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reidscanehand · 3 years

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She’s Gonna Save Me

RCH 3K Celebration

Song Fic Inspired by “Jackie and Wilson” by Hozier

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x BAUfem!Reader

Category: Fluff with a light smattering of angst

TW: mentions of typical CM violence, cursing, legal adults drinking alcohol

I was really nervous when I got this request because I fucking love this song and I was worried it would be too literal, but...it kinda worked perfectly? (Spoilers) So, this is kind of set in Season 11 and 12? I include Derek’s retirement, the stuff with SWAT from “The Storm”, and Hotch entering WITSEC with Jack in Season 12, and the end of that arc at the top of Season 13. This is exactly the ending I’d want for Agent Hotchner (also an implied (better; healthier) ending for Spencer). Thank you for the anon request and I hope you like it! xx

So tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes No better version of me I could pretend to be tonight So deep in this swill with the most familiar of swine For reasons wretched and divine

When Mateo Cruz replaces Erin Strauss as the Section Chief over the BAU, Aaron Hotchner is shocked to find him almost entirely confident in the abilities of the team. It's rare - incredibly rare, actually - that Aaron attends briefings where ‘concerns’ about the team’s behavior in the field or even just questions regarding behavioral analysis don’t come up. However, that all seems to change with Mateo Cruz. Until he calls Aaron into his office.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” Aaron asks, cringing inwardly at how relieved he is that he and Cruz are almost the same age. He’s been feeling sensitive about his age lately, a side effect of breaking up with Beth, even if it had been a long time coming.

“Ah, yes, Agent,” Cruz motions to the chair across from his desk. “Please, sit.”

“Is something wrong?” Aaron asks cautiously as he sits in the chair.

“No, not at all,” Cruz assures him, “I actually have sort of a favor to ask.”

Aaron can feel his body tense, “Wh-what kind of favor?”

“It’s hardly a favor, actually,” Cruz corrects himself, “if my intuition is right.”

“What do you mean?”

Cruz fixes him with what even Aaron can admit is a convincing smile, “Her name is Agent Y/N Y/L/N. She’s desperately underused in counter-terrorism and her scores in the profiling classes are quite high-”

“She’s already in the profiling classes?” Aaron asks, suspicious of how long this little idea of Cruz’s has been brewing.

“Took them of her own accord,” Cruz says, still beaming. “Do you want to know why?”

“Um,” Aaron shifts in the uncomfortable chair, “sure.”

“She believed that behavioral analysis would help her understand the people she was chasing,” Cruz replies quietly with what he clearly believes to be a winning hand.

To be fair, it kind of is; an impulse like that? To study human behavior? To improve her own work ethic? Aaron doubts he’s able to cover how intrigued he really is.

“That is,” Aaron ruminates, choosing his words carefully, “promising. But-”

“Look,” Cruz leans forward, “it doesn’t have to be anything permanent. I know Callahan just left and Jareau’s out on maternity leave.”

“Well, yes, but I have interviews lined up-”

“Agent,” Cruz interrupts him, a little more imperious in tone, “just give her a shot.”

She blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild Laughing away through my feeble disguise No other version of me I would rather be tonight. And, Lord, she found me just in time

Aaron still hires Dr. Tara Lewis in case you don’t work out. Luckily for him, you’re both stellar additions to the team. Even when JJ returns, it’s nice to suddenly have lots of options and opinions on the team again.

It’s not something he’s particularly proud of, but if he’d seen you, Aaron would have brooked no arguments to you joining the team. Really, had he met you first he’d have absolutley no arguments either. You’re an insanely good profiler; in fact, he finds it rather stupid that you were placed in counter-terrorism ever. He knows that, logistically, his team can’t have all the good agents, but you’re just such a natural fit to the team that it seems silly you’ve only joined it now.

The team is celebrating a successful case on the jet home when Derek asks, “Now, Y/N, how come Little Miss Profiler Extraordinaire didn’t find her way to us until now?”

“Oooh,” you reply, “that’s very sweet of you. To be honest, I don’t know. I guess I’m not exactly the stereotypical image of an FBI agent.”

That’s kind of true, Aaron reasons to himself. You’re rather absurdly pretty, if anything, which he’s sure had some misogynistic repercussions of which you’d (hopefully) been unaware when you graduated from the academy. You wear your hair long, loose and natural unless it’s necessary to pull it up. You wear a large amethyst ring on your right hand and, while you still dress professionally, you’re the closest thing to a hippie Aaron can recall seeing in the bureau walls. Since the moment you met him, Aaron’s decided that, to him, you are the embodiment of whatever is meant by “the divine feminine”; a womanly, bohemian goddess. But he doesn’t allow himself to focus on that revelation all to often.

“If you think I’m a free spirit now, you should’ve seen me then,” you joke, sipping on your champagne. The team finishes up their celebratory champagne and, likely helped by the champagne, everyone is soon dozing off. You, however, are watching the clouds outside of the window, a wistful expression on your face. Ever so cautiously, Aaron takes the empty seat across from you, thankful for the semi-privacy of the sleeping team to talk to you.

“You know,” he almost whispers, “I think I would’ve hired you when you first got out of the academy.”

“You’re being kind,” you laugh softly. “But I was barely bureau material then-”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re a great profiler,” he shrugs. He meets your eyes only to see that you look slightly taken aback.

“Thank you, Agent,” you say softly, genuinely. “That means a lot coming from you.”

“You’re more than welcome,” he replies, almost shyly. “And you can call me Hotch.”

“Hotch,” you nod, smiling sweetly. And it sounds almost perfect...almost.

“O-or you,” Aaron begins, furious with himself for suddenly deciding to go tongue-tied, “you could call me Aaron.”

“Aaron?” you clarify quietly. “I really like your name, you know. It suits you.”

“Thank you,” he whispers, a blush growing it’s way from his neck to his cheeks.

“You’re more than welcome, Aaron,” you whisper, smiling. As you doze off, Aaron realizes that he’s well and truly fucked. Because nothing has ever sounded lovelier than his name on your tongue.

'Cause with my mid-youth crisis all said and done I need to be youthfully felt 'cause, God, I never felt young She's gonna save me, Call me "baby" Run her hands through my hair She'll know me crazy Soothe me daily Better yet she wouldn't care

When you answer your hotel door, it’s all Aaron can do to keep from falling to his knees and begging for your forgiveness. After his actions today, he likely should. But when he meets your eyes, it’s clear you’ve been crying and he can barely stand the fact that he knows he’s the one that caused it.

“Agent Hotchner,” you greet coldly, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m an idiot,” he rasps, almost crying. “I never should have...I’m so sorry that I-”

“You know,” you interrupt, your voice still icy, “your inability to even admit the humiliation you put me through today is only making me realize how truly awful it was.”

“I never meant to-”

“To what?” you ask, staring at him just as fiercely as you had today. “To insinuate that I’m fucking one of your agents in front of the team? To bench me when I won’t tell you the truth even though it’s none of your business?”

“Yes,” Aaron swallows, “all of that. Y/N, I just-”

“Reid was craving,” you whisper darkly.

Aaron stops mid-sentence, eyes widening in confusion, “What?”

You take a deep breath before meeting his eyes, “I’m not in a relationship with Spencer, sexual or otherwise. I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t mine to reveal, but Spencer gave me permission to tell you after...after what happened today.”

Aaron continues to stare down at you, feeling tears gathering behind his eyes, “So...so last night when...”

“Last night,” you reply quietly, “I noticed that Reid didn’t seem okay. You sent us back here to rest and I just...had a feeling? I went to his room and the poor boy just...fell apart. The drug use in the case is reminding him of his-” you pause, taking a deep breath before continuing, “of his former addiction. He’s also going through a lot with his mom and it’s just...it’s too much. He just needed a friend.”

"I am so, so sorry,” he says quietly, feeling ashamed.

You stare at him, the ice in your eyes breaking as you take a deep sigh, “Aaron, why on earth would you...freak out on me like that? I thought we were better friends than that, let alone teammates.”

“I, um,” Aaron bites his lip. He knows exactly why, but he can’t possibly tell you; not now. Not after he made a damn fool of himself by benching you at the police precinct and then implying that his choice to bench you was due to, what he’d believed to be, your sexual relationship with Spencer. Ever since he’d seen you leave Spencer’s room this morning, he’d seen red, only now realizing just how stupid he’s been.

“Look, I get that a sexual relationship with Reid would be unprofessional,” you sigh, “but surely-”

“I was jealous,” Aaron admits. When you don’t say anything, he looks up and meets your wide eyes.

“Jealous?” You blink twice. Three times. “Why?”

“Because I’m...” Aaron takes a deep breath, “because I like you. I like you more than I should and I was upset that you...and Reid-”

“Oh my god,” you gasp.

“I’m sorry if-”

“Don’t apologize,” you say quickly. “Aaron, I’ve liked you for ages. I just thought you weren’t interested.”

Aaron can’t even process what you’ve said past the fact that you like him, too.

“You liked me?”

“Correction,” you reply, “I like you.”

“Wait...you...you still like me?” Aaron looks down at you dumbfounded.

“Well,” you smile, your tone almost teasing, “I’m not the biggest fan of what happened today, but...yes, I still like you.”

“I’m so incredibly sorry,” Aaron reitirates.

“I’m sure you’ll find some way to make it up to me,” you whisper, almost shyly.

“Could-could I maybe take you to dinner when we get home from the case?” Aaron asks, barely able to look at you.

Unexpectedly, you cup his cheek in your hand, staring into his eyes for a moment before replying, “That’s a good start.”

Lord, it'd be great to find a place we could escape sometime Me and my Isis growing black irises in the sunshine Every version of me dead and buried in the yard outside Sit back and watch the world go by. Happy to lie back watch it burn and rust We tried the world, good God, it wasn't for us.

Aaron is pretty sure Spencer has known the entire time, but has kept it to himself out of a sense of privacy the rest of the team seems to lack when it comes to discussing their bosses’ personal life. All that goes out the window when a SWAT team enters his home and places him under arrest in front of his son. At this point, his job rarely surprises him, but he can’t remember a time he’s been more infuriated with bureaucratic bullshit than now. The fact that the Department of Justice decided to listen to the claims of Peter Lewis - an incarcerated serial killer - over the sound quality of Aaron’s reputation is beyond him. It’s levels of stupidity that Aaron can’t even contemplate.

When it’s all said and done, he still feels like he’s on fire. He’s so angry and irritated that he feels like he could kill Peter Lewis with his bare hands and if not that then at least giving Timothy Ritchie, the ridiculous DOJ interrogater, a sound throttling and reporting him to any superior that would listen.

However, his anger is the last thing on his mind the moment he enters his office. Because there, curled up asleep on the sofa, are you and Jack. And suddenly nothing else matters because his entire world is in front of him and safe.

He sits next to Jack, caging him between the two of you. Your arm is wrapped around Jack’s shoulders, your head resting on top of his. Aaron’s mind has been made up for a while about you. From the moment you entered his orbit, really, but seeing you with Jack, even before you two were officially dating, just solidified it in his mind.

“Hey,” your whisper takes him out of his reverie.

“Hey,” he breathes. “How are you?”

“How am I?” you ask sarcastically. “What a question to ask after you were the one wrongfully arrested and interrogated all day. And, am I mistaken, or did you just take down a mass prison break?”

“Thirteen serial killers across the country got away, including Peter Lewis-”

“But you still stopped most of it,” you correct him. “Even after being interrogated for hours over something you didn’t do.”

You laugh at his awestruck expression, but Aaron can’t manage to laugh. All he can say is, “Marry me.”

You immediately stop laughing, eyes widening and eyebrows skyrocketing, “Aaron, w-what-”

“I know,” he continues, his free hand caressing your face, “that we’ve only been together for a year now, but Y/N, I’m deeply in love with you. I don’t tell you nearly enough. And after today, after this stupid, ridiculously upsetting day, all I want is you. Is this. Coming home to you treating my son like your own. Coming home to my family. Coming home to you.”

You smile at him, tears brimming in your eyes.

“Now, now,” Aaron whispers, a thumb brushing under your eyes to get rid of your tears, “none of that. I can’t have the love of my life crying.”

“The love of your life?” You whisper it so disbelievingly that Aaron almost grimaces.

“The love of my life,” he confirms. “And the fact that I haven’t made that clear is deeply upsetting to me.”

“Are you gonna marry dad?” asks a tiny, sleepy voice. You and Aaron look down in between your arms at the drowsy boy.

“Hey, Jackers,” Aaron whispers. “How are you, buddy?”

“I’m okay,” he replies, stifling a yawn. He looks up at Aaron timidly, “Are you...are you okay, dad?”

“Yes,” Aaron breathes, “and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what happened this morning. It was all a mistake, a huge mistake and-”

“Did you do something wrong?” Jack asks innocently.

“He really didn’t, sweetheart,” you reassure him. “It was all a huge misunderstanding.”

“I don’t want anyone to take you away,” Jack whispers, clearly trying not to cry, slowly encircling his arms around Aaron’s waist.

“No one,” Aaron whispers, adjusting so that he can wrap one arm around Jack and one arm around you, “and I mean, no one is ever going to take me away. You two are the most important people in my life and I will do everything in my power to make sure that we are all safe and happy and together for as long as I can.”

“Does that mean you’re going to marry Y/N?” Jack asks, slightly more excited and relieved sounding than before.

“If she’ll have me,” Aaron responds quietly, eyes meeting yours again.

“Oh, please say yes, Y/N,” Jack begs you, puppy dog eyes staring up at you.

“Yes,” says a teasing voice. The three of you jump, looking over at the doorway. The entire team, literally the entire team is there staring at you. Rossi is the one who spoke, his eyes positively gleaming, “Please say yes, Y/N.”

“If anything it’ll confirm what we’ve already suspected for months,” giggles JJ.

“Suspected?” exclaims an irate Spencer. “I knew. I told you all that they were just waiting to-”

“Just because you knew doesn’t mean you win the bet,” interrupts Penelope. “You wouldn’t let us tease them-”

“You all knew about us?” you ask incredulously.

“Of course,” Tara replies like it isn’t earth shattering news.

“You moved in together, what, a month ago?” JJ asks. At your nod, she continues, “Yeah we’ve known since about three months before that.”

“How did you know?” Aaron asks.

“That’s not important,” Rossi replies, “what’s important is whether or not you’re going to say yes.”

Aaron turns to you expectantly, “What do you say, angel?”

You look at him, eyes sparkling and a small smile working it’s way onto your lips, “Well, of course, my answer is yes.”

And as he leans over to kiss you over Jack’s cringing face, the team applauding and giggling behind you, he doubts he’s ever felt happier in his whole life.

Cut clean from the dream at night let my mind reset Looking up from a cigarette, and she's already left I start digging up the yard for what's left of me and our little vignette For whatever poor soul is coming next

The universe has a habit of punching him in the gut. And as understanding as you’d been, as much as you’d helped him and Jack as they’d gone into WITSEC, hiding out anonymously in a US suburb, it didn’t really make up for the fact that, almost the moment you’d agreed to be his forever, Peter Lewis had reappeared, becoming a far more significant threat than he’d ever been before - even showing up at Jack’s school. The two of you said goodbye with the understanding that the moment Peter Lewis was no longer a threat, you’d be together again.

And it wasn’t all bad. Homeschooling Jack and getting to be a full time dad for the first time made him realize how much he’d really missed out on. Spending time with his son all day every day was exactly the kind of life he wanted for himself.

It’s a random Thursday, or, at least, random by his estimation. He’s a bit annoyed, really, that the grocery delivery he’d scheduled for later comes early. He’s in the middle of helping Jack with some math homework when there’s a knock at the door.

“Just a minute,” he calls. The knock becomes more incessant. He grows suspicious, his hand finding it’s way to the glock he still keeps strapped to his hip every day.

However, when he opens the door and it’s you, he finds himself incapable of movement. He stares at you, barely resisting the urge to pinch himself, convinced it’s a dream.

“Hi,” you rasp, your face already covered in tears.

“Hi,” he manages to reply. “W-what are you-”

“Scratch is dead,” you whisper. “Scratch is dead and-and you’re safe now and-”

But Aaron cuts you off, pulling you to him and smashing his lips into yours. You smell the same, you’re just as beautiful as ever, but it’s as though he’s experiencing it all for the first time.

“Aaron,” you breathe when you eventually pull away. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you more,” he insists.

You smile up at him, “I never want to be away from you again.”

“Same here,” he almost laughs. “You should come inside and see Jack, he-”

“Before we do anything else,” you say quietly, “I have to tell you...Aaron, these last few months have been so hard. There was so much and you weren’t there and I-”

“I’m so sorry, sweet girl,” he whispers, pulling you closer to him.

“It’s not that, Aaron,” you assure him. “You have nothing to be sorry for, but...I think it’s time for me to leave the BAU. And I know that you’ll probably want to get right back to it, but I just-”

Aaron cuts you off again, kissing you harder than before. You kiss him back, but look awestruck when he finally pulls away, pressing another kiss to your forehead.

“What on earth was that for?”

“Y/N,” he rasps, trying and failing to keep tears from falling out of his eyes. “My home is wherever you are. I want nothing more than to spend every single day of the rest of my life with you, no matter where we are or what jobs we have or-”

It’s your turn to cut him off with a kiss this time, a kiss Aaron happily smiles into as it deepens.

She's gonna save me, Call me "baby" Run her hands through my hair She'll know me crazy, Soothe me daily Better yet she wouldn't care We'll steal her Lexus, Be detectives, Ride 'round picking up clues We'll name our children Jackie and Wilson Raise 'em on rhythm and blues

It’s been nearly a year since Aaron left the BAU and it has been one of the most fulfulling of his entire life in terms of being a father, despite being stuck in WITSEC. However, when he learns about Spencer’s prison experience and the death of Agent Stephen Walker, he feels genuinely terrible, standing by your side at the funeral as you weep for your former co-worker. They’re all thrilled to see the both of you and Jack, especially since the three of you have moved so far away. It’s a sad day, though. It makes Rossi all the happier then to fuel up his private jet when Aaron invites the team to your wedding.

“Of all the places I thought you’d end up,” Spencer comments idly, “I don’t think I ever thought of Maine.”

Aaron sidles closer to the younger man, aged from the wild year he’s had, but still youthfully wistful. He follows Spencer’s gaze as the genius stares out over your backyard, the guests from the small wedding you’ve just had milling about, eating hor d’oeuvres and drinking champagne. Jack and Henry are running around having an absolute blast as Michael and Hank dance with their respective parents on the small dance floor. You flit around speaking to friends, family, and colleagues, beleaguered, Aaron’s sure, by comments about your new home. It is kind of impressive. The river rushing gently just a little ways away, Aaron’s small, but healthy vegetable patch, the beautiful white pine tree sitting in the middle of the picturesque scene. Yes, Maine has treated the Hotchners well.

“I told Y/N I wanted a place that felt fresh and new,” Aaron explains. “She wanted to move away from Virginia. We weren’t really looking at Maine specifically, but we wanted a bit of land and...we found this.”

“It’s a paradise,” Spencer whispers, so quietly Aaron’s not sure he’s meant to hear it.

“You know,” Aaron says, “we have a guest house.”

“What do you-”

“I know you can’t make any sort of permanent moves because of your mom,” Aaron assures him, “but please know that our door is always open.”

A pair of familiar and warm arms wrap around his middle and Aaron looks over his shoulder to smile down at you.

You beam up at him before turning to Spencer, “He truly means that, Spence.”

Spencer smiles at you both, pensively, before whispering “I have been thinking of...leaving the BAU.”

“There’s no shame in that,” you reassure your friend, unwrapping yourself from Aaron to grab Spencer’s hand. “After the year you’ve had.”

“Yeah,” Spencer scrunches his nose, eyes casting down to his shoes.

You press your lips together before looking back at Aaron and then smiling deeply, “Besides, we’re going to need all the help we can get.”

Spencer’s head pops back up to stare at you in confusion, “Why?”

“It may be paradise,” Aaron answers, wrapping his arms around you, “but with an eleven year old and a newborn...it could get kind of chaotic.”

Spencer’s eyes grow wide and a smile breaks across his face, “You’re...you’re going to have-”

“I’m pregnant,” you announce quietly. “And I know you’ve already got some amazing godchildren, but I’d really like our kid to have an Uncle Spence and-”

Spencer cuts you off, throwing his arms around the both of you, “Nothing would make me happier.” He kisses you on the cheek and smiles at Aaron, running off to call his mom and tell her, and maybe come up with a plan to stay in Maine for a while.

You smile up at Aaron and he can’t help but press a kiss to your nose. You giggle, “Did you ever think we’d get a happy ending like this one, Agent Hotchner?”

“Maybe not exactly like this one,” he wraps you in his arms, closer into his chest, “but I always knew you’d save my life.”

~~~

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