#all reduced to smth to get off to. merely an objects. and empty shell. that is the ways of the world. nothing to be done abt it
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#idk how to even express this or put it into worlds but it is lying right under my skin and itching so i need to try#i dont feel safe in the world. anywhere. i dont wanna leave my home. i dont wanna be outside and interact w ppl#i want to minimize all interactions w ppl bc ppl are DANGEROUS and unsafe#everytime i find myself alone in a room w a man wheteher he's a doctor or physical therapist my entire body wants to flee. nd shut down#even if it's 1 in 1000 that smth will happen just then#and almost every single time it goes fine. im under so much anxiety and fear during that entire session#whenever im out for my late night walks in nature and i hear a sound im on edge the entire way home bc i can imagine a 1000 bad things that#could happen#so on so forth there are countless scenarios like these it'd take me too long to recount all of them#but also.. the knowledge that this is just how it is. this is the ways of the world. everyone knows it. nothing to be done abt it...#it's sould crushing to be aware of that. nothing to be done abt it.... nothing at all. it is what it is#it is ridiculed. enjoyed. fetishized. etc etc etc#it always ends w victims dont matter. not the feelings or trauma or opinions or voices.#all reduced to smth to get off to. merely an objects. and empty shell. that is the ways of the world. nothing to be done abt it#and nowhere is safe. ppl are either perpetrators themselves. or they are defenders of it. or contributers to the surrounding culture#no one at all in the world can be trusted. no one is safe. no one cares. no one will do anything other than#ridicule u. blame u. trigger u. defend the acts of abusers. that is the truth of humanity#the truth of the world. it's all built on this. there is no other reality nor truth#and other people are capable of accepting it so well. like they dont care. bc they dont care abt anything actually#but i just cant accept it. i'd rather die than live in this world. and why should i live when i'll always be alone because#no one. is. safe. no one can be trusted#they're all on the vicious cruel abusive side. they all are. nobody cares abt wrongdoings or abuse or pain inflicted. nobody does#nobody cares at all abt what happened to u. they'll keep upholding the abusive systems in place.#bc u dont matter. u never have and never will#i dont wanna go outside or be around ppl bc no one is safe. theyre all against your safety comfort and wellbeing. they all love suffering#i hate ppl bc they all contribute to abuse and rape and everything bad happening all the time. they do not care. no sympathy or compassion#nothing abt this world or humanity is good or kind. it is all cruel harmful venom.
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