#a fwb here to help out a homie he sometimes kisses | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-misadvntures-of-me · 4 years

Text

Not Friends With Benefits:

An Excerpt: By Me: I love Tumblr

First of all, I would just like to encourage you to pray for my best friend Lydia. That poor, poor soul. We love her. There's a reason the password to this page is 'not again'. I'm stupid and for a moment there, though I thought I should delete that sentence because WHAT IF someone discovered my password. Then I did a think. OK MOVING ON.

The people in my life have come to appreciate how fucking problematic I am. I really do think that if someone were to do a study on the human levels of problematic-ness, I would definitely receive some sort of Nobel Prize. What an honor. To quote my mother, "Things really DO seem to always happen to YOU huh." Thanks, Sondra. Through the course of reading through this wonderful Tumbler account, I'm sure you'll begin to understand why this was said about me. To be completely honest, sometimes I amaze myself. Like dang, what the heck bro. But it's ok. Good thing I'm an enneagram 4. "The unicorn".

I should know more shit about the enneagram now that I think about it. I took a whole college class on it. But haha nope. I love being ADD. I did do a lot of doodling. I got better at my hand lettering, and honestly, that's the most important life lesson I got outa that. Side note, my professor was a Dick and failed me. I took it up with the board of directors, they saw my work, gave me an A, and fired him. That made me feel better. Another side note, I'm fantastic at getting teachers fired, as this was the third one. A story for another time. *Cough cough middle school Spanish*. #FuckDora #SraMooreTheExplorer #Perra(BITCH)

Hi so I'm also gey.

And on the autistic spectrum.

Fun times. Whatta BOP.

Moving on. Yes oooh the fun title. We love. Title is a fun word, it reminds me of tits. ^^^^^ ADD to the MAX right now, apologies. No, I'm not chill with the idea of the big ol' FWB. Friends With Benefits. WooHoo. I fucking love the world. First of all, friends with benefits is DEFINITELY a sex thing. Not about that sexy life. Anymore heh. So no, FWB is not a term in my pure-as-heck mind. RIP. God help me.

The whole idea of "friends with benefits" is just sad. It's sketchy, lame, and pathetic. Can't find love? Lmao fake it bro. Bored? Fuck. Yeah. Fun times. But when I sat down the other day and started to think about it, because why not fam, I started to think about the social standards of the world. So philosophical, I know. If you think about it though, if you're not doing the whole sex thing, why not kiss your friend? I mean, kissing is pheNOMenal. Muy Bien. *Hispanic Clap*. *NakedMoleRatFace*. Why are social standards against kissing your homies? If not them, why not your best friend? Best friend as in - best guy friend in this case - but I mean if u gey u gey.

(I'm gey tho, but oh well. Ish. Yet again, a story for another time. It doesn't apply here. Lydia and I may be soulmates, but NAH bro. None of that romance. CAN'T A GEY CHICK HAVE A FEMALE BFF. To clarify, because I'm not shutting up yet, I am bi. Ish. Not public or defined by a label necessarily because J E S U S. Y'all need Jesus. I need Jesus. Sheesh.)

This once again brings me to my precious best friend and soul mate forever, Lydia. I texted her this wonderfully philosophical question, and I received the eloquent response of, "God NO". Once again, may I prompt you to remember the password for this page. I have a track record for making terrible decisions and then casually THROWING THEM at Lydia. "Can one casually make out with their guy best friend" really is a great way to add some fun FIRE to any conversation. I highly recommend.

The thing is, this is not hypothetical because who am I kidding, I'm STUPID. :). Hehe RIP.

SO, we had a wonderful conversation full of ups and downs and highs and lows and poor, 17-year-old Lydia, once again, needing to play the role of my mother. She may be younger than me, but that girl has 20 years of wisdom on me. I am a heavenly fetus of bad decisions. YES, FINE, MAYBE I casually made out with my guy best friend. Big whoop. This was the event that prompted my wonderfully philosophical question, and the fantastically engaging conversation I had with Lydia. To be blunt here, what the fuck are social standards anymore? I mean, a fat man can run into the street in a leotard and a wig and proclaim he's a female, and boom. He sure as fuck is. So WHAT is the big deal with me *casually* making out with my guy best friend?

For a few days, I decided to once again casually slip this question into my conversations, and the results really did shock me. People who openly supported the LGBTQXYZ community, (and were okay with the idea of the fat leotard wig man) were absolutely appalled when I brought up this idea of friend-kissing. The irony. I'm not hating against the community, once again, BI AS FUCK. But still. I wasn't expecting their response at all. I do, however, understand their response. Not the leotard man response, but the aversion-to-kissing-your-friends response, because that’s not friends with benefits... right?

This is a reflection that will be continued later, as I am tired.

0 notes