If Shalamayne were a Legion artifact weapon...

Why Is Nobody Questioning Sylvanas’s Motives?

I believe the direct answer to this is simple – it’s because Blizzard are not questioning them. More specifically, no character that has ever known her is questioning them. I think it’s best we take a quick recap of recent events from these characters (her former allies) perspective – from the start of BFA, none of them have a clue what Sylvanas is doing or why. They start a rebellion, still with no clue as to what she is doing, lead it to Orgrimmar, then watch her disappear as Saurfang bites it, and they are still just as clueless as ever. Then out of nowhere, they are captured by winged monsters they have never seen before, taken to a barren wasteland hell in the afterlife which they have never seen before, find out Sylvanas is behind their capture, who then takes them to Torghast to be endlessly tortured, and find out she’s in league with this uber-Titan dude of Death called ‘The Jailer’ who they have never heard of before or even knew existed. They are then gradually rescued one by one by the ‘Champion’, and in all this time…nobody asks “Why is Sylvanas doing this and why is she working with this Titan we have never even heard of”?

To date, we have got precisely one line from Thrall that barely touches this question with “I never thought Sylvanas would be a part of something like this”…and that’s it. This line is practically begging to be followed up with “Maybe we should try to find out, there must be a reason” But after this one brief enquiry, not one character even questions. And the opportunities do not end there, of course. After they have all been rescued, they all sit in Oribos doing literally absolutely nothing. Despite somehow surmising that the Jailer is basically the Satan of afterlife hell, they have no idea why he was so interested in them and, therefore by extension, why Sylvanas would go to the effort of capturing them for him. Not one of them thinks to ask the question. Moreover, not one of them thinks to explore any of the other realms to find out more about what could be driving her allegiance with the Jailer. Like maybe why the Forsworn are also allied with him, why they are fighting to keep their free will with regards to their memories, and quite literally break free of the system they are brainwashed into believing is right. Or maybe that the Jailer captured the leader of the Necrolords, the military defense faction of the Shadowlands, and has brought several Houses onto his side. Or maybe that the drought is weakening the Heart of the Forest in Ardenweald which is the very force keeping the Jailer bound. Or maybe that the leader of Revendreth is in fact an ally of the Jailer, and therefore a de-facto ally of Sylvanas. That sure sounds like a lot of information out there that could give them all some insight into her plans. But no, for an entire patch cycle they sit on their asses…and do nothing.

Then there the fact that Sylvanas tells Bolvar in the intro cinematic about “This world is a prison” and that she will “Set us all free” But does he tell anybody this very rare piece of insight into Sylvanas’s plans and motivations? Of course, he keeps this piece of information entirely to himself. Does he tell anybody “Sylvanas believes she is helping Azeroth” or “Sylvanas believes she is working towards a greater good” or “Sylvanas believes she is freeing us all from a cosmological force”? Does he even bother following up on this himself? Of course not. After all, why should anybody be told this? I mean, we all know Sylvanas is constantly showing up every five minutes to drop another truth bomb monologue about what she’s trying to do, so this little tidbit doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, we’ll just find out more whenever she next drops by. Oh, wait…

Then there’s yet another opportunity for them all to ask questions, and maybe just maybe give her the benefit of the doubt, thorough Bolvar’s vision. Bolvar and the rest all see Sylvanas telling Anduin her (admittedly vague goals) but they never question why she thinks this. She talks of “a system that has always been flawed”, of replacing it “with one that is just”, of “we never had free will” and that “we couldn’t control anything” Yet what is everybody’s response? “Oh no we must save Anduin!” and “She must be stopped”…and once again, that is it. Let us remember again that nobody here has a single clue how the Shadowlands works. They are quite literally total aliens to this realm and do not know the first thing about it. By comparison, it sure sounds like Sylvanas knows a lot about the Shadowlands and how it functions, so much so that she has sought to bring about a cosmos-sized change to it all. Faced with such revelatory information, one would like to imagine the would ask questions – “What system is she talking about?”, “Why does she believe it is broken?”, “Why does she believe free will is an illusion?”, “Is she saying our lives are predetermined?”, “Does she feel she is trying to liberate all souls in the Shadowlands?” Once again though, nobody thinks to ask the most common sense questions. Questions that would occur to practically anybody faced with such an insightful vision. Alas though, none of the major characters care. The extent of their thought process in this completely alien realm they know zero about is simply “We don’t care or understand what Sylvanas is doing. It must be bad”

With all of these major insights into Sylvanas’s motivations completely overlooked, and the entire Shadowlands at their disposal containing a metric shit ton of valuable information they are just sitting on their asses ignoring, let us remind ourselves that all of these characters, with the exception of Bolvar, have known Sylvanas for many years and, in most cases, are former allies – many from the days of Warcraft III. Assuming that Azeroth years are the same as our own, that is about 18 years of this character they have worked alongside. They may have not ever wholeheartedly trusted her, but they nonetheless know her motivations and they know her character regardless. As such, for the sake of realism and continuity, in the context of all that they know about her, we should all be expecting them to think that her alliance with the Jailer is highly unusual and makes absolutely no sense, ultimately leading to a million and one questions. But they do not. Sylvanas is somebody who they have seen defend and fight for the Horde and bolster its strength by welcoming in other allied races, over the course of many years. They know that she has saved them personally, and the Horde as a whole, at the Broken Shore. They know who she is, they have known for many years that the preservation of her Forsaken people is her greatest priority, and that their role in the Horde is integral to that. As it turns out, Blizzard is telling us through these characters complete disinterest and total radio silence – all of that history counts for nothing, not even a single question.

The characters in World of Warcraft are simply a reflection, or personification, of Blizzard’s personal views they want the rest of the playerbase to have. By having the characters we follow and interact not show any care or devote any time into carefully considering Sylvanas’s plans or motivations or even try to understand them, they are telling us we as players therefore should not care about Sylvanas’s reasons either. Blizzard have set Sylvanas up to be villain-batted so badly that whatever she does now everybody just accepts what she does without questions. This happened all through BFA and now continues in Shadowlands, and when you think back to when this villain-batting started all the way back to ‘Before the Storm’ and then carried all the way through BFA, it becomes so sickeningly crystal clear that this was part of their endgame state with Sylvanas’s character.

If nobody in-game questions her, then nobody playing does either. We as players follow the leads of the in-game characters as to how we should view and feel about others. So if none of the in-game characters are questioning Sylvanas’s motives, what anything she has said might mean, or what events might have led to her current beliefs and allegiances, then Blizzard are telling us that we should not be questioning it either. Blizzard are telling us that we should just accept that whatever she is doing is bad, evil, incomprehensibly monstrous, and that she has to be stopped. It does not matter if we actually understand why she is doing this or not, or if we don’t even understand the first thing about the realm we are in – all we need to know is that what she is doing is bad and we have to stop her, end of discussion. It’s as bland and as predictable as that. There is no nuance. There is no attempt to have some seeds of doubt or alternative perspectives offered or questions asked by anybody, to make us consider that maybe not everything is as it seems, or that maybe just maybe has a valid reason. Blizzard cannot have this because that would introduce a narrative space for people to sympathise with their most-loved character, a character they have worked tirelessly over the past three years to systematically and relentless hammer with the villain-bat beyond all recognition. They cannot introduce complexity to her motivations, or have the characters – and by extension, us the players – asking legitimate questions, because they risk her being seen as ‘right’ or as a ‘sympathetic anti-hero’ rather than the simple 2D villain they have worked so hard to mold her into, and therefore have the entire plot backfire on them (just like it did in BFA with the laughably biased Saurfang quest chain which they were forced to change). To introduce such freedom of thought would be to plant a seed of doubt, a seed that could grow into a significant portion of the playerbase relating to Sylvanas and understanding what she thinks she is trying to do (even if they do not agree with her actual methods). And that would be a disaster from Blizzard’s point of view. You can almost imagine Ion raging “What’s this? We’ve given character’s dialogue that explores why Sylvanas is doing what she’s doing and now people are starting to get on her side?! This is not what’s supposed to happen, Steve!”

Besides Blizzard having the balls to pull the most blatantly transparently deceptive long-term plan to shaft every devoted fan of Sylvanas over the past 18 years, what frustrates me just as much is the amount of people who fall for it and believe everything Blizzard is telling them at face value. And we all know, that is exactly where they want everybody – because then they do not have to ever accept or apologise for screwing over their single-biggest most popular character and writing themselves into a corner they cannot get out of.

Thoughts on... some funny games

[no spoilers to speak of]

Thoughts on Lair of the Clockwork God

The wisdom of the gaming cognoscenti insists that comedy is hard to do in video games. Having grown up with Monkey Island and Zork, I've never found this convincing. But one true thing is this: it's hard to write about comedic games. The ineffability of humor is hard enough to describe in less-interactive media; I can't even explain to my partner why Gretchen saying "I met January Jones once!" on You're the Worst busted me up, and they were sitting right next to me when she said it. Throw in the "you had to be there" nature of the player's active participation and I lose myself in a cornfield. The thing I found hilarious might come a beat to early for you, or not at all, or not be funny in text like it is in gameplay.

Why did I like Lair of the Clockwork God? It made me laugh.

The premise and particulars are a lot of "that could go either way." Ben and Dan - stars of Ben There, Dan That and Time Gentleman, Please! - have returned. Ben is still an adventure game star, but Dan has adopted platforming mechanics in an attempt to get with the times. So playing the game involves switching back and forth between a character who can leap across canyons but can't pick up items or talk to people, and one who can combine inventory but can't climb over a 3-pixel rock.

Does that sound potentially funny? Potentially grating? Yes to both!

The plot centers around our heroes trying to save the world from several simultaneous apocalypses and having to teach human emotions to a supercomputer in order to do so. (Don't ask.) These means, rather like Ben There, Dan That, traipsing through a number of fantasy worlds (read: computer simulations) until the correct emotion is provoked. This requires cross-genre cooperation: finding ways to get Ben to areas only Dan can access, getting Dan new power ups by combining objects in Ben's inventory (an act Dan insists on calling "crafting").

The best bits are at these intersections, when Dan's platforming is the puzzliest and Ben's puzzles take advantage of Dan's skills. Periodically the game gives you a Dan-centric platforming gauntlet the controls are NOT precise nor pleasant enough for, or a Ben-only moon logic puzzle that leaves you googling the walkthrough.

But I liked it! A lot. The genre-hopping seems to have invigorated the developers, Ben Ward and Dan Marshall. I discussed my favorite joke in Ben There, Dan That (in what is probably the least popular video I've ever made that wasn't asking for money), but was also dismayed that the game was never that clever again. But this one is, several times over! Progression here involves cheating your way to a better respawn zone, goofing around in game menus, exploiting "glitches," exiting out and loading up entirely other games. There is a lot of poking and prodding at what a game of this nature can or should be.

But, honestly? The only real selling point is... it was funny. The humor is as anarchic and metatextual as in previous titles, but it feels good-natured in a way BT,DT didn't. And there are, here and there, little bits of meat on its bones - the characters wondering if, as a couple thirtysomething white guys, the world hasn't left them behind, no longer comfortable with the juvenile humor of their youth but not really understanding the youth of today, but having not yet fully escaped the mentalities they used to hold. (There's an unspoken humor to Dan's idea of "modern" gameplay being 2D platforming mechanics, especially at a time when adventure games are significantly more popular than on his last outing; this is a good joke whether or not it's intentional.)

Also: this game contains the most poignant urinating-on-a-grave puzzle in gaming history, and you may quote me on that.

Having finished it months ago, I can't even remember what all the gags were that tickled me at the time. Comedy fades from memory faster than drama or frustration. Mostly I just remember having a good time.

Thoughts on The Darkside Detective

Here's a hook: sometime after the mayhem ends in Ghostbusters, The Exorcist, Evil Dead 2, or some other paranormal blockbuster that you watched over and over in the 90's until the VHS wore out, some overworked detective has to come into your town and piece together what the hell happened.

This is his story.

It's a good gag, and the devs wring every drop from it. Existing in a world where these things are commonplace and you have to fit them into some notion of "police procedure" is just funny. Like, it's one thing to have a running gag where you keep observing the moon in outdoor scenes, commenting, with increasing hostility, that its behavior is suspicious (it has been present at multiple crime scenes); it's a slightly different thing when, given the things you've encountered, the moon being the Big Bad is actually somewhat possible.

The game is divided into six main cases and three bonus DLC missions (which come included in the base game now, and the third of which is the proper ending/setup for the sequel). You are the cop tasked to deal with The Other Side - and, when The Other Side bleeds into our own world, its cops have to deal with you. You have a sidekick with a mental maturity of about 6, which I guess makes you the straight man. (You have to grade on a curve to find a straight man in this game.) And you solve tasks like rounding up escaped gremlins or finding an AWOL lake monster all juxtaposed with mundane problems like inter-office squabbles and having not bought your Christmas presents early enough. It's (pleasantly) lo-res and sparsely isolated, so the dialogue and premise do most of the work, but they are ably up to the task.

The gameplay... not so much. I'm an adventure game lifer, so I can put up with a lot of nonsense. It's mostly straightforward inventory puzzles and occasional minigames. Most of the puzzles are fine enough. As the cases progress, things get more involved, and the DLCs especially involve some awful moon logic. And the minigames are not above using that same jumping peg puzzle you've solved in a dozen other games already. So gameplay ranges from serviceable to irritating, but it mostly exists to string together funny lines and silly images. (Christmas mall elves being secretly in service to Krampus - that's the kind of thing we're talking about here.) You won't feel much guilt for opening up a walkthrough; the puzzles aren't why you're here.

The sequel has just been released, and both games are cheap, so check them out if you feel like smiling.

Thoughts on The Procession to Calvary

It's rare for a game to be hilarious to look at.

The Procession to Calvary takes its name from the Bruegel painting. It also takes all it's graphics from Renaissance oil paintings, and the designer delights in making famously rendered heroes and religious icons steal, stab, fart, and swear.

A strong Terry-Gilliam-with-After-Effects vibe is what we're describing.

You play as a lady knight from a war that's just ended, which sucks for you because, in this age of peace, you're no longer authorized to kill. And killing's, like, you're whole thing. But the one person your new, pacifist king wouldn't stop you from killing is the warlord you just deposed, who fled to the South. So you embark on a nonsensical journey to seek out the one human on Earth you are authorized to kill, because killing is just The. Best. Ever.

Of the three games we're discussing, this is the most overtly cheeky, and, at times, the most scatological. I could've done with a bit less scatology, if I'm being honest, but the cheekiness is very winning. As with Lair of the Clockwork God, a lot of jokes could go either way - a field of people being tortured and a woman on a blanket selling commemorative torture merch could be painfully try-hard. But something about the victims being seemingly everyone ever crucified or broken on the wheel in a famous painting, and having them writhe on their crosses in a way that is both gruesome and goofy, and having a cacophonous soundtrack of their screams and moans that you will now imagine every time you look at one of those elegantly elegiac paintings from now on... it works. That the music score is being played by an extremely jaunty piper who dances behind you just out of sword's reach as you traverse the field pushes it over the top.

Oh, and the puzzles, while never hair-pullingly obtuse, will leave you stumped at times. Push past that to get the proper ending, but, if you're sick of trying, you can, at any point, just start stabbing your way through problems. Which, again: it takes a very deft touch to make "protagonist resorts to violence" actually funny rather than lazy and obvious. And maybe, in another game, the perfect timing of every animation, the clever quips, the careful contrast of cathedrals and high-society music halls with gleeful sword-swinging wouldn't be enough. But something about it being frickin' Renaissance paintings carries it the last mile.

This is probably the basest game of the three, but it's also the one that made me giggle the most. Having a BFA that required several art history classes may have something to do with it. But check this thing out.

Drustvar and the Light (my desperate case for Kul Tiran Light worship)

A while ago I wrote a post for /r/warcraftlore (that got expanded into a forum post) that examined religion in Kul Tiras in each zone. Some new things have come out since I wrote it and so I wanted to update it and post it here. It mostly focused on the Tidesages and the new lore we’d been given with them (BfA had just come out), but also poked at Tidesage influence in Tiragarde. 

Drustvar, though, was interesting to look at. There’s no Tidesage influence to speak of anywhere in the zone- not a single NPC or building they use for their religion. this could be attributed to how most of the zone seems to be fallen to the Heartsbane Coven (and the Tidesages could be among those killed). Even in Fallhaven - which had yet to see any deaths to the witches and is close to the sea - there is no Tidesage. This one’s a doozy, continue under the jump.

On top of the curious lack of their presence in Drustvar, there’s also burial practices to consider- usually strongly tied to religion. In the Tidesage religion, burial seems to be less important than the collection of souls- to lay their dead to rest in Stormsong Valley, the Tidesages perform a ritual to let the souls flow through the Shrine of the Storm. There are no graveyards throughout the entire zone there, only tidesage markers for players to spawn at. Tiragarde Sound has some graveyards, but they are small and many of them do not even have stone grave markers, only wooden ones.

Drustvar, once again, is the odd one out. Not only does it have numerous graveyards, but it has Kul Tiras’ largest cemetery, Barrowknoll. In Barrowknoll, there is a small quest chain dealing with the Coven raising the strongest spirits of the dead (the Defenders of Drustvar) and putting them into wicker constructs. It seems that here, the souls and bodies rest together- meaning they are not released into the sea by Tidesages at all.

Overall, Barrowknoll is quite reminiscent of the places that Light-worshipping cultures lay their dead to rest, as shown behind Stormwind Cathedral, in Gilneas, at Sorrow Hill and Light’s Hope, and even the redone Arathi Highlands. It features the entrances to crypts (though they are blocked off by gates), and gravestones that are overall of high quality, unlike the simple wooden markers we see in Tiragarde. Most importantly, it resembles Forgotten Hill in Tol Barad- an island once under the control of mages from Kul Tiras.

One last curious burial bit is out in Corlain’s graveyard, on the other side of Drustvar. While most of the gravestones there are the standard models used in Whitegrove, one particular one stood out because paladin players walk past it in their class hall. It features a hammer and a libram- a statue that is meant to mark a paladin of the Silver Hand. Considering that Blizzard created brand new models for gravestones to use in both the Arathi Highlands and Kul Tiras, it strikes me as strange that they’d unintentionally place a single paladin’s marker in a graveyard in Drustvar. We may have had a paladin hail from Drustvar at some point and be buried in their homeland.

There’s more beyond simple burial practices, though. I mentioned the Defenders of Drustvar before, who were powerful spirits being raised by the Coven who had presumably been past heroes. Among them is a woman named Mercy Fairwater. She is one of the few NPCs in Kul Tiras to mention the Light expressly, saying “Light’s Peace be upon you, class.” She also bears the Greatstaff of Righteousness, a staff that features the symbol of the Church of Holy Light as a headpiece. This symbol is on various weapons associated with the Church, and Archbishop Benedictus even wielded these weapons in his fight underneath Wyrmrest.

Another NPC of significance is Inquisitor Erik, a mob added in 8.1. He is a member of the Order of Embers and spawns sometimes for Horde during their world quests. He is dressed in the garb of an Order of Embers inquisitor, yet his attack spells are Crusader Strike and Holy Smite. These are both Light-based attacks… could this really be just a coincidence?

Cleric Loriette is another 8.1 NPC, added from the outpost upgrades you can purchase from the 7th Legion vendor. She is added to Arom’s Stand, and can cast a buff on you called Blessing of the Order of Embers. Clerics are not an uncommon thing in Azeroth- there are the Clerics of Northshire as the most prominent ones, as well as Argent Clerics, Dark Clerics, Alliance Clerics… the list goes on and on. Nno matter what, these clerics are always religious in some manner, usually related to the Church of Light or the Cult of Forgotten Shadow. If Loriette is casting a blessing spell as well, something usually done in Azeroth by priests or paladins, it would seem that perhaps Light worship is implied. The spell effects seem to be orange and almost fiery, perhaps reminiscent of holy fire.

There are other NPCs too that seem to suggest some small level Kul Tiran Light worship, or at least ability to use it. While not based out of Drustvar, the Tol Dagor dungeon features Ashvane-aligned priests who perform the spells Inner Flames and Righteous Flames. The former has a healing effect, the latter is a damage spell. Inner Fire was a once a priest spell.

One last major point comes from Warcraft III: Reforged. While people expected some parts of Warcraft III to be “reforged” per Blizzard’s original word on it, there was also a lot of expectations that minor elements would also be changed to fit with recent lore- such as the Kul Tiran Chaplain unit from Daelin’s forces.

These light-wielding priests would have been perfect fodder to change into a Tidesage to fit with recent lore, yet the released models suggested a continued focus on the Light. The solar iconography of the staff’s head and the golden trimming of the gear makes it pretty clear that they are still using the Light. Since these models are unique and only meant for certain portions of WCIII’s story, there is no reason they could not have replaced them with Tidesages to fit with more recent lore. In my opinion, this is a pretty clear sign of at least some light worship being present. 

Overall, it strikes me as strange that a region that’s primarily mountainous would look to the sea for guidance like the rest of Kul Tiras. Tidesages often bring the rains for crops in Stormsong Valley, but Drustvar has a number of streams and rivers to provide freshwater to its farming regions, and a large amount of snowmelt to feed them. Drustvar’s fishing villages are in disarray for the most part, and so the other part of Tidesage functions (blessing fishing and monster hunting trips, saying where the fish are biting, etc) are simply not present, but that may be more due to Coven attack than them not being there. With water needs taken care of and little ability to fish in the sea save for on the coastal villages, many part of Drustvar just do not have need for those portions of a Tidesage’s duty.

Unfortunately, there are a total lack of religious buildings in Drustvar to confirm or deny the possibility of Light worship. Whitegrove Chapel features no priests to speak of and is overrun by monsters when we arrive. Even going back in time reveals a wedding officiated by Lord Waycrest, rather than a Tidesage or priest of the Light. ”It is my honor to wed these two in the presence of the land, the sky, and the sea” doesn’t particularly sound like the words of a Light worshipper. Since this seems to be a nonreligious ritual conducted on his authority as the lord of Drustvar, it’s hard to know either way. 

Given what’s been displayed between burial practices and NPCs, I’d like to think this post makes the case for some level of minor Light worship in Drustvar- it’s certainly nothing like Stormwind or Lordaeron, but I think that there’s some evidence it exists in the region. 

5/15/21 UPDATE:

Hey so there’s more lore. Also, I updated some grammatical errors in the post because I abuse commas.  All tiny, little snippets, but that’s sort of what Warcraft roleplay relies upon, right?  

This comes from the “Total Cairnage” quests in Drustvar or whatever that chapter is called where you help the thornspeakers and rangers. This lady says this. Not much to say here, it is pretty explicitly Light-related. 

This next piece is an interesting one I came across recently when looking up Arom Waycrest’s story. He would have been either a Gilnean immigrant or descended from them: the stories aren’t clear about how long the war with the Drust took, but it does seem to have been a long-running thing. Either way, the worship of the Light, per Chronicle 1 and 2, had begun long before the settling of Kul Tiras. However, what is important to mention is that the Church of the Holy Light did not exist for some time after the Troll Wars, several centuries.

The date of Kul Tiras’ founding isn’t entirely clear, but it relies on Gilneas existing and being established as a kingdom. Because of this, it’s entirely possible that the Gilnean settlers might have brought the early, pre-Church worship of the Light with them across the sea (but it is important to remember Kul Tiras was discovered by the Stormsongs, who were led there by the Tidemother). Arom, from this quote from a story about him, may have revered the Light. The Light being brought over to Kul Tiras without the Church element might explain why there’s no real organized reverence of it there.

But also, this is a story being told to kids from 2600 or so years ago, so who knows? Maybe it’s not true, and the narrator is unreliable. Also, “light” is not capitalized as a proper noun, but nobody really says “by the light” in this universe without the explicit reference being to the magic.

The last thing is not canon, but is an interesting follow-up to the Reforged Kul Tiran chaplains. This is a Kul Tiran Chaplain art piece from Hearthstone by Vladimir Kafanov. While Hearthstone isn’t canon, I found it interesting that this piece was done in March 2020, when BfA was almost over and Reforged had, uh... decided not to “reforge” elements of the lore because they abandoned the game. He wears Tidesage vestments and bears the mantle with the scrolls, which are very important in that religion. But he’s using the Light. Creative decision, blending of lore, or silly noncanon hearthstone thing? Who knows, honestly? 

I hope that this post and the new updates might have made enough of a case for a minor Light presence on Kul Tiras. The Tidemother is still the dominant religion, but I personally see enough evidence here to include it in my own roleplay and headcanons.