#a broad shouldered oversized black button up with grey plaid slim fit slacks
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today I put on a different mask and it felt better than the usual
#meaning: today i melted into my outfit and decided to change my personality in small ways to fit how i dressed myself#im wearing something very . hm. well it's black and plaid and stripes and it's way more cohesive than it sounds#a broad shouldered oversized black button up with grey plaid slim fit slacks#black platform boots and a black tie w white and grey stripes#one silver hoop earring a bunch of black and silver rings and slicked back hair#this all matters Because depending on what im wearing my mood changes a little. so do my mannerisms. for the better or the worse#i assume this is pretty normal (otherwise why do ppl dress up to feel fancy or dress down when they already feel sluggish..?)#but anyway i was less of a people pleaser today!#LOL#i drew a line. i told someone no nicely but clearly.#i asked someone else to hang out next week and i didn't act unsure of myself even if i felt that way inside#i spoke up in class as usual but without adding my infamous “.... if that makes any sense?” at the end#i made a mistake and got corrected and i accepted it cooly with a grin and a nod#i felt scared the whole time but to concluded: i quite like this version of the mask#sure it's not all true to how i feel#but it actually helps instead of feeling fake and exhausting#the mask that i wear to make people like me is also untrue but it hurts me way more#this sounds corny ugh WHATEVER.#the one thing i didn't like however was that. i noticed that i kept a straight face most of the morning so far and it kinda made my mood#worsen?#like not allowing myself to loom surprised when i feel surprised or look worried when i am or smile when i see something silly? that#feels bad#i dont like being so guarded#but i also hate when my facial expressions are obvious. like yesterday#i cant seem to find a middle ground because they both make me feel uncomfortable in different ways#z.post
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