Lycan Subscribe - Part Two, Not Clickbait | The Four Lords HCs

i noticed that this got popular, so, in proper youtube fashion, i made a part 2.  enjoy!

Taglist: @prismarts @blixeon @mxcheese @valentimmy @chrysanthykios

Headcanons 

Ok, so like

You were fuckin weird enough with the lords, alcina’s daughters, and miranda when it was just y’all 

THEN ETHAN FUCKING WINTERS SHOWED UP

And suddenly, there’s a 30 minute video of you and the girls putting make up on Ethan 

And those 30 minutes aren’t all of it, there’s more chaos that didn’t make it into the video

Your audience would literally kill to see it, but you think it’s too fuckin funny to share

yes, ethan is tied to a chair for the entire video, why do you ask?

in the opposite direction, there’s a 30 second clip of you asking ethan if he wants to try this awesome wine that lady D keeps in her basement while you cackle maliciously 

he said no :(

There’s also a 15 minute video of you just

Following ethan around the village making national documentary style commentary 

Just fuckin

“Here we see the feral father cornered by rabid zombies.  And, oop- he’s killed them all.”

The video is called “Father in the Wilds of Romania”

You get compliments on the sfx quality 

There’s also a 46 second video of you

What else

Drinking coffee while the lords fight over ethan behind you

but you didn’t just get those 46 seconds, you got the whole family meeting

so the next week there’s the 3 minute and 37 second long remix of said fight/meeting

made by you, ofc

It’s called “Mortal Man Dick” and it’s one of the first times Heisenberg and Lady D have ever worked together on something

it has the humor of a twelve year old

“Yack, yack.  If a man’s dick is cut off- man dick, man dick, give the mortal to me, and- dick, dick, dick, dick- SO GAUCHE- bread and circuses- S H U T T H E F U C K U P”

and it’s a fan favourite 

Then there’s the compilation of 22 videos, all 9 seconds long, where you play the fuckin

Jojo to be continued music over ethan breaking shit

AND THEN

There’s also the 45 minute long video where you, moreau, angie and ethan review cheese and romance movies

and Ethan is

So confused 

He just wants to find his daughter, and yet, there he is reviewing To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before with a fish-man, a living doll, and a mildly famous youtube sensation™ 

It’s such a weird day for him

BUT HEY 

IT GETS MOREAU AND ANGIE (and therefore donna) TO LIKE HIM

AND

THE MAKE UP VIDEO GOT THE GIRLS (and therefore alcina) TO LIKE HIM 

All that’s really left is heisenberg, who already liked ethan

And one family game of uno later, that shit’s cemented 

Because ethan pulled a Draw 4 card on alcina and she low-key lost it, it was fucking hilarious 

The video is called, “YOU are the one with the f**king UNO”

It’s a direct quote from angie

It’s another fan favourite 

But yeah

After that, Ethan has all of the sibling’s favour, so they give him back his kid, and you all make a “callout” video for Miranda

The video mostly consists of y’all slam dunking her into a cardboard box and then throwing another cardboard box into a river then editing it so it looks like you threw miranda into a river in a cardboard box

You didn’t though, you just shipped her to the Umbrella bitches 

She now lives in their basement 

The video is 5 seconds long

After that, well

Ethan has joined the party 

And so has rose

Cue, like

An entire series of ethan taking you and various lords (and daniella, cassandra, and bela) to walmart on diaper runs

No one but ethan actually looks for diapers 

The shortest video in that series is a 20 second clip of Heisenberg staring at tools the way a moth looks at a flame while you say something like

“He hasn’t moved from that spot since we got here… it’s been 2 hours…”

Over top of it

The longest video was of the girls stealing your camera and trying to stay in the walmart overnight

They got distracted and ended up going to taco bell instead 

Actually, i lied, the longest video is of angie stealing your camera and successfully staying in walmart overnight 

And that was on an entirely separate occasion 

The video was half an hour long and was filled mostly with angie pranking security guards and swearing like a sailor

You don’t know whether to be proud or terrified

Of course, it isn’t all crack

Sometimes it’s sweet 

Sometimes you film the lord’s + the daughters + ethan and rose’s reactions to being hugged

You didn’t release all of those, some of them cried

They have not felt physical affection in so long, my dudes

They need more hugs

(yes, you do give them hugs without it being content related especially after that)

Also, one time you filmed yourself making Alcina tea, and it was sweet as hell

you and the video, not the tea

You also filmed yourself making a cake with her daughters

It went a little something like this

And just like that, we’re back to memes

Not for long tho, lol

One time you just sat in the middle of the woods and read scary stories until you freaked yourself out and fuckin ran to Heisenberg’s factory 

(you lasted ~42 minutes)

He didn’t get why the hell you’d do that to yourself, but he let you follow him around for a bit until you felt better

You did not get that bit on tape

Another time you did, like

A mini ghost hunt in the now mostly abandoned village 

You were doing it for the meme, but you actually heard some shit and it fuckin

Freaked you out a little bit

So you ran to castle Dimitrescu and fucking 

Hung out with Alcina for the rest of the evening

You didn’t film that either, so the video of you just huntin’ for ghosts was about an hour long

THERE WAS ALSO THE TIME YOU GOT FUCKING JUMPSCARED BY ETHAN

YOU WERE FILMING SOMETHING IN THE CASTLE, AND YOU TURNED AROUND AND HE WAS JUST

THERE

YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT YOU WERE FILMING, YOU JUST 

SCREECHED 

The video was 7 seconds long and funny as hell

It’s ok, tho

As revenge, you made another sneeze compilation, this one of Ethan 

He sneezes like

A dad

It’s a whole vibe

In your next sneeze comp, you add wii music

Astral Projection - “Enlightened Evolution (remix)” A Dose of Psychedelic Trance Song released in 1996. Compilation released in 1997. Goa Trance

Astral Projection are one of the leading lights of the Israeli Goa trance scene, having worn that crown since at least the mid-90s. They probably weren’t Israel’s first Goa act, but they were damn near close. Originating in Tel Aviv, childhood friends Avi Nissim and Lior Perlmutter teamed up in 1989 as SFX and released their debut hit single, “Monster Mania,” in 1991. Having proven themselves locally, they decided to move to New York to see if they could make anything happen. Nothing materialized, though, so Avi moved back to Israel while Lior stayed in the States. Lior would use the SFX name for a solo effort and Avi would also produce a single with a couple other guys, Yaniv Haviv and Guy Sebbag, under the SFX name, too.

In 1994, the seeds for an Israeli Goa trance movement started to be planted. Since the late 80s, Israelis who were fresh off of their mandatory military service in the IDF had been known to backpack all the way down to Goa, India to witness and embrace its highly unique musical subculture of psychedelic trance. Mixing themes of eastern mysticism, electronic dance music, and psychedelic drugs with a beachy, coastal backdrop, Goa served as an underground reveler’s non-stop party haven, much like Ibiza would become the following decade in Spain.

I haven’t found anything that states that any of the members of SFX took a trip to Goa and brought its sound back to Israel. I’m not sure that that’s what happened. But the Goa sound managed to get around the country just before it blew up on an international scale. The members of SFX, minus Lior, released a single in 1994 that saw them move entirely towards a Goa sound. That same year, Sebbag departed the project and Avi, Lior, and Yaniv released a compilation called Trust In Trance 2, which consisted of works by various combinations of all three men. The album managed to reach all the way to #2 on Israel’s album chart, and then, at the tail-end of that year, Paul Oakenfold broadcasted his legendary two-hour set, Goa Mix, on BBC Radio, which caused Goa’s popularity to skyrocket across the globe.

In 1995, the SFX trio changed their name to Astral Projection. In 1996, they released a single called Enlightened Evolution, which contains its remix on the b-side. In 1997, the California-based Hypnotic Records licensed a bunch of tracks from an Israeli dance label to release a collection of Israeli Goa. Called A Dose of Psychedelic Trance, it too contains the remix of “Enlightened Evolution.”

This nearly seven and a half minute track is like suddenly finding oneself in the center of some unexplored, bustling expanse. There’s just so much stimuli to take in here. Fleeting lead melodies subtly materialize and fizzle as they ride atop well-crafted amalgamations of pulsing synth layers while cold, deep-sea ambient noises breeze on through. So many small pieces all serve as important cogs that keep this machine jaggedly humming, In the final two minutes, AP build towards the song’s climactic peak as synth stabs become more rapid and frantically intensify, eventually reaching that sweet melodic release as a quiet vocal synth coasts beneath.

Some top-notch mid-90s Goa trance from these Israeli legends. Stay the fuck inside you freaks.

Description too long! Here's Description Please read: https://bit.ly/2WjtfSI We still have terrible internet connection today. thought it was solved now. Publication may be severely late! Vexento - Never Letting Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Dq9n83_9bs Subscribe Vexento now! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYZ9rknEmE4R1J_HBJ2yBlQ Music Credit. Important! Must here! Do not use "no need to credit" plan! Track: Elektronomia - Summersong 2018 [NCS Release] Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds. Watch: https://youtu.be/HoCw_gaCHXE Free Download / Stream: https://bit.ly/2q8ZbvM JJD Missing Credit template - Adventure https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2xGxd9xPYA - Free (collab with Elektronomia) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Va88Kt0NN0 - Halcyon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeyweGHLxSg - Future https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1ddqXIbpa8 Song: Elektronomia & JJD - Free \[NCS Release\] Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds. Video: https://youtu.be/9Va88Kt0NN0 Link: https://bit.ly/3dDlA7x The Green Orbs - Splashing Around (YouTube Audio Library) Track: Barren WATEVA - Ber Zer Ker (Rob Gasser Remix) [NCS Release] Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds. Watch: https://youtu.be/DNwEk0gTPuc Free Download / Stream: https://bit.ly/35Oqs79 Song: Ikson - Last Summer ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOGa-bxPloA ) Made by @ikson Satisfied Tube Playlist: https://bit.ly/SatisfiedTube Song: Kevin Macleod - Airport Longue Airport Lounge Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License https://bit.ly/2AcbOed I play Crossout! the game is free: https://bit.ly/2YXSThT The Green orbs song at Audio Library - Snack Time - London Bridge (Instrumental) - The Farmer at the **Dell** - After School Jamboree - Twirly Tops - Mr. Turtle - A-Tisket-A-Tasket - Hush Little Baby (Pardon? Half Life Linux Baby? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣) - Pop Goes the Weasel - Sleep Sheep `zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz` - Yankee Doodle **(With No BRIM!!!)** - Skip to my Lou **(Skip The Tutorial?)** - Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (Instrumental), pls bring Star Butterfly's magic bacc. I think we should call Hiro Hamada. That's all we have now. **Why, Tony?! Why so it is??** - Claudio the Worm, Cloud Storage - Dancing on Green Grass, For me - Are You Sleeping (Instrumental), Validating Sleep `ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ` - Row Row Your Boat, **Column Column Your Car** - Itsy Bitsy Spider, but **Lucas** is cute. **Kawaii Awesome!!!** - Rock-a-bye Baby, ............................................................. Don't you cry... - The Muffin Man, Let's meet Lucas with Muffet! - The Muffin Man (Instrumental), Congratulations! **Lucas & Muffet become best friends!!!** - The Old Man (Instrumental), **Be careful saying `Ok boomer!`!!!** - The Old Man (vocal), **Not all boomers, x, y, etc. are annoying!!!** - Mary had a Little Lamb (Instrumental), btw **We are Lamb of God!** yeeah!!! - Space Adventures, `Don't Panic.` - At The Fair, The video ends Mchapelle SFX pack - Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-uIfFgMPyw - Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd_ffQ0pGRg - Part 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoElE2f_QdM - Part 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOoT_UGtsK0 - Part 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCAuiMT2Ft8 Knuckle's Oh NO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkDMz2ml0gw (SEGA warning) # Concerns? Requests? Any question regarding the contents shown here? Or want to have request? ## What's going on? - Changed your mind of license you put at your own video? - is it already licensed by villainous corporate silently? xDRM, xCol, xVerifiedJ, xSounds? Well, we always make sure they aren't have any. but forgot to put it in description? - License is scammy? says free to use but will get strike actually at publish? - You want your video here? memes you want to promote? - Have a nice product I will use? (except executables) ## PM now! @JOELwindows7 on: - Twitter - Instagram - Skype - Reddit - etc. ## You can comment but the attention will sank down to bottom. **PM is recommended**. don't worry, **I will never initiate audio call or even video call, ever! I am introvert and shy to audio video call a strangers and even recognized one somehow.** ## Guaranteed! - Credit the assets (video, audio, MIDI, etc.) by **at least placing source links** - **Credit even it is public domain** - Your name will be permanently preserved in LBRY! **We uploads to LBRY importantly!** and LBRY guarantees preservations using open source **Decentralized Legionized Technology that even aliens use it**. It's not proprietary because it is very important technology! - Avoid using mentioned illegally licensed assets (xCol, xDRM, xVerifiedJ, etc.) - Edit the video and reupload revision if such incident just above this happened mini Disclaimer: - Corrections will be written into comments.

JUSTIN BIEBER & BLOODPOP - FRIENDS [5.55] Perhaps more of a chum? Crony? Acquaintance? Colleague? Sympathizer? Compadre? Associate? Contemporary?

Maxwell Cavaseno: The irony of Bieber working with someone named Bloodpop who can manage to make such anemic electro aspire to feel fleshed out. No matter; the digital warbles and SFX are all cheap trappings, but Bieber is surprisingly human-like in his continued portrayal as a slightly neurotic narcissist who means well as far as he's concerned. Perhaps too dim to realize his inability to let go, perhaps just a sleaze who's number one victim to con is himself. Justin's well-mannered decency is no less artificial as the other voices who accompany him, but there's a question of motive, where Bloodpop needs to explain exactly what his purpose is. [5]

Thomas Inskeep: Bieber's voice isn't a blank canvas, it's vacant; he conveys no emotion at all. And so is this bullshit feeding-you-lines song, so I suppose in a way it's a good pairing. Bloodpop apparently thinks it's still 2014, based on the cluttered EDM smears over this not-even-mediocre pop song.  [1]

Alfred Soto: "Wonder if you've got a body" is a thought I'd present to Justin Bieber, whose only claim to corporeal existence is on award shows. He has no lusts or wants besides what his songwriters present him and the requirements of his "brand," i.e. act as much of a dick as is possible in song with a carefully nurtured fan base. The dance thud is welcome -- "Friends" is his most focused track since 2015 -- but defending the mild virtues of a powder-soft voice expressing dickhead sentiments will prove tiresome through November. [5]

Scott Mildenhall: Nothing says "no ulterior motive" like initiating a discussion about someone's mother before proceeding to talk at length about them instead. Who but Kang voters would ever believe Justin Bieber talking in everyday specificities about "getting jobs" and "selling used cars" anyway? It's hard to forget when listening to "Friends" that this is one of the most famous people in the Western world talking, and that the nomadic existence of an international popstar might not lend itself to keeping in touch. And yet! He maintains that vocal hyper-sincerity that would be absurd anywhere outside of song, but arrestingly open-hearted within it. The answer to his question should probably be no, but the song bursts with re-emerging potential. [8]

Katherine St Asaph: "I was wondering about your mama, did she get that job she wanted, sell that car that gave her problems?" is a tad more believable than "Hi, my name is Bob, and I work at my job," but the way Bieber backpedals from it you'd think he was trying to score with her. Blood Diamonds' big rebrand apparently involved reading his bank statement, reading some Internet poptimism, then going out to recreate "Teenage Dream." [4]

Josh Love: Taken at face value, "Friends" is ridiculous, the idea of Justin Bieber calling up a former flame because he's genuinely concerned about her mom's job prospects and automotive woes. To say he doesn't exactly sell these lines is an understatement, especially when he stresses, "I'm just curious 'bout her, honest," which is the kind of emphasis people usually only lend to a statement when it's a total lie. Yet his half-assed play at empathy is perfect here, because no part of him really cares about staying friends and every line in this song is complete bullshit except "Doesn't have to end." Meanwhile the synths make it impossible not to dream about how great it'd be to hear Robyn cover this. [7]

Olivia Rafferty: Halfway through drafting a review for this song, I realised just how much I really, really wished that this was a new Robyn track. [8]

Anthony Easton: Bloodpop's production has an undercurrent of paranoia, and Bieber's move from banal small chat to unrelenting begging has a disconcerting, almost violent edge. It is morally suspect but incredibly effective.  [8]

Crystal Leww: "Friends" is the logical next step in the progression of the propulsive '80s-biting synth-heavy production in pop production. Pop-ish acts like Carly Rae Jepsen and Tegan & Sara have been doing it for two to three years, but Taylor Swift and The 1975 made this sound huge. Like Jack Antonoff, Bloodpop's been floating around the pop production/writing world for ages, with plenty of press but a thin resume to support it. The fact that he's landed Justin Bieber for vocals on his debut single is a gift only possible if you're bros with Skrillex, I guess, but luckily, it's mostly not squandered. "Friends" is weakest on the choruses when Bieber's being his most Bieber-y self, but the chorus is fun, the propulsive vocal effects are fun, and this is mostly Sad But Banger.  [7]

Katie Gill: Oversaturation is a thing. Between the "Despacito" remix, "I'm the One," "Cold Water," "Let Me Love You," and the entirety of the Purpose album, it seems like the pop music world has had an unrelenting and never-ending stream of Bieber for the past two years. As such, any new output has to distinguish itself from the MASSIVE HOARD of Bieber music that's already out there. "Friends" doesn't do that. Bieber's vocals are play-by-number over an equally stale beat and at times bizarre vocal arrangement. If this rises to the top of the charts, it's only because pop music has yet to realize that we can take a break from the Biebs for a little bit, not on the song's merits itself. [4]

Stephen Eisermann: No, Justin, we can't be friends when you tease me with such an engaging first verse and production, but ultimately give me more of the same generic pop you've been peddling for the past two years.  [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

How to start making a track

Betcha never heard of a track named “Revitalize” before, that’s because it was created by me! tG_001! 

(If you don’t get the reference, you ain’t a weeb) 

Anyway, this was a track I made about 5 months ago in August 2018. I released this track on my birthday.  Soundcloud:  https://soundcloud.com/tg_001/revitalize YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMV1os91nr4 Before, I used to make remixes on my soundcloud. The remixes consisted of Animes I previously watched. Ususally the openings and endings. Looking back they were very bad. My knowledge on music theory was very poor. I had no idea what I would do, but steal MIDI files and slap it on top of the original song.  “But tG_001, what the heck is a MIDI file?” To put it simply, it’s the notes that you would want the computer to play. Typically on a piano

At the time, I was stumped and had no idea on how to start the track. I wanted to sound great and “Electro-Like”. My inspiration at the time was an artist by the name of “Alan Walker” (you probably know him).  I wanted to use synths, a lot of them! Now, what are “synths” exactly?  The word “ synth” is short for “synthesizer”. A synthesizer is an instrument that works from copying sound waves. 

In my head, I had some idea for the chords and just wanted to try mimicking Alan’s style.  I had to think of the Chords, Arpeggio, Progression, Drums, SFX, and Melody. 

Now that most of the basics are our of the way, I’ll start explaining how things came to be. 

First of all the Chords.  To all the first time producers out there, get creative!  Yes I know, sounds generic but it’s true! If you know music theory and can put chords together, you’re good to go! If you were like me and knew little to none, that’s fine!

There are two possible ways to make chords: 1. Download and MIDI Chord pack and pick which ones you like  2. Take a Piano (or Keyboard) and put your fingers on random notes. Alter each note to get what you think sounds best, or what has potential. 

Ultimately, I chose the 1st option.  But still, it went well!

Next off the list we have the Arpeggio. Now this one’s easy. In the DAW I was using, it had an Audio Device call the “Arpeggiator”, which turned Chords of a MIDI track into an arpeggio. 

What’s a “DAW” you ask?  Easy:  D igital A udio W orkstation

Skipping both the Drums and the SFX, we have the Melody. Coming back to my old track “Revitalize”, it consisted of 3 melodies.  The Melody is what is most memorable about the song.  Looking at Avicii X David Guetta’s track “Sunshine”, it has one of the most memorable melodies. It is also one of the best I’ve heard.  This one’s a bit harder, but look at other songs and tracks for inspiration. Then you can try making a melody purely based on the notes used in the chords. 

Avicii X David Guetta - Sunshine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APX75KFvpfs (Let’s see if you can guess where the melody is)  Now the Drums.  The Drums are the easiest.  If we assume that you are using a 4/4 Signature, you can put a kick every beat (1 2 3 4) Then put a snare or clap every other beat (0 2 0 4)  Then put a highhat every off-beat (1 - 2 - 3 - 4 (”-” as the hihat)

Lastly SFX.  Just download the Cymatics Packs and they all come with SFX.  SFX (Sound effects) include impacts, white noises, buildup noises, risers, etc.  Just place them in as transitions

I hope this helped you get started in producing music! In the next blog, I will be looking through my track “Revitalize” and how it came to be! Please check it out if you could [ Insert Shameless Self-Advertisement Here ] Best Regards, tG_001

Last year, Nintendo made the slightly uncontroversial and in line with what competitors have been doing for decades business decision to start charging for the service to play games online with the Nintendo Switch. In order to sweeten the deal somewhat a paid membership gets you access to online play, exclusive offers (such as cosmetics in some games and those stupid but cool but stupid but expensive but worth it NES Switch controllers), sometimes cloud saves and most controversially gives you access to a growing library of NES games playable as long as you're subbed up. Some vocal gamers, however, did not like this decision at all because they either already own and play the NES games on offer (lies nobody ever intentionally bought Super Dodge Ball let alone played it on the go) or they didn't want the NES games but wouldn't mind free N64 games or SNES games perhaps? Like winged monkeys with neckbeards they took to social media en mass to whine about it. This level of entitlement we've never really understood. We'd love a crème brulée made from Jamie Oliver's own nipple milk topped with gratinated Marilyn Monroe tagnuts, but we're not going to get it from Kamil's Fried Chicken for £1.49. We're going to get dog cock in a pitta because that's what KFC is actually selling. If you don't want to play free NES games for signing up to an online service. Just don't. Just don't and don't tell anybody you didn't want to whilst you aren't. We do admire the optimism of disgruntled gamers STILL responding to every Nintendo Twitter announcement with: And we're struggling to understand. What's the mentality here? Are they mistaking a regional social media marketing account of a multinational electronics company with the Make A Wish foundation? If they were is that really the wish you want to run with all things considered? However, the entitled little so and so's do have a point. In a very Nintendo way, not all of the NES games currently on offer are stellar nor does there seem to be a rhyme or reason to the selection of games or the order they are being added. FRET NOT because here's our essential guide with each game either rated: worth a try, all-time stone cold classics or games that should have stayed unplayable. Adventures of Lolo Play as a face and collect the hearts until the angry skulls run after you. Defend yourself by turning them into bubble gum eggs? Our verdict: Once we worked out the controls, quite enjoyed this one. Balloon Fight We feel really sorry for the people out there whose first experience with video games was Balloon Fight because they don't play games anymore. They've avoided them ever since 1986 because this game is about as fun as Joust which everyone knows was not and never will be fun. Our verdict: Push off a cliff but make sure you pop both balloons first. Just in case. Baseball Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same. Unless it's an American sport in which case it's worse. Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing. Donkey Kong You too can pretend to be a sad middle-aged hot sauce salesman and/or professional loser by playing this infuriating game. BUT DAT MUSIC THO. Our verdict: Good for a quickie in the kitchen every now and then. Double Dragon Like River City Ransom but good. Our verdict: That these early games spawned entire genres is sometimes very surprising. Dr. Mario It's Dr. Mario. There's never a good time not to Dr. Mario. You want to be the one to be out here pretending Dr. Mario ain't all that? Who hurt you in the past? Our verdict: Marry. Dr. Mario SP For those not good enough at germing the other germs, a quick skip to a sort of end. Our verdict: A one night stand only but make sure you play safe because there's no knowing what diseases you might get.  Excitebike If you can tolerate the awful SFX this Drive 'Em Up is mildly challenging. Our verdict: [HORriFiC EngInE NOiSe]. Ghosts'n Goblins Like Half Minute Hero except that half minute is spent being constantly attacked by enemies which come out of the ground then you die. Out verdict: We've never gotten past the first screen to be honest. Gradius Like TwinBee but horizontal. Tough to boot. Our verdict: Dark Souls but in space. Gradius SP Made almost playable starting the game powered up until you get hit that is then it's back to buggery. Our verdict: Bloodborne but in space. Ice Climber Like QWOP but for jumping upwards and less fun. Our verdict: Climb up a cliff just to push this off. Ice Hockey Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same. Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing. The Legend of Zelda Confession time! This half of TGAM never played this game originally. I assumed from the bits of it I'd been exposed to from WarioWare and both NES Remix games that there was more to this game. There isn't. Our verdict: It is a secret to everyone that this game is a bit shit.  The Legend of Zelda SP Confession time! This half of TGAM never played this game originally. I assumed from the bits of it I'd been exposed to from WarioWare and both NES Remix that there was more to this game. There isn't. Our verdict: It is a secret to everyone that this game is a bit shit. Warmed up. Mario Bros. Before they were super and before jumping in NES games felt nice this is what the Mario brothers did. Flushing giant flies, angry crabs, turtles and ice blocks out of the sewer. For coins. Our verdict: Fun to co-op but lacks the stamina to really smash your back doors in. Metroid One of the best retro Metroidvanias ever. Although younger gamers weaned on the mother's milk of Dark Souls and the like might need a pen and paper to draw a map as they go. Our verdict: Put a chuffing ring on it. Metroid SP Like the above but super racist against Ridley. Our verdict: For those who want to feel a big man but just don't have the capacity. Mighty Bomb Jack Remind us why were jumping on boxes as the mummies turn into coins? Our verdict: They don't make them like this anymore. Probably for good reason. NES Open Tournament Golf Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same. Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing. Ninja Gaiden Like River City Ransom but hard. Our verdict: Try if you like BDSM.  Pro Wrestling If this is Pro we'd hate to see the amateurs. Our verdict: Ring out! River City Ransom Like Double Dragon but worse Our verdict: Push off a conveyor belt to the void. Soccer Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same. Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing which is definitely Soccer.  Solomon's Key What is this game about? Make blocks to touch the bell and liberate fairies? Nuts. Our verdict: Who knows?  Super Dodge Ball We thought dodge ball is what you play when the weather's too shit to play a proper sport and all you have is a ball. Let alone an actual game. With actual rules. And an arena. And a video game version. Our verdict: No. Just no.  Super Mario Bros. Yes, you may have played the original on the NES and again with Super Mario All-Stars and Super Mario Bros. Deluxe and the virtual console releases and the Wii Super Mario All-Stars re-release. And Super Luigi Bros. on the Wii-U. You may have even remade and remixed it on Super Mario Maker on more than one platform. But it's fucking Super Mario Bros. It's like pizza or Marmite. Everyone loves it. Our verdict: Get down on one knee for this one. Super Mario Bros. 3. Do us a favour before even trying to pretend you have an edgy opinion about how it isn't that good. Get or buy a friend. Give them the second Joy-Con and play Super Mario Bros. 3 together. If you don't enjoy yourself just end it. End it now. Our verdict: Worth committing bigamy* with a friend for.  Tecmo Bowl What is this? Is this some kind of war thing? Not into it. Our verdict: Off the fucking cliff. Tennis Like all sports games if you don't have a [name of team sport] game then this one has you covered. Seriously. They're all the same. Our verdict: Alright if you like this kind of thing.  TwinBee Like Gradius but upways Our verdict: Okay, what both this platform and Sega Mega Drive Classics need are some decent fucking documentation. Here's what the user guide says for every. single. game: Not exactly helpful is it? What's strange about this shoddy aspect is that the Virtual Console on the Wii-U had whole manuals viewable from within a menu.  Wario's Woods Worth a try but not for everyone. Think Tetris lacks platforming? This may be for you. Our verdict: Go for coffee and see how you feel.  Yoshi Crack with Bloopers. Our verdict: Marry but with constant shagging. So there we have it, all rated and up-to-date as of this blog going live. Any way you look at it, it is something special to have a museum of NES games at your fingertips with some upgraded with online play should you be inclined. With Tecmo, Konami, Capcom, HAL and KOEI games already on the system there're stacks of potential titles making their way to a Switch near you.  *How Mario describes himself when he has eaten a Super Mushroom.

http://www.thatguys.co.uk/2019/01/nintendo-switch-online-nes-games-shag.html

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