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#WOULDVE known better not because im good with empathy or social stuff but just bc i put in an effort
blueslight
·
1 year
Text
Man
#My friend forgot that they said theyd come to my house today and even though i texted them.aboht it at 1pm which they read at 3pm they
#didnt bother saying ANYTHING to me until literaly rivht now (its nearly 7pm so tge day is effecrively over)
#and like. my friend is autistic (so am I obviously) so on one hand im like yeah they probably dont know any better but on the other hand i
#WOULDVE known better not because im good with empathy or social stuff but just bc i put in an effort
#and like . well what would i say cause. like i said theyre autistic im sure its not great to get upset with an autistic person for doing
#something autistic BUT LIKE ITS STILL HURTFUL!!! AND IM AUTISTIC MYSELF
#but my mom raised me to be like so painfully aware and competent (in real life online obviously i act like a madman) that its near
#impossible for me to hang out with other autistic/adhd people without feeling like their fuckin dad bc they refuse to put in any effort
#into our friendship beyond exactly that they feel like doing
#and stuff like this is constantly happening like hanging out with them is always overshadowed by the fact that i have to plan everything
#and take care of everything and remind them of everything bc otherwise they literally want altho i KNOW they can
#*wont
#but at the same time im TOO weird to hang out with neurotypicals but with other nd people its always shit like this
#and there are few things i hate as much as having to take care of people in contexts like this esp cause it just means i have to mask way
#more cuz the others wont put in the slightest effort meanwhile ANY social interaction is like moving a mountain for me ive just gotten
#so used to the effort BC WHAT ELSE DO I FUCKING DO I DONT WANNA DIE ALONE
#but neither of my friends are as driven with tbis as i am. like if theyre not motivated to do something they literally wont do it
#and like im rarely motivated either but THERE IS NO CHOICE BUT TO DO IT !!! but bc i guess their parents never enforced any rules now
#they are exhausting to deal with
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