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dahlthir-blog · 7 years

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➜ Atuona has been accepted!

Welcome to Dahlthir, Azura! Your application for Atuona has been approved. You’ll have 5 days to turn in your blog to the masterlist. If you need more time, you can send us a message!

The character portion of the application can be found under the cut. She’s gone through so much to acquire her powers and even then those powers weren’t the ones she really sought after. It’s such a sad story but I’m glad she was able to one way or another escape from that organization! I hope Dahlthir can treat her well enough!

( CHARACTER SECTION )

Other characters: Mizuki Hinobashi, Flora Abner, Garma, Alize Ruth, Celia Kacela

Faceclaim(s) & Series: Black Rock Shooter from “black rock shooter”

Character Name: Atuona (Like precious metal, Goes by: Aton)

Housing: Guild housing

Age: 18?

Level: (Intended to be) 4

Appearance :

Her hair is black as if like the obsidian hidden deep underground and feels exactly like the hard to obtain minerals would feel, though it is close to impossible to run your hand though the hair it seems rather well kempt and flows exactly like normal hair. The next thing to notice about the odd girl would be her eyes which seem to act in a rather odd way, while their original color is blue her left eye tends to give off two different radiances a blue radiances which seems to mean calm, level headed, thinking, kindness, or pity depending on the situation, and purple radiance which seems to give off the feeling as if she is annoyed, angry, desperate, in despair, or she just gone completely insane. (these radiances are not accurate guides to judge her mood) Moving down starts her wardrobe starting with her favorite overcoat though this may not seem like much, but the coat is actually made from a very flexible but very durable metal this meaning she can sometimes stretch the coat to cover her exposed mid-area for a period of time before it returns to normal shape. The coat has a simple hood on it this is actually just made from cloth and used to keep her from being blinded by the sun is it’s most common use. Aton leaves most of her body exposed if she must be completely honest it is only because “I’d burn up in clothes made only of metal” so because of this small fact she would rather have more exposed with her mutations guarding her. Moving on and skipping the piece of cloth covering her chest, since there isn’t anything special about it, we get to her black shorts which, like her chest piece, is only made of cloth though the belt is made of metal and designed to hold different types of vials and components.

On Aton’s left wrist is a bracelet made of metal with various setting on it, this is the device that deploys her weapon in various forms, when the weapons form the take up the room from the bend of her arm past the fingertips for extended reach. On her left arm is a tattoo of a blue flame trail leading to her upper back that circles down around her stomach and back to her lower which then curves up to the mid back into an explosion like pattern as if it was a firework going off. Her right arm and the lower parts of her legs are both covered in both scars and burn marks fighting with such unpredictable equipment can take it’s toll on you if you aren't careful. Covering her feet are the sturdy black leather boots that have gotten her from place to place and never given out on her even once, some expertly made shoes indeed! On her left hand lays a ring that is actually missing a gemstone, this ring had no beneficial effect on her nor does it have negative effect other than making her feel bad she lost the pretty gem. Aton doesn’t wear makeup, her skin is mostly made of certain materials and using her ability she is able to shape her appearance as she wishes, though the only things she can not change is her build, that will develop over time, she had tested. Around her neck is a necklace that was given to her by someone at her home old home, because of her past her time before she was like this is fuzzy so she can’t remember who.

Are they a part of the Adventurer’s Guild?: Recruit

—- How long have they been part of the Guild: 1 week

Warnings: Blood and gore, death, human experimentation, Needles, Kidnapping

Personality (Please list 3 positive and 3 negative traits. Can simply be bullet points or can be expanded!):

+Kind: Aton is a very kind person, despite what she has been through helping others, she sees her helping others as making a difference in the world and when she set out on her original journey it was her goal from the start.

+Natural guard: Aton has a knack for standing around and looking at least a little intimidating, this help when people need a bit of protection, she often get’s offered jobs as a bodyguard for a short while to keep attackers away when transporting personnel.

+Cheery outlook: Aton will normally try to cheer people up if they aren’t feeling in the best of moods, she starts of course by complimenting them, but in the end she ends up sharing a phrase she lives her life by “Everything will be fine if you can just smile”

+Beautiful singing voice: Though Aton doesn’t sing very often because she is actually rather shy when it comes to her singing, she does sometimes sing to herself on missions and since joining the guild it is more than likely people may find out about her small habit.

+Honest: Aton knows she messes up a lot, though unlike some others, Aton will admit out right when something was her fault or she failed at an intended mission, she fears the consequences, but fears the ones for lying even more.

-Too paranoid: Due to her past Aton often stayes up much later than most of the other recruits she says this is because that when they are asleep they are vulnerable to attacks by evil spirits that cause bad dreams and torture those who they inflict, often times she catches up on sleep once one person wakes up.

-Too protective: Once Aton makes a friend she is prepared to sacrifice literally anything to save them if the situation requires her to do so, she will literally waste away if someone allows her too just to protect someone else.

-Bad judge of character: Aton is rather foolish and because of this she often tends to get near and close to people she shouldn’t even talk to, this was proven because of how she is now, Aton tends to get mixed up in the business of some villain and paying the price for the trouble they make, she just doesn’t know any better.

-Forgetful: Aton, at times, can forget the most important things in the worst moments she could forget them ranging from weaknesses of monsters, to her own purse when she goes out to purchase food, normally she will tell someone what she plans to do so they can make sure she has everything before leaving.

-Emotional- Though Aton tends to present her, sometimes as a literal, rock with no emotions she can actually be easily upset at times especially on days of great stress where only bad things have occurred to her

-Bad with time: Aton is horrible at telling time so she normally tells people to do things certain positions of the sun, though if someone tells her to wait a few minutes she will literally stand there and wait until they call her again because she can’t measure time.

Background (Minimum of 5 sentences.):

Aton was adopted into a happy family with an older brother and two loving parents in a small farm village that in this time has ceased to exist, but going back before that point is where we begin Aton’s journey and troubles. From a young age Aton was taught that helping others was a great deal to the world no matter how little the act was or how unnecessary the act may seem, she spent her childhood doing chores and tasks for the people of the small town. Around the age of eight Aton and her family moved away from the village to a better land that yielded more varieties of crops helping out and taking up travelers on the way. Though not everything was nice and peachy life is filled with many colors and worst of all is red, Aton hated the sight of the color red she hated wounds, she hated seeing her loved ones hurt though when the bandits attack there was nothing she could do, but hide and wait. Aton held her breath while she and her older brother hid while her parents dealt with the bandits after a few screams some laughs and the sound of trotting horses they were gone, they had taken half of the supplies the family brought with them, but there were only a few days left until they reached the new town. No one told her, but one of Aton’s mothers was injured in the confrontation and with the medicine gone well…the end result should be obvious after awhile, upon arriving in the town Aton’s mother fell ill and immediately Aton went to trying to make money to help pay for medicine. Aton payed and helped her family the best she could though it seemed it was too late, her mother had already given up fighting it the medicine stopped working after a few week…then the inevitable came.

WARNING: Death

The days passed and Aton’s mother only got worse the wound couldn’t be healed and one night Aton was woken up by her mom and taken to her mother who lay on the couch, Aton was told to say goodbye to her mother. The first thing Aton asked her mom was “Where is Mommy going?” Aton had no idea what they were talking when they wanted her to say goodbye to her mother, but soon enough she would find out. Aton was sent back to bed though something in her mind kept her up pretty much all night, usually the only person up at night at this point was her mother so Aton went to go see her, but what she came into the room to see was her motionless mother being held tightly by her mom. Aton came up and looked at her mother, she was smiling something that her mother hadn’t done since the night they were attacked Aton gave her mother a few shakes on the arm trying to wake her up while her mom broke out into tears. The next day a funeral was held among the villagers, thanks to her brother explaining things to her Aton finally understood what they meant by say goodbye…but Aton never got to say it. Aton didn’t attend the funeral she was too busy thinking about why this happened and remained at the family’s home until her mom and brother came back into the house, Aton spoke not a word to either of them. A year passed and Aton had done much of the farming for the family recently it seemed her brother was running out of breath quickly recently and her mom was busy dealing with the other villagers and the problems everyone had.

Warning end: Death (For now)

After collecting the harvest Aton would head into the market area attempting to sell what she had personally grown, Aton had saved up enough her own earning from her harvests to actually buy something of her own, Aton decided to buy a sword. Bringing it and the money home Aton showed it to her mom and insisted that they find someone to train Aton to use it to be able to protect the family. Of course her mom refused at the quickest chance she got, though through determination, and her brothers people skills, Aton found someone able enough to teach her to wield the sword, and soon enough she took up small tasks on killing monster that came near the village. At the age of eleven Aton had become used to going out of the village to fight monsters and bringing back proof for her kills to get a reward from the people who were supplying her with such missions, though each time she came back she would be yelled at by her mom though the woman always had a smile, one day Aton’s mom surprised her with a special gift, a good luck charm to help on her mission her mom knew Aton wasn’t going to stop. Each day Aton took a moment before leaving out for her missions to pray for her lost mother and to pray for the families good health, though these times didn’t last the world is full of colors and not all are pretty, soon enough black would engulf the families lives because of a simple girl’s actions. While out on a mission one day when Aton turned twelve she came upon someone in a white coat passed out on the ground near the forest, she picked him up abandoning her current mission and quickly walked back to the village calling for help from the villagers they got to patching the man up, this was one of the worst decisions of Aton’s life.

WARNING: Human experimentation, Needles, kidnapping

After a few day the man had become healthy and came to thank Aton for saving him, but it was only for a second before the needle was jammed into her neck and the odd colored liquid was pushed into her system. Stumbling back and falling onto the floor Aton couldn’t move as she was picked up and forced to watch as more men came flooding in taking more villagers including her family, Aton wanted to cry, she saved this man for this? What was even going on?! Blacking out Aton fell limp on the man’s shoulder as she was carried for an undecided amount of time Aton woke up on the cold floor of what looked like a cold dark room with a green object blocking her way out. Aton got up and immediately noticed her clothes had changed into something accorded to a long blue dress that wasn’t exactly covering in the back, a patient’s robe if she recalled correctly. Aton walked around the room a bit wondering what was going on, where her family was, and what she was supposed to do…the answers didn’t come, but something much worse did. The man came and turned off the green thing blocking her way out and grabbed Aton’s wrist dragging her along, Aton asked questions while she was being dragged though none were answered as she soon was thrown into a room with a wolf! Aton took a battle stance immediately upon seeing the wolf, though without her weapon she couldn’t fight so running was the only option, Aton avoided the best she could until the wold bit down on her arm…odd, she didn’t seem to feel the teeth in her skin. The wolf’s teeth stopped at the surface of skin and what was protecting her skin from the biting down on her looked like some kind iron surfacing covering her, raising her other arm up she forced the wolf off of her and pushed it away making her way to the door where she was pulled out and brought to her cell once again.

WARNING end: Needles

WARNING: Human experimentation, blood and gore, death

Test after test year after year passed and Aton had pretty much given up on escaping, now she was being put up against actual humans now to see who would break first between the two that were put in the same room. Aton had come out on top so far for five years Atone had come out on top, no one had managed to pierce her skin just yet, soon enough the scientist had brought Aton into a room and they clamped a bracelet onto her left arm which dug into her skin with ease as opposed to what she had expected. Letting out loud screams as the blood flowed out from underneath the bracelet she was moved quickly into a room with another person and as she looked up Aton couldn’t believe who it was. Aton’s mom stood before her with the same bracelet on her arm, once Aton recovered from the piercing pain she ran up to her mother then stopped realizing that if they were in the same room the only way out was for one of them to die. Aton went wide eyed as she backed up, she was either going to be killed by or have to kill the woman that raised her like her actual daughter, Aton was already crying at just the thought as her mom simply opened her arms, the mom couldn’t stand the thought of killing her daughter so she was leaving it up to Aton to decide if one or both of them died there. In an instant pain racked Aton’s left arm as she fell to the ground the braclet changed into what seemed like a cannon that covered her arm, slowly Aton stood up fear in her eyes as she looked at the cannon on her arm and just shook her head. Aton’s mom walked over once she noticed the cannon charging for a shot and raised it up to her heart, Atone only watched in shock as a loud bang went off and the blood splattered on her and everything around her as the bottom half of her mom fell to the floor. Aton just sat there staring at the body on the floor, what remained of her mom until a scientist came n and started to drag Aton out by her hair and something in Aton’s mind went off as she pressed the cannon into the scientist back and blasted a shot making blood splatter around the room.Atone stood up and wiped herself off her cannon arm shifting into a blade as she went through she was able to slice up three scientist and blast two into smithereens before they were able to restrict her.

WARNING END: human experimentation, blood and gore, death

Aton was placed into some kind of pod she banged on as hard as she could before the gas poured in and it wasn’t long until she passed out yet again though what was expected to be short was something far different. Aton woke up what felt like moments later as the pod opened and she felt to the dusty, rubble covered, floor managing to stand up and look around she found two empty pods, hers and another. Upon inspection she found that everything around her had been reduced to rubble and there was hardly any light besides an open door a long way away from her, where was she? What happened? Why could she hardly remember anything? Aton wondered this as she approached the door the light coming in to blind her as she fully opened the door to find herself in some kind of ruin like area. Aton stepped out and moved around to get the feeling of moving in an open space again, she was asleep, but for how long exactly? everything looked much different already from what she knew about the world, which she had more than likely forgoten anyways. Walking for a few days Aton found her way into a city just a while off from where she emerged her mind was still clouded, but one thing was for sure, she needed new clothes, heading to the nearest place to buy something decent Aton managed to make a semi-decent outfit with a few defensive capabilities. Now it was time to move, breaking out into a run to explore the land she made her way to where a merchant suggested she go, a place called Dahlthir, maybe people there would know something about what happened. So arriving with her mind still fuzzy there were many questions in her head, what happened? where did i come from? How long was i asleep and how on earth do i find out? And a more important question in her mind, did she have a family to find? She could hardly remember anything from before she woke up.

General Powers/Abilities/Unusual Traits Description:

Metal armor: Unlike normal armor this armor is a thin layer that cover Aton’s skin and clothing, this type of metal is invisible to the naked eye no matter how hard one tries to look.

Bleed a different blood: Though still being human there are things that went down in those experimentation rooms, one test which had a noticeable effect. When Aton gets injured she does not bleed red, no she bleeds blue and it looks as if it is a type of liquid metal.

Weapon manipulation: Though it might not be exactly on a whim Aton can control which form her weapon takes be it cannon, sword, or just a simple bracelet

Unbreakable Tank: The thickness of her jacket and the layer over her skin make it so her defense is absolute, or it would be if the overcoat didn’t always stretch back to it’s normal position after everysingle time, that said she can only be an impenetrable wall for a short time.

Metal walk: If Aton’s feet touch a metal surface she can move much more quickly and sometimes without even moving her feet, though in no way can she control metal.

Brute strength: Though mainly having a solid defense it’s Aton’s brute force that makes her a threat, a person with high strength and a large weapon make a bad combo for the baddies.

Light intensity: The light in Aton’s left eye is one that is rather odd like she is in general, If the color is blue in battle it means she is fighting like normal, if the light turns Purple it means she’s going in for an attack and it’s expected to be an unpredictable one, if the light vanishes she either trying to trick someone or she’s desperate and going to try running away. This is a major tell on her battle plans.

#dahl acceptance #atuona

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scoutdanielsd6-blog · 5 years

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1. What are your character’s nicknames, if any?

kae-rae is her absolutely favorite. She had another kaelin in elementary school, went by kaelin Rae, and it shortened to Kae-Rae and stuck. Literally nobody outside of the games calls her kaelin, and even in the games she wishes they would call her by her first and second name, or even just the shortened version. Maybe she'll ask next year, when people know her a little better.

2. Do they have any bad habits? she has the habit of losing her cool completely. If she sees someone hot, she blushing and giggling. If she is nervous, she'll freeze up. Its not uncommon for her to lose her cool. Presentations are the WORST in school. Capitol everything.

3. Do they have any tattoos? If not, would they want one? no, but oh my gosh lavender has this really cute implanted diamonds into the skin around her eyes tattoo and if her parents would JUST LET HER kaelin is fairly certain she would look amazing with those.

4. Do they have any scars? How did they get them? tiny pinprick on her finger, from a needle when she was learning to use one. Other than that, no.

5. How do they dress most of the time? kaelin is that girl in school who just looks so put together all the time. Matching outfits, cute patterned headscarf and a seemingly rotating outfit through the season. At school or working, hair up. At casual times and parties, hair down, with cute accessories. She rotates between blouses and skirts and dresses in the warmer months, and it never really gets too cold in the capitol but she's always fashion forward, put together, and in perfectly matched outfits. Its unsurprising to find her in school trying out a skirt she made.

6. What words or phrases do they use frequently?

· oh. My. GOSH!

· Totally

· No lie

These are dialed back when she's not with people she feels more comfortable around, but they're still in her thought processes.

7. If anyone, who do they trust to protect them? *sigh* a knight in shining armor.

That wasn’t really a joke, by the way. Kaelin is a hopeless romantic at heart and she just loves the idea of being swept off her feet one day and falling deeply in love. Like those star crossed lovers from 12 in the seventy fourth, or the countless other love stories in the games and between the victors (Glitter and Wiress anyone???)

In all sincerity, Kae-Rae has never needed to be protected.

8. Are they argumentative or do they avoid conflict?

Avoid, avoid, avoid. Kae-Rae doesn’t want to get on anyone's bad side. She doesn’t like it when people don’t like her. If she feels an argument brewing she will back off from the topic and apologize (losing her cool and probaby stuttering through this process) until eventually the conversation is over or back on stable ground. If it's between two people she doesn’t know, walk away. QUICKLY. If it's between one or more people she does know? Divert their attention to something else. "hey, you wanna see my sketchbook?". It never works, of course, and she ends up walking away again.

9. Did they have any role models growing up other than their parents?

YES. There was this one stylist that Kaelin just loved as a kid. She worked on the hunger games, with district 8, for years, until moving on to make her own clothes line (kae-rae unapologetically rocks a fashion Forward skirt on occasion even though its out of style now) it's what got kaelin into fashion, and then encouraged her to apply to be a stylist. Of course, their styles were different, but they were both blonde girls and as a 5 yr old who spent hours picking out outfits, it was enough for kae-rae to identify with.

10. When was the time when they were the most frightened? there was a spider on her bed.

To clarify, it was the size of her head.

To clarify, her brother put it there

To clarify, it was plastic and couldn’t pass for real under a rug.

That didn’t mean 12 yr old kaelin didn’t scream like a baby.

11. When was the time when they were the happiest?

The day she finally, after a year of applications, got the note that she would be an actual real live hunger games stylist. It was the first time she'd spent so long on something, put a bunch of effort into it. It was her dream, and it was the best day of her life.

12. What is their most embarrassing moment?

Maybe the spider. Or maybe the time she snorted chocolate milk out in seventh grade of her nose at lunch. Or maybe her first presentation at school, where she stood in front of the class reciting the first line of her report over and over again for five minutes before being asked to sit down by the kind teacher. She hadnt even realized she was doing it, simply saying "Hi, My name is kaelin Rae and I'll be talking to you about…" over and over again. She never got to what she was supposed to be talking about, and was blushing to her toes by the end.

13. Are they optimistic or pessimistic?

Optimism!! Everything is sunshine, rainbows, and friendship in Kae's world!

14. What is their most treasured possession?

a signed picture of her favorite stylist, her acceptance letter to be a stylist, or her mother's necklace that was passed down through the family for years since the dark days. It’s a rusty old locket that doesn’t even open anymore, and Kae-Rae never wears it, but her mother said that the things inside connected them always. Through blood.

15. How do they spend a typical Saturday night?

Parties, shopping, spending time at the mall, living it up. Or, if she's had a stroke of inspiration, turning off her phone to ignore her friend's texts as THEY do those things and she designs a new dress because "more ruffles!"

16. What song would you use to describe them?

Gold by britt nicole.

17. Are they introverted or extroverted?

Extroverted, but, upon being shot down, can become introverted very quickly. She wants to be everyone's friend. She's like a puppy, honestly. If you yell at her and outright say you don’t want her she'll get it, but if you're just dodging her she'll keep coming up, loving on you, and being friendly.

18. Are they organized or messy?

Organized creative, which sounds like an alignment but honestly means she's set up in life in an organized manner but in one that makes it easy to jump sporadically from one idea or project to the next, stopping halfway though and picking It up later.

19. What do they like about themselves?

She loves her family, her friends and ability to make them, her kindness, what she considers her talent, and the fact that she is good enough to be there. She likes her hair as well, and her creative designs. Eyes aren't bad.

20. How do they relax? kae relaxes by chilling, alone or with just a friend or two, with a cup of cocoa and a comfy blanket. Maybe she's doodling or sketching, maybe not

21. What is their ideal date? AHHHH ROMANCE! Kae-rae would actually really like to try ice skating. But basically, if it's ever been in a rom com, Kaelin is SO DOWN.

22. Do they want children? Why or why not? maybe, probably, yes. But not atm.

23. Where do they see themselves in five years? a popular stylist, hopefully. She'd be living on her own, in a nice studio apartment or something. Probably with a fish (because oh my gosh did you hear Caesar has a fish oh my GOSH that’s such a cute animal!!!)

24. What would be their three wishes if they found a genie’s lamp?

· For arista or Kathryn to win

· For a long and happy life

· To find love

25. Describe your character sitting in their favorite spot.

Sitting on the edge of her bed is one of her favorite places to sit. Her desk hangs over the edge of her bed, and Kae loves it.she'll sit there for hours, listening to music, kitten sitting next to her, and doodling. Her plush pink comforter is so soft and she could stay there forever

#ttwtask

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neilmillerne · 6 years

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{#TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict

I’m in a business mastermind program right now, working on clarifying my message and deciding what to create next! (It’s super awesome.)

Last week I had to do a whole bunch of writing about what “problem” my target audience has, and how they’ve already gone about trying to solve it, and I got super stuck.

I kept writing in circles and getting nowhere, because the truth is that while most of my audience are women who want to feel more confident in their skin, there are two completely different and seemingly conflicting schools of approach to acquiring that confidence.

I found that conflict to be super interesting– even though this exploration started from a marketing perspective, I quickly realized that this conflict is actually a major reason so many of my clients are struggling, and it needs to be addressed!

So what’s the conflict?

Well, on one hand, my clients want to completely reject the whole concept that a woman needs to be beautiful, thin, and desirable. On the other hand, they want to feel beautiful, thin, and desirable.

I’ve noticed that a lot of my clients are feminists and activists at heart, who believe that all bodies are beautiful, that western beauty standards are unrealistic bullshit, and that women should do whatever the hell they want with their own bodies without feeling pressure to look a certain way.

But on the flip side of that, they also hold themselves to a super high standard, worrying about how they look and trying to ever-improve their desirability.

Trust me, I get it.

We want to be desirable because we want to belong, and our culture promises women that looking a certain way is the key to belonging. We want the status and privilege that comes with being thin and beautiful, because we live in a culture that tells us that status and privilege are the key to happiness. Unfortunately, since the pursuit of status and privilege often goes against our core values, we sometimes end up feeling guilty or hating ourselves for wanting it.

My clients tend to have examined and rejected the idea (at least consciously) that a woman’s worth is related to her appearance, and recognize that body image issues are often wrapped up in unfair and untrue gender roles and expectations.

My clients tend to be a bit angry about the state of our society and what it’s doing to women (not to mention people of color) and they want to rebel against the arbitrary beauty and body standards that have held them captive for long.

The problem is that the idea of actually rebelling against these standards is fucking terrifying.

I hear all the time from women who want to reject diet culture, but also want to be super thin. They recognize that they have a right to eat what and when they want, but can’t get over the fear of getting or staying “too big.”

These women have two separate and conflicting needs:

Need #1: Belonging, acceptance, and connection

Need #2: Living in alignment with their own personal values

Ugh. The tension between these two needs is excruciating.

I once had a client who was dying to cut her (very long, striking, super feminine) hair short. She talked about it all the time, but never pulled the trigger because she was too afraid she would look “ugly” or “like a boy.”

It’s not exactly that she was afraid of being judged for looking different, mind you. It was more that she didn’t want to trade the treatment her long hair offered her.

She wanted to experiment with a new look, and reject the hyper-feminine beauty standard she had grown up with in a house with four sisters, but she couldn’t get past the fear of losing the validation, praise, and acceptance that came from fitting that standard. Her hair was a genuine status symbol, something that earned her enormous privilege among both men and women, and she recognized that cutting it would at best shift her into a different (and far less celebrated) category like “cute,” or “plain.”

This is why body image is so much more complicated than just saying “who cares what people think of you?”

I have this conversation all the time, especially when my clients are health coaches, personal trainers, nutritionists, and naturopathic doctors who feel like imposters and want to better “walk their talk” when it comes to body positive values.

It’s so easy to say “self-love is a choice,” but that completely ignores the very different ways people treat us based on how we look, and the very normal desire for status and privilege.

Even tiny changes, like wearing your hair natural, or skipping mascara, can be an example of giving up status and privilege, and cause enormous emotional discomfort and fear. In a culture with such a concrete hierarchy, we’ve been taught that status and privilege are the only way to earn your connection, love, acceptance, and belonging.

You might know female beauty and body standards are bullshit made up by marketers, but you still want the approval and praise that comes from losing weight, dressing up, doing your makeup, shaving your legs, sucking in your belly, or otherwise making yourself look “feminine and desirable.”

This conflict makes you feel like garbage— you want other women to feel good enough no matter what they look like, and you don’t want to make anyone feel worse. But you hold yourself to a ridiculously high standard: you have to look perfect or else you suck.

Despite the fact that you know the rules for “how to be perfect” are bullshit, you’ve developed a super-bossy inner critic to hold you accountable for every rule you break, and tell you everything you need to do to fix each one.

Does this resonate with you?

Do you want to reject all the unrealistic beauty/body standards that hurt so many women to prove a point and be a leader… but also deep down really want to meet those standards? (And, in fact, excel at them?)

I get it.

You want to be a revolutionary, but you also want to belong. You want to be a rebel, but you also want people to like you.

That’s why it’s so important to meet yourself where you’re at, and embrace both desires without feeling bad or guilty about either.

It’s ok to want to be beautiful, and to also reject beauty standards. It’s ok to want to be high-status, and also to believe there should be no such thing as status in the first place. This conflict is normal, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer over it.

The first step to self-acceptance is accepting that you have this conflict in the first place. That’s why I teach my clients the following five magic words:

“…and that’s not a problem”

Add this simple little phrase to the end of literally any sentence about yourself, and notice the shift in energy around the topic at hand.

“I want to lose weight… and that’s not a problem” “I want to shave my head… and that’s not a problem.” “I want to be considered more beautiful/sexy than other women… and that’s not a problem.”

Do you see how powerful these words can be, to strip away guilt and judgement from the stories we tell about ourselves? Only once you accept both sides of yourself can the real work of self-examination and self-love begin, and integration of your whole self become possible.

Note: I’m not saying these desires don’t invite self-examination! Only that accepting their truth is a non-negotiable first step before any effective examination or integration can be done.

Far too often we fall into the trap of thinking we can only have one true narrative at any time. This is false– we are complex and ever-changing, and we can hold many different (even conflicting!) truths within us at once. This practice is about recognizing that we are big enough to hold them all, we don’t have to “choose just one,” and none of them make us a failure or a bad person.

If you’re stuck and want some help integrating, developing self-love and self-acceptance, or becoming a more body-positive coach or role model for your daughters or clients, I do have several private coaching and mentorship spots opening up in September.

Just fill out my coaching application here, and I’ll get back to you with all the details for each.

Yours in belonging,

<3 Jessi

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almajonesnjna · 6 years

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{#TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict

I’m in a business mastermind program right now, working on clarifying my message and deciding what to create next! (It’s super awesome.)

Last week I had to do a whole bunch of writing about what “problem” my target audience has, and how they’ve already gone about trying to solve it, and I got super stuck.

So what’s the conflict?

Well, on one hand, my clients want to completely reject the whole concept that a woman needs to be beautiful, thin, and desirable. On the other hand, they want to feel beautiful, thin, and desirable.

But on the flip side of that, they also hold themselves to a super high standard, worrying about how they look and trying to ever-improve their desirability.

Trust me, I get it.

The problem is that the idea of actually rebelling against these standards is fucking terrifying.

These women have two separate and conflicting needs:

Need #1: Belonging, acceptance, and connection

Need #2: Living in alignment with their own personal values

Ugh. The tension between these two needs is excruciating.

It’s not exactly that she was afraid of being judged for looking different, mind you. It was more that she didn’t want to trade the treatment her long hair offered her.

This is why body image is so much more complicated than just saying “who cares what people think of you?”

It’s so easy to say “self-love is a choice,” but that completely ignores the very different ways people treat us based on how we look, and the very normal desire for status and privilege.

Does this resonate with you?

I get it.

You want to be a revolutionary, but you also want to belong. You want to be a rebel, but you also want people to like you.

That’s why it’s so important to meet yourself where you’re at, and embrace both desires without feeling bad or guilty about either.

The first step to self-acceptance is accepting that you have this conflict in the first place. That’s why I teach my clients the following five magic words:

“…and that’s not a problem”

Add this simple little phrase to the end of literally any sentence about yourself, and notice the shift in energy around the topic at hand.

Note: I’m not saying these desires don’t invite self-examination! Only that accepting their truth is a non-negotiable first step before any effective examination or integration can be done.

Just fill out my coaching application here, and I’ll get back to you with all the details for each.

Yours in belonging,

<3 Jessi

The post {#TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

https://ift.tt/2PCg8G9

#{TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict

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ruthellisneda · 6 years

Text

{#TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict

I’m in a business mastermind program right now, working on clarifying my message and deciding what to create next! (It’s super awesome.)

Last week I had to do a whole bunch of writing about what “problem” my target audience has, and how they’ve already gone about trying to solve it, and I got super stuck.

So what’s the conflict?

Well, on one hand, my clients want to completely reject the whole concept that a woman needs to be beautiful, thin, and desirable. On the other hand, they want to feel beautiful, thin, and desirable.

But on the flip side of that, they also hold themselves to a super high standard, worrying about how they look and trying to ever-improve their desirability.

Trust me, I get it.

The problem is that the idea of actually rebelling against these standards is fucking terrifying.

These women have two separate and conflicting needs:

Need #1: Belonging, acceptance, and connection

Need #2: Living in alignment with their own personal values

Ugh. The tension between these two needs is excruciating.

It’s not exactly that she was afraid of being judged for looking different, mind you. It was more that she didn’t want to trade the treatment her long hair offered her.

This is why body image is so much more complicated than just saying “who cares what people think of you?”

It’s so easy to say “self-love is a choice,” but that completely ignores the very different ways people treat us based on how we look, and the very normal desire for status and privilege.

Does this resonate with you?

I get it.

You want to be a revolutionary, but you also want to belong. You want to be a rebel, but you also want people to like you.

That’s why it’s so important to meet yourself where you’re at, and embrace both desires without feeling bad or guilty about either.

The first step to self-acceptance is accepting that you have this conflict in the first place. That’s why I teach my clients the following five magic words:

“…and that’s not a problem”

Add this simple little phrase to the end of literally any sentence about yourself, and notice the shift in energy around the topic at hand.

Note: I’m not saying these desires don’t invite self-examination! Only that accepting their truth is a non-negotiable first step before any effective examination or integration can be done.

Just fill out my coaching application here, and I’ll get back to you with all the details for each.

Yours in belonging,

<3 Jessi

The post {#TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

https://ift.tt/2PCg8G9

#{TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict

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johnclapperne · 6 years

Text

{#TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict

I’m in a business mastermind program right now, working on clarifying my message and deciding what to create next! (It’s super awesome.)

Last week I had to do a whole bunch of writing about what “problem” my target audience has, and how they’ve already gone about trying to solve it, and I got super stuck.

So what’s the conflict?

Well, on one hand, my clients want to completely reject the whole concept that a woman needs to be beautiful, thin, and desirable. On the other hand, they want to feel beautiful, thin, and desirable.

But on the flip side of that, they also hold themselves to a super high standard, worrying about how they look and trying to ever-improve their desirability.

Trust me, I get it.

The problem is that the idea of actually rebelling against these standards is fucking terrifying.

These women have two separate and conflicting needs:

Need #1: Belonging, acceptance, and connection

Need #2: Living in alignment with their own personal values

Ugh. The tension between these two needs is excruciating.

It’s not exactly that she was afraid of being judged for looking different, mind you. It was more that she didn’t want to trade the treatment her long hair offered her.

This is why body image is so much more complicated than just saying “who cares what people think of you?”

It’s so easy to say “self-love is a choice,” but that completely ignores the very different ways people treat us based on how we look, and the very normal desire for status and privilege.

Does this resonate with you?

I get it.

You want to be a revolutionary, but you also want to belong. You want to be a rebel, but you also want people to like you.

That’s why it’s so important to meet yourself where you’re at, and embrace both desires without feeling bad or guilty about either.

The first step to self-acceptance is accepting that you have this conflict in the first place. That’s why I teach my clients the following five magic words:

“…and that’s not a problem”

Add this simple little phrase to the end of literally any sentence about yourself, and notice the shift in energy around the topic at hand.

Note: I’m not saying these desires don’t invite self-examination! Only that accepting their truth is a non-negotiable first step before any effective examination or integration can be done.

Just fill out my coaching application here, and I’ll get back to you with all the details for each.

Yours in belonging,

<3 Jessi

The post {#TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

https://ift.tt/2PCg8G9

#{TransparentTuesday} The Beauty/Body Conflict

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ohh-kaye · 6 years

Text

2018 Resolutions

FIRSTLY! I WROTE HALF OF THIS AND TUMBLR RELOADED ITSELF AND I LITERALLY JUST LOST EVERYTHING.

OKay let’s hope I remember what I initially wrote.

Let’s see my resolutions from last year, shall we?

1. Master the keyboard (YES/NO)

I have my keyboard next to me because I really want to learn how to play “When” by Dodie and it’s been stocked up for a while now. I’m not exactly a “master” but I have got a hold of the basics this year so I do know some things. I can look at chords online and play the song which is progress. I mean, that’s basically how I learned how to play the uke so I’m doing well... I think.

2. Wear more jewellery (NO)

Failed that completely. It didn’t even try to be honest. I go to uni and hospital and I don’t go out to socialise so I never had the chance to wear them. It was just a hassle to try and match them with I’m wearing and because I wear a lot of long sleeved shirts, they get covered anyway. Plus, I’m at home when I have free time so I just never got around to wearing any of the many necklaces and bracelets I have. Phooey.

3. Read more books (YES)

I’ll just leave that there.

4. Watch my weight (YES)

Okay. It took me forever to figure out how to make a chart since I haven’t done so since high school but here’s the result! I’m actually so proud of myself.

I lost 15 kgs this year. I’m still far my goal weight and I’m borderline healthy-overweight on my BMI but I actually did it and I’m so proud of myself. I look through old photos of myself and at the time I thought “I didn’t look too bad” but now I realise how badly I’ve treated myself and how “in the clouds” I was with my weight. I’m no better mentally because calorie counting is fuelling my undiagnosed OCD and I’m basically restricting but I’m getting smaller and as sick as I realise that is, I am proud of the discipline and progress I’ve made.

5. Go through and use my make-up (YES/NO)

I don’t wear a lot of make-up but I am going through them and I try to make myself look presentable when I leave the house. I have gone through quite a lot but I haven’t used too many so it’s a yes and no.

6. Be fluent in a new language (YES/NO)

I’ve been doing or at least trying to do them everyday (I have missed a couple of days because I forgot or I knew I just had no time. That’s why it’s not a 366 day streak). I honestly thought I would only get to 25% for each but I’ve surpassed that. I can understand a few sentences when I hear them in movies or TV and I can string together a few phrases but I’m not fluent yet. It’s just a shame I won’t be applying my knowledge because I won’t be going on the Austrian Study Tour at my uni but I do plan on going at some point to the place of origin of these amazing languages and hopefully I won’t get lost.

7. Get my L’s (YES)

I’ve been driving to work now and me and my brother have driving lessons so maybe in the next year or 2 years, I ‘ll get my P’s. I’m not rushing with this because I don’t really want to drive, I just need to. So I’m pacing this very slowly. BUT I AM GETTING THERE. I know how to reverse a car and drive in my lane so that’s a good thing.

8. Be less sad/depressed/anxious (NO)

AHAHAHAHA I knew this would be fucking impossible.

I’ve succeeded on a lot of resolutions which judging by the title of that (New Year’s Resolutions that I’ll probably stop doing by February.) I had no belief in myself so this is all very surprising.

Here’s a new list because working towards something is helpful and I might surprise myself again next year.

(This is also very last minute. Writing this has been on my list since the beginning of the month)

1. Actually master the keyboard.

I’ll put this here again because I really want to learn.

2. Reach my goal weight.

I’ll probably end up failing this because my weight loss has plateaued since fucking October?ish but the closer I get to that goal weight, I’ll be okay.

3. Maintain my skin and hair care routine

I have a skin care routine now because I’m an adult. I hate my face and because of this routine, my skin’s been settled. The annoying thing is, since my pimples can’t go to my face, it goes everywhere else. like wtf?

I’ve noticed that my hair’s thinning out and falling even though it’s been weeks since I did anything to it. I think it’s because I’m not eating as much but I put coconut oil on it after I shower. I’ll admit that’s not a hair care routine but it’s a start and maybe I’ll change it up next year because I’m actually worried that my hair is dead.

4. Go to the dentist.

I haven’t seen a dentist in fuckin 4 years and I didn’t use my retainer properly and my teeth are shifting and they’re yellow from all the coffee and I have cavities again because I forget to brush my teeth ahahaha. I have a laundry list of problems I need fixing and I need to get my ass on a dentist’s chair asap. It’s just too expensive.

5. Continue to read more books.

I’ll put this here again because I know next year will be pretty busy so I would still love to achieve my Goodreads challenge. And I have bought a lot of books since last year and I need to read them all.

6. Review for the GAMSAT.

I should start thinking about Medicine to be honest. I don’t want to be 30 before I’m a licensed physician. That’s not the end of the world though but that is my goal.

7. Get 75% on my Duolingo

I’ll add this here too because it is a continuous thing that doesn’t just end after the year is up. I’m not aiming for 100% because the progress gets slower the more words you learn so 75% seems achievable.

8. Go to another country.

Obviously, this isn’t the Austria Study Tour because I won’t be going to that but around the end of the year, my relatives from the US keep asking us to visit when we graduate and I actually want to go (on my own if I can) because I feel some sort of independence when doing big things by myself and I feel like if I do this, then I’ll be a full-fledged adult. This resolution is a long shot but idk maybe it will happen. I’m not getting my hopes up though.

9. Get my grad.

I can’t explain this because it’s related to Nursing. Basically, it’s a job as an RN but they give you the support like you’re a student so you’re not abandoned. This is a good step in the door because you get a job right away instead of waiting until your application is accepted. This is competitive amongst all graduating nursing students so hopefully I get it.

10. Be less of a hoarder.

I’ve started doing this a couple of months ago and it’s something I want to maintain. I’m a certified hoarder and I buy things I already have a lot of or I don’t need. So I’m training myself to look at an object and ask myself “Does this give me joy?”. If not, I can toss it.

11. Eat healthier.

This’ll be hard because I love meat. I honestly want to be a pescatarian though because I don’t want to be vegan but I know that red meat will kill me in the long term. I think mainly this resolution is just to choose better options with food. If it’s a choice between meat or fish or salads then I’ll pick the healthier option. ya dig?

12. Focus on my mental health.

Yet again I set myself an impossible goal. I know I’ll be stressed next year and I’ll have frequent anxiety attacks, mental breakdowns and quarter life crises but if I can’t keep it at a minimum by continuing this blog then I’ll be fine. Choose happiness or whatever that bullshit phrase is.

I THINK THAT’LL BE IT! I can’t think of anymore stuff to actively pursue for next year. They’ll be new things along the way but if I can do as much as I can to better myself then everything will be okay.

I sound so fucking pretentious when I’m being optimistic.

We will all die one day and everything will be for nothing.

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nofomoartworld · 7 years

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Art F City: We Went to Frieze, Part One: Seagull Poop, People Poop, and Demon Poop

The Frieze entrance. Photo: Paddy Johnson

Every year Frieze installs a massive tent on Randall’s Island and lures jetsetters from across the globe to its contemporary art fair. This year, the fair expanded its usual roster of contemporary art galleries to include a few secondary market stalwarts as well. Newcomers to the fair included Bernard Jacobson Gallery, Castelli Gallery, and Axel Vervoordt and Eykyn Maclean.

That’s not a huge change in the landscape of the fair, but notably the fair’s director, Victoria Siddall, told the Art Newspaper recently that there was a significant uptick in applications from galleries in this market. Is Frieze grooming the New York market for an edition of their London-based Frieze Masters (a fair focused on secondary market art works)? Only time will tell.

Meanwhile, Frieze New York is much better than usual. Art fair standards that drag these events down—geometric abstraction, process based abstraction, and assembly line art works by A-list artists—were few and far between. Overall, the work on view seemed unusually fresh and thoughtful. Neither are words we normally use to describe art fair art, let alone that at Frieze.

Jon Rafman, Dream Journal, 2017, single-channel video

Michael: The first artwork we saw entering Frieze this year was a painting by Tala Madani of a man crawling away from the viewer, scrotum in tow. The last piece we saw was a Jon Rafman animation that involved voluptuous young women wearing a xanax cap, popping demons’ pimples, navigating holes in space time, and pooping balls of demon blood.

Paddy: Well, technically speaking the first work we saw was an Elmgreen & Dragset piece at Massimo De Carlo that placed a plaster vulture on top of a wire fence and gate with a sign that read “Miracle”. It seemed like an appropriate way to start the fair. I interpreted this message to mean that as fair visitors, we’re all scavengers seeking the false hope that art provides.

Michael: Ha! I literally had to convince myself it wasn’t a reference to the gated-off holy town (with meta-promotion) in HBO’s The Leftovers. But I’m pleasantly surprised by how much we enjoyed Frieze this year. In a strange way, some of the booths reminded me of NADA a few years ago, back when we actually liked NADA. By that I mean the boring, fussy, predictable stuff we expect from “mature” fairs seems to have retreated significantly at Frieze. So many booths this year felt fun, for lack of a better word.

A few quickly-identifiable trends:

Political work that didn’t take itself too seriously (and some that did).

Less video and installation.

Artists referencing classical architecture in new ways (works that wouldn’t look out of place in an old townhouse with a very modern renovation, perhaps?)

Afro-centric photography

Playful paintings (Plenty of figuration including strange nudes or more-fun-looking abstraction).

More people wearing Comme des Garçons than I had ever seen in one room in real life. (Thanks Met Gala).

Text based neon

Mirrors on furniture

Seagull paintings with poop

Here are some of the highlights (and a few lowlights) from Frieze, with more to come tomorrow:

Elmgreen & Dragset at Massimo De Carlo

Tala Madani at David Kordansky Gallery

R.H. Quaytman, “D. Kasper”, 2017, Silkscreen ink, diamond dust, gesso on two wood panels with self. Miguel Abreu Gallery.

Paddy: Miguel Abreu Gallery’s stock and trade might best be described as careful formalism paired with academic intelligence, and the booth showcased some of the best versions of this ranging from a Liz Deschenes striped chromogenic print to a Hans Bellmer photograph of a doll dismembered and bound. None of these works photograph well, including the R.H. Quaytman above made with diamond dust. I’m assuming the work above refers to artist Dawn Kasper, who perhaps most famously transplanted her studio to the Whitney Biennial in 2015. Normally, Quaytman has a tome of background that goes into her paintings. None of that is visible here, though. It’s just a foot ornamented with lines diamond dust—a rather pristine representation of a performance artist whose studio looks like a hoarders depot.

Michael: That’s funny: this is the kind of work I was excited to see less of this year. I was bored almost immediately upon walking into the booth.

Paddy: Why?

Michael: I suppose it all felt familiar? I think I was in a headspace of wanting to be surprised all day and this just looked like such an art fair booth. Even when I found kinda average works from artists I really love (Marilyn Minter at Salon 94, for example) I just wanted to move on to something new.

Paddy: I’d agree that the Bellmer’s were lesser works from his overall oeuvre, but the quality of the Liz Deschenes wowed and surprised me. (It is made up of white glossy stripes and impossible to photograph, so sorry—no reproduction here.) It’s exactly the kind of work I’d dismiss as easy minimalist abstraction, except that in the same way that a Daniel Buren stripe painting can kind of vibrate from the wall, so too did the subtle undulations of the fading black and white stripes in her print. If there was any way to photograph it I would have made it a highlight.

Adriano Costa at Mendes Wood DM

Michael: I can’t tell if Adriano Costa’s work is terrible or brilliant… and for that I have a total art crush. We first spotted a painting comprising spray paint on ugly HGTV-makeover-show-looking tiling, which read “My Boyfriend is Vegan”. I literally LOLed. Another piece features real tools sewn to the canvas and another is covered in knee-length socks the artist has ironed-on phrases to. The majority of these socks just ask “FANCY A FUCK?”

Paddy: I suppose if you’re going to put text on socks affixed to a painting that’s a reasonable message?

John Currin at Gagosian, Installation view

I’m not sure I can forgive John Currin for being a Republican, but I have to acknowledge the skill of these drawings. The left half of the booth is weaker than the right, which tends to have a few more fully rendered images that have been more thought out. As per usual with Currin, the weirder, the better.

John Currin at Gagosian

Andres Serrano, “America” at Galerie Nathalie Obadia

Michael: Boy, French/Belgian Galerie Nathalie Obadia probably thought they had hit the mother-of-all-timely/conceptual-bombs when someone remembered “Oh yeah, didn’t Andres Serrano do a photo series after 9/11 where he took pictures of Muslim girls and Mexican workers and Donald Trump for some reason and American flags with blood on them and called it ‘America’? Like back when Donald Trump was just a weird C-List celebrity? So deep and prescient!”

The problem with this improbably hot-button-relevant series from over a dozen years ago is that the work is just terrible. The fact that Serrano’s response to 9/11 was to photograph “BLACK PEOPLE! WHITE PEOPLE! INDIAN PEOPLE! FAMOUS PEOPLE!” like a buy-the-world-a-coke commercial (that’s selling me what, exactly?) is so cheesy. That this series now looks important because it features Donald Trump as a sitter and he’s an asshole to the demographics of the other sitters just makes this more cringe-worthy.

Paddy: These aren’t even good commercial portraits. The backgrounds looks like they’re made from cheap colored gels and the only visual trick to the work is that he’s managed to infuse the skin tones with some of the same lighting tones. Someone needs to show his bunny rabbit series. There’s no intellectual heft to them either, but there, the cheeseball backgrounds seem funny—like intentional faux-preciousness for an already ridiculous concept—rabbit portraits.

Roman Ondak, “Swap”, 2011, Performance, edition 3 of 5 at Esther Schipper.

Paddy: Okay, I know this looks like a terrible photo of this poor lad, but it’s actually incredibly illustrative of the annoying qualities in this performance, which is why we’re using it. (Also, it’s the only photo we have.) The performance title, “Swap”, tells a viewer everything they need to know—the guy pictured above sits at a table for four days, swapping one item for another, in the hopes of swapping upwards. It’s an art fair, though, so when we saw him all he’d been able to do was swap business cards.

Michael, you refused his business card swap offer when you were approached, explaining that that’s the last thing you want more of at a fair. When he tried to tell you this card would be art, I lost my manners. “OoooOOOOooooh, Art!” I told him, laughing hysterically. After that he refused to talk to me.

Anyway, apologies to the man in the chair, but this Roman Ondak performance deserves a special place in hell. What in God’s name is the purpose of this piece? To unpack and aggrandize the concept of swapping? Sell someone else.

Michael: I kept thinking this performance was never meant for an art fair. At a gallery in a warehouse district in Berlin (the gallery’s hometown) I am sure the exchanges would be much more interesting. Here, of course the only thing people would have with them are business cards or maybe an overpriced bottle of juice. Don’t they make you check all your personal effects at the door of the tent?

Paddy: I still think he should have took the elastic a nearby photographer offered him. He could have done better with that.

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