#again this fic depicts a BPD split so be safe yall | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

artsyriv · 6 months

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TAZ NC Day 5- Promise

Wanted to do a Lupcretia piece, and ended up projecting onto my girl Lucretia. While there are no trigger warnings really applicable to this piece, please be aware that Lucretia in this is suffering from a mental health episode, implied to be BPD. I want everyone to be safe, this is based on my own experience with the disorder. Story below the keep reading line :)

Lup was like a dream. She drifted between the billowing curtains, the sheer ones that let all the light in--a stark contrast to the heavy duty ones Lucretia preferred with her sleep schedule--, and danced to music that no one else could hear. Lucretia's hands ached, to draw her, to hold her, to write about her, anything at all. But she was stuck. She was paralyzed. Lup said something Lucretia couldn't quite catch, and she turned to look at her but Lup had no face. And then Lucretia woke up.

It was familiar now, the nightmares that came from losing Lup to the world. Barry was still looking, as was Taako, and Lucretia found herself paralyzed in indecision. Their plan was clearly not working, but she didn't want to be the one to bring it up, she couldn't be the one to bring it up. It would destroy Taako, destroy Barry.

Plus she had promised.

Lup laid across Lucretia's lap, the casualness making Lucretia's heart flutter. She felt whole with Lup, the sort of belonging that she only felt when she was emotionally dependent on a person. She knew it was terrible. She couldn't stop.

Lucretia was an emotional person, given to bouts of finding everything good or bad, black and white. Lup was an anchor in the storm, reminding Lucretia why she still tried so hard to be around. Why she still took the time to record everything. Lup was stable in a way that Lucretia never was, despite Lup's chaotic upbringing and Lucretia's perfect one. It seemed perfect from the outside anyways.

It was after a stolen kiss, well, not stolen, but it felt that way to Lucretia. Any physical affection had to be stolen as there was no way to receive it from others honestly. Barry knew about them, he even made it clear to Lucretia that this was ok with him, but laying in bed with Lup with legs tangled always felt like a betrayal somehow. She always felt as though she was betraying others.

It was after a stolen kiss when Lup made her promise. "Hey Luc," her golden eyes had been earnest in the moment Lucretia could meet her gaze, "if anything happens to me, I need you to promise me that you won't run this time."

"I wouldn't run." Lucretia argued, knowing in her mind that she had a bigger plan, although the shape of it was still rough. "That's not what I would do."

"Well, what would you do?" Lup leaned against the wall, crossing her arms and smiling. "Got some big plan that no one knows about?"

"I wouldn't do it." Lucretia looked at the ground, at their shoes.

"But?"

"But I would go back to my plan."

"Then promise that."

"Promise what?"

"That you won't enact that plan."

"I promise." She meant it at the time too. Lup had smiled and taken her hand, and they had run onto the deck together, and Lucretia had meant it.

But that was when Lup was here, when Lup was safe. When Lucretia was relatively stable and had an anchor. She knew she should have developed some coping skills, some way to cope with what her brain put her through, but her coping skill had been Lup, and Lup was gone.

She had promised though.

Lucretia took a deep breath, tucked a braid behind her ear and decided. She had broken promises before, so what was one more? After all, they would never remember after this anyways.

She began to redact.

#taz balance #taz fanfic #taz november celebration #lupcretia #taz lup #taz lucretia #again this fic depicts a BPD split so be safe yall

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