I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GREAT DAY/NIGHT

I LOVE YOU

The Waves we will overcome 2019.5.30

Today is Thursday, and not much is going on at the office.

A few things happened through out these three weeks,

First, i've been in the hospital for treatments for my W****. I had surgery and fusion,and now getting needles. Today will be my "last" day if you understand. I've gone through all these on my own, i feel i have grow up so much and got so much stronger. Since Tuesday when Charlotte asked me if i was at Cages, i felt a bit untrusted. I mean i post my photos on social media the way i want to. I did lie a bit about leaving early for every day, but i don't think it'll hurt that much, i mean i don't have much to do and would rather go home early and rest. TBH i have to, cuz i had surgery and need good sleep, and i only go out once a week just to have fun, i don't think that would hurt anyone.

I mean i'm doing everything that is right, why should i feel guity about not doing my work right. I've been working hard on Estee Lauder and anything i can help with. I know i am doing the right thing, and i've been quite and not eager. People ahhh, i shouldn't judge but i just feel hurt that Charlotte doesn't believe me and she judged me while i'm sick but still trying my best.

I feel terribly aweful if having this sick, i didn't want it at all, but Father allowed it in order 1. To let me truley rest and take a step back to see what my life is going on. 2. To let me see through how i treat myself, i always thought i have a slef love education by learning on the internet, but not experiencing it. In order to love yourself in any situation , hard times especially, when you can't control what you've done, the mistakes that you've made when you have no knowledge that you will, beaucase if you knew, you wouldn't make the "mistake". 3. To love yourslef and learn from your mistakes, avoid yourself in that ttemptation or situation, and you have to be very consistance and to know you will have a really really hard time overcome that situation, and know one thing : You will make the mistake once more, trust me, you might get through it once , twice or three times. And you'll feel regret and guilt. But how so ever, never quite. The next time try a different way to look at it and approach it with another attitude, don't fear it, overcome it and tell yourself :" This is under my control, i know if i do this , the answer is...If i do this instead, the answer is...." Let youself have knowledge about what id going to happen and instead of being that, try to say " Hmm, i think i feel a bit ....what and why i am feeling like this....is it becuase..." 4. Then ask yourself " How do i want to feel."

This is what i have learned so far, i fell and i'm up again. I might fall again, but i won't quite. Never the less, no matter what i do, i support myself no matter what! I'm my best best suporter , no one or nothing can crush me plus ~ i am the daughter of God, who can stand againts us !!!

Devil not today ! You sucker !

So techically my May most of the time is doing treatments.

I start going back to didge ball, i love it! It's so fun ~~

Had a small arguement with Lena，我觉得她心眼有点小 But that's who she is Lena.

James is home cuz Kathy went to Bali island. I heard mom say they two had a very nice and fun talk yesterday ~ Very amazing !!!! Thank you Father ~

Ian and i are friends, we goof around play and trust each other so much. Picking each other nose and see gets the most lol It's our thing. I really want to be with him for a really really long time, maybe we can get married in some time in the future. He is willing to and i feel like we are on the same page. For now we've gone through this really hard ship together, we get healed together and feel clean for each other, the way how he acts to this is mature and understandable. The next step i really hope we could have a better converstaion and open hearted talk, and i belive we will very soon, he'll let me know is fears and frustrations. Thank you so much for letting him in my life although i know he hasn't put down all his guards yet, but i know he will and i will keep praying for him and our future. Father please let him get to know you through me. All i have and everything i do is becuase of your love and mercy, Thank you so much for all the things that i have now.

I am so grateful that mom and James is in a good healthy relationship , they both are changing and getting better in hardship! Bless them, bless their hearts to be happy and healthy. Bless that they will not stress to much, bless that they will have love and joy in each day!!

Thank you for all the things, my work, my friends my family. Thank you so much Father! Bless my day today that i can live in your words and i can learn new things and i can talk the beautiful things out of your wisdom and knowledge. Provide me strength and power ! Thank you so much! Amen !!!All glory belongs to you!!!