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voxiiferous · 3 months

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Vox's Definitive Ranking on Dress Shoes!

This is going under a read-more because there's So Many of them.

Note, I am not making a distinction between Oxfords, Brogues, and Derby shoes, they're slight variants on what is otherwise the same theme.

Classic Lace-Up Oxfords

Whole cut Oxfords: 2/10

They're not the worst. He needs that to be said, they're a perfectly... serviceable shoe. They're just hideous. The lack of tongue, the lack of decorations. Unforgiveable.

Plain toe Oxfords: 4/10

Immediately worlds better. Still not perfect, but he would get those over the whole cut any day.

Cap-toe Oxfords: 5.5/10

They're better than the others... unfortunately he doesn't like the cap toe. They're just a straight line, no. It looks like you ran out of shoe and had to make due.

Wing-tip Oxfords (one colour): 9/10

A pinnacle of shoe design. No notes, the perforations, the shape in the embellishments, he's got multiple in his closet, they're his go to shoe design.

Wing-tip Oxfords (duo/two-tone): 10/10.

there's a ton of slight variants in where the colour can go, and he loves them all. They're what he wore the most of in life, though they've gone out of style since. While he doesn't wear the two-tone ones as much anymore, he still has several pairs in his closet.

Slip On Loafers

Penny loafers: 6/10

They're fine? Depending on the look they work. He likes the slight decoration on them.

Bit loafers: 7/10

Better than the penny loafers. He's seen ones with more variant in material choices, that makes them more interestingly duo-tone and those would score higher, closer to a 7.5 or an 8.

Tassle loafer: 3/10

No, just no. Get them away from him, cut them off.

Kiltie loafers: 2/10

They're even worse than the previous. Even the two tone variants cannot save these. They're like an old man made his slippers into his day wear. Burn them with fire.

Black Tie

Opera pump: 3.5/10

They're there? There's not enough to be offended by, but it sure comes close some days. Has no notes only because he can't think of how to fix it.

Ribbon opera pumps: 2/10

You'd think this is better than the other variants but NOPE!!! You will never catch him in these. He doesn't care that they seem more feminine, he just hates them. He doesn't care its supposedly a staple.

He's not reranking the Oxfords. If he needs a black tie shoe its those.

Boots

Chelsea: 1/10

He's opposed to their classification as a dress shoe at all. Which honestly is his problem with most of this category. He wants to go to a business meeting not on a hiking trip, or hipster cafe.

Chukka boots: 4/10

They're on thin ice. They almost get to count. Some of them are better than others, but he can't see why you'd ever go for these and not any of the much better options.

Cap-toe boots: 5/10

A pass! These are clearly formal wear... he still think you should just get a normal shoe, and he still doesn't like the cap toe style but they're acceptable. He doesn't own any, but he might not mock you if you do.

Wing-tip boots: 6/10

The closest a boot is getting to winning him over. They're good for shorter pants, for longer ones. He probably owns a pair, they're good for dealing with Alastor. But even his beloved wingtips aren't enough to fully get him on board.

Monk boots: 1/10

He's a business man not a caricature of a witch. Oh you want him to get on a broom and cackle? No, fuck you, and fuck these shoes too.

Monk Straps

Single: 5/10

He's seen jazzed up versions that tend towards duo-tone and more jazzed up wingtips and those are better.

Double: 3/10

Usually he's all for adding more decoration to shoes but these do it badly. The gap between the buckles, the shape, no. It takes an already ish shoe and makes it bad.

Tripple strap: 5/10

Fixes his problem with the two-strap variant, but not enough to net it more than a pass. Just go for a laced version, we're all adults here, you don't need the patent leather version of a velcro shoe.

#he has other thoughts regarding materials #but those could go in another post!#the takeaway if wingtips and multicolour are both good #if out of style #when and if they come back he's going to rock them once again #the one colours do go with more outfits though #*personnel file (hc)#Vox os at his most catty bitchy gay in terms of sartorial choices

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