#a weird sort of lesbian!willow manifesto i guess lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gh-0-stcup · 9 months

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My last post got me thinking a bit more on how one might interpret Willow's relationships in the early seasons when coming at it with the perspective of her being a lesbian, rather than bisexual.

Willow had a crush on Xander from the start. Xander is her oldest (and possibly only) friend. They've known each other their whole lives, they always have fun together, and they love each other to death.

As I mentioned in my previous post, it is very easy to conflate this kind of dynamic with romantic/sexual attraction. You know you want this person to be in your life forever - isn't that what romance is? Wouldn't it be so nice to just marry them?

Let's put it this way. So you don't have many friends. The other girls are all really mean to you, so you hate them about as much as they hate you. You haven't had a close relationship with another girl since before puberty (if ever). You missed out on the slumber parties and other little moments of closeness with girls that could have clued you in that you're attracted to them.

Because of your social ostracization and general tendency to stay inside studying, you may be going into your second year of high school without ever having felt attracted to a single real life person.

At the same time, you know that everybody else is feeling it. They talk about it all the time. You must be feeling it to. You see guys on TV and think, "Oh, he's nice to look at." You always feel happy and comfortable around your best friend. That's it, right? That's what the buzz is about?

Another huge thing I don't see brought up too much anymore is the way Willow's pre-Tara relationships center almost entirely around validation.

Willow wants to be loved. She wants to be valued. She wants to be seen as attractive. Xander is constantly talking about how hot other girls are. Why can't he see her that way? Why can't any guy? Xander would see a girl he hates as an object of sexual desire before Willow.

The desire to be seen, to be desired can easily warp into a sort of obsession. But wanting to be wanted by a person is not the same as being attracted to them. And herein lies much of the trouble between her and Xander. She wants to be wanted by Xander, but does she want him? No, says season 3.

And now we come to Oz. This is another relationship that is almost entirely focused on validation for Willow. It's a big part of what makes it really, really fun to watch. From the second he first lays eyes on Willow, he's hers.

Oz is like everything Willow ever wanted. He's a cool attractive senior who's in a band and has a van. And he really, really wants her. He's also very smart, easy to talk to, and fun to be around.

It's a very low pressure relationship in terms of the physical. Oz craves meaningful connection, sees sexual activity as an expression of that connection. He encourages her to slow down, to not force it. He's chill. He'll wait. In short - it's not a relationship where passion is a requirement.

They go on several dates without Oz ever kissing Willow. Willow's first attempt to kiss Oz has him rejecting her because he can tell she's just trying to pacify her Xander-induced insecurities.

In his speech, Oz expresses openly how much he wants to kiss Willow. How he fantasizes about her in class. How much he wants to be the object of her desire as well. And Willow melts.

But her reaction is focused around (finally) being desired. It doesn't have much to do with Oz and who he is. She wants him to want her. That he's a cool guy she can brag about to her friends is a great bonus.

And don't take that last bit in the wrong way - it's wonderful Willow got to have that. It was innocent and sweet. The kind of guy she never imagined would be interested in her falling head over heels? It's pretty much every dorky girl's fantasy. Of course she's flattered and flustered and excited.

And what does Willow do when she has her dream guy? She cheats on him. Her affair with Xander can be seen as her being overwhelmed by this powerful attraction she's felt to him for years. Hormonal teenagers being idiots.

Many have suggested the thing with Xander can't align with lesbian!Willow. I disagree. Under this lens, Willow can't tell the difference between her feelings for Oz and her feelings for Xander because they aren't meaningfully different. She is able to cheat, depsite it being pretty against her character, because neither relationships carry the emotional weight they should.

The fling with Xander was a meaningless indulgence of a childhood fantasy. It was largely powered by (apologies for the repetition) wanting to be wanted. Xander, who's always overlooked Willow, was fucking up his relationship with Cordelia goddamn Chase to make out with Willow. That'd be pretty addictively validating.

Even after it blew up and Xander was single, there was never a choice between him and Oz for Willow. No conflict, Oz all the way. She felt dumb for even jeopardizing it.

But she did jeopardize it. Possibly an indication that even though their relationship was literally everything Willow could have asked for, there was still something missing?

Their sex life is also somewhat removed from sexual desire. When she attempts to initiate sex, it isn't about her attraction to him. She wants Oz to know she loves him, that he's special to her.

When they do have sex, it direct follows Willow's speech about there being so much she wanted to try after high school and how she's scared she might never get to. It isn't passion between the two characters that motivates the consummation, but Oz giving Willow the only thing he can in that moment. The chance to have a new and important experience.

Willow enjoyed it. They cuddle happily in the afterglow and Willow describes the experience as "nice."

Let's take a leap forward to Tara. Due to network restrictions, there's more limits on what the viewer is able to see of their relationship. The magic substitutes the physical, especially in season 4.

Those moments are intimate, sensual, very intense. They're deeply passionate.

Their connection is powerful. And it's entirely about each other. It's everything that was missing from Willow's relationship with Oz.

#a weird sort of lesbian!willow manifesto i guess lol #playing devil's advocate in a way - i'm not super invested in any interpretation of willow's sexuality #btvs #willow rosenberg #btvs meta

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