#WHY DOES AUTOCORRECT KEEP CHANGING HIS NAME TO CHASE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alovevigilante · 3 years

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George Carlin: Trix, are for kids.

Kari: Well, Mikey likes it.

George: That’s life. My point exactly.

Kari: What is this in reference to exactly?

George: Cereal.

Kari: why are we discussing cereal? I was politely drinking my coffee, and keeping to myself...

George: you forget, you think ass thoughts, so I’m here, to interrupt your negative flow.

Kari: what was I thinking about?

George: ass.

Kari: I was?! I didn’t even realize I was entertaining that.

George: Kari, you’ve been entertaining ass all this time and you don’t even know it...

Kari: I do? Is it amused?

George: very.

Kari: well then, I guess that’s good?

George: are you happy right now?

Kari: not particularly.

George: then it’s not good.

Kari: right. So, you’re saying that you interrupted my flow, with cereal. Why?

George: couple of reasons: 1. It’s breakfast time, and I’m hungry.

Kari: I’m not.

George: yeah, i noticed.

Kari: ok, well, what’s the second reason?

George: you don’t even realize it, do you?

Kari: probably not. What is it?

George: you are now, alone, and talking to yourself. And I’m not ok with it.

Kari: why not?

George: cause you have a friend waiting to invest in you, and you’re ignoring him.

Kari: I am?!

George: yes.

Kari: ok, who is it?

George: your son. He wants you to talk to him about silly shit. And you are sitting here, wallowing in your old energy of career woes.

Kari: I was?! I’m talking to him!

George: yes, but not fully. So, go give your full attention to him! Watch his Cookie Monster make shit in his food truck even though he’s a monster, and he lives on a street with weird animals that talk, and people who don’t think that’s at all unusual.

Kari: I’ve always wanted to live there too..

George: I know. You’re weird too.

Kari: yeah. So I’ve been told and thought of that way...

George: besides, you’re entirely too filthy to live there because of your ass talk.

Kari: maybe I could live with Oscar... He’s pretty filthy too.

George: no, he already lives with Chong. Besides, Frank oz has banned you from there for life because of your nut bag naughty talk.

Kari: oh... ok. Well, dreams are not all they’re cracked up to be sometimes anyway, I guess.

George: your dreams aren’t you. You create them. Do you think you’d really be happy living on Sesame Street?

Kari: no, I’m pretty ok not doing that.

George: right. So, be cool where you are, and then once that happens, you can move on up to the east side. But before you do that, you have to be cool, with you.

Kari: oh shit. I’m never going to be the Jeffersons, ok?! I’m going to be working on this forever.... I feel like I’ll never get there.

George: well, you won’t if you sit on the internet writing about how you won’t, and avoiding engaging in your present moment which is where you are physically right now in your three dimensional reality.

Karl: good point.

George: it’s why I’m here.

Kari: ok, well, bye for now, I guess.

George; I’m coming with you. There’s nothing going on on here without you. I’m done with the sifting through sexy illustrations to entertain the few who dig them.

Belushi, John: I’m not!

George: yes, we are.

Kari: ok, well, let’s go.

John: noooooooooooooooooo....

George: yes.

Kari: I’m tired.

George: Leave us here then.

John Belushi: yes!!!

Kari: ok, cool. See ya whenever.

Richard Pryor: (to George) listen, she is my pal, ok? I’m not cool with her leaving us here to be ourselves on the internet. I’m not ok with that. Ok?! So no. And I’m mad. And I’m sad. And I’m not going to take it anymore. And I’m going to hold my breath and turn pink and beige and purple and cry and scream and joke and get my dick caught in my fly, and pee on my radio I walk around with, and discuss taboo subjects that most women wouldn’t go near with a ten foot dick asshole combo pole, cause she and I are cool, ok? So leave it be, George!

George: ok, Richie.That’s the reason why she’s upset. This energy she’s writing, is us man, ok? It’s not her. That’s the reason why she’s yelling every five minutes about famous people that she has a slight, marginal interest in.

Kari: that’s actually not true.

George: then why are you yelling?

Kari: ok, well, a few reasons. 1. I’m Italian, so it goes without stereotypical saying, 2. I’m mad, because you guys won’t shut it, and mainly 3. Because these are the NUT BAG MOTHBALLS that made me want to go into the entertainment field to begin with.

George: why does that make you mad and yell?

Kari: because I need a job, and I’m now the laughing stock of Hollywood because of my ass writing! And now, I feel the need to go back to school, to make myself into something I’m not, to get paid in a job that I’m not qualified for, ok?! No. It’s not ok. I’m not ok with it!!! I’m pissed that I decided to chase a dream that didn’t pan out, and didn’t fulfill me, because I found out too late, that I didn’t invest fully, in believing in myself. I listened to what everyone else thought about me, and I swallowed it. I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere, because I felt like I wasn’t accepted or liked. And that completely fucked me up. I’m still like that. And instead of caring about myself, and supporting myself internally, I changed my career, and spent our nest egg on being a designer for an exhibit that I couldn’t pull off for various reasons with help from my husband and a handful of others, trying to prove myself to people and the world at large that I was worth investing in, and that they themselves, were also worth investing in. I just have nothing to go back to... Sigh... It’s a longer story than war or peace...

Belushi, John: or this story you’re telling now...

Kari: Belushi, I’m not in the mood. I will string you up by your grubby lil toes and wave your ass all around Chicagoland because I don’t leave my city often, and display you in the next thanksgiving day parade here, on state street, next to the second bozo which isn’t too shabby but he’s no bob bell which he literally isn’t, and svengoolie, who should be in the parade, but isn’t! Ok?! So start with me again, poop bucket! I’m not in the mood to scoop your shit today, ok?! Yeahhh! And now on top of all that, I have to tend to you cause you’re a pain in my ass, I have to go back to school which I don’t have the dough or energy to do, I’m going to be over 50 before I can have enough credits and credentials so I can prove to society that I’m qualified to be a professional something or other, and I’ll be in the hole another hundred grand at least, and no, autocorrect, I’m not bitter, I’m sad, and lost, and aggravated, and done with all of this.

Belushi, John: pft... women...

Kari: I’ll give you women, ok? You take away the w in women and that’s what you’re gonna get from me in about 5 milliseconds ok? The Omen! Ok?! And not just because I have my lady time, ok?!!? Just start running now.. run for the Hollywood hills...

Belushi John: ha! The jokes on her, she’ll never go there...

Kari: I will go just to pin you up by your asscheeks, and go to verbally pummel the douche that made the “Jeff” meme go viral. But, my neighbor’s name is also Jeff. Do check out HIS good shit, cause he’s an amazing guitarist... just sayin... so shut your pie ass flap mouth butt jerk fach John Belushi head!

Belushi, John: No! Now wait a minute! Wait just a cotton pickin John candy corn minute...

John candy; No.

George: see Richie?! That’s why we can’t do this anymore... This shit is out of control.

Richard: ok, Kari, I get all of this, ok? I really do. Listen, we all got a good thing going here, ok? You’re like a man that looks like a woman, and you’re fun, and we can say our shit, and talk about the shit, and be the best of us without getting bashed by the critics, and no one gives a shit, ok?

Kari: But they do give a shit!!!

Richard: but do you?

Kari: I guess I do....

George: yeah, that’s what we’ve been working on thinking ourselves out of. Where have you been, Richie?!

Rick James: cocaine is a hell of a drug...

Richard: So let’s stay here and be cool, Kari, ok?! You’re as honest as fuck, ok? And that’s really honest. And we can work it out together, ok? And you won’t talk shit about bill Murray anymore cause Harold Ramis decided that he’s no fun anymore anyway.

Harold ramis: it’s true. Bill Murray is no fun anymore anyway.

(George turns back to Kari.)

George: Kari?

Kari: right. Scene.

George: no! Kari. You! Just fucking finally be ok, with you! You are also, this, in a way. And you know it. You’ve just never been brave enough to trust it, or let anyone see it! So bring it back around.

Kari: how the hell can I do that?! This shit went all over creation, ok?! I don’t know how to bring it back! We went from negative subconscious thoughts to not spending time with my son who’s taking to me about Cookie Monster and Swedish pancakes or something cause I’m half listening and not present writing you goofballs, to living with Oscar and Chong in oscars garbage can on Sesame Street, and then Richard wants to stay and yell about his sore dick without people being pissed about it, and Belushi, John wants to weed though dirty pics for the rest of my life....

John: I do, I really do...

Jackie mason: and Richard screams like a kid, that’s turns all shades of colors cause he’s pitching a fit, and she is a visibly labeled a white woman even though she doesn’t define or identify herself like that, but people don’t know where she’s coming from, so they potentially think she’s a racist and a lunatic cause they’ve never met her before, and she’s talking more shit than Steve Martin did as Navin r. Johnson in the jerk, and everyone accepted that shit, and she’s also talking like dead and live celebrities! They don’t know her from shit, or shineola, and yet they avoid her like she is shit, because of all of this! And Harold ramis called bill Murray a sad sack of potatoes the other day, and her only 2 points of reference to zets him are ghostbusters and meatballs! And she’s sick of it! Ok?! I’m done too! We all are! How many times can she talk about meatballs the movie in her life?! There’s a limit! And if there isn’t, there should be! And I’m even done with the meatballs, ok?! And that’s saying something! It is!!!! Cause I’m not Italian, but I normally love meatballs! And people are like, “why the hell is she talking about that movie meatballs? It’s 700 years old!” And moreover, most people are like, “what the hell is she talking about cause I’ve never even heard of the movie meatballs ever!!!” Ok?! So no! No to all of this!!!! And you don’t need an optigrab to see THAT! (Put the emphasis on the single syllable, THAT! Please read this stage direction out loud. Didn’t? Go back to the beginning of this scene, and do it all over again. Thank you- the management... read this part too... out loud. Yes.) oy. She’s a real nus pilke!

Kari: How the hell do I put a button on this nut ball scene?!

George: Kari, it’s breakfast time. Ok? So go eat.

Kari: righto.

Arthur Spooner: you owe the king of queens 7 zillion dollars and ten cents for the use of the word, “righto” as residual payment for quotes.

Kari: put it on my tab.

Steve Martin: ahhhhh yessss... your TAB.... (Steve paces around in silence for effect) You, mrs. Smartyshortlessbutyouareshortsoyes, owe me, the very abundant Steve Marin, THI-RTY big ones.... yes!!!! Thirty whole CENTS, for the shineola and optigrab reference, NOT to mention but I will because I always do, the use of the word tab, because I, Steve Martin alone, featured it in the jerk the movie, back in 1979, which I can’t remember, because I’ve been too obsessed with blue grasses for the last umpteen years! So yes, mrs. Keillornopantscausetheygowayupyournetherlandsnevertoreturnagain, I’m mad at you, a woman I don’t know about and have never met and don’t want to cause I’m a very busy and important star, yessss, and I hate you, even though all the aforementioned shit, and shineola, which I can say without crediting or paying myself, or I can’t, check said THAT! Not to mention that now I am a big time master class leader teacher, which puts me next in line to be the Pope of comedy not funny, erase it, no, and you are a grammatical mess, with your run on sentences and lack of proper punctuation...

John Cleese and Eric idly watching in agreement: quite.

John Cleese: I also teach a masters class in comedy.

Steve Martin: .... Which means yes to me, and yes to John Cleese, but no, to you, Kari keillor, for your ass talk. And if Carl Reiner was here, he’d say the same thing, only with a wink, and a gotcha!!!! Mr. serious Steve Martin, which I am, cause I forgot who was talking, so stick THAT in your pipe, and smoke it, lady!!!!

Joe Tex: 🥸🎶 He GOTCHA! 🎶

Kari: oh duck....

George: go now, before it gets worse.

Kari: ok, fine! I’ll put a button on this shit myself!!!! Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes are grrrrrrreat!

Tony the Tiger: you owe Kellogg’s 10 cents bitch...

John: man, that tiger is an assss!

George: listen Kari, feeling grrrrreat is a bit too lofty of an energy from where your at right now in this scene to be able to maintain it. Try for a bran cereal. That’s the next best energy for your mood, and it’ll help you to eliminate this shit.

Kari: ok. Plop, plop, fizz fizz oh what a relief it is...

George: close enough.

Scene.

P.S. I do love ALL my ladies of comedy. Yes, all... including the men.

This monologue/scene, is written by me, and for no one but me. I’m pretty sure it will now ensure my demise in the entertainment industry, and most likely go down, as the worst piece of shit, ever written. I will now go, and search the want ads, and forget all about this.... hopefully.

Appendices: I found 2 potential job leads. Fingers crossed 🤞....

1 note · View note

sleepyfan-blog · 5 years

Text

Recue Sci

fandom: Undertale multiverse AU

First part of this series is here. Previous is here.

characters: SF!Sans, FS!Sans, Fell!Sans, Ink, Science!Sans, Dr. Alphys, W.D. Gaster

warnings: cursing

word count: 3,152

Summary: The Fell Squad and Ink go to rescue Sci.

“Ink you better not have left the nerd in the ass end of some shit AU.” Red growled, his voice a low, bass rumble of protective irritation.

The creative guardian sighed a little bit and shook his head, before realizing that he was talking to Red on the phone and said “Sci should be fine. As far as I know, he's in his home timeline. I’ve gotten similarly irritated messages from Razz and Blackberry. Just what do you three think is going on with him?”

“... Did you not receive the text message from him less than five minutes ago asking for help? Or do you just not care?” Red snapped, irritated at how disinterested the bastard sounded.

“Hmm? Oh that. Yeah I saw that - I checked on him. He’s fine! I popped my head in to see where he was. He’s taking a nap on an exam table in Hotlands.” Ink answered with a shrug that the other Sans couldn’t see “He was probably just trying to avoid falling asleep - you know how he often overworks himself. There’s also a chance that he was trying to type something else and his phone autocorrected. He had it in his hand still.”

“... Is his Gaster still alive?” Red demanded after a moment, sounding even more worried than before.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Ink asked, curious and confused as to why that mattered at all. "But yes, he is."

"Because the Gaster I knew was an unmitigated bastard who experimented on me an' my bro for years before we managed to shove that old bastard into the heart of the Core? And the nerd's Gaster has decided that it's time to torture him? I know you have the whole 'I don't interfere with the running of timelines' thing but you take us in and out of our own and help each other with things all the time. And if Sci is all traumatized all to shit, then he's not going to be able to help you with science-y shit." Red growled "So come get me, Razz and Blackberry. We'll punch Gaster in the face for you and rescue Sci. All you gotta do is get us there."

"Hmm... In exchange for...?" Ink pressed, a small smile on his face, curious as to see if he could get anything out of the irritable monster.

"Ugh. Next time you gotta deal with Error's bullshit, call me up and I'll drop everything I'm doing to help you. No questions asked and no complaining." Red offered with a scowl.

Ink brightened up - getting this promise from Razz and Blackberry as well. He didn't necessarily need their help to deal with Error, but it certainly made the fight easier to contain the potential extra damage that Error could do to a timeline before they chased him off. And the fights didn't take as long before the destructive glitch decided that it wasn't worth his time to fight all of them at once - especially as the others had gotten so much better at dodging his strings. “Great! Thank you Red. I’ll be in your timeline in about five minutes or so - Razz and Blackberry want to see Sci as well. I’m sure he’s fine, and you three are overreacting a bit.”

Six minutes later, and the four of them were standing outside of The Labs in Sci’s timeline, with all three Fell Sanses glowering at the door. “So why didn’t you just ‘port us in to where you saw him last?” Red demanded.

“Ah, you see - while I was able to open a portal to see where Sci was, they’ve managed to rig something that keeps me from actually entering the labs without being allowed in first. I’m not sure if Dream’s portals are blocked as well, or if they’ve figured out how to keep just me from popping in whenever I want.” Ink answered honestly, shrugging a little.

“Wait… Since when does Dream have -you know what? We’re going to table that comment for later. For now we need to get this stars-damned door open.” Razz hissed, stomping over to it and banging on it loudly “I THE MALEFICENT SANS DEMAND THAT YOU OPEN THIS DOOR. YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO COMPLY BEFORE I BREAK IT DOWN.” He took two steps backwards, arms folded over his chest. Ten seconds passed by very slowly, and with absolutely nothing changing.

“VERY WELL. SINCE YOU’VE DECIDED NOT TO COMPLY WITH MY DEMAND-” He paused for a moment, summoning a blaster and aiming its’ maw at the door, the blaster’s destructive ruby magic collecting between it’s bifurcated lower mandibles “I WILL BE OPENING THE DOOR RIGHT NOW.” He gave the scientists another three seconds, in case someone smart and cowardly decided to act. When they did not, Razz caused his blaster to let out a short, quick burst of destructive magic - Red and Blackberry summoning floating bone attacks as well.His blaster destroyed the door and only a small portion of the outer wall. It scorched a bit of the white tiles and sent debris flying further into the building, but all in all it was a very neat, well controlled burst. Alarms started blaring as the four of them walked onto the first floor.

Red hit the call button for the elevator, having teleported over to it as soon as the smoke had cleared and there were no enemies immediately in sight. He froze for a moment when he thought he heard a nervous squeak from the half-floor above him, and then smirked. He teleported up and spotted a small yellow lizard-monster who looked like the Alphys of this world. He stalked towards her, knowing that he would loom above her and rumbled “Hey there Alph. Now unless you’re doing something wrong there’s no need to be scared. I just want to talk to you for a little while, understand?”

“I-I… Y-You’re really… P-Pointy?” The nervous lizard monster stuttered, scrambling backwards, edging for the other set of escalators, aware that there were other hostile Sanses and terribly confused as to what was going on. The only ones they’ve met before have been kind and curious beings “W-Why are you he-here?”

“We’re looking for your Sans.” Blackberry called out, casually wrapping an arm around her shoulders, resting his chin on the top of her head “Now, we’re well aware that most Alphys tend to be very shy and curious monsters, and while you can get drawn into awful and tawdry affairs, you generally mean well. The Sans of your world is a dear friend of ours, and you wouldn’t happen to know why he’s currently passed out on an examination table, would you?”

“I-I… N-No I d-do-don’t. Th-The last thing I-I know, h-he was going to b-be running some te-tests with… W-With another S-Sans.” Alphys stuttered as she went completely still, her eyes wide and terrified. Her breathing was fast and she kept clenching and unclenching her hands “H-He said something about the o-other being sick… Th-The other S-Sans I think was named… S-Something with a D? He was wearing blue and had ye-yellow gloves and a cape. Wh-why was he wearing a crown? I-Is that S-Sans royalty?”

“Ink! Get your apathetic ass up here right now. Did you know that Dream was going to be visiting Sci today? He’s here too, apparently.” Red yelled, his eye lights briefly shrinking to pinpricks. If that fucking asshole did anything to either The Nerd or the Adorable Healer, he was going to pay with his life. Very slowly and painfully.

The Creative guardian appeared in a flash of paint, a little bit of a frown appearing on his face as he stared steadily at Alphys, one of his eye lights a green circle, the other a violet question mark “What did you say about Dream coming here because he was sick? I hadn’t known that he was feeling off.” both of his eye lights turned into swirls - though they were in opposing patterns “Did any of you know that?”

All three Fell Sanses shook their heads, Blackberry speaking up after a moment “I was under the impression that it was almost impossible for him to get sick - like you - because he’s a guardian as well and a lot hardier than the three of us.”

Ink frowned a little bit and answered “As far as I know that assumption is correct he does get me here in timelines that have low positivity due to the nature of his being, but I've been careful to avoid such places while traveling with him after finding that out. I found Sci asleep in an empty room on an examination table. These three have rather… Unpleasant experiences with Gasters in the past and are concerned for Sci's and Dream's safety. Just where are they? I am also very much interested in where some my dear friends are.” He’s leaning on his paintbrush and has an easygoing smile on his face… But one of his eye lights is a purple exclamation point, and the other is a red target.

“I-I d-don’t know wh-where they m-might be o-other than in the l-labs down be-below. B-But Doctor Ga-Gaster wasn’t w-with them during the tests to s-see wh-what might be affecting your f-friend.” Alphys managed out, taking in a couple of deep breaths, clearly trying to calm down and succeeding to some degree. She was very clearly nervous of the four powerful and rather hostile monsters surrounding her.

As if summoned, Gaster called out from below after a moment, sounding incredibly confused and slightly disconcerted “Why is there a giant hole where the door to the labs used to be?”

The four Sanses teleported in front of the Gaster, the still slightly trembling and terrified Alphys in the middle of them. Ink’s smile - which seemed a little bit sharper than it had been seconds ago - broadened a little as he stalked towards the much taller skeleton - his eye lights are still purple and red - one of them has concentric circles, the other a larger target “Where oh where are Dream and Sci? I know that you wouldn’t have been able to resist the opportunity to study a being from a different universe - particularly one as unusual as Dream is… So, where are they?”

“As far as I know, Sci is still running tests on Dream. You are all aware of the fact that he’s been losing MP steadily despite not actively using his magic or battling constantly, yes? He’s not physically injured, and from what I was able to observe of his behavior, it is quite likely that he has some sort of soul damage - which he’s been suffering for months if not much, much longer.” Doc G responded, folding his arms over his chest as he stares down at the creative guardian. Showing fear would be a supposed sign of guilt, and he’s done nothing wrong.

All three of the Fell Sanses swear violently at the same time, and the royal scientist has to teleport to dodge their combined attacks, sighing a little and sending a pair of his summoned hands to grab Alphys - not wanting his intern to get dusted by an overzealous alternate of his older son due to a misunderstanding. Ink, however, simply grabbed his brush and spun it, the paint hitting Gaster square in the chest exactly where the other had teleported him to, the momentum of the deceptive liquid slamming the esteemed scientist into the wall with enough force to rattle the other’s bones. “That’s not what I asked, although it’s concerning that Dream may have gotten injured in such a way, we do fight an enemy who can cause pain to someone’s souls if he gets his strings on a person’s soul, so the idea that he could also damage a person’s soul is not out of the realm of possibility. Where are Dream and Sci?”

“Sci is right here, and very confused. What’s going on? Why are you attacking Da… The doc? When did you four show up?” Sci asked, looking incredibly confused as he ran over and reached out to Ink.

“You texted all of us for help… Is Dream alright? What does he need in order to heal?” Ink responded, one of his eye lights turning into a blue teardrop, the other a purple swirl. “Is he still in the lower portion of the labs, then?”

“I have no idea where Dream is. He hit me with a sleeping spell… And I… I promised that I wouldn’t tell you all what was going on. He did ask me to give you a message, though. Dream said that if he never shows up again, it’s not because he doesn’t want to, but because he has no other choice. Also, he mentioned someone by the name of Nightmare… Do any of you know who that is?” Sci answered, looking both very worried and concerned.

The Fell Sanses shook their heads, frowning a little “Huh … Did he say at all who this Nightmare was?” Red asked for a moment, curious and reflective.

“I… he did but I… I’m pretty sure it’s related to the thing that I promised Dream I wouldn’t tell anyone else about.” Sci sighed, rubbing his face a little

Ink paused for a moment, reflecting “Occasionally while he’s asleep, he’ll call out for someone named Night or Nightmare. Usually he’s pleading in his sleep for the other to stop doing something. I’ve tried to ask him about it but he always avoid the topic. The name makes him flinch and very unhappy, so I don’t push.”

Sci went very quiet for several moments, his eye lights dull. He cleared his nonexistent throat and asked “Err, Ink? Would you mind getting dad down and fixing the wall please? The royal guard patrol is going to be swinging by soon and uhh… I'd rather not have to explain the giant hole… Or all of you, because fully grown monsters just don’t randomly appear in the underground. Especially skeleton monsters.

“Oh! Yes, that would be rather difficult to explain - and I wouldn’t want to cause more disruption to this timeline than I already have.” Ink murmured with a bright smile, teleporting over to where the hole was, readjusting his grip on his brush as he recreated the door and parts of the wall, adjusting the color slightly to make sure that it looked indistinguishable from the original. He then went over to Doc G and freed the other from his magical paint, ensuring that the other’s lab coat wasn’t stained either. Ink was pretty sure that if Dream was there, he’d make them apologize for attacking an innocent monster… But as Dream was apparently off being mysterious and secretive, they didn’t have to. He really wanted to know what it was that Sci was keeping from all of them and sauntered over to the younger skeleton “Mind if we talk alone for a bit, Sci?”

“As… Fascinating as your visits are, Ink, I really must insist that the four of you leave - we are in the middle of working on a very delicate replacement part for some of the older sections of the Core, and I need his help in order to do so.” Doc G murmured, walking forwards and gently pulling Sci to his side. “I am unsure as to how long all of this will take, but once started, it will require his full concentration.”

Ink sighed, rolling his eye lights a little as they changed shapes and colors quickly. He could just fix whatever minor issue was wrong with their power supply on his own - and then he’d be able to talk to Sci about what it was that Dream was keeping from him - but the Gaster was looking really stubborn and probably wouldn’t take kindly to him messing about with such things and irritable Gasters were annoying to deal with. “Fiiiine. Good luck on your boring project Sci! I’ll pop back later to see how you’re holding up.”

“Thanks Ink.. Uhm… Have you ever been to Dream’s home timeline?” Sci asked curiously, as if unable to help himself but to ask the question.

“Nope! I’ve wanted to, though. But Dream says that I wouldn’t find his home very interesting.” Ink said with a shrug. “It’s another one of the things that he really doesn’t like talking about, so I don’t pester him about it. Mostly because if I try he hides for a while and I don’t like it when he does that.”

“... What and you never thought that was weird at all?” Red grumped, glaring a little. He didn’t like the rather ominous message that Dream had asked Sci to give to Ink. Why and how would someone be able to trap Dream in his own timeline, when the other had the ability to travel on his own? “... And are you sure you’ve never been to Dream’s timeline before?”

“Well, for the longest time I thought that he was an outcode, like myself, Error or… Someone else.” Ink responded, not wanting to mention Fresh’s name - as he didn’t particularly want to gain the parasite’s attention right now. Mostly because Fresh liked having strong hosts - and the three Fells he was currently with were fairly strong for mortal beings and he’d rather not lose one or all of them to Fresh’s periodic need to switch hosts. “But I asked one day and he said that he’s got a home timeline… Somewhere. But I’ve never found any other Dreams before so… I guess he’s from an AU where there’s only a singular iteration? Which I’ve never seen before. There are always copies, even if they are few and far between. It’s really fascinating! And a new concept, at least as far as I know. Dream keeps more secrets than we’re all aware of, from what I can tell. Dream’s a fascinating puzzle I hope to solve.”

The four mortal sanses shared looks with one another, frustrated that Ink said something like that, but unsurprised. The other was a soulless asshole - but Dream being around made him a bit of a better person. Or at least he pretended to be, which at least counted for something. Blackberry just sighed and rubbed one of his temples a little and grumbled “We should probably get moving then. Thank you for your time and information, Sci… As for you, Doctor Gaster - the attack was a bit… Premature - but if you ever so much as think of harming a single member of this Underground I will personally make your last moments agonizing.”

“Duly noted.” Doc G responded. He looked like he was torn between saying something more and staying quiet, but Sci gently tugged on one of his sleeves and shook his head a little. The head royal scientist nodded and sighed quietly as he followed the other into the elevator into the lower levels.

#cursing tw #my writing #science sans #swapfell sans #fellswap sans #underfell sans #ink #wd gaster #dr alphys

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