#all that combined with jack's general trust issues & traumas & need to keep people at a distance means he's allergic to genuine feelings | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queen--kenobi · 2 months

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NSFT ALPHABET: WARDEN OF THE WEST!ELAYNA

Real quick. General content warning in that, obviously, this is NSFT. But also. A lot of Elayna’s feelings about sex are skewed by the fact she was actively fighting in a war from 12-14, and she is also the cause for said war. So. Nothing is explicitly stated but be warned that Elayna might have some trauma response that might strike a chord

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Okay so. This is necessary for Elayna. It's not optional. Elayna doesn't open up to a lot of people to begin with, and it takes even more to get to the point of sleeping with her. Even then, Elayna gets insecure and can even bet anxious. It doesn't matter how vanilla the sex is, Elayna needs aftercare

All that being said. Once Elayna feels safe and reassured, she's extremely cuddly. She lets her defenses down and is just. Ridiculously clingy but in a cute way. She'll literally lay on top of her partner when they say they should get up and forbid them from leaving. Yes, she will jokingly try to pull rank if they say they have to leave anyway. Forehead kisses and a promise to come right back will buy her cooperation

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Mmmmmhhhhhhmmmmm. Elayna likes her ass and legs. They don't have too many scars on them, and she likes the presence of muscle there

On her partners? Hands, particularly fingers, are the first thing she notices. She watches for dexterity from a practical standpoint. At least, that's what she says. Also, eyes and jaw. She spends a lot of time looking for micro-expressions, so she naturally notices them

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

So. This is a complicated one. Because, well. Elayna has a raging breeding kink but also has trust issues the size of Texas. So she's not exactly down for her partner coming inside her. She was married briefly, but they never had a child partially because of this

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Honestly? Would love to be eaten out while on the throne at Casterly Rock. I'm just gonna say it

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Semi-experienced? Even though she was 13-14, she married her betrothed early to set their alliance. Obviously no one expected them to have kids until she was 16. They did fuck regularly but never got super adventurous

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Lotus! She loves the level of control it provides on her end while also making intense eye contact

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Mostly serious? She can be a brat, but it takes a lot of trust and time to get to that point with her. After she's absolutely not serious. She can be a downright goober but in a cute playful way

She can be playful, though, but it's rarely in a silly fun times way

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Very well groomed. Listen, she knows part of the role she has to play now is very ostentatious and expensive so she keeps up with it. Which includes being incredibly well groomed

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very romantic. Insanely romantic, actually. She'll deny it to her dying breath, but she is so romantic during it's almost sickening

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

No ❤️

Listen, Elayna is repressed as a general rule but this Elayna??? Oh man. She's got some Issues surrounding intimacy and sex. Combine that on top of being repressed???

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay. So she's absolutely a brat and in denial of it. She's got a praise kink a mile wide. Also, body worship can literally make her fall to her knees if it's done right

Also, and she has a lot of trouble with this one, if she's into someone, she kinda wants to be reminded she's theirs. But biting can send her into a spiral so it's a little tricky. I'm saying she'd be into collaring is what I'm saying

Oh, and edging and multiple orgasms. For both of them. Like Elayna would love to get a partner to the point of multiple orgasms ngl

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Her chambers. She'll take her tent if it's a war situation, but it's almost exclusively her chambers. She does not play with people seeing her in a vulnerable state

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Biggest one is someone coming to her defense. And not just in a "Oh, I have to" way or a "how dare you talk to a lady" way. If someone comes to her defense, and it's genuine??? Dropping to one knee then and there

Quick wit, quick reflexes, and being intelligent are also turn on for her. She wants somebody who's not afraid of challenging her but doesn't do it in a way to prove themselves or get one over on her

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Oh baby. This is a long list. Strap in.

No hitting, punching, slapping, biting, or choking. No humiliation. No scat or water sports

The two biggest no nos are hair pulling and up against a wall. Elayna will get violent if either of those are attempted. The against the wall especially makes her violent because the last guy who pushed her against a wall was trying to kill her, and she ended up killing him. So, yk, she's gonna have flashbacks with that one

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Receiving for sure lmao. She doesn't like to give because of some unresolved issues. She'll do it, but it's got to be on her terms

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Okay so. It depends on her mood and how much she trusts the other person? Usually it's slow and sensual but not vanilla if that makes sense? Sex is an experience to her and also a sign of full trust so she doesn't want to rush it. And she's not into being really forcefully manhandled so that complicates things

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Oh God no. Don't get me wrong, sometimes she wants one, and I think she's probably done a couple quickies but. She'd much rather wait and take time for it

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Again, this is a depends answer. Because if she trusts someone, she's absolutely willing to take risks. But she's got to trust that person completely and utterly

She probably does want to take risks but also has so many clear boundaries it's hard to do that

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Oh, theoretically she can go for multiple! She just prefers one extended, drawn out session

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Sorta? She's okay with light props, mostly silk ties, but she's not too wild about toys? She'll use them but it's not her favorite

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh 100000000% a tease. She is a brat at heart. So she loves to tease she has so much fun with it

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

She absolutely tries to be quiet until she's given permission lmao Once she's given permission she can be loud. She tends to whine more than she realizes and makes softer noises. If she's in charge, she can be a bit of a blabbermouth ngl

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Elayna can get jealous and insecure, and so she's well versed in jealous sex. She's a fucking biter during it. She refuses to be bit, but she will bite

Also. Elayna has had some hate sex. It's not often and usually as a form of self harm because she feels so fucked up the next day but. Yeah

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

She's probably a E cup? Between putting on some weight after the war and her having muscle, she's def a high cup but small band size

Also because we're shameless about this when it comes to male characters. She's got a deep clitoral hood because why not

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Very high. Remember. She's still just a young adult in all this. She's not even 20 yet so she's insanely horny all the time. Plus she's absolutely the type to use sex as stress relief, and she is constantly being tested every day. When she's with someone she fully expects to get her back blown out at minimum every other day, every third day if things require a lot of attention. And if it's someone she trusts enough to want to have their kid? She wants to fuck before bed to wind down and then have sex in the morning

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Lmao. It takes her a while unless whomever she's with manages to coax her deep into subspace. It does get better the longer she's with someone. She'll slowly take less and less time to fall asleep, but she's never going to conk out right away

And. Let's be real. This version of Elayna absolutely uses her post nut clarity to figure out a problem that's been bothering her. She's come up with some of her most brilliant schemes that way

Tags: @writingbylee @baba-fett

#oc: elayna reyne #nsft

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booperdoopererryday · 6 years

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You Left Me--Mental Illness Discussion

So Jack played a game today called “You Left Me”, a game about loss, depression, and suicide. At the beginning of the game, he mentioned how he liked playing games like these because of the discussion it sparks in the community, and how we can all be there for each other and share our mental health struggles together. I see this as a good opportunity to share my experiences with fighting mental illness in the hope that maybe it can help someone else here <3 <3 <3

For those who don’t know me very well, I am a 22 year old bisexual girl with a disability. I am a sexual abuse victim, and grew up in an abusive home. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder (this may have changed recently), and borderline personality disorder. A possible diagnosis of atypical bipolar disorder has been brought up recently as well. I have been suffering from moderate depression since around age 14, and then in 2015, while I was in college, I had a massive breakdown and have been struggling with severe mental health issues since then. I had to drop out, move back into my abusive household, and I have been searching for help ever since.

In my experience, depression is . . . very hard to describe to others, especially those who do not share the experience. The best I can do is relate it to deep sadness, an emotion everyone has experienced. When you have a deep, deep sadness, it pulls at you, cuts into your chest, can elicit hours of sobbing and desperation and the overwhelming feeling that everything, for that moment, feels awful. That is deep, deep sadness, and it sucks majorly.

Depression, for me, is on another level.

In comparison to depression, it feels like that sadness only cut through the top maybe five layers of my heart. That’s a lot of layers, but depression starts deeper. It’s like the very center of my being has rotted, and the decay is spreading towards the surface. It is the bone-chilling, deep knowledge that something is very, very wrong. Value in anything goes missing. Things that gave me meaning and hope and life now only spark maybe a flicker of joy if I’m lucky before it dies where it started. There’s nothing inside me to catch the spark, nothing to keep it burning. Depression is death, it’s being alive while being dead, it’s the full experience of being gone while you’re not yet gone, and the burning desire for your body to follow where your soul left.

Depression is fucking serious and devastating and swallows any life you had in you. And the worst part is, oftentimes it doesn’t really feel like there’s a reason. Many times there’s not a reason, it’s purely the chemicals in your brain, as Jack said in the video today. Sometimes it’s purely that you’re in that shitty of a situation. Most of the time, it’s some kind of combination of both. But mental illness is just that: an illness. It is something in your body (in this case, specifically your brain) that isn’t working properly. In cases where it’s chemical, it’s that there’s an imbalance of the receptors in your brain that allow you to feel happy. In other cases, it may be that because of your upbringing, or trauma, or other situations in your life, your brain has made neural pathways incorrectly, and has developed in a way that makes it next to impossible to cope with situations and events. NEITHER OF THESE THINGS ARE YOUR FAULT. And again, often enough it’s both of these that cause depression.

It’s very hard to believe when you feel this way that there’s any help or any way out. I personally struggle with suicidal thoughts on a daily and many days hourly basis. I cry, a lot. A lot. I feel despair, I lash out in anger at those I love in a desire to self destruct, I self harm. It’s hard, it’s really, really, REALLY goddamn hard, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise because they are wrong. It’s. Hard.

However, it’s important--so, so, SO important--to know that the options available are meant to be taken advantage of. I know there’s a lot of stigma around medication and therapy and such. But here’s the thing--this is literally an illness. And even if there’s no “cure” per se, there are treatment options to ease the pain. And some things CAN be cured. Not all mental illness can be, but some can. And all others, you can find coping skills and medication and therapy to make life enjoyable again, livable again. I have borderline personality disorder, which is nonmedicable. This means that medicine will only go so far with my condition and won’t fix the problem. The best thing for me is therapy, and some medication to ease the pain. Not remove it, but ease it, bring it to a manageable level, a place where I CAN deal with it instead of drowning in it. Most people discount medication and therapy because the first one they tried didn’t work. Maybe they had a shitty therapist who couldn’t handle the full weight of their illness (I have been turned away by therapists who, they themselves, admitted they were not qualified to handle my particular level of crazy XD XD XD), or maybe the first medicine they took actually made things worse (this happens, it’s called the blackbox effect). The thing I want to urge to those of you reading this who have had that experience is: please please please do not let it end there. Help IS worth seeking out, I swear to you. It might take time to find the right fit--that’s normal for both therapy and medication. One size does not fit all, and luckily there are MANY options to explore. It’s taken me a lot of digging to find medicine that works a teensy bit, and a therapist who finally is giving me what I need. I’m not even close to better right now, but I’m working on it. I’m getting there. Because I cannot allow myself to be killed by this.

I cannot allow myself to be a casualty of mental illness.

This is a thing you have to fight. And holy shit do you have to fight hard. It is NOT easy. It’s not even close to easy. It’s the hardest thing you will ever have to do, by miles. You will want to give up, sometimes daily. You might even try to give up. I know I have. But you can’t. You need to keep going, because I promise you the way will get easier. I won’t promise you there’s a point where you will be cured--this will be true for some of you, but I’m not disillusioned enough to think it’s true for all. It’s probably not even true for me, considering my specific brand of mental illness.

BUT DO NOT LET THAT STOP YOU FROM TRYING AND FIGHTING.

If anything else, do it out of fucking spite. Spite of the people who hurt you, spite of the illness that’s tearing you apart from the inside, spite at the very fact that you were born when you didn’t ask for it. Don’t let them win. Don’t let it have victory, because FUCK that. You can have a life worth living, even if it’s downright shitty for long stretches of it. But it can be worth it, and don’t you dare let your brain and life experiences and even people lie to you about that.

Sorry I know I was rambling. But this is so damn important. And we need to be there to support each other through this. And for those of us who need the support, it’s important to not ONLY rely on friends and family--although absolutely do this as well, please seek out support from your loved ones!!!--but to also seek help from professionals. We, as friends/family/community members, can provide love, and care, and gentle urging in the direction towards healing, but we cannot do what professionals have spent their lives learning how to do. We cannot fix the problem, we cannot kill the beast, but by hell are we going to stand by you and fight it with you. We will not leave you alone. <3 <3 <3

So please, if you struggle with mental health of any kind--reach out to a doctor or a therapist or a psychiatrist. Tell a trusted adult if you are unsure of how to go about this. Reach out to your close friends, family, significant other; let them know what’s happening and what you need. Work, work hard, and please please please don’t give up. Call a helpline if you are in crisis, and if you are planning to do something you cannot ever take back, please go to a hospital or call 911. I have been in the psych ward before, and it’s not the most fun place to be, but it’s far from the worst, and you have full access to all the help you need, and it can be enough just to keep you alive a smidge longer. And all those days you can manage to keep going add up over time, and you’ll be shocked at how far you’ve come.

I love you all, and you can leave an ask in my askbox if you want specific advice or clarification on anything I’ve said in here. And reach out to others in the community. And for those of you who aren’t going through this right now, or are in the space to help anyone you see who is struggling, please support each other. <3 <3 <3 This is what PMA is really about--it’s about the fight, and about the support.

You can do this. I promise you, you have it in you, even when you don’t feel like you do. It wouldn’t be called courage if there was no fear present in the first place. <3 <3 <3

~Jillian <3

#jacksepticeye #mental health #you left me #i love you guys so much #sorry for the rant lmao

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