#also he tells Jamie his thinking behind this in complete earnestness one morning after the uncle's day party and Jamie just LOSES IT | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

magnoliasinbloom · 5 years

Text

Lullaby

AO3 :: Previously

Chapter 6

“Jamie, you don’t get it. I get sick just thinking about it.” True to my words, my stomach dropped like I was on an elevator. I nibbled on an apple as I held the mobile tightly, hiding in my closet again. Maybe I should just move in here and hide for the next nine months.

“Sassenach, dinna fash. This is one of the hardest things ye’ll have to do, ever. But once it’s over with—”

“I cannot even begin to think that this will be the hardest part. I seriously doubt that. What about later, you know, giving birth? Taking care of a newborn? I didn’t even play with dolls growing up!” Except my uncle Lamb’s Japanese netsuke dolls, but that was entirely different.

“Claire, ye ken ye can call me anytime. If they want to kick ye out—which I verra much doubt—I’ll pick ye up and ye can stay at Lallybroch. Okay?”

“Okay.” I sniffled. I’d called Jamie as soon as I got home after visiting Frank. He had been furious with him, so much so that I hoped Frank was lucky enough not to run into Jamie on campus. Chances were slim, but still. Jamie didn’t need to start a fight on my behalf, and certainly not one that would get him into a world of trouble. I had called him every night since then, and he offered me nothing but reassurance.

Frank’s sudden and complete lack of involvement filled me with dread whenever I thought of him—which was almost every minute of every day. We hadn’t talked at all since that night when he tried to convince me to get rid of the baby; remembering was enough to make me pulse with resentment, so I avoided the memory as much as I could.

He had been impossible to reach. His mobile was either shut off and went to voice mail immediately, or it rang endlessly and he did not pick up. He was avoiding me too, I knew. I considered calling from a different number, but the message was clear—he did not want to speak to me, he wanted nothing to do with me. With us.

And now I was on the verge of confessing to Mum and Dad to what extent I had betrayed their trust and their faith in my responsibility.

I really couldn’t put it off anymore. Mrs. Fitz, the manager at Waterstones, and my coworker Laoghaire had mentioned that I looked thinner. That was courtesy of the morning sickness. But I was bound to start swelling up any minute. The scale didn’t lie—I had dropped half a stone, but that couldn’t be healthy for the baby. It was too much to handle, and things were bound to start slipping through the cracks of my precarious sanity.

That Sunday night, all I could think about was how glad I was that I had work the next day, which served as a great distraction. No matter what, I had someplace to go tomorrow. When I hung up with Jamie, he had made promises to come see me at my parents’ soon and that everything would be alright. I tossed the apple core in the bin and left the closet. I looked around my bedroom: the bookcase, the shelves, my laptop, my clothes thrown about… pieces of my life that would hurt to leave behind. I knew my parents loved me, but I couldn’t be sure of their reaction.

Since I had seen the baby on the monitor, and especially since the horrible discussion with Frank, I had been hoping for the best, while preparing for the worst. It seemed like the most sensible plan in order to keep from losing my mind. I wouldn’t allow myself to hope for anything, though; I knew that to see those hopes extinguished so utterly and completely would only hurt worse in the end.

I pulled a crumpled piece of paper from under my mattress. I had written out everything I wanted to say to my parents. I didn’t trust my pregnancy brain to remember all the important points, particularly since I had found my house keys in the vegetable drawer that week.

We finished dinner that night, and while Mum was clearing the table I pulled the paper from my jeans pocket. “Mum? Dad?” My voice shook. “Could I talk to you? It’s important.”

Mum came back wiping her hands on a tea towel. She glanced at Dad, who shrugged. They sat next to each other at the table. I grasped the paper tightly in my hand. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I began crying. I wanted to run, to be anywhere else but then and there about to dive off a cliff again. My parents looked confused by my barely controlled hysterics. They also looked very concerned, and Dad reached out to take my hand.

“Sweetheart, we’re listening. We’re here for you. What is it, lovey?”

I hiccupped, suppressing my sobs. “There’s something I need to tell you. Please, don’t say anything until I’m done, okay?” I took a deep breath and began in an unsteady voice. “I want to say this, and I don’t know how to begin because I’m afraid you’ll be furious. I don’t want to make you feel terrible, or angry, but I think you won’t be able to help it, and I’ll understand. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

“I’m pregnant.”

They froze. I could see my mum’s eyes widen and my father’s hand grip hers like a vise. Both swallowed hard, but said nothing, waiting for me to continue like I had asked. “I know you’ll think I’ve been incredibly stupid and irresponsible, and maybe I am, but I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I have several solutions. But I need to know if I can also count on you.”

A tear slipped down Mum’s face, and another to match down mine, just to see her try so hard not to cry. Dad slipped his arm around her. There was no yelling, no recriminations, no arguing. Something loosened inside me, and I kept going.

“Frank’s the father. He says he’ll support me, that he’ll help out. He said that I could live with him at the university. His parents don’t know yet, I think. But they’re traveling, so I don’t—” My voice caught. “If… if it doesn’t work out, I have a place to stay, with a friend, if you don’t want me to live here. I have a job now, and some money saved.”

My mum raised a hand towards me, but Dad wouldn’t let her interrupt. He nodded at me to continue, and I rushed through the rest of my note. “If you decide to help me, I promise, I will stay in school. I will go on to study nursing, like I’ve planned. I will help with all the expenses. I will pay you back every single pence you spend on me or give me.” I broke down, and amidst tears I finished with, “I will even pay rent, if you want. I can’t express how sorry I am to put you in this position. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry to disappoint you, and—”

Mum pushed back her chair with a scrape and came round the table. She pulled me into a tight hug, cutting off my rambling. I cried and cried into her shoulder, like I was five again. Dad embraced us both, and we sat there for a bit, the three of us connected.

After awhile, they sat down again, and Mum took my hand. “So Claire. You, and Frank. What’s going on?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. He’s been hard to reach lately, so I… I’m not sure. I’m having the baby, that’s for sure.” They shared another glance, but said nothing. “Frank, he couldn’t be here.”

“How far along are you?” Mum asked.

“Ten, twelve weeks,” I said. “I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you.”

“We understand,” said Dad. “We love you, Claire. This doesn’t change that.”

“Right, lovey. You’ll stay here, with us, of course. We’ll help you, with anything and everything you might need.” Mum squeezed my hand.

I breathed, joy filling the hole in my chest. A few more tears escaped and I brushed them away. I smiled, honestly, for the first time in months. Jamie had been right, as usual. My parents weren’t kicking me out, or screaming mad. They were loving, and supportive; I couldn’t wait to tell him.

“Oh, here!” I pulled the ultrasound image from my pocket, where it had nestled next to the paper all day. “I went to the doctor’s. This is the baby.”

They crowded around the picture, my mum crying in earnest now. “Look, Henry! It’s so small… we’ll be grandparents!”

In a few minutes, I couldn’t keep from yawning, I was so exhausted and more so after all the emotions of the day. My parents sent me upstairs; Dad pressed a kiss on my temple and Mum whispered I love you. My heart felt lighter than before. I turned out the light, stretched out on my bed in fuzzy pajamas. The elastic waistband was a little snug. I reflected upon everything that had happened. My parents now knew I was pregnant, and were incredibly caring and understanding—thrilled to be grandparents. But Frank…

My heart was lighter, but heavier.

#outlander #outlander fanfic #outlander au #jamie and claire #lullaby 6

127 notes · View notes

jack-andthestalk · 6 years

Text

Our Son, Willie, Chapter 24. Moodboard Credit to

The following morning I was vaguely aware of what sounded like Jenny’s hushed voice talking in my dreams. I vaguely wished she would stop talking so I could go back to sleep but the noise was growing louder and now Ian’s hoarse voice was cutting across Jenny’s.

"I really think ye should stop just letting yerself in Jenny, should we no knock instead of using the yer key"

"dinna be silly Ian, Jamie will be so pleased and asides I dinna want to wake up Willie by knocking"

A gradual realisation came over me that the voices were real and not just a figment from my dreams.

"Jamie!" I hissed, "I think Jenny and Ian are in the house, get up!"

Jamie’s hand was cupping my naked breast and he just squeezed it and scooted closer to me. "Jamie, Wake up"!

"Sassenach, the door is locked Jenny is no in the house" he replied drowsily.

“she is!! I hissed “I heard her say something about your spare key", none of my urgency was having any effect on him, he just drew me tighter to him and pressed the length of himself against my bottom in question.

"Jamie are you listening to me?…" I was caught under his arm, just as I attempted to rise from the bed, I heard a precursory knock and Jenny whispering "Jamie are ye awake I have good news…" I grabbed the sheet from the bed, wrapped it around me and made to hide at the side of Jamie’s wardrobe which was hidden from the view of the door, if Jenny came any further than the doorway I was screwed. Jamie rolled his eyes and muttered “yer ridiculous why are ye afraid of her?” “I am not” I muttered, tripping over the sheet.

Before we had a chance to debate it further, the door swung open and Jenny’s excited voice boomed through the room, I was struggling to control my breathing and regretted not just hiding under the duvet. “Jamie! Da is speaking, the hospital called Mam early this morning to say he was asking for her, so she is gone in, he wants to see us ….so get up!”

“that is great news Janet”, Jamie croaked from the bed

“Is Claire in with Willie?” her voice lowered now remembering that Willie might be asleep.

“Aye, will ye start some coffee and I will be out in a minute?” Jamie was butt naked under that duvet so I hoped Jenny took the hint.

She hesitated at the door for a minute, then I heard her say “aye, ok.”

Once the door was closed, Jamie sat up, resting on his elbows and smiled at me. His hair tousled and eyes sleepy.

"Sassenach I can see yer wee red cheeks from here, dinna fash about Jenny, she will find out sooner or later…god I would love to rip that sheet of ye.”

“Shh!!.” I made a noise of scorn with my tongue "I told you they were outside, you are impossible to wake…oh god, do you think she knows?”

"Claire…we have nothing to hide and she shouldna be going around letting herself into people’s houses, aye?" he padded across the room, patted my bottom fondly and bent to retrieve some sweatpants from his dresser.

_____________________________________________________________________

Jenny was abnormally subdued by the time Jamie and I had dressed and made it out to the kitchen, Willie was still sound asleep but I started getting his breakfast ready merely so I didn’t have to look her in the eye. My heart was racing a mile a minute, waiting for her to say “Were you in bed with my brother?”

Jamie was right I was scared of telling her and part of that was because I had been hiding it from her for weeks, making the whole thing far more illicit than I intended and now with Brian so ill, to disclose it would almost seem insensitive. I wasn’t sure if I was paranoid due to guilt or if Jenny was suspicious of something.

Jenny briefly outlined Brian’s progress and we planned our visits that day so we would hopefully get to see his medical team. I could feel Jenny’s eyes glancing from me to Jamie. The blush rising in my cheeks already. Jenny cleared her throat, her decision made. "Are ye well Claire? She asked eventually “Ye look tired? I ken none of us our sleeping much but ye have to try aye?”

I nodded, my cheeks were flaming and the self-satisfied smirk on Jamie’s face made me want to slap him. Ian was glancing from me to Jamie, a knowing look on his face.

“Why are ye looking at them like that Ian? Is there something I dinna know?”

Before Ian was forced to explain himself Willie’s little sleepy head emerged in the doorway, "there you are! Did you sleep well? I have your breakfast ready." I chirped a pitch to my voice that I barely recognised. Ian and Jenny spoke with Willie briefly before leaving. She gave me a nod of her head and quipped "I will see ye at the hospital Claire." I had not heard the end of it.

_______________________________________________________________________

We dropped Willie to Mrs. Crook and quickly made our way into the hospital.

Brian’s face lit up on sight of Jamie, who covered his father’s hand instantly, a playful expression on his face "ye ken ya ruined Jenny’s after party Da, ye have no consideration.”

When Brian responded his voice was hoarse from misuse "Aye I can never do anything that suits the rest of ye that is for sure" he smiled.

"I hear the lovely Claire has been here dealing with all these doctors"

"Aye she has, she is no a woman to be trifled with" Jamie quipped.

"Will ye thank her for me Jamie?" Brian asked.

"Ye can thank her yourself, she is right behind me." I moved forward slowly smiling down on my sole patient for the past few weeks.

"Hi" I said simply, Brian’s eyes full of tenderness looked up at me, "Claire” he croaked…”thank ye"

"Off course, you know I wouldn’t give up the chance to boss everyone around."

He simply nodded and smiled, holding my hand pulling me closer down to sit on the bed across from Jamie.

"You know they need to operate on your heart?" I asked carefully.

Brian nodded again. "Well before we engage with what surgery is best and when they should do it, I have asked a friend of mine to come and look at you. He is a senior cardiac consultant in London.

"Ye are bringing in the big guns" Brian said smiling. “Yes we will have you back home with Ellen driving her mad in no time.”

He looked pensive for a minute and glanced back to Jamie.

"Ellen looked so pale and thin today son...I feel terrible for putting her through all this. Have ye been staying with her down at the house Claire?" Brian's hopeful eyes now looking at me enquiringly.

I could feel my cheeks burning, "no I am staying up at the cottage with Jamie...it was just easier with Willie" I added quickly "but we are keeping a close eye on her and I would think now she has seen you talking and awake it will ease her mind somewhat." I rubbed the back of his hand soothingly.

Brian eyed me curiously and then his eyes returned to look at Jamie, his tone was a little perkier when he spoke again.

"Weel i canna tell ye how greatful that ye were able to stay Claire...tell me can ye stay with us another while?" an earnest look in his eyes.

"I probably will go back next week once we find out what is happening with the surgery.”

Brian nodded and then as if suddenly remembering an excuse to keep me in Scotland. "Aye but dinna forget I will need ye here for the surgery itself… ye will stay to see me safe?" he raised his hand and patted his chest where his heart was. A satisfied smile on face.

___________________________________________________________

We joined Ellen for dinner in the main house, making sure we kept our word and encouraging her to eat and keep her strength up. Although since Brian was communicating again I could see a lightness in her, Brian still had a road ahead of him but cognitively he was looking good.

After dinner Ellen asked to hold on to Willie for the night for company. Willie who hadn't seen much of his grandparents in weeks jumped at the opportunity. Ellen offered the invitation to me also "Claire yer welcome to stay down here too or ye might prefer a night where he isn't kicking ye in the bed".

I felt terrible deceiving Ellen too, especially as she was presuming that I shared a bed with Willie. Jamie wriggled his eyebrows, while Ellen wasn't looking and said "Should I tell her I dinna kick ye when we're in bed?” I couldn't stop the blush creeping up my shirt and over my neck. Sooner or later the Frasers would need to know. What we would be telling them was another issue.

____________________________________________________________________

Jamie and I walked Willie up to the house to retrieve his pajamas and toothbrush, I stood at the kitchen table packing a few things in a bag for him when I spotted Jamie lift the lid on the dish Laoghaire had brought the night before, "what’s this Sassenach?"

My 'date' with Jamie and Jenny's early morning visit meant I completely forgot about Laoghaire's food offering. But before I had time to answer Willie interjected, "Weary bought it yesterday, mam said not to eat it, it wouldna be nice".

"Willie, I said warningly “what I actually said was we didn't know what it was, I didn't say it wasn't nice!" Willie looked at me as if to say and the difference is?

Jamie looked suitably embarrassed, "Sorry Sassenach, I dinna ken why she came here." he was rubbing the back of his neck, color rising up his cheeks.

"Is she no yer friend anymore Da?" Willie's interrupted, his innocent voice floating through the room.

I sat back a little in my chair and folded my arms. Jamie's face was gone an almost purple color.

I really should have interjected helped Jamie but it was too tempting to watch him squirm.

"No son...not really...she isna." Jamie said weakly.

"Johnny in my playschool says ye can only have one special friend that’s a girl, ye can have lots of ordinary friends that are girls but only one special one...which one was weary?"

"Just ordinary" Jamie muttered. I wriggled my eyebrows at him, earning me a glare.

Willie’s head was bent over my tablet, playing an alphabet game. "Do ye have a special friend mama?" he asked absently

“No I don't”.

"Well if ya like ye can be Da's cause he does no have one either."

I lifted Willie’s chin to look at me "Willie, you know your Da is very special to me already?"

"Aye but he dinna live with us"

I could see Jamie's face clouding over instantly, sadness etched all over it.

"Willie", Jamie went around and knelt to Willie's level "ya ken there is nothing I would love more than to live with ye, but yer home is in Boston and right now I have to stay here to help Grandad aye?"

Willie simply nodded and turned back to the tablet, the matter appeared to be over.

"I want a brother." Willie's definite voice breaking the silence again.

Jamie darted a look at me.

"Well we will see" I replied cautiously, Willie merely rolled his eyes and said "well its only fair mama if Da canna live with us I want a brother." Sound logic.

I could see Willie’s mind ticking over, contemplating how to action his plan.

"You could marry someone in Boston and then they will give us a brother" Willie blurted. A broad smile clearly delighted with his idea.

Jamie's eyes almost hit the ceiling at this. "Willie ya ken its no just that simple for yer Ma to marry."

Is it not?

"My dentist likes her, Willie offered helpfully “he said she is very pretty....didn't he mama? ye could marry him."

"No", Jamie replied a little too sternly, "That is not how it works son, yer mama will not marry the first man that says she is pretty".

Willie snorted, "he isna the first da! there are loads" his head was bobbing enthusiastically happy to be informing his father for a change, "my teacher said there is no a flower as pretty as her and the man in the grocery store asked could he buy her telephone cause she had lovely eyes"

Jamie face was a hilarious mixture of incredulity and confusion at why a man was trying to buy my phone for my lovely eyes, "my number" I whispered sheepishly, a way of explanation. Jamie shot me a dirty look.

Willie still trying to barter me off was not deterred "One of those will do mama, they’ll bring us a brother..."

"Willie!" Jamie's raised voice interrupting bringing Willie back to reality. "Yer mama has to love or like the man at least, she canna be marrying them cause they think she is pretty, that is no how marriage works!"

"I really think you shouldn't be engaging” I whispered to Jamie warningly "you are arguing with an almost 4 year old on what makes a good marriage…hmm?."

Jamie gave me a stern look "I dinna like the sound of Willie's dentist Sassenach, he does no seem to be paying much attention to his teeth when he is looking in yer eyes!"

Willie looked at him solemnly "no Da its no my dentist that really likes Mama's eyes it’s the man in the grocery store I told ye...the dentist likes all of her"

"Get yer bag I am bringing ye down to Granny".

I tried not to snort at Willie’s indignant face.

___________________________________________________________________

Jamie was preoccupied when he returned, I watching him move around the cottage, open a bottle of wine, stroke the fire, all the while pensive and quiet, fingers tapping against his thigh.

“What are you thinking?” I asked eventually, I leaning up against the kitchen counter to observe him.

“I am thinking the little bugger hasn’t an ounce of loyalty that is what I am thinking!” Jamie replied hotly.

“Jamie he is only a baby…he doesn’t think beyond his own wants and needs…he wants a brother he doesn’t really understand…”

“Oh aye does he not?” Jamie interrupted. “Once I explained I canna go to Boston, he produces a bloody list of possible suiters for ye!”

I smirked, “you know you are being ridiculous don’t you?”

A sigh, “Aye” he nodded sheepishly. “It’s just I dinna think he would be so content for ye to marry another man.”

“I am not marrying any man!”

He nodded and slunk down on the couch arms crossed “Stop your sulking you silly man”

“It’s no just that” He said quietly.

“What then? Tell me?”

He didn’t answer, just shook his head “never mind.”

“I will tell you what” I went over to him and stood between his spread legs. For every word or truth that you tell me, I will remove one layer of clothing? hmm, how about that?”

His lip curled up to one side. “Oh aye go on then…” his humour improving.

“You first” I instructed.

A deep sigh and more fidgeting, eventually he looked at me thoughtfully.

“Why do ye not want Janet to ken about us? Why are ye keeping us a secret at all?”

I slowly unbuttoned my blouse, his eyes were on me and although he wanted a response, his tongue darted out and ran along his lower lip.

“Well, there are a few reasons really why I haven’t… your dad being a big reason…but I suppose the main reason is what do I tell her hmm?”

My shirt was fully opened now but I didn’t remove it, I just ran my hand up and over my bare stomach eventually arriving at my breast and began rotating my index finger around my covered nipple.

Jamie’s eyes travelled with my hand biting on his lower lip when he saw me land on my breast.

“Should I tell her that I arrived in Scotland and immediately started shagging her brother?” I suggested. “I wouldn’t be sure that she would be all that much impressed Jamie.”

“Well is that what we are do’n?” he said sitting forward so he could run his hands up my thighs. “Shagging?”

“you have to admit we have squeezed in a good bit of it? Hmm”

I shrugged my shoulders so the blouse fell down and off my back.

“Well that is my next question then…so get ready to remove something else Sassenach”

I ran my hand down and rested it over the button of my jeans, waiting.

“I dinna think titles were ever important to me before but even that prick Forbes pointed it out, and I dinna like it a bit”

“What?” I asked? Opening the button of my jeans. His hands darted up to help me. “Ah no no” I slapped them away playfully. He sighed deeply “Ye are a minx Claire”

“Continue” I directed.

“Its just like I dinna want to be introducing ye as Willie’s mam, it makes us look like yer no mine and….”

I ran the zip down my jeans and pushed the fabric away slightly revealing my lacy underwear. Jamie made a low moan deep in his throat and his hands reached up to feel the lacy underwear underneath. My breath came short and I could feel heat pool between my legs.

“I ken we canna live in the same country right now and it could be months before I can see ye again…but would ye be willing to ya know…” His cheeks were growing redder.

“Can we continue this when ye go back?” he blurted out eventually.

“What shagging?” I teased.

“Ya ken fine well I dinna mean just shagging Claire...I want…what I would like to be able to say is that… I would like to say ye are mine that as ye said we have a definition of what we are to the other.” He added shyly.

My heart almost burst looking at him “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” I dropped my jeans to the floor. His breath hitched and his eyes ran up and down the length of my body. “Aye that could be one word for it?” His hand ran around and began massaging my bottom. “I mean do ye think ye mind waiting until we can see each other again…the distance I suppose?” I lowered myself down, sitting astride him, resting my forehead against his. “I can wait for you” I answered sincerely. “And I promise not to marry Willie’s dentist…hmm”

“Aye that would be a help” his thumb ran across my lower lip, eyes intent on mine.

“What about you?” I asked “Will you be happy to see each other when we can? I mean do you want to see other people or….” I sat back a little suddenly worried about his answer.

He shook his head incredulously “no I dinna want to see other people” his voice dipped becoming huskier “I love ye Claire and I will love ye whether ye are here or in Scotland”.

“I love you too” I whispered into his mouth.

#Jamie Fraser #claire beauchamp #the lallybroch library #ourson

280 notes · View notes

anoutlandishfanfic · 7 years

Text

Jamie’s POV of Chapter Six: Tuesday’s Chid.

I posted Chapter Six on Mother’s Day and I just realized I finished Jamie’s POV right in time for Father’s Day! I totally planned that.

A QUICK SIDE NOTE BEFORE YOU READ The residents of Beauly, with a few token exceptions, don’t speak English. I’ve gone back and forth about how to write this chapter and how to portray that. Mrs Gordon, the midwife, speaks to Jamie in Gaelic. I didn’t write her dialog in a way that it sounds (looks?) like she has a Scottish accent because she isn’t speaking English. I thought about italicizing what would be in Gaelic, but that kind of conflicts with my formatting style and using bold just looks like she’s shouting all the time to me. This is something I’m sure I’ll develop more as we spend time in the 1540s with the Frasers… for right now, this is what we got.

You can catch up on previous chapters of this AU here.

Mid-day, November 22nd, 1543; Beauly, Scotland. Jamie.

“I made a nice broth for your wife, Jamie, lad.” Beauly’s cook and resident mother hen, as well as one of the midwives, handed me a tray brimming with food. “Any day now, aye?”

I accepted it and smiled warmly, thanking her. “Your spoil us, Mrs Gordon and, aye, the bairn could come any day. Sooner rather than later if his parents have any say in the matter.”

“You don’t,” she chortled, shooing me out of her kitchens.

My bringing meals to share in our rooms had become a necessity after a close call on one of the stone staircases last month. Fortunately, I had been there to steady Claire before she actually fell, but it was enough to scare us both into a change of routine. Mrs Gordon had heartily approved and leapt at the opportunity to dote on my heavily expectant wife.

Knocking soft enough as to not wake Claire should she be asleep, but loud enough to be heard should she be awake, I eased my way into our rooms.

I noticed bed held an occupant as I quietly set the tray on the table. Claire hadn’t been sleeping well of late and I had hoped she would be able to rest while I was away. I turned to see a mass of wild curls emerge from the bedclothes, telling me she was awake but possibly not fully alert.

“Oh good, I’m glad ye were able to sleep for a time, mo nighean donn. Mrs Gordon made ye a tasty broth an’ a fresh batch of bannocks to go wi’ it. She asked of ye, wonderin’ how ye fare wi’ the bairn so near. Lady Janet too, tho I dinna ken wha’ she was about. I didna like the gleam in her eye.” I shook my head, thinking of the Laird’s often devious wife.

I had witnessed Lady Janet stir up trouble on many occasions, with only a word or a single expression.The woman was not to be trusted.

A muffled response came from the bed, something that sounded like “good morning,” as Claire’s arms reached over her head in a slow stretch. She shifted in her burrow, making her look very much like bear coming out of hibernation. She stared at me, blinking slowly, her brows drawn together in confusion. “Are you within the castle today?”

The bairn made waking fully a cumbersome affair for Claire, as was the way with everything she did at present, and seeing my wife in such a state never ceased to make me smile. I had learned the hard way that she didn’t find the humor in her struggle to wake, so I turned from the bed and began to dish up our meal in order to enjoy the moment.

“Nae, back to the stables wi’ me as soon as we’re done eatin’.”

My conscience twinged.

What if she needed me and I didn’t get the message in time? I tried to shove the thought aside, calling to mind Claire’s words when I voiced the very question.

It’s not like foaling, Jamie, it usually takes a while.

Once again, I had assumed this part of human reproduction to be something similar to what I had experienced in the stables. Also, bairns, unlike foals, did not come feet first on principle, although Claire told me Jenny’s wee Maggie had.

A rustle from the bed brought me back to the present and I asked, “Shall I bring ye anything special from the kitchens for dinner?”

Claire responded with a deep sigh, then added, “I really wish you wouldn’t.”

This gave me pause.

“No’ hungry?” I turned and studied her more closely. Something was off, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. “Ye should eat somethin’, mo nighean donn, or the bairn will complain, aye?”

She didn’t look at me. Her eyes darted about the room, desperate to land on anything besides my face as she whispered, “I don’t think he’ll complain, he seems to be packing his bags at the moment.”

Packing his bags? He can’t exactly go anywhere.

A dhia, he isn’t going, he’s coming.

“Sh-should I fetch the midwife?” I asked around a quickly constricting throat.

Claire visibly flinched and slid deeper into the covers, shouting “No!”

I couldn’t stand being this far from her. Crossing the room in two bounds, I collapsed onto the floor beside the bed. Her eyes were scrunched shut, her brows bunched together in fear.

Please, my soul offered up in silent petition to my God, that she might be safe in the hours to come.

“Tha mi duilich,” I whispered as I tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

That they might be safe, she and the bairn.

Claire relaxed slightly at my touch, her hand catching mine. “I think I’m having contractions,” her eyes opened slightly, cloudy with self doubt, “but I’m not really sure.”

Leaning close, I asked “Wha’ can I do?”

“Will you hold me?” Her chin quivered with the request, tears threatening. .

I took the greatest care as I crawled into the bed beside her, easing myself beneath the covers. My arm slipped around her as I drew closer. I didn’t want to disturb the position she was in, knowing how difficult it was for her to find a comfortable one. Gently curving my body around hers, I placed a kiss just behind her ear.

I’m here, mo chridhe, my touch whispered.

I drew slow circles with my thumb on the back of her hand until her shoulders lost their rigidity. Slowly, I felt all of the tension leave her body as her breath evened out in sleep. My hands drifted to the swell of her abdomen.

Soon, I would hold my child in my arms.

What would he look like? Would he favor me or his mother?

The thought brought a smile to my face as one bairn looked much like another to me. I knew Claire held a much different opinion of the wee creatures and often commented on their unique features.

We had been referring to the bairn as a “him” since we knew he existed, and, while my heart hoped he would be a son to carry on my name and lineage, I knew without a doubt I would love a daughter just as much… maybe more.

A daughter who had her mother’s amber eyes, unruly hair, and untamable spirit.

Yes, I thought as I buried my face in Claire’s hair, maybe more.

…

Dusk.

It seemed like Claire’s pains were growing closer together, but she wouldn’t let me keep track with my father’s pocket watch. Not yet, she’d told me, it would drive her crazy. I felt completely useless just sitting here waiting for something to happen.

“You’re pacing, Jamie,” Claire’s voice interrupted my tumultuous thoughts.

I turned to find her laughing at me without actually laughing out loud. It was a great skill of hers. I tried to think of what I had done or said to set her off this time, but came up blank.

“I suppose tha’ I am,” a sheepish grin spread across my face. Whatever it was, I’d do it again, just to see her smile. “Am I botherin’ ye? Should I pace in the other room?”

Her eyes narrowed as the smile disappeared, “If you so much as touch that door handle, James Fraser…”

“I willna.” I raised my hands in mock surrender before I placed them reassuringly on her shoulders.

Claire’s focus faded away and her brows furrowed in an expression I was becoming to know well: another pain was starting. She seemed to need something different with each one. My gentle touch with the last, a massage with the one before, and I couldn’t even get close to her with the one before that.

I hadn’t the foggiest idea what it would be this time.

“Promise?” Her voice shook.

“Aye, I promise,” I slid my hands down her arms and entwined my fingers in hers. “I promise I willna leave until ye tell me to an the midwife will have to tear me awa’ from yer side even then.”

“No,” She tried to move away from me, but I held fast. “I need you to stay with me the whole time.”

She didn’t mean while the bairn was coming in earnest, right? I had heard tales from other husbands and from what they said, I would be the last person on earth Claire would want to see.

“Ye willna want me here when–” I tried to explain but she cut me off and practically shook me as she tried to make her point.

“I can’t do this alone, Jamie! Not again!” Her eyes were wide with fear, plunging a knife straight into my heart. Not again. I hadn’t been there for the birth of our first child and we had lost her, our precious Faith. “I can’t – I won’t – do this without you. Please don’t ask me to, Jamie!”

I kissed her, my lips stemming her flow of words with the assurance of my presence. “If that is what ye wish, mo chridhe,” I murmured, “nothing on this earth or hell below will move me.”

…

Around midnight.

Claire’s hands gripped the back of the room’s only chair, her knuckles turning white as she tried to breathe normally. The air came and went from her mouth in short puffs and I thought she might tip over if she didn’t take a deep breath soon.

“How long was that?” She asked thru gritted teeth.

The pains were noticeably closer together now, and I checked the pocket watch. Half past eleven. “Ten minutes since the last one.”

Claire groaned; whether it was out of pain or frustration, I didn’t know. I moved to stand behind her, running my thumbs over the taut muscles.

She melted into me, murmuring, “Right there.”

We stood this way, swaying together, for a good moment or two before she rounded on me, face contorted in pain. Claire buried her face on my chest and dug her fingers into my upper arms.

A dhia, she was strong.

“Jesus H Roosevelt Fucking Christ, this bloody hurts,” she spat.

Placing a kiss atop her head, I supported her as she leaned further into me. “I’m sending for the midwife after this one is done, mo nighean donn.”

Her head moved against me, telling me she agreed.

I let out a sigh of relief as I remembered that wee Michael MacNeil was sleeping in the passageway outside the door just for that purpose.

I would not have made it to Mrs Gordon’s rooms behind the kitchens and back in less than ten minutes, even in the daylight and her expecting me. Now that it was well after dark and she’d be asleep? No. I knew I wouldn’t want to leave Claire alone for that long and had assigned the task to my favorite stable lad.

My eyes slid shut, my nose still buried in her hair.

We swayed back and forth as the vice-grip of her contraction eased. The motion reminded me of our bairn’s cradle, which sat waiting in the corner. A lullaby my mother used to sing, one that Jenny had used with her own bairns, slowly came back to me. I sang it to Claire, to our unborn child, until her movements slowed and stopped all together.

“Jamie?” her voice was breathless, but regaining the strength that was truly Claire.

“Mhmm?”

“I love you,” She tilted her head up to look at me, a smile playing on her lips, “but you are a terrible singer.”

…

Claire was between pains and had wanted to rest for a bit on the bed. I silently rejoiced for the opportunity to lay down. I wasn’t about to say it, but I thought the whole ordeal was just about as hard on me as it was her. I couldn’t stand to see her in pain like this and not be able to do something.

My inability to spare her from this, something that I had caused, was slowly sucking the strength from me like a leech. If I could take her pain upon myself and fight this battle for her, I would do it without a moment’s hesitation. But I couldn’t. I lay beside her utterly powerless against the ebbing and flowing of her womb’s tides.

Claire was asleep now, in the shallow slumber that was all her body would allow in the minutes between contractions. Her face was utterly serene as I lay beside her, my nose inches from hers. I thought we must be near the end of all of this. Something had to happen soon or I wasn’t sure how Claire would manage.

She had started to contradict her wishes with the last pains, almost as if she didn’t know herself what she wanted. She’d ask me to be close, but when I tried to touch her she growled at me. She’d say didn’t want me near her, but when I gave her space she dissolved into a puddle of tears.

It seemed couldn’t do anything right in my wife’s eyes.

A knock sounded at the door, signalling the arrival of the midwife, and Claire jolted awake.

“Jamie, don’t leave me,” she said in complete panic. Her pupils were dilated wide in the dim room and it only added to her look of sheer terror.

“Shh, mo chridhe, I willna,” whispered in her ear, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze and trying to will her back into the peace she had just moments before, “but I do have to let her in, aye?”

She set her jaw firmly, “No, you don’t. I know how this works. We can do it. I don’t want that woman touching me or my baby.”

A shudder ran thru me as I realized she was completely serious. “I have nae doubt ye could do it, Sassenach, but dinna ken tha’ I can.”

My stomach dropped at the thought of delivering a bairn, let alone my bairn and by myself.

“You’ve delivered foals before. It’s not terribly different.” Claire pulled me closer, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck.

Giving minor assistance to a laboring horse and delivering my child solo were far from the same thing and I told her as much.

Before she could reply, another knock sounded and we could hear Mrs Gordon call out in Gaelic, “‘Tis me, Mrs Gordon, Jamie lad. May I come in?”

The fact that Claire could hold only the simplest of conversations in the language and Mrs Gordon couldn’t speak a word of English or French hit me like a bolt of lightning. How much of the midwife’s instructions would she understand when she was in considerable pain and scared out of her mind?

I could do something. I could help Claire.

I planted a kiss on Claire’s forehead and somehow got her to let go of me. There was a spring in my step as I crossed the room, for I now had something to do that would maybe ease Claire’s pain: I could translate.

A midwife’s job was to help women give birth, aye?

Then it stood to reason that by helping the midwife, I was helping Claire.

…

“This is all happening as it should, aye?” I asked Mrs Gordon a bit uneasily.

“Yes, lad.” She gave me a smile and a reassuring pat on the arm. “Things tend to take a while with the first bairn.” I flinched and she immediately apologized.

“I’m sorry, Jamie. We remember the ones we lost as we hold tight to the ones we have, aye?”

Claire’s anxious voice asked from behind me, “What did she say, Jamie?”

Covering Mrs Gordan’s weathered hand in mine, I patted it in understanding and turned to my wife, “She says all is well.”

“Maybe somewhere in there, but not the last part,” she responded with a cold look to the midwife, seeing right thru my attempt to smooth things over.

“She spoke wi’out thinking, mo nighean donn. Dinna hold it against her,” I said gently.

Her face fell as she whispered, “Faith.”

“Aye, ‘twas her we were speaking of,” I kissed Claire gently between her brows. “I gave ye my promise, and I still ken it to be true, this time will be different.”

…

About 4:00am

I wasn’t sure, but I thought we were wearing a pathway into the floor. We made the same loop again and again as Claire’s pains continued to grow closer and closer together. She clung fiercely to my right arm to steady herself as we slowly moved about the room

Without warning, she came to a sudden halt. A sort of breathless gasp escaped her lips as I heard something drip onto the floor. Claire pulled up the hem of her shift, muttering, “Damn, here we go.”

I looked down to see a small puddle growing between her feet. Quickly stepping out of the liquid’s path, I commented wryly, “Ye havena used tha’ one in a while, Sassenach.”

Fuck, as usual, had been her curse of choice in the last few hours.

Mrs Gordon shuffled over to us, commenting on the color and quantity of Claire’s waters. While this wasn’t exactly the same in foaling, I had a vague idea that this was a good sign and patted Claire reassuringly on the shoulder.

Another pain seemed to overtake Claire on the heels of the last and she pulled me towards her, groaning as she buried her face in my chest. Claire had two fistfuls of my sark that she was making good use of. Her forehead pressed against my sternum, almost as if she were headbutting me.

I wouldn’t blame her. I had gotten her into all of this, after all. It would only seem fitting that she use me in such a way

I ran my hands up and down her back, remembering how she had liked a gentle massage with some of her other pains. “I ken, a ghraidh, I’ve got ye,” I whispered soothingly in her ear.

She stiffened and before I realized what she was aiming for, she had a firm grasp of my clipeachd. I let out an undignified yelp and quickly pulled away from her.

“Smart lass.” Mrs Gordon cackled as she moved about the room, “She knows what she’s about. I’m surprised she’s waited this long to do that to you.”

I stared down at my wife in mute astonishment as the creases of pain started to smooth across her brow and a small smile began to form. Not risking another go at this, I held her away from me at arm’s length. She couldn’t reach me, but I could reach her.

“What was that?” She asked, slightly panting as she tried to catch her breath.

“She says she’s surprised ye havena done tha’ wi’ every pain,” I translated.

Mrs Gordon was still grinning as she arranged her necessary items for the fourth time on the table and I wondered how much trouble the two of them could get into if they spoke the same language.

Claire’s voice pulled me back to her, “You hadn’t said anything stupid enough to warrant it before now.”

All I had said was ‘I ken’ and ‘I’ve got ye!’ I’d reassured her many times with the second phrase, so I assumed she had taken offense to the first… I suppose I didn’t really know what she was going thru.

“You are the first husband I’ve ever had attend his bairn’s birth.” The midwife turned to me, hand on her hip as she looked me up and down. Her eyes were filled with amusement and satisfaction. “You must be quite the lover if she wants you here, being she knows well ‘tis your lovemaking that got her into this mess. I’m impressed, most men run for the heather at the first opportunity. A master ironmonger himself couldn’t have made a created a stronger set than yours.”

She winked at me and added, “Very impressed indeed, Jamie lad.”

I was still trying to decide whether I should ignore her comment or reply when Claire half laughed, half groaned. Looking down, I found the corners of her lips tugging upwards thru her pain.

“You have to tell me what she said to make you blush like a schoolgirl.”

Rubbing the back of my neck in embarrassment, I gave her the rough idea of what Mrs Gordon had said. A full smile broke out across Claire’s face as leaned into me. “She’s right about one thing,” she whispered, copying how I rolled my ‘r’s. “You are a verra good lover, indeed.”

I smiled ruefully, wrapping my arms around her. She loved to mimic my burr and I loved to hear her try it.

“But,” she paused, her eyes soft, “It’s your heart of gold that’s keeping you here.”

She pulled my lips to hers in a kiss warm with affection, one that spoke of the emotions and desires we weren’t able to put into words.

…

Around 6:00 am

I gently lifted Claire onto the bed, my heart breaking as I watched her desperately search for a comfortable position. Her brow was permanently furrowed now, the lines of pain never really relaxing between contractions. She became more and more agitated by the second, prompting me to perch beside her on the mattress.

“Please,” Claire looked to me as she grabbed hold of my arm, “Sit behind me.”

Carefully and slowly, I inched my way between her and the pillows. I backed up against the headboard to give me as much room behind her to adjust in as possible, then slid my arms about her. She melted into me immediately as her body touched mine.

“I’m here, mo chridhe.”

She nodded, her eyelids lowering as she concentrated on what her body was telling her.

I looked up as Mrs Gordon slid nimbly onto the bed. She lifted the hem of Claire’s shift up and placed a calm, reassuring hand on her thigh as she, presumably, checked how things were going. “You’re doing wonderful, lass.”

A small measure of relief washed thru me as I heard the words.

This woman had brought half of Beauly into the world. If she said things were going well, then I had no reason to doubt her. I gently placed my hand atop the swell of the bairn to tell Claire the woman’s words when another pain began to build. I felt the muscles of Claire’s abdomen contract, astonishing me with the strength and force of it.

Her eyes flew open and she pressed her shoulders into me. “I don’t want to do this, Jamie!” she cried.

I met Mrs Gordon’s gaze and she smiled, assuring me that all was well.

“Aye, a graidh, I ken ye dinna,” I crooned in her ear as I helped her shift into a more comfortable position, “but ye must. The bairn will be here soon.”

Her voice was unlike I had ever heard it, so completely overwhelmed in her pain and fear. “No!” she insisted.

I carefully turned her in my arms until she could see me. She looked past me, fixated on a spot behind my head on the wall. I lifted my hand to her cheek and gently brushed away her tears as I lowered my lips to hers. “We’ll do this together, aye?” I whispered, “I’ll be yer strength when ye need me.”

Her lips quivered as she replied, “I always need you.”

…

“I can’t push anymore, Jamie,” Claire whimpered in my arms, “I think he’s stuck.”

Claire had responded with the strength of ten men to her body’s urge to push again and again. The midwife praised her with every effort and so, in turn, had I, but she was quickly becoming discouraged.

“No, mo nighean donn, the bairn is big but the midwife says he is almost here.” I murmured, “All is well.”

“I want to be done. I just want to hold my baby, Jamie,” Claire begged as she lifted her hand to my cheek.

I took hold of it, kissing it gently, then moved it lower to show her the miracle that I could now begin to see. Brushing her fingertips against the small bulge that was starting to emerge, I whispered. “He will be here soon, mo chridhe.”

A low, guttural sound came from Claire as she started to bear down once more.

“That’s the way, lass,” Mrs Gordon encouraged as she took hold of Claire’s feet, eyes fixated between my wife’s legs. Claire dug her fingers into my thighs, tipping her head back as she let out a sound that made the very blood within me run cold.

I relayed the midwife’s instructions with half a brain, translating to the best of my abilities as I realized that was my child’s head exiting my wife’s body.

“Well done, verra well done!” I praised as slowly, but steadily, the bairn’s head was born. “Jest one more an’ he’ll be here, mo ghraidh.”

…

The midwife beamed as she announced “You have a beautiful daughter!”

“She’s a lass, Claire,” I whispered, finding it hard to breathe as Mrs Gordon placed the her in Claire’s outstretched arms.

The bairn out another lusty wail as she told us just what she thought of being born.

“Shh, love.” Claire crooned, “Mama’s here.”

I have a daughter.

My hand shook as stroked my bairn’s cheek for the very first time, “Oh God, Claire, she’s beautiful.”

#Outlander #outlander fanfic #pearls plaids and pistols au #chapter six #tuesday's child #jamie's pov #jamie pov #another pov

196 notes · View notes

magnoliasinbloom · 5 years

Text

Lullaby

~~~

Claire finds herself pregnant and her life changed forever. Who will truly be there for her when she needs it?

~~~

AO3 :: Previously

Chapter 1

The pregnancy test showed two pink lines. Not even I could have fooled myself into thinking it was only one. There was the second one, insolent and bold. If I squinted my eyes, it looked paler, but not really. The tears came soon after, blurring everything in front of me. Oh God, no no no.

This is it, I thought, my life is over. What am I going to do? I slid down the bathroom wall until I was sitting on the floor, sniffling and crying. I was almost eighteen, about to start nursing school. I had it all planned out. My sobs threatened to overcome me, so I pressed my hand over my mouth hard. They turned into a stifled choking, a sound more like a wounded animal than a human might make. Everything else was too quiet around me, it was so late. If anyone had heard me, they would think I was crazy. And they would probably be right.

Waiting for that stupid test to tell me whether I was pregnant or not had been the longest, hardest two minutes of my life. I spent those two minutes reading the instructions on the box over and over, making sure that I would not misinterpret what I saw on the test. I’d thought it was bad enough going to a drugstore, way out to the far end of Glasgow where no one knew me, just to buy a pregnancy test, but I’d had no idea this was how it would turn out. I’d paced outside Boots in the freezing parking lot, getting up the courage to go inside up to the counter. And then that second line had appeared in the little window, next to the other pink stripe. In that moment, I felt something infinitesimal shift inside me, bending but not breaking. Then my heart started racing, my heart pounded, and the crying began.

A thousand different thoughts swirled inside my mind, each fighting for my attention, but there was no room for anything except my phone. I had to leave the bathroom to find it. I gripped the plastic indicator that had just turned my life upside down, tiptoeing out of the bathroom, even though I knew my parents slept like the dead.

I didn’t know what I was going to tell him, or how. I was afraid of what he might say. Bloody hell, I hated talking on the phone. But it was three in the morning, and there was no one else to talk to. I reached for the mobile like it was a snake, ready to bite me. I decided to hide in my tiny closet, locking the bedroom door behind me for good measure. I sat on the floor, not even bothering to turn on the light. The pregnancy test lay next to me. I called him.

It rang once, twice, three times… a fog tried to creep into my mind, a grey cloud riddled with anxiety as the mobile continued to ring and there was no answer. I prayed it wouldn’t go to voicemail. Nothing made me feel stupider than leaving a message. Normally I wouldn’t have, but this was urgent. I had to talk to him now; I needed to hear the only voice capable of rebuilding my world. Six, seven…

“Claire?”

“This isn’t happening, please tell me it’s not true.” The sound of his voice unraveled me completely. I hugged my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth. I started crying in earnest now, and even though I knew I was scaring him I couldn’t help it. I tried to find the right words to start with, but my mind went blank. He probably thought somebody died. I wanted to die.

“Calm down, what’s wrong?” His worried tone was soothing.

“Frank, it’s just that—that—I took a test, and it’s positive. It’s positive, I’m pregnant.”

“What? You’re pregnant?” He sounded confused, and I didn’t blame him.

“I took a home pregnancy test and there’s two pink lines. The box says it means I’m pregnant, but sometimes these things can be wrong. Should I take another one? Do I go to the doctor? What do I do?” I started to shake uncontrollably, the phone slipping from my sweaty hands. Cold shivers ran down my back, and I wasn’t sure whether it was shock or actual cold.

“Wait, wait, calm down.” Frank inhaled slowly and exhaled. God, I didn’t need him to break down, too. I could barely deal with my semi-controlled hysteria; I couldn’t handle his as well. “Everything’s going to be fine, don’t worry. Take it easy, Claire. Tell me.” His voice only shook slightly; that was good, very good.

“They’re going to kill me, they’re going to kill me!” They being my parents, of course. “Do you think they’ll kick me out? I have nowhere to go! I don’t have money of my own yet, Frank, I won’t be able to go to nursing school. How am I going to get a job? They’ll never hire a pregnant teenager!” All these thoughts stalked me, waiting for me to acknowledge them in my panic. I banged my head softly against my knees, fresh tears coursing down my face.

“Claire, it’s alright. Don’t cry.” I wondered how he could manage to be that calm. Maybe he was in a better state of denial than I was. “You’re not alone—I’m here with you. Listen to me, yes?”

Frank hadn’t hung up on me. He was still talking to me. This was good. A measure of relief flooded through me, and I thought I could breathe a little better. “You’re not mad?” I hated to ask, but I had to know. Becoming a father at eighteen was not ideal, either.

“No, I’m not mad. Actually, I think I’m kind of happy.” Frank laughed a little then, but quickly remembered that I was on the verge of a breakdown. “Is that what you thought?”

“Of course I did! I thought a million things!” I hissed. “What am I—what are we going to do? I’m all for a woman’s right to choose, you know that, but… just so you know, an abortion is not the choice for me.” There, I’d said it.

“I know, we’re not discussing that. What do you think we should do?”

“That’s just it, I don’t know. When do I tell my parents? How do I tell my parents?” I started crying in those annoying, choked little whimpers. “What if they throw me out?”

“They won’t throw you out, Claire. They love you, for God’s sake.”

“It’s a possibility I have to consider. Where would I live?” Where would we live, I corrected myself mentally. There were two of us now. I tried to wipe the tears away, but my pajama sleeve was already soaked.

“You could always live with me,” Frank suggested. He was lodged in university housing, and I had no idea how a baby would fit in the tiny apartment. “I can get a job as a research assistant to make ends meet. You could also find work, until the baby’s born.”

“Of course. I mean, we’re in this together, right?” The sense of relief at Frank’s response had left me feeling weak and hollow. I didn’t mind the hollowness, as long as it came with a brief reprieve for my fears.

“We are. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of things. I think your parents will be over the moon about a grandchild. You’ll see.” Frank yawned. “Try and get some sleep. The both of you.”

“Okay,” I laughed uneasily. “I’ll try. Love you.”

“Sleep. Bye.”

I held the mobile tightly in one hand, so hard I thought it might crack. With the other, I searched blindly for the pregnancy test. It was going to be a long wait until morning. Things felt only half-resolved. We hadn’t made any hard and fast decisions. That bothered me, lying like a heavy coat over my shoulders. The weight of a new burden.

But there was still time to talk. Nine months of time, to be precise. I have no idea how I was able to fall asleep that night. I wrapped the test in a wad of tissues and hid it in my nightstand drawer. I curled up on my bed and let my misery have me. I cried for me, for the baby, for my family, for everything that was about to change. I tried to distract my mind, to keep from thinking about the fact that there were two of us lying in the bed now. Exhausted from all the crying, I finally fell asleep. I would never be the same Claire that slept in this bed again.

One last thought crept in as I drifted away: How am I going to tell Jamie?

~~~

A/N: I’ve always thought about the dynamics of Claire being pregnant and Frank as the father. The focus is usually on Frank raising another man’s child. What if the tables were turned?

This story has been written for awhile--years, in fact. It’s all written out, so I can post every Saturday, while “The Midwife: Arc II” is in the works. Takers?

#outlander #outlander fanfic #outlander au #jamie and claire #lullaby 1 #trust me #yes Claire is almost 18

112 notes · View notes