When you learn how to be happy with yourself ~

I guess that’s really the key and I guess that’s how he did it and that’s what I’ve lost. Before he came into my life, I may not be that perfectly happy but I’m fine on my own. Tanggap ko noon meron o walang kasama in life, okay naman buhay ko, because I dont depend my happiness on someone else. But he came, he made me feel all the love I was longing for years, that’s why I became happiest. I couldn’t deny, It was the best. I thought it will never end, kasi he made sure e. na he will stay, na I’m all that he needs. I believed in his words, I believed in him, I trusted him. Kahit na ang daming dumating na pagsubok, kinaya naman namin ng mag kasama e. But I guess, life’s really a B. Nung naging magulo na, sarili ko nalang nakikita ko, and he was not there. Even today. He knew how much in pain I am right now, he knew that he’s the problem, he knew because I exactly told him. But the thing is, even though he knew, he’s not doing anything to stop this. I mean, y would we wait if u know how to fix this shit. Pero ganon talaga e. And gets ko na. Maybe this is not what he want anymore. And siguro hindi na talaga ako. Masakit yes. Pero wala naman ako magagawa e. Kasi nga hindi naman ako ang dapat umayos ng nasira na to. I did my part, i was there at his worst, pero nung ako na yung nalulunod, wala binitawan nalang talaga ako. Hindi ako marunong mamimilit ng taong ayaw sakin. Kasi what’s the point? Kahit ipaaalala ko pa all of our struggles that we overcome together, if mas masaya na sya sa iba bakit pa nga ba ilalaban to? 

I want him back, I really do. But u know what I’ve just realized? he’s not ready for it, and hindi ako yung tao na maghihintay sa taong gagawin lang akong option. I dont like that, hindi ko pa ganon ka-hate yung sarili ko para gawin yon. Gusto nya na ganito kami so that he can be with someone  that he really want and if magkasama na kami ako ulit? y? It’s a big NO for me. 

I’ve been embracing this pain for 6 months now. And i think this is the time for me to stop trying. Because srlsy, awang awa and pagod na pagod na ako. I dont wanna see myself crying again because that’s not me. I don’t cry. I’m strong independent woman lol. Srsly, I should learn to love myself more for me to able to get back on track. 

You wanna have some fun with someone else? okay sure, I can do that too. But remember, you’re the one who did it first. Hindi ako yung nag na attract o nagkagusto sa iba, kasi maniwala ka sa hindi ikaw lang lagi ko nakikita. How I wish na ganon karin saakin, pero I realized, hindi ako enough for you. 

Have fun with somebody. I’ll get my life back and i hope when the time comes, when you’re ready sana andito pa ko. Sana ikaw parin noon. You;re the one who pushed me. Hindi naman kasi dapat natin inaasa sa tadhana na “kung tayo, tayo talaga” kasi dapat kung gusto natin ginagawan natin ng paraan, nang magkasama hindi magkahiwalay.

Quiz!

Tagged by @stardoe​

A. Age - 21 B. Birthplace - A very windy place C. Current time - 12:24ampm D. Drink last consumed - Herbal Tea E. Easiest person to talk to - Cats F. Favorite song - Train - Hey, Soul Sister G. Grossest memory - Cleaning up roadkill.... H. Horror? - Any Black Mirror TBH I. In love? - With a big gay nerd J. Jealous? - sometimes K. Killed anyone?-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)...srlsy what is this cops looking for tumblr confessions? L. Love at first sight? - Takes a little longer than first sight I reckon  M. Middle name? - Alexander  N. Night or day? - Night O. One wish - To spend as much time making cool things as possible :) P. Person you called last - Bae Q. Question you are always asked - What are you going to do next year? A:Cry R. Reason to smile - These pictures that the human race left on the voyager spacecraft  S. Song you last sang - ........Smash Mouth - All Star T. Time you woke up - 7:30am U. Underwear - GhostBusters  V. Vacation destination - Japan, America or Europe  W. Worst habit? - Playing with my face X. X-rays? - Everywhere! got a ton of back one's Y. Your favorite food? - Burger Fuel Burgers! Z. Zodiac sign - Aquarius  I tag @slimehydra @daisy--change and @battybirdybee