guys I have this fear that my ex-best friend is going to find me on ao3 and send everyone I know the link to my account because she WOULD

holy shit, I just went on a half hour rant I’m so sorry.

I’ve never played Skyrim, but there’s a big chance that character is inspired by, or at least named after Marcus Tullius Cicero.

Cicero, was an asshole, but he was a golden tongued asshole. grew up outside of Rome to wealthy parents, and had no real title when he ran for consul (an important position). basically back then, your ancestor’s name meant everything. it’s why in old stories and stuff, like Beowolf, they introduce themselves as their father’s son if their father is a known man. it gives people you just met an expectation or a level of respect for you based on your familial ties. but no one knew Cicero’s father because he didn’t come from Rome, but that didn’t matter because he was charismatic. he won. he won against this guy named Catiline, who btw, was a big fan of vigilante justice, but more on him later. anyway, Cicero became consul and immediately opposed a new law that was being passed about. see, even though no one knew his family, Cicero was still ‘old money’ or a patrician. and this guy named  Tiberius Gracchus offered up a plan to take a little bit of land from wealthy people, and give it to the plebeians (the impoverished). aand those old money assholes (because you needed to have money to run for office back then. you needed to be a rich man to run for senate) didn’t like that shit at all because the plebeians don’t have a lot of money, but they got a lot of people in their ranks, so if one of them actually gets rich enough to run you know he’s going to get voted into office so fucking quick and that’s going to threaten the richy rich men’s precious community of power hungry pricks, so Tiberius and a bunch of his supporters get straight up murdered by senate members. But the bill looked like it was going to get passed anyway. meanwhile, Catiline, that dude from earlier, he’s in a metric fuck-ton of debt after not winning the election, plus he’s pretty pissed that a no name fucking ass-hat stormed in from no where and swiped the consul position from him, so like any normal person he decides he’s going to fucking assassinate key members of the senate and set the government buildings on fire so that all of the records of debt get burned and no one has any more debt and at this point in time, thanks to numismatics (the study of coins) we know that Rome is pretty short on funds right now, not as much currency is getting made, and a lot of indebted plebeians are pretty desperate for any sort of help to get out of poverty because you know, they can barely eat. plus, their only real advocate just got fucking murdered soo they’ll hop on board basically any plan right now. so Catiline builds a fucking militia and tell them to wait outside town and he organizes with all these peeps to get his plan off the ground when OOPS! someone wanted to impress his girlfriend so they told her about the plan to overthrow the government. turns out she’s fucking tight with Cicero, and now the head bitch in charge knows what’s up with our homeboy. Cicero takes our main man to court and spouts off this whole speech that’s basically “I was threatened!! by this man!! who is jEALOUS of ME and my ACCOMPLISHMENTS and he and his SMELLY THIEF FRIENDS want to taKE oUr LaNd and fucking RUIN SHIT and you guys killed the LAST ASSHOLE who TRIEd to fuck with us why won’t you at least STAB this one??? you know what? just get him out.” and so Catiline fucks off to his militia, and they have a nice time rejecting the status quo until Catiline gets himself demolished on the battlefield. meanwhile, Cicero shoots the land share legislation out of the air and begins to go on a witch hunt for Catiline’s followers, persecuting people without even giving them a trial, and the people of Rome are having none of that shit the senate is full of assholes, but they’re honorable assholes... actually no they weren’t the government was filled with lies and corruption, but they couldn’t just let Cicero murder these people so they were like “hey, maybe you should cool off. take a walk outside for a bit, and then come back when you’ve calmed down.” so Cicero went into exile for a few years, left his wife (who wasn’t technically his wife anymore because he was banished from Rome) in charge of all his finances, came back after a while, watched Julius Caesar get stabbed, went to fight in the civil war because of the whole... leader of Rome getting stabbed...thing. and comes back afterward and now he’s been away so long, the relationship with his wife is so strained and he finds out she’s skimming off the top of his estate earnings and [Cicero implies in a letter to his bestie that he thinks] she’s going to use the money to run away with a freed slave of theirs that she fell in love with, so he divorces her, but at this point, he has no money to pay her father back his dowry ( a thing the father of the bride gives the new husband as a compensation), and his daughter’s good for nothing (third) ex husband hasn’t payed back his dowry yet, so Cicero is kinda strapped for cash right now. what’s the solution Cicero goes for? marry a 15 year old who’s dad is rich. and that’s what he does. (keep in mind he’s like *at best* in his 50′s right now) so a week after he divorces probably one of the most boss women in Roman history, he marries a fifteen year old girl, and everything is going fine, until Cicero’s daughter Tullia dies in childbirth. (he absolutely adored Tullia, she was his pride and joy, unlike his good for nothing son, coincidentally also named Marcus Tullius Cicero, who died in the civil war while trying to impress daddy dearest. spoiler, didn’t work.) and Cicero is so stricken with greif that he locks himself in his study, and his new wife divorces him. meanwhile, Octavian, Julius Ceaser’s nephew/adopted son (didn’t actually adopt him, simply named him Julius’s heir in his will, and Octavian saw an opportunity and ran with it) just defeated Marc Antony in battle and goes by Augustus now,  (yes, this is Augustus Caesar you’ve heard of him, yeah?)  and is the supreme overlord of Rome (lol but Octavian will straight up deny it. “no no no, I’m one of you, please don’t stab me to death 23 times on March 15th like you did with my dad pretty pls.”) anyway, Cicero has been pretty politically vocal, and after all the shenanigans while he was Consul, the new senate wasn’t having that shit at all, and Cicero got his name added to the Murder List ™ aaand so the Senate’s hired assassins payed him a lil’ visit. and now, you know who Cicero is.