt like Kit was making unneccessary demands. But he wasn't. He had every right to.

Jem instantly looked sheepish. "I'm so sorry Kit," he said softly. Tessa looked guilty too. Kit shook their head.

"Its ok. You didn't know. Just don't do it anymore ok?" Kit felt significantly lighter, like a giant weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. They slid out of their stool to walk around to the other side of the kitchen island and hug both Jem and Tessa.

Kit knew it wouldn't always be this easy. He knew that this life would be complicated and difficult, but it would also be full of exploration and freedom.

Kit would always have a place he belonged.

"I am also a we."

- Sense 8

Tag list you know the drill, let me know if you want on or off: @scrat-is-god @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @knifescythe @ti-bae-rius @dianasarrow @doitforthecarstairs @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies @zfoxdraws @julieandthefandoms @older-brother-kit @ilikebooks8 @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @autumnangel20 @hufflepuffyskam

#tsc #tda #the dark artifices #kit herondale #twp #the wicked powers #tw slight discussion of transphobia #tw internalized enbyphobia

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maknaesdancersrappers · 4 years

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july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver.

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left.

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever.

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

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inthisfire-ifindrain · 5 years

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Till death...

under a read more due to length very angsty and triggers galore,

Hector kills Vulpes and Fiona gets her revenge. it started out a drabble and turned into a full damn story.

@ratherxintense

Staring at the door she sat quietly,two weeks. Hes been gone two weeks, he promised three days. She sat in panic wondering if she needs to leave. Fighting with herself telling herself she should have went after him days ago. It wasn't right and she felt it. No letter brought by a man saying he would be later the planned. Nothing. Just scilence. Feeling her heart beat pounding away in her chest she got up quickly and ran up the stairs to their bedroom. "I should habe left a week ago." Speaking to the emptyness, She changing her clothes quickly and packing her bag hastily for anything she may need if he was in trouble put on her boots and ran out the door not even noticing that she had left it wide open in her hurry.

It took a days time to find out the area he was last in. Question wastelanders on a blue eyed blond hair handsome man by the name of Ivan Fox. Every question every encounter terrified her. Changing her story each time deciding that telling them she is his wife and hes missing wouldnt be a good idea incase he has been with a new contact. She cringed and her stomach turned each time that thought came creeping up. "I'm his sister unfortunately our mom has passed away and i need him to come home." A lie she stuck with decently well. Until she came upon one group of raiders outside some shitty bar. They mostly laughed at her but did inform her that a friend of theirs dragged someone off by that description they couldnt tell her the mans name. "What is your friends name?" She said sternly being met again with laughter and a comment of.

"Hector. You best bet to stay away small woman." Hearing that her face had lost color, there must be no mistake. She remembers a few years back Vulpes came home fucked up and terrified of a man named Hector. It had scared her to see him afraid of anything much less a man. "I will do as i please now which way is this Hector..." The sweetness in her voice had disapeared,the darnkness in her eyes shown as she spoke. The three raiders quieted down noticing the change in the small woman in front of them. Pointing and telling her the general direction of his place they didn't worry. Once she had gathered all the information she needed she took her blade out, killing all three unsuspecting raiders they were close together and she had managed to end them before they had a chance to defend themselves. After all she couldn't leave a witness she had a grave idea of what she was dealing with now and knew this was not going to end well.

Following the direction they gave her head spinning the whole way, feeling that its too late that its her fault, this is why she needed to leave sooner. Two weeks. Could Hector have him this long and he still be alive? The growing pain in her stomach starting to get stronger as she forces herself to not be sick. It wasnt long before she approached a building with what looked like minimal lighting. The sun was setting so she hid, but hid close enough to see a figure moving around. Fiona watched and waited it felt like hours and maybe it had been. But the figure stepped out and she got a decent look at his face. "Hector" , she mumbled as the man looked how Vulpes had described him to be. He left off some where she could care less about after only waiting ten minutes, when he was good and out of view she crept in an open window.

Standing in his home she looked around, the place was disgusting. Blood, carnage, body parts from what she could make out. Covering her mouth she gaged before noticing something shining in the corner. Approaching she also saw legion clothing.. And his Vexillarius hat.. "No no no no" she spoke out loud in a panic as she ran twards it. Dropping to her knees she knew.. It was him.. It was... Him. Non recognizable, almost as if he was never a human at all. Shakingly she reached out to what was part of his hand the gleam she had initially saw. His wedding ring, further setting in it was him. She stood up and vomited in the near by sink before breaking into tears and sliding back down to the floor, crawling back to what remained of her husband, her owner. Fiona gently put her hands on his holding it but not moving it as if it would melt and be gone too.

She cried over him for as long as she could her body shaking in heart break and anger. Gently she took his ring off and put it in her bag along with his hat. Moving his hat made her scream, causing her to see more of what was his face tears coming down harder making her vision blurry, almost censoring the image herself. Next to him was more of his things, among them one of her red scarfs that he took and always carried when he was away.

Taking his hat over to the sink she washed it off. Not very well but well enough to put it in her bag. She wasn't alright. And this was not the end. She couldn't bury him. She couldn't take to much , and make it noticeable someone was messing with the body or inside hectors house. Hesitating to leave she stood at the window and looked back at him."I love you.. Mea anima.." She spoke quietly words he had always spoke to her. She turned and left out the window she had came in.

Watching, waiting, ploting. Days and nights on end. Days passing, turning into weeks. She was going to do this right and she was going to kill him. Stalking Hector took longer then she initially thought it would to get his patterns down, his behaviors, his drinks. By the time she had formulated a plan a few weeks had passed. Watching outside his window or a rock, he never noticed the small woman, after all her proficiency in sneaking about was one of her greatest abilities. When it got dark out and she was confident in his movements she would creep between windows watching him. Watching how he murders. Their screams for help falling on deaf ears for she was not their to be their savoir. The one she had cared about was gone. And Hectors destruction was the only thing on her mind. Leaving his place temporarily to get what she needed for her plot, drugs of almost all kinds along with a good healthy supply of med x and the basic stempacks. But enough drugs to know the monster out was her goal.

He had left and now was her plan in motion she snuck in. Several bags of drugs crushed and ready to be put in every bottle of alcohol he had she started in. Setting it up. Making sure she had enough rope and that his own killing table would be ready for him. Leaving this time she waited on his roof.. Hours passed before she saw him walk alone into his home. Perfect she thought to herself, No need to get rid of a victim. Climbing down she watched threw a window. Watched as Hector downed his own poison. About an hour past the beast fell to the floor not even making it to the couch by now he must knwo something isnt right. Fiona acted quickly not knowing how long she had before he wakes. Practically jumping through the window she threw her bag down grabbed her rope and tied the large mans hands and legs together. He was home and had already stripped himself of heavy armor for that she was greatful. It was feat getting him upon the table but using the rope and a little extra strength she was able too and tied him down with rope and the tables leather straps everything tight, she could see his hands changing color, no chances of him escaping or getting ahold of her.

Hector came around in just a hour the drugs wearing off. He fought at the restraints she quickly injected something into his neck causing him to almost lose consciousness again. Slapping his face she spoke. "Hey hey there!" Her voice was erratic sounding as she continued his eyes looking at her in confusion. "Don't, don't fight it. . it is over for you..you know. You must know.. Countless people you must have killed here..." She glanced over to the corner. As Hector noticed where she was glancing. "Before you open your disgusting mouth yes... You killed my husband. Vulpes.. " her cheeks turned red as her eyes started watering and bluring. Taking her hand she wiped her at her eyes concentrating back onto what she was doing. She could see a smile creep up on Hectors face.

Screaming at him as he began to tell her the awful things ans grosome things he had done to Vulpes. Quickly she took a rag and shoved it in his mouth nearly down his throat. "You Don't get to fucking talk!!" She screamed at him,already having a set plan she didn't want to hear this and didn't want to stray from the path. Crying she took a blade from his weaponry and started cutting away at him. His screams muffled from the wrag. Showing him each part of him she cut off of him, keeping him alive with med x and a stim pack here and there. "Don't want you to bleed out just yet now do we?" Her voice low almost a whisper. It went on for what seemed like hours, days? A day? Keeping it slow and keeping him alive. Taking breaks herself she would stop and sit on the couch and stare off into the corner letting time pass. Unmoving, almoat as if she was a statue. Then back at it again. Him in agonizing pain eventually she got all his limbs off in a gory mess on her and on the floor parts of him almost scattered everywhere arms legs fingers foot. But she kept him alive through it all, with the drugs of the wasteland. Stopping everytime shock had made him pass out. Eventually there was no more to cut off and he had spit out the rag at this point. Her over on the couch once again staring off. He speaks "I wonder if i have found someone the same as me.." He was speaking but was speaking as if delirious not directly to her.

It broke her gaze into nothing as she shook her head as if coming back into this world. "I'm not the same as you.. I'm fucking better then you." Standing up she went over to Vulpes corpse and grabbed his ripper slowly running her hand along the side of the blade. "Its time to end this. Its time for you to die Hector." Walking over to him she put the blade onto his neck, not turning it on she slowly sawed away at him until he head was completely severed. Grabbing his head she put it on a spike outside in front of the building before going back in. Gathering everything she needed she stumbled upon holotapes. One had Vulpes name on it she grabed it and put it in her bag, she had also found his ear in Hectors sick collection. She wrapped it in a red cloth and stored that away as well before walking to the corner of the room. She took the scarf he had carried with him and covered his remains with it, kissing her fingers and pressing it to the cloth. She walked out of Hectors home with no peace in her heart and no where to go but home.

She didn't stay at their home very long, it was a wreck by the time she got there. Animals all gotten to the food. Things everywhere. Walking straight upstairs she grabbed extra clothing but not hers, their wedding holotape from when they took a vacation and got secretly married at Jacobstown. She held it close before packing it away too. As she walked out she paused at the second bedroom next to theirs, glancing in it toys and teady bears. A dream she nagged him of that will never happen, his promise unintentionally broken. She closed the door and continued walking.

Not sure where she ended up . some home . some strange land. She got rid of anyone in her way until She found this one room shack, already frail from not eating, she looked sick and emaciated, opening the door she found it acceptable. Spending her nights playing his voice on their wedding holotape, hearing his voice speaking their vows helped lul her to sleep when her tears dried. Until one night she played Hectors tape. His screams, his sorrys to who she could only assume her. Hectors laugh, the laugh got to her. Everything had gotten to her she could no longer take this only a few months had passed sense he died and she couldn't continue. She put his ring on her finger next to the one he had givin her on their wedding day. Curled up on the old bed crying she took her finger, her nail still pointed and sharp with the metal underneath she glided it down her arm, and then again on her other arm. The red of her blood begging to run down her arm onto the bed at a fast pace she closed her eyes and held his hat tightly the fur of it touching her face as she closed her eyes and welcomed the deep sleep that eventually over came her, her heart coming to a stop. Fiona becoming one of the sad mysteries of the wasteland for anyone who stumbles upon her.

#tw death #tw suicid #tw blood #tw dismemberment

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