Tony Obrohta, Robert Lamm, Loren Gold, Eric Baines, and Ramon Yslas. ❤🌟

Music = Life

So when I began to think about what I would like my first post (other than my introduction) to be about, I think the topic quite quickly jumped out at me. Or to use a related term, its caught me like an ear worm. Music for me has always dominated my life, in the best possible way. I personally can't live without it. To get the cliche out of the way, because it needs to be said; music is life. Its in everything we do. Its in the beat of your feet as you walk down the street. Its in the voices of young children who are learning how to form their first words. Its the very context in which my life is set i suppose; or at least a large part of the context.

It goes right back to the parents doesn't it. My dad was and always will be massively into music. And he really knows his stuff in my opinion. From the Ramones to Sandy Denny, Bob Dylan to Nirvana, Led Zep to Bright Eyes (one of the few acts we have seen together, amazing gig, don't get me started! Ha!). Even my mother who has never been massively into music has her favourite artists and things, Adam and the Ants, Van Morrison etc. So that's where it starts doesn't it, they set and create your first influences by showing you their interests and in this way you develop your own. You draw from your friends, acquaintances and enemies alike.

When I was younger my first big musical taste/love/subculture of my own was emo, punk rock, mosh and hardcore. I was an emo kid I will proudly say. I don't care what you think of that, but you should know it about me. And so it went that from a young age I learnt to play drums and always played in bands. I never did any serious gigs, a few here and there. All my bands always fell out even before it got to that point! Ha. But I was a competent drummer and I used to love playing, practising and jamming. I spent a lot of time on it and it was a big part of my childhood. But we shall come back to this topic in a future article I am certain.

For now I want to try to talk about the influence of music on issues of mental health and vice versa. As you know, music and mental health have a massive interlink, an intersection, an intrinsic bond. I will always remember my dad showing me Nirvana (my little bro got them before I did to give him credit actually, props). And then he told me about Kurt (RIP). And I think from that point onward I think I always realised that music was more than just a something, its a higher power essentially I think.

And it got me thinking about the tunes from my past that instantly make me think about the bond between music and mental health. The first one that jumped right out at me was “Med’s by Placebo”. Now if you know this song the chorus is very blatant almost blunt and its clear to me its probably about schizophrenia, psychosis or bipolar etc. But in it are some beautiful poises, for instance:  “I was confused by the powers that be, forgetting names and faces, passers by were looking at me, as if they could erase it”. Now I didn’t realise, but our Brian Moloko has suffered from depression himself, and he does work to try and help break the stigma around the issue. I mean the song itself does that, but he also does other stuff http://www.nme.com/news/music/placebos-brian-molko-need-break-stigma-around-discussing-mental-health-2146515.

“Numb” by Linkin Park is another one. I obviously never realised when I was a child because I never really used to think about anything because i used to be daft! But its so blatantly obviously an ode to himself about the person depression has forced him to become, Chester Bennington (RIP) that is. An it goes; “I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, become so tired, so much more aware by becoming this all I want to do, is be more like me and be less like you”.  Deep. And when I was listening to this the other day I almost shed a tear, I felt a build up of emotion inside me. Which is a complete double edge sword. On the one hand it was nice, in fact it was more than nice, to be able to feel the emotion. The emotion that someone who helped shaped me in my younger days felt so numb he had to leave this world. But the fact that Chester is gone, is tragic beyond words. Seriously one of the nicest and most amazing singers ever. Mad love.

Now that I am a bit more grown up and urban (lol!) in my musical taste, I love it when I hear songs that are about mental health issues specifically or loosely. For instance “Lovesick by Mura Masa featuring ASAP Rocky” goes:  “Cause I'm sipping Pro, yeah, that meth is pro, Promethazine, yeah, a stepping stone. Oh, they acting up? Get your weapon drawn. They only killing time, another second gone. I heard your man ain't home, now you melatone. But you acting young and you hella grown”. And whilst this song is clearly about his love life (it was originally about his [ASAP Rocky’s] sex life according to Mura Masa https://www.highsnobiety.com/2016/09/30/asap-rocky-mura-masa-lovesick/), it is also clearly about the impact that his love life (or its demise) had on his ability to sleep and therefore his mental well being. The lyrics are actually very clever and subtle to be fair; they say that a love life is clearly something to be desired (i mean who doesn’t want to share their life with some one else?) but that it can also have negative ramifications.  

Stepping towards current (ish! gimme a chance I am currently in the process of updating my music library after my latest wrestle with the black dog!) and more direct songs about mental health we have “Voices by Disclosure featuring Sasha Keable”. I can’t seem to find any information on this one but even if you haven’t heard it (I think you would have been living under a rock or something) its very clear what it is about. I like this one though because it actually names and shames some of the issues that you might experience when you are suffering, for instance: “You bring out the darkest side of me, chased up from a place that I can't reach, I would love to practice what I preach, you bring out the good girl side of me”. Its that whole thing of wanting to be able to do something or change something but you can’t because you are ill.

And I think for me that’s the crux of this article. When you are ill, your life is taken away from you, you loose control of it and you can’t do anything or engage with anything. For me, when I am ill, I stop wanting to listen to music. And that is tragic in my opinion. Because, as I say, music is life. So its indicative and highly illustrative of the main problem that depression causes. Man, I listen to the radio, such as BBC Radio 4 (because I am super middle class ja) instead but I think that is mainly to block out the silence and try block my negative thoughts. I’ve never really questioned why I don’t want to listen to music when I am unwell but now that I have thought about it, I think on a subconscious (controversial word!) level its to do with the fact that music reminds me of when my life was going well. Music is the sound track to every good moment I have had in my life, its the events around which the seminal moments of my life has revolved around (gigs, festivals etc) and it makes you happier when you are happy. But for me, it doesn’t make me better when I am unwell, it just makes me more numb. Which as I say, is tragic and forces me to push it away.

So, on a final note, now that my life is back to where I want it to be, now that I actually have control, I have been rinsing the tunes so to speak. My Spotify Prime (if you don’t have it are you actually a person? lol I joke) library has grown exponentially in the last few months from a piddly few artists to a vast and diverse plethora of current music which I can use to frame and shape the coming moments in my life. I love being into music, they say that the people that show you new music in your life are the important ones. And its so true. That’s why I am a total music fiend and I love being up to date with whats going on the world of music. From Rudimental to Kendrizzy Lemar, from DJ Seinfeld to Four Tet, from Grimes to Aluna George. The more you educate yourself the happier you can make yourself and the people around you! You can meet some amazing people through music as well (idea for an article maybe?! ha lol), it brings people together man. Which is why I have got so many gigs lined up in the coming months. Now when I see a gig I am interested in I try and buy the tickets straight away so I don’t miss out. I get bad FOMO! Coming up gigs wise I have got Knower, Charlie Parr, Lets Eat Grandma and Mansion of Snakes. I am excited about all of these gigs. I am excited to create new moments in my life, I am excited to experience new things, but above all; I am excited to be in control of my life and the things that are entering my ear drums! =)

And its great to be able to say that.